D-day 12/06/07,day b4 b-day admitted 2 wk EA.
Success is failure turned inside out.
"Illusion never changed into something real." Torn - Natalie Imbrulia.
Divored n Feb 09
2 days after christmas 2003 he came and got more than 1/2 of the contents of the house. I gave him 1/2 of everything and then added stuff I didn't want or crap that was his. He had all kinds of garbage so I boxes it as well and he figured it out and started tossing some of it all over the yard. It was crazy.
Even though I had something like 7 printed pages of stuff in 10 pitch that he took he wanted more. During the divorce he kept asking the judge to let him some in the house (2 yrs after he had moved) to see if there was anything else that is his. When he left before he trashed the house getting his things. For example he unloaded the whole master bedroom closet and stepped all over my clothes damaging some of my nice clothes. He dumped out boxes and left them unended when he had dumped them. It took me a good week just to clean up. I had to fight pretty hard to keep him from doing it all to me and the kids again. The judge finally told me to take pictures of the 4 corners of all the rooms and give the pictures to him and let him see if there is anything else he thought was his. Funny he never found anything else. He did come back last fall demanding things again. He was certain that I had some assets he says his lawyer told him he would get in the divorce. He figures because he got a tax deduction for the assets he put in my name he owned the asset as well. I told him to take me to court and he stood in my hall for 15 minutes flipping in front of the kids. We all went about our business like he was not there.
Yup some of these guys are certifiable. They tell us to let go but it is really then that can't let go.
The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
Looking back, I think I was so shell shocked over what the reality of my situation was, I could barely function. My entire marriage had been a lie. He had more OW's than he knew what to do with. All which he denied. One OW had come to our door with her OC which she claimed to be his. He lied and said she was a crazy woman. (The child was later proved to be his with DNA) At the same time, H was drinking, lying, abusive, staying out late, blaming me for everything because I was asking what was wrong, asking about these OW's. I must be "paranoid" and needed to see someone about my "condition."
If I had to do it all over again, I would not have been so nice and tippy-toed around everything trying not to make him mad. I would have gotten the protection order much earlier and fought HARD in the beginning of the divorce instead of at the end. I would have gone hard total NC right from the beginning. I would have saved myself much heartache and money from attorney fees had I done so.
I guess like many of us, I just couldn't wrap my brain around the fact that he could be so cold and so cruel. I kept thinking that I was somehow going to reason with this lunatic.
The best advice I can offer any of you in your early days of divorcing your N's is to get the best attorney money can buy, go TOTAL NC. Let your attorney deal with him. Do not speak to him EVER. Email only about the kids. If he tried to bait you into other topics of conversation, IGNORE him/her. Do not go anywhere or allow your N into your home where you are alone with your him/her.
Then DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT, DOCUMENT.
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
OC born 2001 (I didn't know)
Remarried 2008 (Happy!)
The other day my son's call to his father's cell was not answered and late he told son that it was because he was too busy doing laundry to answer. It is beyond pathetic that his stinking underwear are more important than his own son having a meltdown because of his father's actions. He doesn't deserve my boys for sons.
My oldest were talking last night about the wedding and my son said he doesn't think it will last. I asked him why and he said that with the way his father will hit the fiance and go off the deep end he thinks she will eventually wise up. He told me that seeing his father slap the fiance across the face like he did made him really upset. Up until that point I had no idea how he had hit her. I thought he had hit her on the arm. He hit her across the face.
The whole situation still leaves me a bit shocked to think I lived through all that I did but I can see now that it really could have been so very much worse.
Where do these women come from? They destroy marriages and families and then somehow think that they are going to be special. It's all the same. The only thing that changes in the life of an N is the characters.
The OW in my case helped my XNPDH vandalize my home, etc. She helped him fight me, lie for him, I could go on and on. Now they are married and he is doing the same to her.
Big surprise?? I think not.
What's the old saying? The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.
He didn't email me yesterday to continue *our* negotitation about the grill that he wants to "take" (from my backyard). So I thought maybe he didn't go into work. Then when I picked up the kids at his apartment after work last night, he didn't even cross the street. And today no email yet either. Wow, this No Contact thing is great! It's creepy though. Too quiet. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's terrible how we've been trained to be on guard like this all the time.
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
The ex so totally against me having the number that he would rather the kids didn't attend the wedding than give it to us. I am sure he will make it all about me being a bitch when people ask.
It is all some kind if sick game. I mean their lives must be pretty boring if they need to play stupid games like this with my kids. Delusion, brain damaged, psycho???? All of the above?
NC is the only option. Anything else will drive a person insane.
[This message edited by lied2 at 4:43 PM, May 1st (Thursday)]
You love me with a knife.
I donít understand it
thrusted chunk the steel burns and
I thought you were my wife.
Stem the flow?
Watch it go?
What thinks the mind?
As barely beholding the wound and shame
the gift you rejected?
the fear in your life will be so near
without your knowing
Thanks for sharing your words. I have been inspired by your poetry and others on SI. I am no poet. I haven't written a poem probably since the last time I forced to in high school English - a couple years ago. Yeah.
Yesterday, on the way to work, I began composing this in my head. It stayed with me all day. I jotted things down on random slips of paper as the phrases came to me. Here is the beginning. It is therapeutic to write it, but a little triggery to read it. I am no poet, but here is the start of my poem:
How you are able to do this,
I'll never know.
That mask you hold tight,
Never letting the real you show.
The one with the wit and the charm.
The Real You.
The one doing all of the harm.
You became sarcastic and distant.
Not one thing could I do right.
Others begin sensing that things were different.
But I was too worn down to put up a fight.
It was in the summer that I knew.
I was paralyzed with fear.
I had no real idea what to do.
I only knew the end was near.
She was to me just like a sister.
Now, turned damsel-in-distress,
You, apparently, could not resist her.
The Real You began to scheme and obsess.
i noticed the first lines were saying the same thing in each...
yours is unfinished
maybe mine is too...
hugs to (((((ALL)))))
the gift you rejected?
They'll never really "know" what they've destroyed and lost forever, will they? They can't because they don't feel.
You are all very special people and now you have a chance to make a life for yourselves (and children) that is far better than the one youl would have had. It will just tkae more hard work and time to heal.
To them, we were never really any more than an accessory. They can pick up another one of *those* anywhere.
I know, ouch.
But remember this is how the NPD thinks. If he/she were a real human, they would appreciate us for the GEMS we truely are.
**Did you guys see my new baby?? Pictures in F&G.**
Lying in a pool of sticky crimson
Again and again you return to the scene
Foolishly I think
you will help me
you will heal me
you will feel for me
Again and again I feel the searing pain of salt entering my wounds
You mock me
and turn and walk away
Again and again
Edited for clarity -- thanks, jjct!
[This message edited by woundedby2 at 4:28 PM, May 8th (Thursday)]
Has anyone ever had anything like this happen??
NPDWH (STBX) has sent me emails with information about gifts he sent to a client/friend on the birth of their first grandchild, with the message to me that said, "in the event it comes up, I sent the following from both of us."
He then signed a gift card with the following:
We are so happy for you. Our guess is that you will find a few pictures that will fit in here over the years. Cap'n & Balancing Act
OK, Cap'n....uhhh....I filed for divorce in MARCH.
How dare he use my name and ask me to 'cover' for him in case it comes up...I don't think so!! How I wish they would call me to thank "us" for the gift. I'm afraid I would have to let the cat out of the bag at that point!
I am furious at him to be so fucking presumptuous as to think that I will 'save' him in this case.
I am NC with him and will not respond to this, but I am LIVID to the point of replying that he cease using MY name without my permission and certainly he will NOT ever get permission from me to use it in connection with his ever again. I want to tell him that he really probably should have put OW's name on those little gifts instead of mine.
sonofabitch! I hope he has not deluded himself to the point that he actually thinks that if I DO hear from the recipients that I won't gently alert them to the his mistake!
maybe i should send my "own" gift to them...hahaha....sign it with my maiden name maybe?
What a maroon he is...what is this game he's playing??? I know that if I do anything, he'll figure out a way to turn it around on me eventually so that I come out looking like the bad guy....shit, shit, shit......the nerve of him....
thanks....i guess i just had to rant, but would love to hear any thoughts or responses ....
[This message edited by Balancing Act at 8:26 PM, May 3rd (Saturday)]
Tulsa Area Coffee Buddy
You seem to have a very good handle on this NPD shit...no one wants to find themselves here, but we are glad you found us.