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User Topic: Emotional Affairs
♀ Member
Member # 41705
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, February 2nd (Sunday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband is having an EA and is in total denial. He thinks this just happened and that they are in love. He thinks he is a great guy. I have been here at home taking care of everything and his mother, for years while he is out traveling with his bitch. I should have had the affair. I regret the fact that I did not. My H has head so far up his ass, that he will never come out from his fog. I have filed for divorce. He isn't worthy of me. I hope the rest of you have better luck with your WS.

Posts: 82 | Registered: Dec 2013 | From: Upstate New York
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Member # 42482
Default  Posted: 3:58 AM, March 7th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've in as well, have posted on just found out. My H had/is having EA with an old school girlfriend from what I can tell it started last September. Declared its was his first love, thought she was dead etc. Gone through all the emotions, the pain ,anger, dispare & loneliness. Really don't know how to go, as he's sitting on the fence to see what he wants and will not agree to NC! I've started divorce proceedings because I'm not prepared to have three in my marriage. He doesn't think he's done wrong cos he hasn't slept with her, really! I knew they were friends and he had said how they met. I wasn't happy about it but then I trusted him, when she started texting saying her partner had hit her at 2am I started to get suspicious. I asked H why she didn't call the police, why was she texting him? Still the penny didn't drop. Then in November my DD was going to a gig and her friend couldn't go. On that day I couldn't get hold of H, he was supposed to come home after doing something, h came knowing there was a spare ticket and he thought it was alright to take OW D to gig. The shit hit the fan then as I realised

Posts: 8 | Registered: Feb 2014 | From: UK
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Member # 42801
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember thinking and voicing to my H that i thought what I was suspecting was maybe an EA. explained it to him at great length and he agreed yes that's what could've happened. then i heard him on to her saying how i thought they were having EA and she must've said 'whats that?' he replied 'f***ed if I know'.
H had been ringing her daily, even when I was in bed and seeing her most weekends, taking her out and about, eating out, buying her jewellery and even confessed he might have 'put his arms around her when she was upset'.i suppose i thought it was not quite as bad having an EA as opposed to PA but I knew deep down it hurts just as much if not more. how stupid am i? they still insist only oral sex but i don't know. he said reason they didn't go further was because he felt guilty. i think if truth be known only reason it didn't go further was because they got caught!!

Posts: 16 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: UK
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Member # 42907
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, March 28th (Friday), 2014View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First of all let me say that an EA is just as or damaging than a purely PA. First of all your WH is giving emotional attention and support to someone other that his S. He is stealing time, attention, and love from you and giving it to someone else. He is absent from your marriage.

My WH was absent even when he was sitting in front of me and I was talking to him. He didn't hear me, but would laugh at whatever text he just got. This was getting worse as time went on. So I finally snagged his phone while he was in the shower and discovered very loving and explicit texts to OP. Needless to say, there was a HUGE blow up. Our first fight in 30 years.

To his credit, he immediate admitted everything, and over the next few months we had many, many frank discussions. He still refused to let her go and I didn't push him because I felt that he would resent me if I forced him. I requested NC, but I felt he had to make that decision on his own and for the good of our marriage. It didn't happen for another 15 months and a 2nd DD (he still kept up with her through FB and resumed talking a year after 1st DD.)

However, all said, we have come through it and have a better marriage than we ever did. I thoroughly understand why it happened, and what he was getting out of the relationship, which was mainly an ego booster (he is 76, I am 59 and OW is 40+). It has been a true struggle to this day to get through this. Just last night I had another major meltdown. He, again, reassured me, held me, assured me of his love, all the things that I needed. We are still a work in progress, but things are much, much better.

Still, would I do things differently now? YES. I would demand immediate NC and I would demand immediate counseling. I wouldn't struggle along for so long without talking to someone. I still have not told another soul about our troubles. This forum is the first time I have been able to tell anyone. I should have talked to a friend long before now. Not necessarily for advice, but to just be able to vent.

We are stronger than ever, we will make it. I encourage anyone to talk it out, be honest with each other, work through it. Reconciliation is possible and marriage can be better than it was!


Married 33 yrs
DD #1 6/1/12
DD #2 9/15/13

Posts: 4 | Registered: Mar 2014 | From: United States
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