Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: remembering (43168)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affairs XI
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone for the hugs and caring. It really hurt very deeply but it is the truth and I would rather make my decisions on the truth than some false fantasy which is what my whole life has been to this point.

UKG - BTs "translation" of what your H may have been thinking looks very real and reads true to me. What do you think?

HBH That VDay stuff was just the addict staring at the syringe.

HBH - I agee with UKG on this one. The validation they got from their As is an addiction. It kills the pain of whatever is broken in them. Unfortunately, it does fix what is broken just makes it temporarily "better". They have to face their demons and understand the enemy within because they will be fighting it for the rest of their lives. You are not settling, you are fighting to see if your marriage can make it. You, and only you, will know when that decision can be made.

Run - I agree...it smarts but I want him to say it OUT LOUD so that he hears himself say it. I want him to face the horrible truth and watch the pain it inflicts on me. I think this is his and, to some extent my path. He spent so much of his life lying, glossing over, spinning the facts that I want him for at least the immediate future telling the cold hard truth no matter what the consequences. He has said he wants to only tell the truth and doesn't want to slip back into saying the first thing that comes out of his mouth - truth or not. I think he had/has an addiction to lying and this is another thing that he needs to fix.

Run and BT - sorry I missed that exchange in real time.


Openness may make us see a harsh reality. But at least it is real. And that is easier to talk out and deal with. But we have put our split open hearts on the table and our WS have to be very careful how they handle them from now on. Honesty, yes. But gentle, not brutal.

UKG - I think the gentle comes after the brutal truth of the hows and whys is finally unearthed. At that time, they must come to a crossroad where they can look at us and honestly say "I will never hurt you again' or they say "I don't know if I can keep myself from hurting you" and then we make a decision. My H is in Germany, left last night after MC. The last thing I asked him before he left and I asked him not to answer until he knew the answer was "Can you promise you will never hurt me like this again?"


However, it did clear up a lot of issues I had. Like why nothing I ever did was good enough for him to be a considerate loving devoted person, why no matte what I said or did it did not matter to him and he would do whatever the hell he wanted. He never cared about me, my feelings or hurting me.

Snowbaby - you are so right...it didn't matter what we did, they were only going to look out for themselves. The question is whether they are willing to recognize this and take the steps to change. Is your H not willing? Is D in the works?


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
snowbaby796
♀ Member
Member # 13882
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No shirley my WH is defintely NOT willing. He has done next to nothing since dday 14 months ago and shows no indication he will change now. He actually told me the other day he just needed some time to think about what he could do for me. WTF? Now!? 14 months later! Now you're going to take some time to think about what to do?!! I told him it was too late he should have done it a looong time ago and I don't give him any more chances. Haven't called the lawyer yet. I did in December and she chose to counsel us instead and tell me I shouldn't get a divorce unless he was hitting me I should try everything to make it work. So I tried again, and again WH did nothing. Or like he says well I did some things I guess just not enough. UGH!! So, need to get some money, because it was not enough for him to ruin our marriage he had to ruin us financially also. And get a different lawyer because our regular lawyer wasn't very helpful last time.

I know it hurts, but the truth really is better. Now you know what you are dealing with


"Betrayal of yourself is still betrayal nonetheless, it is the highest betrayal" Neale Donald Walsch
"State the obvious I didn't get my perfect fantasy I realize you love yourself more than you could ever love me" Taylor Swift

Posts: 563 | Registered: Mar 2007
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 9:13 AM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

she chose to counsel us instead and tell me I shouldn't get a divorce unless he was hitting me I should try everything to make it work

What???! has she never heard of emotional abuse. If your H is not willing to make any changes, there is no point in you exposing yourself to further hurt. Find a new lawyer. I am sorry for you but you are better off without him in that case. And you are right, at least you have the truth. (((Snobaby)))


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
hurtbuthappy
♀ Member
Member # 14539
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks to all for the support. Feeling much better this morning.

Up, dressed and ready to face another day. Of what? Who knows, but I know I can face it.

HurtS - It hurts tremendously to know that they were only thinking of themselves. But your H has been working very hard to face his issues and understand them. The fact that he is willing to do this would be HUGE in my book.

My H hates to even go to MC because he doesn't want to think about the past. Hurts too much. Oh, poor baby!!!


M-25 years
2 kids

Posts: 131 | Registered: May 2007
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Quick look in. Parents are back, waiting for FWH to get home before finishing dinner. I think Iíll be MIA until Sunday.

Shirley, BT got it pretty much right I think. So much so, Iím gonna print it off for him and take it to MC next week (if I can wait that long).

they must come to a crossroad where they can look at us and honestly say "I will never hurt you again' or they say "I don't know if I can keep myself from hurting you" and then we make a decision.

Ah, well. He said that and carried on giving me the trickle truth. And I donít trust him NOT to hurt me again. And b/c I donít trust him, I will not allow him to have that gentle, true, open and wholesome 100% again. I look at my True To Myself ring and say, yep. Thatís what matters now. The barbed wire is there, he just canít see it.

Arrrgghh! Germany trips are a real trigger for me. The excuse to drop by and stay with OW or have her come stay at his hotel while pretending to be over there, making the trip longer than it was. But Iím not going there any more. If he lies, he lies to himself, not me, cos I donít believe him now anyway. So there!!!

Snowbaby. I take it you have sat your H down and told him this? Maybe he doesnít KNOW what to do and is paralysed by indecision. What does he want for his future? Itís very frustrating for you b/c itís all so obvious, but perhaps itís not for him. But weíre here for you, whichever way you go.

Gotta rush. FWH just strolled in all affable to my parents.

HBH. My H doesn't like MC too much either at times.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3327 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 2:03 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shirley,

The day I realized exactly how self-focused my husband had been was probably the lowest day of my life. We had been together since we were 18 years old. It felt like my entire adulthood wa s rendered worthless.

It took a long time to get over that feeling, but I have. Most of the reason I have is that I see myself now as an individual, not just part of a team as I did before. My marriage and my family no longer defines me. Although they are still the focus of my life, they are not the totality of it.

Although that is still a little scary to me, I know it is the way a healthy person is meant to be. I think you are a lot closer to that than I was at the same point in the process. So, I have every confidence that you will survive and thrive.


BT


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 4:15 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BT,

You all have spent so much energy preparing me for this point that it isn't as bad as it could have been. To hear this now after 9 months is excrutiating, but if he had "known" himself well enough to admit to himself and to me closer to dday, I would have collapsed. But, you all, the tribe, have worked to get me to look into myself for the strength that I need to get through this. After my eyes recovered this am, I worked out and spent more time reading "Women Who Love Too Much". I know I was guilty of that and I am SOOOO not going back there.

Now I am trying to ascertain what it is I want from H, or any other partner for what it is worth, to make it worth having someone other than *me* in my life. I need to know what the absolute minimum requirements are for the entry to my club. Never had many before but will now.


Thank you for your support.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay me again..having a thought. Yesterday I was in the tank. Sobbing, crying...a mess. Today I am okay.

So the question is, do we get used to the roller coaster? I was just out playing in the yard with the kids and honestly I am okay. Two months ago, I would have been in a funk for days. Is it just the weather? Was this just a mini-ramp on the bigger roller coaster?

Or as UKgirl says, should I be looking for some big nasty thing to come along soon?


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone heard from Cowgirl?

I hope her absence means that she is moving on and is busy IRL. But I have to say I miss her.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 3:48 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good morning all.

(((((Shirley))))
Your resilience is just ....awesome.

It took me some time to get over (not sure if I am altogether)the fact that it was pure selfishness that made H do what he did. He told me blank out, "I was selfish. I was only interested in what I can get from whoever. I didnt care about you or OW1 or OW2. I just wanted my needs to get met."

The thing is, is there any other reason for a WS in a LTA, apart from selfishness? No. Selfishness is the all encompassing reason. Sure there are many reasons why they were so selfish, but the end result is the same, and thats why it makes it that much harder for someone like me (who thought that selfishness was a sin)to forgive. KWIM?

I dont want to sound holier than thou, but I thought being in a M meant putting your spouse and children first and foremost on everything. And it hurt(s)deeply that he didnt.I was truly a non entity in his life, in many ways. I dont know how the kids factored into his thinking, but I am certain they were not that well placed either.

H has been learning how NOT to be selfish, and he has made much progress. I cant help much with this, cos for me this is as easy as breathing. By the same token, I have been learning how to BE more selfish. And he cant understand why its so difficult for me.
We are both learning traits that go against our very natures, and I believe that this is an essential component of our R.

Like BT said,

Most of the reason I have is that I see myself now as an individual, not just part of a team as I did before. My marriage and my family no longer defines me. Although they are still the focus of my life, they are not the totality of it.
Although that is still a little scary to me, I know it is the way a healthy person is meant to be

THatswhat I am working on now. I want to be a fully functioning whole individual who is also a M and W.

Shirley, this realisation (about H's selfishness) is not something you will just get over. You will dip in and out of it for awhile. And it will hurt.

But you are doing just great, you know? Seriously, I was a blabbering mess around your time.And you! You are doing great. Well done Shirley. And yes, the rollercoaster will carry on for awhile, some lows wont be so low, some rare ones will. You are building your picture now that you have been given all of your pieces. And we will be right there with you.

****
Ukg, I so wanted to kick your butt the other night!!!

Hate it that I wasnít enough until DDay, or whenever he had his moment of realising his fantasy did not measure up to reality. Can I be satisfied with being enough for him now when I wasnít for 29-odd years?

WTF is this thinking, Ukg??
Why are you beating yourself up? You KNOW that it wasnt that you werent enough..it was HIM all the time.It was him that wasnt enough to give himself whole to a M. It was HIM that wasnt enough to fight for his M and family BEFORE he f**ked up. It was HIM that was NEVER enough for himself, that he had to find other ways to fill those holes to make him whole...and it never did, did it?

You were enough. You are enough. You will always be enough. Its HIM who has to become enough for YOU.

Now read that over and over again.Now!

Is he just a head-in-the-clouds fuckwit poet?

Yes. You missed out selfish and asshat. I dunno about the poet part, though.

***

(((((HBH, 25W, Snow))))

***
Fnf, I was answering your post in a dream the other night.

You are one strong lady. I wish you would run a training course for some of our WSs, and whip them into shape!!!

***
I miss OTC too.

I was just thinking that we havent had a bonding game here for awhile. Ideas anyone? Or I am going to start the Hollywood actress one again <she cautioned in a warning voice>

***
My DS is off school today, so we are going shopping. and I am going to practice my selfishness!!

Have a good day everyone.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
brooke4
♀ Member
Member # 13581
Default  Posted: 8:24 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I was researching something and came across this and thought it was interesting in terms of LTA survival.

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/01/health/research/01mind.html?_r=2&em&ex=1199336400&en=b8158dc2535f3204&ei=5087%0A&oref=slogin&oref=slogin



Me: BS, 40, Him: WS 41
Married: 15 years
3 children
D-Day: 10/2005

Posts: 1481 | Registered: Feb 2007
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 9:15 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So the question is, do we get used to the roller coaster? I was just out playing in the yard with the kids and honestly I am okay.

HS - I'm sorry I missed your post the other day but I am so glad you are feeling better today. It is an interesting phenomenon when this happens - you know, we have such a devastating blow and then by some miracle find ourselves enjoying moments with friends and family. I think it must be similar to that concept of compartmentalization. I don't know if you feel this way but when I am with my H or alone I tend to obsess over what he has done to me but when I am with my friends or my children, most especially my grandson, I refuse to allow those times to be spoiled by negative thoughts. I feel like he has destroyed so much and I cannot allow his crime to take anymore from me. Does this make sense? It's a conscious determination to enjoy and relish all of the good in my life. I have always been one to look at the glass as half full - to focus on the good in my life and downplay the negative. This LTA experience upset my ability to do this and with each new day I find myself getting stronger and returning to that place where I'm able to feel hopeful, enjoy the love in my life, and separate the pain of my H's betrayal from all of the beauty that is very much a part of my life. I still live with a deep, inner sadness now that I know what my H was able to do to me and my children. Like yours, he admitted that he didn't think about me or the children - he only cared about what he wanted. He admits to feeling "entitled" to this and gave us very little thought. When he admitted this I had the very strong feeling that he didn't understand just how awful this admission was. I was horrified to learn that this was the kind of man I was married to and even more horrified that I was so blind to his extreme selfishness. I get very sad because I no longer feel the absolute love and joy and trust that I once had for my H. I miss not "being in love" with him. Yes, I do love him but not in a way that was so satisfying and joyful. I used to find myself smiling and singing because I felt so fortunate to have been given so much. There is a beautiful song by my favorite singer (here I go again ) Martina McBride, called "I have been blessed". I used to feel like that was my life, my song. How could I have been so naive? I would play that song and sing out loud and feel every word was about me and my life. That is the loss I grieve every day.
But my loss is not a total loss. I still have so much in my life to celebrate and I am determined to celebrate those in my life who are my daily blessings. I wish I could post a picture of my grandson, of my beautiful children. They are my love and my joy. My H is the loser in this sad, sorry tale. I have lost, yes, but my loss is the loss of a fairy tale. I focus now on what is real in my life.
I think this is what you were doing with your children, playing in the yard, laughing, enjoying the feelings of love and tenderness that is the gift of motherhood. We cannot allow their selfishness to steal these moments from us. As I have said many times here, they have stolen enough from us as a result of their LTA's, we cannot allow them to steal from us even the smallest fraction of joy that we are "entitled" to and deserve.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fnf, I was answering your post in a dream the other night.
I wish you would run a training course for some of our WSs, and whip them into shape!!!

LH - do tell -
what was your answer? I am very curious. BTW, which post were you answering?
As far as a training course, I'm sorry but I don't think that would be possible. My Irish temper and a roomful of fucktards would be a dangerous mix and I fear I just might end up in handcuffs and shackles.
Now who would that serve?


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 9:38 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here are the lyrics to Blessed by Martina McBride:

I get kissed by the sun each morning
Put my feet on a hardwood floor
I get to hear my children laughing
Down the hall through the bedroom door
Sometimes I sit on my front porch swing
Just soaking up the day
I think to myself, I think to myself
This world is a beautiful place

I have been blessed
And I feel like I've found my way
I thank God for all I've been given
At the end of every day
I have been blessed
With so much more than I deserve
To be here with the ones that love me
To love them so much it hurts
I have been blessed

Across a crowded room
I know you know what I'm thinking
By the way I look at you
And when we're lying in the quiet
And no words have to be said
I think to myself, I think to myself
This love is a beautiful gift

When I'm singing my kids to sleep
When I feel you holding me
I know
I have been blessed.

Thought I'd post the lyrics to this song in case anyone was wondering.

So now when I hear this song I remind myself that I have been blessed and I try to focus on those people in my life who make my life meaningful and beautiful and if one day I can again add my H to this list I will be happy and if not, I will remind myself and hopefully be content that he is just one small piece in the picture that is my life.

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 9:41 AM, April 24th (Thursday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
hurtbuthappy
♀ Member
Member # 14539
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why are you beating yourself up? You KNOW that it wasnt that you werent enough..it was HIM all the time.It was him that wasnt enough to give himself whole to a M. It was HIM that wasnt enough to fight for his M and family BEFORE he f**ked up. It was HIM that was NEVER enough for himself, that he had to find other ways to fill those holes to make him whole...and it never did, did it?

You were enough. You are enough. You will always be enough. Its HIM who has to become enough for YOU.

Now read that over and over again.Now!

LostH - I know this was for UKG, but I am reading it over and over again too. Great words of wisdom, just hard sometimes to remember.

I think it must be similar to that concept of compartmentalization
.

FNF - I am reading your post over and over again also. I still don't understand how they could do this for so long. My H said in MC last week that was mostly about being able to laugh and have fun with someone. We stopped doing that and he was so depressed and unhappy. WTF!! I was laughing and having fun with my family. He chose not to join in with us and go somewhere else. Then he was able to compartmentalize his life and live with this for 4 years?? I will never get it. Now who is laughing and having fun. Neither of us.

Sometimes I wish I could just put it aside for awhile and REALLY enjoy my life again. I can set it aside when I go to work, get busy and stop thinking about it for awhile. I live for those moments.


M-25 years
2 kids

Posts: 131 | Registered: May 2007
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Imagine, I discover that my H of 32 years has been cheating on me for 1/4 of those years and he expects me to cook up gourmet meals in the kitchen and fuckfests in the bedroom in order to keep him satisfied. I still want to wring his fucking neck every time I think of this.
Wouldn't I have been the ultimate fool to succumb to this warped way of thinking?

Thats the one Fnf. I know it was a rhetorical one, but it still got me thinking and actually ties in neatly with one of the issues we discussed in IC today.

You see, I wasthat ultimate fool after dday#1. So much so, that I drowned. IC told me today that one of the reasons that I resent H so much, is that even when I was drowning then, I still threw H the only lifebelt...I showed him how to love our kids...and left myself to drown. I went against everything that we tell the newbies here, and still put myself last, thinking that he needed help more. And yes, the bedroom was mentioned. That was the ONLY "weakness" he could mention, seeing as I had everything else covered.

And I took that fully on board, thinking that I was competing against size 8 OW,the ultimate shagbitch. Very very warped thinking, I know.

And I drowned.

However all wasnt bad. I did learn some very good things about myself (bedroom speaking ) and about sex in itself. I am ashamed how naive I was before, but no more.

****

Fnf, those lyrics are so sweet.

So now when I hear this song I remind myself that I have been blessed and I try to focus on those people in my life who make my life meaningful and beautiful and if one day I can again add my H to this list I will be happy and if not, I will remind myself and hopefully be content that he is just one small piece in the picture that is my life.

Thats beautiful, Fnf.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
hearbroken
Member
Member # 8317
Default  Posted: 10:46 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FNF,
with each new day I find myself getting stronger and returning to that place where I'm able to feel hopeful, enjoy the love in my life, and separate the pain of my H's betrayal from all of the beauty that is very much a part of my life.

*clapping* *standing ovation**

This is exactly what gradually has happened to me.... a long, arduous process. But I am now able to really *enjoy* my life again. Part of that was what BT spoke of- finding yourself again and ensuring that your M does not define who you are, but rather who you are defines how the partnership of your M will go.

When the pain is so damn raw and you are in survival mode those first couple of years after dday (and the dday of a LTA is a brutal monster) it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. But ladies I am here to tell you that there IS light. And joy. And those things will return. One will never be the same after this experience, but I think our LTA veterans here have shown that we actually are strongerthan ever. For me, part of this process was very similar to the grief of losing my precious baby boy. At the end of it all, I *still* hurt and always will. But the pain became less raw with each passing year. It is almost hard for me to put myself back into that dark place. Remembering back is more like watching a movie of someone else- because I remember the events but the sheer pain and devestation is just not there anymore. In a different way, this is what happened to me slowly after finding out about the LTA. I will NEVER be able to understand how my H did this- NEVER. I will ALWAYS hurt and *wish* that it would have been different. But at some point at the end of it all, I realized that I can not change what he did. The person he is now after counseling and reinvesting in this family is really not who he was before. I waited and waited and watched him like a hawk-expecting him to fail. To show that he could not be trusted again. But time and time again he came through- the counseling, becoming less and less selfish, and being open to all my pain and hurt. I just realized in this past month that I can no longer hold onto this grudge against him- that I am finally setting myself free to love him again. And it feels really, really scary. I have no guarantees and I don't know how the story will end. But to the ones who are not as far down this journey, I just wanted to say stay on SI, go to counseling if you can, and work towards finding that happiness within you. It's there. It's just hidden behind the trauma and aftermath of the betrayal of our spouses.

((((LTA TRIBE)))))

Heartbroken


Dday1 8/05 (LTA)
Dday2 4/09 (online EA 2 weeks then confessed)
Dday 3 8/10 ("full disclosure" of more infidelity prior to 2009)

Posts: 869 | Registered: Sep 2005
unabletocope
♀ Member
Member # 11730
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

deleted because of techinical difficulties with my computerI'll try again later†

[This message edited by unabletocope at 11:01 AM, April 24th (Thursday)]


me-LTA BW


Posts: 2598 | Registered: Aug 2006
hurtbuthappy
♀ Member
Member # 14539
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When the pain is so damn raw and you are in survival mode those first couple of years after dday (and the dday of a LTA is a brutal monster) it is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Sometimes I think there have been so many DDay's that the pain will go on and on. With each new discovery of a lie I feel like that is a new DDay. If I have to go years from the last one, I don't know if true happiness will evercome.

I waited and waited and watched him like a hawk-expecting him to fail. To show that he could not be trusted again.

This is exactly where I am. I am waiting for the other shoe to drop. Hoping it won't and almost afraid to look and see if it has.

I have decided I am just too tired to continue to snoop and verify. Or am I just too scared? Ignorance is bliss type feeling. Denial?


M-25 years
2 kids

Posts: 131 | Registered: May 2007
hurtbuthappy
♀ Member
Member # 14539
Default  Posted: 11:06 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Heartbroken - After quoting you, forgot to THANK YOU for your words of wisdom and HOPE.

I do feel like the good times will return. At least for me, not sure about for us yet. But, you give us all hope and I thank you very much for that!!!


M-25 years
2 kids

Posts: 131 | Registered: May 2007
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.