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User Topic: Long Term Affairs XI
hearbroken
Member
Member # 8317
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, May 1st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LH & Brooke,
I'll be curious to hear how you like the Mirena.

I've had mine for the last 4 years and I absolutely *love* it. I was so worried about it, but truthfully having it is a relief. I was horrible about taking the pill regularly, this is so much easier. I don't even think about it! Also, my periods lightened up significantly, so an added bonus.

HB


Dday1 8/05 (LTA)
Dday2 4/09 (online EA 2 weeks then confessed)
Dday 3 8/10 ("full disclosure" of more infidelity prior to 2009)

Posts: 869 | Registered: Sep 2005
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, May 1st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Late check-in today after the middle of night insomnia read.

Happy Bday lovinlife! Have a great weekend.

LostHeart: Glad to hear your IC is great and the results of the 'lump' test were nothing serious. What a relief! Wish your H had been more there for your support though...

I need to copy that meltdown message to a safe place for future reference. I do recognize it is coming but haven't been able to avert them so far.

{{{Fnf}}} That must have been some visit.
a lot of women in her generation probably did the same thing. Not that I think it's easier today but women do work outside the home far more now so do have choices not available to wives in her day. I don't have an income of my own these days. Still I would have family support if I were to decide I couldn't stay with FWH. The process is long and with SI's support, esp. this forum, I hope to one day be able to say without a doubt that we are happily reconciled.

I guess I have this fear that one day I may have regrets but how can any of us ever know?

I have had this thought too. But I feel I need to make the R effort or I will have regrets in that regard too. WE have been together more than half our lives.

No one wants to end up a bitter person... which is why what BT and others further along here stress... we have to work on building ourselves, and not let our H or our M, define us.

Good reminder LostHeart.

I'm likely forgetting (unintentionally) someone or something written but I need to find some dinner and tidy around here so I can relax before H gets home.
Love to all...


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
25wimsey
♀ Member
Member # 7816
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, May 1st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Losth, glad you're clear. What a relief.

Even though it makes me an old bag, I'm really glad I don't have to worry about birth control anymore!! (Wish H had though, ha ha)

Second son is getting married Sat--busy week with lots of visitors, but wanted to check in and read especially. Always helpful, or at least sisterly!!

One of my aims is not to be a bitter old woman--still hard sometimes not to feel like that inside, but I'm working on it, and after over two years I actually am feeling more energy to do stuff just for myself. So there's hope.

My choice to stay of course is bound up in longevity of our M, affection, family, and love for most of H (!)--and also the fact that I don't want to give up my lifestyle, house, etc., even though I could "make" it with my working and the division of our assets, I don't want to do that. Selfish but true.

But it's mostly that H is very remorseful and tries most of the time, and though I always saw his flaws or quirks and rolled with them, and now I can't roll as much and call him on stuff I find hurtful or neglectful, its better with him than without him.

I envy those who describe a wonderful marriage post-A--guess I hope there's some of that wonderful in my future too. And all of ours. Still not sure what wonderful would be like, with this in our history--part of it is wrapped up in acceptance on my part, and that's still very hard for me.

Have a good weekend everyone.


Posts: 695 | Registered: Aug 2005
Steelergal
♀ Member
Member # 13113
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, May 1st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's really something that astonishes and hurts me still--I really don't know parts of him, and finding out about those parts is both disillusioning and hard to live with.

So very true, wimsey.

Good for you, Shirley. Use him til you bruise him and then use him some more.

((LH)) I'm glad your news was excellent. Sorry, your H has been acting like a schmuck.

((UK))

((SL))

((FSA)) Hope your H is doing well.

((fnf)) I have those thoughts often too even without the visits, but I think I would regret not giving it at least one more shot since H is becoming the person that I thought I M'd 21 years ago. Why should someone else reap the benefits and what is justly mine?

I've had the Mirena for about eight years, and I love it. LOVE IT! I don't have periods any more, and the PMS symptoms are very mild now.

Happy B-day, lovinlife!

Hugs and good thoughts to the Tribe!


Posts: 701 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: No Cal
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 5:51 PM, May 1st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fnf, if you have to think it through, what regret do you think you might have oneday?

I think its not so much the regret I'm afraid I'll feel years from now but the regret I feel occasionally that I chose the wrong H and put 34 years of my life into a M that was one-sided for many of those years. I think this is what my visit stirred up in me.
I had a really bad week a few weeks ago. I just couldn't stop crying because I missed being in love with my H. I sometimes ache for that feeling again. The feeling of total joy and love for someone even when things aren't perfect. Maybe that's what I fear I'll regret years from now that I may have passed up an opportunity to find that someone who could love me enough to never be able to hurt me so deeply. I still cannot believe that I was so in love with someone who was capable of such deceit.
But you are all right when you say that we would live with a lot of regret if we didn't give our H's and our M's a serious attempt to survive this. I know in my heart this is true. I've probably said it many times to some of you.
It is true that I am not in the position that she was. I could survive financially, I have so much family support, I have great friends and mostly I have 3 wonderful children who support me 100%. I guess I'm just feeling sorry for myself and wishing this never had to happen.
I did read the NYT's article on regrets the other day but I'll go back and re-read it.
Thanks everyone for your support. I know I'll feel better it's just that this visit summonned some of my old, painful feelings and it made me feel very sad for her too.
My choice to stay of course is bound up in longevity of our M, affection, family, and love for most of H (!)--and also the fact that I don't want to give up my lifestyle, house, etc., even though I could "make" it with the division of our assets, I don't want to do that.
But it's mostly that H is very remorseful and tries most of the time, and though I always saw his flaws or quirks and rolled with them, and now I can't roll as much and call him on stuff I find hurtful or neglectful, its better with him than without him.

25 - This is exactly how I feel and felt when I made my decision to stay and try to work on my M. I'm just hoping I don't ever live to regret this choice.
ETA - LH, maybe this is what I fear most of all.
BTW, I'm getting one of those kuma sutra books and looking up that #. If it works, I'll let you all know.

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 5:55 PM, May 1st (Thursday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 7:52 PM, May 1st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FNF -

I think its not so much the regret I'm afraid I'll feel years from now but the regret I feel occasionally that I chose the wrong H and put 34 years of my life into a M that was one-sided for many of those years.

This is the exact funk that you talked me out of a couple of weeks ago and, if I had not had a couple of glasses of wine, I would go back and post you back your own post to help. Yep, I've gotta buzz.

Let's remember the serenity prayer and say what is done is done. I hate my fucktard asshat H for destroying the last 23 years of my life, but I will not allow him to destroy the next 23. You know this; you taught me this. You have guided me through this. ((((FNF))))


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 6:56 AM, May 2nd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

H and I just finished The Five Love Languages. We haven't done the test yet but I am pretty sure I know what language he is and I know which one I am. Soooooooo....On top of all of his fucktard issues from childhood, guess what? He is speaking Mandarin Chinese and I am speaking Portugese!!

It is a miracle we didn't kill each other years ago.

We are going to take the tests tonight to confirm and discuss but what a great book. I am looking for suggestions for another. We have read Getting the Love You Want, The Slippery Slope, The Five Love Languages and about 50 of those After the Affair/How to Survive the Affair books.

Any suggestions?


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 7:03 AM, May 2nd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Brooke, re the Mirena.
I was told prior that the insertion would be similar to a papsmear. It wasnt for me. I found it so incredibly painful that I went into shock. Dr said that has happened a few times before. I dont know if its due to me only having c/s deliveries, or having a retroverted uterus or me being in a heightened state of emotions or what, but this hurt alot.And I was still in pain some hours later. Today I feel really drained and woozy, and have started spotting.And for some reason, my left leg is quite crampy.

The Mirena is not for b/control for me, as I had a ligation done when DD was born.Its for the heavy period, and due to me having 4 c/s, the other options werent available.

The side effects list is quite long, isnt it? I am hoping I dont get the bad ones like weight gain, depression, and migraines. Wouldnt it be cool if we could choose which side effects we get?

Brooke, will let you know if anything unusual happens, but this has had really good reviews around the world.

****

Fnf, how are you feeling today? You know I was thinking about what you said about missing that "in love" feeling. I hope that oneday you will be able to look across the room, meet your H's eyes, and get that feeling again...a better, wiser, deeper feeling.And that when he looks at you, that he is able to do the same. Ok, thats the extent of me being all mishygooey!

***
H and I are still being civil. I am so so so sad.And am trying to hide it, but the simplest things seem to be setting me off.Damn him. We were doing so well.
The other morning I woke up early for work, had my bfast, and then went to cuddle next to him again for 5 minutes...I felt like I was getting my grounding before facing a heavy day at work.

I love him.He knows this. I have tried so hard in this R. He has made alot of changes too. But at the end of day, when put on the spot, he chose himself over me and the kids. He prob doesnt see it that way, but thats what it was. And its not this lady I am fearful of, but him.
And unless he does something incredible soon, I fear that I just cant risk myself and the kids anymore. Its like playing Russian Roulette with our hearts and our lives.When will he throw us away again?

I am sorry for being such a downer.My heart is so hurt.

Maybe he is right about what his IC said. Maybe he will be better off without us and be able to heal himself, because I am sure that he cant like being this person.

How many times is your heart allowed to break before it self destructs?


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 10:07 AM, May 2nd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know, that IC pisses me off so much. Yes, it would be much easier to heal ourselves if we had only ourselves to worry about, but what the hell, we are supposed to just abandon our loved ones to make our journey easier? Fuck that. That's a recipe for selfishness and irresponsibility of the highest sort. I hate ICs like that. They really, really piss me off. Nothing like creating an anti-social narcissistic personality and then charging someone for it.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, May 2nd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am sorry for being such a downer.My heart is so hurt.

LH - From one whose been down lately to another, please don't ever apologize. We are here for each other and that's what helps us to get through these darker periods. I think the most frightening piece of the LTA recovery is keeping the faith that we are making the right choice by giving our M and our S another chance. We know that we are taking a risk and we hope and pray that we won't have our hearts broken again. It's hard to imagine that after seeing how severely we have suffered as a result of their LTA that the men we love could ever risk hurting us again. But as I said to my H on several occasions, if that is possible then I would know that he is downright evil and the pain would be lessened because the man I thought he was never really existed. So this is what I hold onto when I'm in this place. How could they ever hurt us again knowing what we have suffered?
Unfortunately, they fumble more than we can sometimes tolerate but as long as they are still working we have hope. As has been said so many times, this recovery process is not for the weak of heart. I hope your H takes advantage of this weekend and resolves this latest incident.
The article that Weepy linked the other day has several good suggestions and the one that stands out for your current situation that I think your H would benefit from is #11 - DO NOT BEHAVE INAPPROPRIATELY OR CREATE FUTURE PROBLEMS. The author talks about this recovery period as "a time of broken trust." I think our S's sometimes forget this and cannot imagine why we can't accept that they are now trustworthy. They don't understand that unless it was possible to get inside their heads and KNOW what it is that's inside there we can not allow ourselves to put our guard down for a very long time and when they do something stupid or thoughtless the time frame gets extended. I don't understand why this is such a tough concept for them to grasp.
Here's another tip that the author offered:
"The important thing is that, on the whole, the process is moving forward; it is only when the process stales entirely for a prolonged period that you should begin to reevaluate your relationship's ability to recover."
Considering the closeness you have been experiencing with your H, I think you can remain hopeful. I also think that these men get so frustrated by the process and look for an easy solution but an easy solution does not exist. It takes love, determination and commmitment and a willingness to give to the broken spouse the time and the affection needed to assist us in our healing.
I'll be around today and this weekend. My hope for all of us is that the process keeps moving forward and that we never forget that we have each other to lean on when our H's falter.
(((LH)))
HS - I went back and reread what I wrote. Thank you for pointing that out.
Kudos to your H for his efforts in your recovery. I am so impressed with the work he is doing. We also read the Five Love Languages but stopped short of doing the test. Maybe I'll suggest this. Thanks for reminding me.
Love and hugs to all!

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 10:32 AM, May 2nd (Friday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, May 2nd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shirley, I am also impressed with your H's efforts. Way to go Mr Shirley ( I prefer that name to EO!! ).

You want MORE books??!!Yikes.Thats Run's dept. Hopefully she can suggest some.

***

Mine bought 2 books after dday, he glanced through them but never read them.I of course read them a few times. I got the 5 Languages book and the workbook..I asked him if he would try with me before I got them, he said he would, but refused to after I got them. I am remembering now all the things that he said he would do but didnt...no new "our song", no romance for me, no weekend away, no Vday present that we were supposed to buy together, no posting here....

Every Sunday I plan the menu for the week. Everyone gets to pick a supper meal. Fridays is H's night, and he almost always picks his favourite. I was preparing it earlier on without thinking, and then burst into tears. He is so much apart of me...like the song says, "a tattoo on my heart"...I cant imagine not cooking for him, not caring for him.

****
((((FNF))))

Thank you.

I hope your H takes advantage of this weekend and resolves this latest incident.

I hope so too Fnf. Maybe not so much resolve it, but do/suggest something for us to move forward.

And if he is reading here today, Mr LH, please dont say that you dont know what to do. I know you dont, but you can ask, reach out. If not here (and I know my Sisters will not mind in the least helping you)then in WF.
I cant do this anymore. You see me looking normal, but I am crumbling inside. I am staying upstairs because I cant bear to be near you...you look like the same H who held me last week and told me how nice this (where we are in our relationship) all is.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
numb and scared
♀ Member
Member # 9908
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, May 2nd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LostH,

So glad to hear that your tests came out okay.

fnf, hr, solost, shirley lostsoul, weepy, whimsey...don't want to forget anyone...sincerely mean it to be for all....

Hugs to all.......

No indeed..."this LTA aftermath is not for the faint-hearted".....

Who knew we would need to become "Iron Women"...


BS
LTA
"Lying is the strongest acknowledgement of the force of truth."
- William Hazlitt
"Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way."
-Charles B. Newcomb



Posts: 3958 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From:
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, May 2nd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LH - Here is something else in the article for Mr. LH to consider if he's reading here.
#9. "Choose your battles wisely. . . . Your spouse is feeling betrayed and frightened; it is natural for them in this state to project those fears onto situations that bear (in their mind) any resemblance to your affair. If a random stranger (or in your case a previous crush) flirts with you and your spouse becomes agitated, remember that your spouse has an understandable right to this possessiveness; you will have shaken their feelings of security in the relationship, and it is openness and understanding that will gain this back, not combativeness and arguments. Rather than angrily asserting your rights, you will do much better to gain their trust by assuring them of their importance to you and soothing their bruised ego with compliments and understanding."
You see, the question is, What's more important, winning or restoring trust and love in your M? Who stands to gain from combativeness and coldness? Absolutely no one! When we work together through this process everyone wins. Why is this so hard to comprehend? And let's not forget the innocent victims of their LTA. Do our children need to be exposed to more heartbreak and confusion or do they need to see their parents working together to create a loving, safe environment for the entire family.
LH you are so willing to give Mr. LH another chance. You are exposing your vulnerability. C'mon Mr. LH - what do you have to lose? Face?? Is that more important to you than restoring your family's stability and belief in the man they want and need you to be???
The way I see it, and the way I frequently remind my H, our S's have spent years indulging their every whim. Why is it so hard to now, after all the heartbreak they have brought on us, to indulge our needs? And our needs are legitimate. We are hurt, suffering, uncertain as to exactly what we have meant and now mean to these men we have given ourselves to, and working every day to survive this mess that they have created. How little we ask in return in the grand scheme of restoring what they have stolen from us.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 11:26 AM, May 2nd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Numb - so good to see you. How are you doing? I've been wondering where you were.
Thanks for checking in today. It's always good to see an old friend.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
numb and scared
♀ Member
Member # 9908
Default  Posted: 11:58 AM, May 2nd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi fnf,

Thanks for the hello.

I've been around....trying to do "the one day/week at a time" thing.

It is amazing to see how this thread has evolved since that small handful of us started it over two years ago.

Funny how it all seems to go in cycles.
You have a few months of forward motion.....then a stretch of beige inertia.....then a few bad events that strangle everything...temporarily.

No one, and I mean no one....except those that have been through it, can ever really understand what toll and effort this all requires.

It's like having a well-trained, well-experienced male gyno tell you how an internal exam or labor/delivery is going to "feel"....
Speculation based on accumulated feedback is useful, but hands-on knowledge is reliable.

This LTA hell cannot be worded-up all insightful with a nice articulate bow, by anyone who hasn't lived it.

Rehabs of all types are full of well trained therapists..but the best ones are those who personally have lived the trauma and survived.

We needed a LTA rehab...

Hugs


BS
LTA
"Lying is the strongest acknowledgement of the force of truth."
- William Hazlitt
"Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way."
-Charles B. Newcomb



Posts: 3958 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From:
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 11:59 AM, May 2nd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So he came in just now and said that he read what I wrote here.and had a question f or me.
* why did i tell him to leave me alone while I assess what needs to be done, and then boohoo here that he is doing nothing.I just want to put him down. I said you can do something to improve this and stll leave me alone..he disagrees and says i am playing games with him
*he said that i have used the D threat too often that now when i say it, it means nothing to him, cos I never go through with it, i always back down.if i want a d, i must just do it, rather than playing this game all the time

* that the other night was going to end bad one way or the other..that i had built it up so much that anything he would have done, would have put us here

*that i let things build up and build up (like the other night) and then explode then threaten to d cos I cant cope anymore, then am back to normal...he cant take that anymore

ending in a screaming match with me crying and him walking out.

we were su[pposed to take the kdis shopping now and my eyes are all swollen.i told him to carry on w/o me.


i am losing it.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 12:12 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((LH))))))


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

Posts: 671 | Registered: Oct 2007
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I tried to answer him on every point but he didnt want to listen to me

*I think he choses when to take me literally (leave me alone) when it suits him. If he was so gungho on listening to me, why didnt he the other night when I said very clearly, "no hugging"??

*re the D..its not a threat, more like an ultimatum. I really do get times when i feel I just cant do this anymore, that I am totally empty, and then we work something out, and then I am ok. I feel like we are going to make it. I know i should stop using that word, but he is the one who brought it up the next morning when I said I spoke to my mum and he said "about gettng a D?"

*the other night didnt have to end badly. I even told him that we could use this as a stepping stone. it didnt even take him 2 minutes when he broke his word

*and no I didnt let this build and build. I addressed it a few times and even came up with the 2 rules on how to handle it. I thought we had every base covered. building it up and setting him up would have meant i never spoke about it but let it fester inside, and then gave him a vague statement like, "please dont hurt me tonight" with no prior agrreements beforehand.and then anything he did was open to speculation.

he is trying tp dump this on me. he wants me to take responsibility for where we are now, for me to decide whether we d or not, and then he will just carry on with his life. he makes decisions that put us in jeopardy, and then i have to live with the fallout. its like he said before of wanting to end the M for years, but he never had the guts, so he just treated me badly, thinking i would end it. he didnt use thsoe words exactly, but that was the moral.

is this what he is doing now?
is he too chicken to end this and look like the bad guy, so he gave me an excellent walking out point, which even the most softhearted here, would be hardpressed to deny?
WTF is going on??

someobody help please cos I am jsut fucked.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 12:29 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((LH))))

I don't know what to say but he certainly is not taking any responsibility for his actions and he is not acting at all sympathetic to your rightful state of mind given his actions.

Let me try to go through his comments one by one and then what I believe a remorseful WS would say:

* why did i tell him to leave me alone while I assess what needs to be done, and then boohoo here that he is doing nothing.I just want to put him down. I said you can do something to improve this and stll leave me alone..he disagrees and says i am playing games with him

RWS (remorseful WS): I know that you told me to leave you alone but I read what you wrote online and I can see that you are really hurting. If you want me to go, I will but please tell me if there is anything I can do to make you feel better. I understand talking to your friends online helps since they understand but please let me try to help too.

*he said that i have used the D threat too often that now when i say it, it means nothing to him, cos I never go through with it, i always back down.if i want a d, i must just do it, rather than playing this game all the time

RWS: It really hurts when you talk about divorce. I am scared of losing you and I can't tell whether you really want me to leave or whether you are trying to hurt me and make me feel your pain.

* that the other night was going to end bad one way or the other..that i had built it up so much that anything he would have done, would have put us here

RWS: I knew that the other night was a risk. I am sorry that I did not do what we had discussed. If I had behaved as we had agreed, the night would have been fine and you would have felt more loving and trusting. Instead, I let you down and now you are confused and hurt and for that I am truly sorry.

*that i let things build up and build up (like the other night) and then explode then threaten to d cos I cant cope anymore, then am back to normal...he cant take that anymore

RWS: I am so sorry that I have put you in a place that you are on this terrible rollercoaster. I will be here to bear your pain no matter what as I caused it and it is my penance to be there for you until you tell me that you don't want me here any longer.

-------------------------

Lost, that is my attempt and some of these words have been said by my H so do not allow him to read this and then tell you that it is bullshit. It is not. And, I am sorry, but I personally do not fucking care what he can or can't take anymore. He put himself in this position. If you can't do the time, don't do the crime.

((((LH))))


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
hurtshirley
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Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, May 2nd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((LH)))) you okay? you still there?


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
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