I just go t done talking with my daughters. Crying daughters. Daughters I held in my arms as they let it out. Damned NPD Freaks.
It looks as though my DDs have had it with their mom. DD13 came to me with some concerns. She started crying.
We had dinner. DDs 9&13 and I talked about their concerns. They are pretty damned scared of their mom. Scared to say anything to her, to talk to her at all. They told me more shit that I didn't know about. It never fucking ends.........
They DO NOT want to go with STBXPDW, at all, anymore. They want a real mom. They want me to get married (LOL). They want a female around so they don't have to deal with STBXPDW anymore. A nanny, afriend, "Dad, get a girlfriend." WTF?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Who wants to be a Nanny? LOL.
This blows donkeyballs. Poor kids. Damned STBXPDW and her FOO.
Now the kids tell me that when they go to do stuff with STBXPDW she brings a "friend" (two different males so far) along. They do not like this. They want their mom's attention. She ain't giving it to them.
It never fucking ends. To much stuff to report, to much, I can't type that long or fast.
What a Mother's Day. She was gone most of the day, more than the hour or so it sounded like earlier and when she wasn't gone, she was in the tub or sleeping cause of a "headache". Arrrrgggghhhhhh.......
As the kids said, "She's not a good mom. She's not even a good friend."
Fucking NPD Freaks !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm going to need some kinda emergency sole placement orders to override the current one nite and everyother weekend STBXPDW gets with kids as of court orders/mediation agreement currently. Oh, yeah, the weekends she's not there with them cause she takes off and I go get them. And she works most of the time she has them during the week. Arrrggghhhhh......
Not fun when your kids are crying cause they say mom is so bad. Kids said tonight that as soon as mom thinks you trust her again, she gets bad again. Arrrrgggghhhhhhhh.......
PITA*NPD*MOTHER*FUCKING*FREAK*AND*HER*WHOLE*DAMNED*FUCKED UP*FAMILY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(SI speak for apparently highly dysfunctional person and the family such person originated from).
Damned MIL and FIL drinking when they have the kids AND driving. BIL and his buddies and POS other BIL of sorts next door drinking also around kids. The kids are afraid of all of'em (Why do the kids always wait so long to tell these things? To tell the whole story? Hmmmmmmm..... Poor kids always tring to give STBXPDW the benefit of the doubt).
So much fucking more. It never fucking ends..................
[This message edited by bobelina at 10:03 PM, May 11th (Sunday)]
They are old enough to tell the court what they want...will they get that chance??
Not much any of us can do except (((((Bob)))) and let you know we understand....
Tulsa Area Coffee Buddy
My kids have been there too. Just hold them and love them the best you can. Document it all for GAL.
Mine want me to get then a stepfather. I can just imagine how it would creep out someone if I ever introduce them to my kids.
The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
Maybe we can work out a deal. LOL.
Mine came over today and being Mother's Day and the fact that I am sick today, plus he keeps saying he wants to work things out( yeah right), I ask him to mow the yard for me. He throws a huge fit and says he's here to see the kids not mow my yard.
I was like fine, I'll do it when I feel better. So he does it anyway and when he is done he storms off and leaves without spending anytime with the kids. Before that my son begs him to stay and he tells my son that he is leaving and he might be back. He's got to go see his mommy.
A few hours later he calls and says he is going to come back over. I don't say anything to the kids just in case.
So he calls a little later and tells me that mommy wants him to come over for dinner. He has already spent several hours over there. I told him that the kids would like to spend some time with him. It's basically the kids or his mommy. So he chooses mommy.
Then he calls me back a few minutes later and tells me that he is coming over. I was like whatever. Then my mom shows up and he has only been here for 45 minutes and he gets the hell out. I swear he is afraid of her or something. I never seen someone move so fast in my life. She walks in and he is out the door.
On another note, his visits used to be several hours and here lately they might be 30 minutes to an hour. It's like he finds any reason to leave. So that is how my day went.
It is what it is.
It is really hard to play "nice" with STBXPDW. I do get frustrated with how all this courts buisness works. I just want my kids safe and without fear.
Our kids don't need this. It's one thing for the Fucking NPD Freaks to prey on us, but it's something completely despicably evilly different when they do this to THEIR OWN children. Unfucking*believable.
DD13 when at STBX*Evil*Ass*PDW's house today heard a commercial on the radio that said something to the effect that all these not so great role models, like Paris Hilton, are nothing like "wonderful mom". That really upset her, she said. She said her mom "is not like that. She's not a good role model". Nothing like having your dream of a mom shattered and taken away from you by non-other than your own fucking mom. Poor kid.
[This message edited by bobelina at 1:08 AM, May 12th (Monday)]
Look, you're doing good. Keep the girls talking...not for you (you kwim) -
it helps they got you, man...
Will they speak w/ the GAL?
I'm hesitant about CPS - in alot of cases they are needed, I'm not saying that...just that, sometimes, in some cases, CPS has spotty judgement at best. Tough call to imagine the dear ones exposed suchly, but maybe you could see it as taking a splinter out - like best to move through it?
Sorry, BoB, I wish I had some magic pixie dust for all of us!
I hope today is a better day for you and DDs. I know this pain you have. The kids - it's just horrible what the NPDs have done/continue to do to them. Yes, the fear of being with the NPD. It's not fair to them, but unless there is gross physical violence going on, it seems that "everyone" thinks they need to have this relationship with the NPD. It's frustrating because if this were a nanny or daycare person we were talking about, we'd have that person gone faster than the speed of light. The NPD parent, not so easy to get rid of. Eventually the kids will get them out of their lives, but that seems so far off in the distance to us now. So much damage to be done. So much war to be waged. It's a shame really. Be strong, Bob. You know you are doing the right things for DDs.
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
(((bob))) I am so sorry to hear about the most recent revelations, but not surprised. For every rat you see, there are 10 hiding in the walls. How often do you make reports? Now would be a good time for one. Good luck with that!
You kids are processing it all and that is a huge positive. If they are able to process it for what it is then they are better equiped to handle it. (IMHO). They my need help learning the skills they will need to stand up to their mother and learn what kind of role model they want to follow for their life. I am sure they will slowly gravitate to better role models as a way to replace the one they don't have with their mom. Many children live with parents who have serious issues and many of them turn out ok with help.
I have to admit that I am totally glad that my ex has as little to do with my kids as he does. I think it is beneficial although hurtful to them. It is pretty much like he is dead and they have to depend on the other resourses they have around them to fill up that void. They do that for the most part and are the better for it.
I think the healthiest part is for the kids to make the decision (for themselves) to seperate themselves from the mother because of her behaviour. When they do this for themselves (rather than are forced to because of some adult decision) they will likely own it and place blame where it belongs rather than resent to person who made the decision for them (courts, other parent etc).
Hopefully they will be able to voice what is going on to other adults around them and these conversations can be used to plan for them (in terms of custody etc. ) in the best wya possible. It definitally sounds like their mother is not able to handle joint custody without support and hopefully GAL will be able to see that.
Your STBW sounds so much like my ex is scary.
I also remember reading about NPD and their children and how they typically will push the child away during the teen years....maybe it's better for your girls if they see what she is before your STBXW does her pushing away act.
DD13 crossed out Mother's Day on the calendar today. Ouch. Sad.
STBXH Asshole strikes again!
This time, he has made plans to take the kids out of town over the holiday weekend. He gives me no details of with whom, to where, nothing. Of course, I know it is with OW and her son. I asked for specifics: sleeping arrangements, who was going, who would be watching the kids, where they are staying, etc. I also told him not to make plans with the kids before discussing it with me. He has done this before - on my weekends.
What do I get back? Accusations, justifications, whining. No information, Just NPD BS. This gem: "This is exactly the kind of stuff that the kids pick up on and think that they can not go out and do things with their dad. This why I have to ask them first before I talk to you. I feel that I have to ask the kids if they want to do things because I feel you have turned them against me and anyone I choose to be friends with. It should not matter who is going or not going. I know the people that are my friends are all responsible adults."
Classic NPD BS here: "Yes sometimes plans fall through, but all you are doing is adding another aspect as to why plans would not work. The only way they would be disappointed would be because YOU would not approve of my plans. Sounds to me YOU want control my life as always....Once again everything is about you..."
Mind you, he has yet to tell me a single detail (including the town where they're going), but he has the nerve to say: "You know where they are going, who they are with, we have to get there somehow. We will not be staying on the side of the road!! What kind of of environment do you think I would exposed them to that is inappropriate? what are you afraid of? that they would have a goodtime? If you feel like you need to push the wedge in a little farther between me and the kids then do what you must."
I have also posted about this in the S/D forum. Is it wrong of me to need to know that my kids are not going to be party to a weekend LoveFest between Assfuck and his Wonder Twat OW? Oh, help, you guys. I want to scream!!!
[This message edited by woundedby2 at 5:37 PM, May 13th (Tuesday)]
You have every right and every responsibility to know where your children are, with whom doing what.
Damned NPD Freaks.
Well, notice all the projecting in his statements.
May his dink burn with the heat of a thousand suns after his next encounter with "Wonder Twat OW".
May his dink burn with the heat of a thousand suns after his next encounter with "Wonder Twat OW".
Thanks, Bob. I needed a chuckle! Would his little dink shrivel up and drop off after feeling the heat of a thousand suns?
STBX calls leaves VM:
I'd like to know why your not returning my calls. You know its against the law for you to do that. Cause I don't know where my son is. You need to contact me its very important or I will file charges against you.
DS is with me
It doesn't matter I'm his father
( Really I must have missed that somewhere)
Where's the papers Cheerfull?
Processing, nothing has changed?
I've shoud be served already
U can C DS anytime, you were told on 5/8
( again its MY fault cause he doesn't make time for his son)
Little hard to do when ur biting my head off.
Again its not my responsability that don't come to see him. You know where we live. You have a vehicle. IF you wanted to see him you would be here no matter what 4 HIM. A father doesn't take there DS for the day and leave his DS with his roomates family to watch over him. GRRRR! Loser!
D-day 12/06/07,day b4 b-day admitted 2 wk EA.
Success is failure turned inside out.
"Illusion never changed into something real." Torn - Natalie Imbrulia.
Divored n Feb 09
the ambient abuse, the sarcasm, the eye rolling, the little jabs and the total lack of empathy and affection
OMG Ron...the eye-rolling just about made me CRAZY !! Have you ever felt such complete and utter disrespect on a personal level...from a GROWN-UP? The creepy thing is, *they* don't see it as abusive or disrespectful. I can GUARANTEE them that there isn't a soul on the planet that would appreciate that type of behavior. Especially after all of the "other" events were are treated to!
All of that stuff bothered me soo badly..all I could ever see was how little he cared about my feelings. After a while, this treatment coupled with the "silent treament" (for weeks and sometimes MONTHS), pretty much killed any caring that *I* had left in my heart.
Once I gave that up, watching him roll his eyes at my every word (or completely ignoring me, or whatever his *flavor of abuse* for the day was) meant absolutely NOTHING to me other than disgust at his lack of personal insight and maturity.