|
|
|
|
 |
- |
| - |
|
|
|
|
User
|
Topic: Long Term Affairs XI
|
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790 |  Posted: 2:08 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2008 |     |
snow, abusers of all kinds are bullies. And inside bullies are the frightened little mice they truly are. Strike first, always. Never let anyone get the upper hand on you. Fight, build, fight, build.
Why us? Because at one time we thought that was a sign of strength, at least I did. He protected me the same way he protected her and now protects himself, by striking out first.
I try not to let him land the blow, that takes him aback sometimes. Unfortunately usually he'll then take it to one of the kids. Told our son to "grow a pair" last night. I wanted to smash him over the head.. maybe he could loan him some of his? The ones that had him cowardly sneaking off to prostitutes instead of just telling your wife something. And then not even admitting it until confronted. Chicken, cowardly shit.
LH,
Weepy, DD's BF didnt even call to say they were late?
Dont they have mobiles? How rude.
And your poor DD.
Regarding your mood, do you know what set you up?
She called them when everyone else had arrived and they hadn't even left the house. They called twice to give updates on the way, but they live an hour from us, so they were going to be an hour and half late anyway, so why not 2 hours? Yes, they're rude.
I don't know what set me off, a bunch of things. Looking at Google maps for DS's apartment complex had me back on Race street (hookerville), I woke up sore and stiff and naked and H just turned over and snored. I must have been thinking about the whores overnight in my sleep.
I'm feeling very bad about how I look but now that my shoulder has been diagnosed, I can start exercising again. Got the cortisone shot this morning... which reminds me....
BT?????
Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.
Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda
Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA | Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515 | | Posted: 3:21 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2008 | |
I woke up sore and stiff and naked
Errr...I am too nervous to ask, Weepy.  
Why are you feeling bad about yourself?
Is it the way you look physically, or how you bad you feel generally?
I know with me, my weight gain since starting work has been like this death knoll sounding off at the back of my head. All my work clothes have become snug, whereas before they were fitting losely.And I hate it. Just simply hate it and the way I look. Which makes me eat more.
Warning: TMI:
It seems like my whole body has gone on strike. 
I cant sleep (sleeping pills); cant go to the to the loo (laxative); endless bleeding since Mirena (pill for that too); frequent sinus headaches (pill and nasal spray); backaches and shoulder pain (pill), depression and anxiety (pill).
I seem to be popping pills all the time. I am even thinking of going onto diet pills.
I know I look like crap, but I wont let anyone except you guys and IC know that.For the rest of the world, its smile, nod, smile and carry on.
***
BT, surely you would have had the test by now.
And when do you start grad school, btw?
Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine
Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London | BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435 | | Posted: 5:18 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2008 | |
I had the biopsy on Friday, and it was the capper to a really bad month.
The biopsy was a miserable experience. They take this giant clamp with needle-like ends and clamp it onto the cervix and then take this currette looking thing and scrape out the inner lining of the uterus. The doctor said he would scrape once and if he got enough material that would be it. Occasionally, he said he has to go back for a second pass, and rarely for a third. After he did the second pass on me I told him he wasn't doing a third unless he wanted to be kicked. (I'm sure you all are crossing your legs and groaning now. Sorry for TMI).
So, anyway, it's done. But he also has scheduled me for an ultrasound. I hope he did that in retaliation for my threat to kick him rather than that the biopsy looked suspicious to him. I am to call him on Friday for the results.
If it is negative, he is talking about me going on a super low dose birth control pill to even out some of the effects of menopause/perimenopause. Anyone else had this suggested to them? He said he had better results with this than with hormone-replacement therapy.
Grad school starts in August, Lost. Just to make life more interesting, the university lost my paperwork and so gave my spot away to someone else. This is despite having sent me a letter telling me I got in. I had to raise a fuss to get them to let me register for classes. Not a great way to start a two-year program.
Because I was so distracted with the biopsy and the university screwup, I missed a dental checkup for my son which he really needed and so I feel guilty as hell and like a really pitiful mother. They can't give us another appointment until July. I feel bad about it.
And, a lady who has run a pancake house in my neighborhood forever was murdered by thugs who broke into her home (not in my neighborhood) and beat and kicked her into unconsciousness. This was just a genuinely decent, down-to-earth woman. She was one of the first business people to return to my area after Katrina. 72 years old. Who the hell could kick a tiny, 72-year-old woman?
It's a scary world, I tell you.
D-day 7/29/04.
Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003 | hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197 | | Posted: 5:51 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2008 | |
Weepy..."sore, stiff and naked"?   You are going to have to explain that one!!! I am with you on the BF family. I hate people that are always late. I think it is a huge sign of disrespect on a daily basis and just completely unacceptable for a special occasion. I love your idea of showing up two hours early but wouldn't dare do it myself.
Lost Heart (and hearbroken) I didn't mean to make suggestions on a topic I know nothing about. I just wanted LH not to feel guilty about her decision not to tell the others before. Obviously, do whatever is right for you and I am keeping you in my thoughts during this rough time.
It seems like my whole body has gone on strike.
I don't think this is unrelated to the A. We are all under so much stress both mental and physical that it adds up. Things start to go wrong with no sleep, too much crying, too much sadness. The body is a machine and if you ran your car on water and drove it too far it would break down too. Try to take care of yourself. Sleep if you can. Go for long walks if you can. Have you told your Dr. about your situation?
((((BT)))) That does sound like a particularly rough procedure. I was unconsciously doing kiegels as I was reading in reaction to your description. As far as the low dose birth control. I have been on it forever (since after the birth of dd#3 almost 8 years ago). I love it. It equalizes my moods. I have had any perimenopausal symptoms at all. I told my GYN that I would agree to go off it when I am in my 90s!!! I hope you respond to it as well.
And what is with the grad school??  Why are all these places so bureaucratic and always fucking everything up. I am sure they have tried to make you feel that somehow it must have been your fault.
Finally, they kicked a 72 year old until she was out? OMG who are these monsters? Who could do that? How can they be on the streets? 
"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu
Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007 | hearbroken
Member
Member # 8317 | | Posted: 9:38 PM, June 2nd (Monday), 2008 | |
HS,
I didn't mean to make suggestions on a topic I know nothing about
No offense taken, my friend. You were a support to LH, and that's the most important thing here in our Tribe 
BT,
Oh my-I was cringing just reading about the biopsy. I just had my first mammogram and I was a big baby about it Please don't beat yourself up over missing DS's dental appt. With all you have on your plate, I can see how that would happen. Now, WE might expect you to be perfect for our little Tribe. But please don't impose that standard on yourself 
TO the TRIBE: Life is short and I just wanted to tell you all how much I value each of you- the newbies, the veterans, the in-betweens THANK YOU for the love and support that you provide me and each other.
HB
Dday1 8/05 (LTA)
Dday2 4/09 (online EA 2 weeks then confessed)
Dday 3 8/10 ("full disclosure" of more infidelity prior to 2009)
Posts: 869 | Registered: Sep 2005 | weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790 | | Posted: 5:21 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2008 | |
If it is negative, he is talking about me going on a super low dose birth control pill to even out some of the effects of menopause/perimenopause. Anyone else had this suggested to them? He said he had better results with this than with hormone-replacement therapy.
I think this is a great idea. I couldn't do it because I had no ovaries, they said it would be a waste. Estrogen alone made me gain weight.
I was cringing even though I don't have any of those "parts" any more.
Sore, stiff and naked
My shoulder was killing me and I'm already feeling the humidity effects. BT, I could never live in NO without lots of A/C.
Went to the dr. yesterday... yes another one. I'm too of the opinion that this has taken it's toll physically as well as emotionally. I think I saw my family dr. about once every 3 years, for an ear or sinus infection until this past 2 years. I take more pills and more pain meds than I've ever done before. I may not even get life insurance because of them.
H had the same problem until he "fixed" himself. Always some malady, heart palpitations, urinary stuff.
The dr. found a bone spur on the top of my shoulder socket. I'd irritated the tendons with the weight lifting. So he gave me a cortisone shot in the joint (OMG you should have seen the needle). Around 7 PM the numbing stuff started wearing off and I was miserable. H wanted me to strap my arm to my chest and not move it, but the doc said normal movement was ok, just don't lift my arms over 45 degrees, whatever hurt, stop. He got pissed off when I asked him to rub it because I had been holding a book and reading and fell asleep. The shoulder got stiff and sore. I laid into him. His defense was that he did rub it, but I told him I didn't need the "lecture" before he did. Asked him if he remembers me scolding him when he had his neck shot... no, he needed something, I got it or did it with COMPASSION. Fucker!
So I went out for a drive so he wouldn't see me crying in pain.
That's what I get for asking him for something. That's what I get for opening up and being vulnerable, for not being "perfect". For having an emotional reaction (tears).
He asked me about 4 times what I'd done yesterday... did I get a job, an interview, work on a project? I told him I got showered, dressed and went to the dr. Reminded him that would have been a "busy" day for him in our past. But that was him, and he was talking about me, the one who actually does things.
I have typing to do today, so I'm going to try and get it done now while it's quiet here.
Take care all.
Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.
Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda
Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA | So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801 | | Posted: 7:51 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2008 | |
(((BT))) That soudns awful!!! So sorry about the ldy who got attacked. How awful!
Things are status quo here I giess. Nothing new. I wish we talked more but what do we talk about.? The fact that what he did sucks an dI'm sad? Not really interested. It hasn't been bad though. He does try< i'll give him that. It's that time of month and I am just overly emotional.
Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens
Posts: 671 | Registered: Oct 2007 | forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053 | | Posted: 8:02 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2008 | |
Good morning tribe. Been reading but not posting lately. My head has been in a fog lately so I thought I'd just stop by to send hugs and support to those having a rough time.
Weepy - you are sounding as if you're on a downturn. I can't imagine dealing with your H on a daily basis. Believe me, we all sympathize with you. He just doesn't seem to know how to get it right. As for those parents - I would have been furious. How rude!!!!
Are they people you really have to have anything to do with? How serious is your DD's relationship with this boy? I doubt I'd ever include them again unless they were to get engaged.
It reminds me of when I first found out about my H's LTA. It was 2 1/2 months before my D's wedding and her future MIL knew what had happened to me. Instead of offering support, she called and asked when was I planning on giving my D a shower, never saying that she would help in any way. She just put pressure on me. I was falling apart and she acted as if life was normal. In the end, I did give my D the shower with the help of my sister and friends but to this day I only socialize with her when I have to. I know if the tables had been turned I would have called her and told her not to worry about a thing. I would have taken care of everything and tried my best to minimize her stress.
BT - OUCH!!!! That sounded absolutely dreadful. I don't even want to think about the possibility of ever having to get that done to me. We will keep you in our thoughts as you wait for your results. I am menopausal but I cannot consider going on HRT because of a strong incidence of breast CA in my family. So I use topical agents (for dryness) and fan myself vigorously during the hot flashes. I also drive my H crazy during the night kicking off the covers and pulling them back on after the hot flash is over. 
Aging is a blast!
LH - how are you sweetie? I think of you every day, especially this week. Your plans sound very good and it will be so wonderful if your H is there too to help you answer any tough questions your children might have. I am so sorry for your and Heartbroken to have suffered these losses. To me, this is the worst thing anyone could suffer - the loss of a beautiful child. Sharing your grief with your H at this time and sharing your story with your children can only be a blessing, IMHO. (((((LH))))))
HS - good to see you back on a regular basis. We sure missed you. 
Hugs to the rest of the tribe.
D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride
Posts: 1876 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light | Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515 | | Posted: 11:44 AM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2008 | |
Ouch BT!
Of course he ordered more tests...that poor man must have been terrified!
I am sure the extra test is just for confirmation.
Sorry, no experience on menopause....yet.
As for the Pancake Lady...
Its gotten so where stories of kindness and heroism and faith make me stand up. I hope they catch the bastard who did that to her.
***
Hey Shirley.
Have you told your Dr. about your situation?
Are you kidding?
I had a medical review with him last week, and had to lie through my teeth.
I hated doing that, but this is the same man, who almost ruined my whole career because he didnt see the need to look at my file before rendering me "unfit to practice" as all he saw was that I had needed a prescription for antideps, and that surely must mean that I was a threat to society. Asshat.
I would really be committing professional suicide if I told him anything. And no, I cant change GPs until I move.
And to echo HB, you are an incredible support to me, thank you.
And how are you these days?
***
Weepy, I wish you could detach from H. He sometimes behaves like an emotional parasite.
***
SoLost, status quo is a good place to be after a particularly trying time.
wish we talked more but what do we talk about.?
You are right...you get to a point when there is nothing else to talk about re the LTA. And what you dont know, you just dont care about anymore.
MAybe this is a good time to think about moving forward in rebuilding the M?
Do you feel you are both ready for this?
Or if not, just be. Just take it one day at a time..enjoy the now.
****
My head has been in a fog lately
Fnf, whats going on, my Friend?
Please talk to us, and let us help if we can.
I have met women like your DD's MIL...who just want to bury their head, and carry on with the "Its not any of my business" motto.
((((FNF)))))
****
HB, thank you too.
I know how blessed I am to be here. Thank you all of you.
Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine
Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London | UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062 | | Posted: 12:19 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2008 | |
Snow,
He just makes up a story to fit the facts you already know, but you know that is not the whole story.
That’s it exactly. And abusers want their wives to stay b/c it gives a reason for their existence. They feel they have power over something (someone) in their lives and they are not going to give up that control easily. But it is difficult to get out from under, I do understand that. I’m so sorry.
*****
LostH. I’m sending you big hugs for this week. I hope your H can find it in him to give you the support you need. (((((LostH&DS&DD’s)))))
Sleep eludes me too. I’m usually awake for 2 or 3 hours in the night. H wants me to go the GP cos I mentioned these stomach aches and wondered if I could be harbouring an ulcer. But I’ve never had one, so I wouldn’t know. I just think that I’m so sad that my stomach doesn’t want food, so when I eat, I ache and sometimes it’s all round my lower ribs too and then I can’t breathe properly. And it can make me feel like I want to throw up.
And I want that timeline more than ever b/c he has so steadfastly refused to give it. He’ll talk, yes. But then not do anything about it. That’s b/c he doesn’t like to dwell on what he has done. On his own. Thinking time. Contemplation. Come up with the facts. And so I get pissed off at him. I reckon he doesn’t want to see on paper just how much time he DID spend with her. He insisted from the start that it wasn’t that much and if he put all the time they were together in the whole five years, it would be two months or three at the most. Uh, uh. Way more than that.
*****
BT. It sounds a bit like the stuff I went through before I was pregnant with DS4. I had an x-ray done with a dye injected into my uterus. That was NOT nice!!! I’ve had more miscarriages than live births and that’s what it was all about. But I went home and said there was NO WAY I was going to go through something like that again. And yep, mammograms, I’ve got wrecked milk ducts that get …. Well let’s just say that’s something else not nice. And when I get “done” I b-r-e-a-t-h-e out as they are squeezing and as I’m about to screech ouch, ouch, ouch, they say “all done” and I’m trickling with sweat! Will be thinking of you Friday. Why can’t you get those results in, like five mins?? It’s the waiting and wondering – ugh.
As to the murder. There is nothing to say that hasn’t already been said. In today’s paper a woman was stabbed to death by he grandson. She was a leading member of Mothers Against Violence which was set up after he son was shot dead. She had met with royalty and Tony Blair. There will be some do-gooder who will defend him and blame the rest of society, thereby turning the perpetrator into a victim.
*****
Fnf. In the fog, or on the plain? As to the menopause, I’m not there yet. When I told my MIL about the A and then said who OW was, she said “but she’s menopausal!” as if being peri-m or menopausal would prevent her shagging my H!! I just looked slightly incredulous at that remark! (Maybe she thought H & I had stopped having sex ..... errr, no!)
D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 55 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.
Posts: 3183 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK | UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062 | | Posted: 12:24 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2008 | |
I have met women like your DD's MIL...who just want to bury their head, and carry on with the "Its not any of my business" motto.
To add fnf: and people who have not been directly affected by an affair have no idea of the impact it has on your whole life. She can’t have sympathy for something she obviously has no concept of. Don't blame you for steering clear.
D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 55 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.
Posts: 3183 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK | Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515 | | Posted: 1:34 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2008 | |
Ukg, how true!
Today I had my lunch in the office kitchen/diner ( I usually eat at my desk).
2 colleagues were talking about Camilla and Charles and how romantic their relationship was. I stay away from infidelity talk cos I am a tad errr ...passionate about it.
But I couldnt hold my tongue, and said I find it quite incredulous that a country could reward a woman who cheated on her H and her kids for years and years. Just because she happen to be shagging the future king, doesnt make her less of a slut, IMHO.
They were  .
One lady said she cant believe I said that, so what would I think of "normal" women who go on to marry the man after he gets D'd, and how can I be so judgemental? Its not the OW's fault that the wife hadnt kept the man happy?
I had to swallow my tirade (twice!) and sweetly said, "I dont care who it is - a man or woman who cheats and causes so much pain to innocent families is a slut.And should not be rewarded for it!" And then left.
Ugh! So much for keeping my personal life out of work.
Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine
Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London | Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515 | | Posted: 2:05 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2008 | |
Me again.
2 years ago around this time,after an evening filled with numerous phonecalls and accusations and denials and lie, H told me to sit down, that he had something to tell me.
He said that he had a friend, a girlfriend. That they were just very good friends, and that they had only kissed once.
I can remember it like yesterday. I felt like I had been stabbed over and over in my stomach. I called my sister and she fetched me. I spent the whole night shaking. My world, as I knew it, had just exploded.
I spent the few months in a complete zombielike state...on one hand trying to make sense of this, on the other hand, trying to "win"H back. You see I believed him when he said that because I didnt give him enough attention, that I was too focused on myself and the kids, that I had never loved him properly, that the kids and I shut him and made him a stranger in the house, and because I didnt even have enough sex with him all those years - that he had no choice but to have the A. He said that he was sorry that he did it but it was my fault that he did what he did.
I spiralled down down down until oneday on the 28th August, I took an OD. I had had enough of pain. I had had enough. I didnt recognise the person I saw in the mirror anymore. EVeryone was better off without me.
It was about 2 weeks before that OD that I joined SI.
And it was after coming out of the A&E, that I started reaching out properly to SI.
I realised as the ambulance drove me away, that I was all alone IRL, that I could count on noone but me. I had to get out of this by myself. But there were other sources of help that I could access. Without SI and my then IC, I know I wouldnt have made it through that year and the subsequent dday#2.
For the newbies, I can only say from my experience , that you CAN survive a LTA (hey,even 2!).
I looked at myself in the mirror this morning, and I can hardly recognise myself from that shell 2 years ago.
I am stronger, I am loved, I love, I am learning to love myself, I will never ever let H or any other person abuse me ever again.
And we are more married now than we have ever been before dday. My H is totally unrecognisable from that Asshat of June 06.
We both have a long way to go.
Dday 2 years ago, was the beginning of the end of who we both were. For the better.
It prompted his steps towards his children. It began the demise of the OW. It ignited the fire of our love that we never fully acknowledged. It was the birth of our family.
So dday today has bittersweet feelings. I am sad that it had to take so much of unneccessary pain for us to get here (and we are not even halfway through our journey). After this wonderful weekend, I am grateful among other things,that my family is healing visibly.
And most of all, i know that without the ddays, i would have spent the rest of my life, thinking that it was all me; that I had failed.
Thank you my Tribe, for holding my hand, for listening to my vents, for hugging me, for wiping my tears.
H sms'd me today that he was sorry about today (its significance)and all that I had to go through; that I have done well and deserve to be proud of that; that he loves me and he knows that he could not be happy without me.
Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine
Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London | UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062 | | Posted: 2:26 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2008 | |
Oh. My. Lord.
My world, as I knew it, had just exploded. …………
I spent the few months in a complete zombielike state...on one hand trying to make sense of this, on the other hand, trying to "win"H back. You see I believed him when he said that because I didnt give him enough attention, that I was too focused on myself and the kids, that I had never loved him properly, that the kids and I shut him and made him a stranger in the house,
That’s what he said in his “additions” to the love (ha-fucking-ha) letter he wrote me within weeks of starting his affair. He wrote the L-letter and then, about three and then four or five months later were the additions, like a diary or a log, justifying his fucking affair! Additions he kept to himself, but I found after DDay. Fucking bastard.
I can hardly recognise myself from that shell 2 years ago.
Know that feeling too, sweetie. Your guts had been ripped out.
I am glad he has recognised the day. It is a horrible anniversary to have. But it’s a year away from 2007 and another year from 2006. Next year will be better. Chuck this day, 3rd June 2008, into the bin, sigh, breathe and clear out a bit more of that crap. Tomorrow is more about you. And what you want. It has to be.
(((((LostH)))))
D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 55 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.
Posts: 3183 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK | Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515 | | Posted: 3:24 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2008 | |
Hi Ukg.
Jeez, I am sorry if I triggered you.
How are you?
So are you going to get yourself checked out by the GP? It could very well be an ulcer. Please go check it out.
I know its just a day. H actually forgot until I reminded him. I did get upset about it, but I believe him when he says that he just doesnt want to think about it; that its all bad memories.
That sms is about all I can expect from him, I guess...and the strange thing is, is that thats ok.
A year ago, I would have been foaming at the mouth. But now I can see how damaged and broken he is; and how he really has little idea on what to do. I know that if I asked him to do something tangible right now (make tea, massage my back)he would jump. I know he would like to make me feel better, but he just doesnt know how to.
***
Ukg, please tell me you have burned those journals of his.
So, have you thought of you both doing the timeline together?
Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine
Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London | weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790 | | Posted: 3:39 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2008 | |
so when I eat, I ache and sometimes it’s all round my lower ribs too and then I can’t breathe properly. And it can make me feel like I want to throw up.
UK, also have him consider the gallbladder. This sounds like what my D was going through. She felt like something was squeezing the breath out of her and she did vomit, most of the time.
Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.
Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda
Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA | hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197 | | Posted: 4:09 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2008 | |
Ukgirl - I am with the others. You should definitely get this checked out. My dad had horrible ulcers. He let them go and they almost killed him. When he was in his mid-50s he woke up vomiting blood all over the bedroom. His stomach had literally disinegrated into little pieces. They put pints and pints of blood into him to save him (not so safe these days) while pumping icewater through his stomach to stop the bleeding, then 10 hours of surgery and a hellish recovery. This is NOT something to be messed with.
"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu
Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007 | hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197 | | Posted: 4:16 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2008 | |
oops - hit submit by accident so will just keep going.
HS - good to see you back on a regular basis. We sure missed you.
Thanks fnf...it was weird being gone. It was like all my friends had gone on a cruise with no cell reception so I couldn't talk to them or find out what was going on in their lives. I too have the MIL from hell. Maybe someday we can have a LTA MIL rant.
(((Lost H)))) This is such a rough time for you. Try to look at the positive, you have made through the worst part of this hell. You have passed the two year mark and for that you deserve hugs and kudos. And, sorry, I didn't know the history of your GP but he sounds like an ass. I worry that you might be having interactions between all your different meds that could be causing additional problems. Sounds dumb but could you tell your gyn what is going on and she could help?
Just because she happen to be shagging the future king, doesnt make her less of a slut, IMHO.
They obviously are incredibly clueless because even in my stupid, clueless better-than-thou state before dday, I would have been stopped cold in my tracks by that extremely witty comeback. You rock!!
"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu
Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007 | hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197 | | Posted: 4:48 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2008 | |
I wanted to share something I have been dealing with over the past week but didn’t want to put out there until after it was over. H got an email message at work from the first LTA (15 years ago). He was nervous as shit but told me about it immediately, forwarded it to me and showed it to me on his account from work. Now get ready to pull out the 2x4s.....
He hadn't spoken to her in 10+ years and hadn't received an email in 3-4+ years but we decided to reply to this one. She didn’t know I know about her and she held the answers to some things my H can't remember (probably most importantly when she was pregnant and when was the abortion). So today, H called her on speaker, with me in silence in the room, to ask her a few questions to which we wanted answers. We spent the few intervening days drawing up a list of questions that we wanted to ask so that the call was not random.
I know, I know, I know, we are idiots to do this and you have all told me not to do this but we got the answers to the questions we asked (some of which are incredibly painful for me). I know the first time they were together was at our first house which speaks volumes about how far under the bus I had been thrown. We know when she got pregnant, when she had the abortion, what she was thinking, how it ended, etc. most of which line up with what my H had said just slightly different dates but H had always said he wasn't sure. At the end he told her that he has confessed all to me, that I knew about her, that she was not the only one and that we are from this point forward NC. (There had not been a NC message to her since it had been years since the last contact.)
The good news is that, despite the fact the email sent him into panic, he told me asap. He said he was tempted to just erase and ignore but he knew that put him back on the "slippery slope" of deceit and concealment. The bad news is that I know just how far under the bus I had been thrown. He thought he was in love with her and he was willing to toss me aside like a piece of trash for the likeness of his big sister who for god’s sake even SOUNDS like his sister (let him and the therapist have a party with that one!!!!!). Not until she got pregnant did he wake up and think “what am I doing?” and the same with her.
The other good news is that she agreed to NC. In addition, it puts LTA #2 under the bright lights IT deserved which was that she was nothing to him except sex. I have to keep processing this call today.
So go ahead and swing those 2x4s….
"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu
Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007 | UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062 | | Posted: 5:04 PM, June 3rd (Tuesday), 2008 | |
Shirley. “2x4’s”?? What for? Sounds like this is so far in the past (as relationsips go) as to be meaningless as a “love” affair. She really is nothing other than a “WTF was I thinking?”. Now I appreciate that she was there during your M, but you have dealt with her too. It doesn’t sound as though H wants anything to do with that time in his life – let alone revive it.
I think this contact has served to emphasise her lack of significance in both of your lives which should enable you to finally put her in the box and bury it. Past. History. Bad news. Gone.
I think you did very well. >>>>>Bravo!<<<<<
G’nite all. I just love my Tribe. I’d love to have a LTA meet at some fancy hotel IRL.
D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 55 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.
Posts: 3183 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK | | Topic Posts: 1000 | |
|
|
|
|
