He should be functioniong higher, not potty trained yet, I should force him...(he's 16 and it may never happen)
yet he see's him a couple of hours on major holidays each year.
So far this year 2hrs on Easter.
What a freak - having this argument about such a small amount of money. Still, at least I am standing up to him now.
In regards to telling folk. I tell some folk absolutely noting and close friends and family everything. It works for me!
I feel for the children because they don't understand and get their whole lives turned upside down. It just blows my mind the damage that they do. When they do it to children who already have disabilities it is even more cruel.
Scorned what techniques did you use to turn the NPD traits back on him? I am curious to know.
The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
And that setting people up for a big letdown later (the dog) is so cruel--especially to the kids. I saw a lot of that.
I think we all need to just politely ignore the outsiders who think we should be doing something different. For example, most people think it's horrendous not to have contact with your own mother or the people who think it's so important for the children to have a relationship with their father--not so easy. And what about the abuse factor and damage to the children? We have to do what we have to do to survive.
People just don't know what we know. They don't have the information and they don't get it. Try to think that they mean well but let it go in one ear and out the other. Some people do mean well but can say really stupid and hurtful things because they haven't been there.
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
Met when we were 17 and 15. Together since 1983, married since 1985. Two kids, B21, G15.
Life has a way of making us get our panties in a wad.....I refuse to wear panties ever again.
Like many of you, that's what I get, the crazy, whacked out him. Everybody else gets the smiley, jokey him. It used to drive me crazy, but now, I could care less because I know what's behind the mask.
I've spending a little bit more time with "normal" females. It's kinda scary. You constantly wonder if they are whacked. You notice things that in the past you may not have. No, I'm not dating, just associates and such. My kids wanted to have mentors.
I'm wondering at times, "Is she BPD?" Yeah, I know, my radar is way up too much, but it is interesting to see people a bit differently. This too shall pass.
The damned Freaks have kinda made us a bit hyper-vigilant. That's OK. I go back to my Zen studies when I notice I'm tuning in too much too something that may or may not be there. It helps. Breathe. Meditate. Try to see things as they are and not thru the filter of my experience. Kinda fun in a way. It's an interesting growth.
Yes I am babbling, like a brook. LOL.
On another note:
STBXPDW seems to have agreed to a request for changes in schedules including no more overnites of DDs at her place. She hasn't responded to email, but eluded to the kids that there were changes and she met the request change last nite. Kewl.
DD13 has decided that she is going to email STBXPDW and give her a low down on the issues DD13&9 are having with STBXPDW. Interesting.
I'm so sorry that ya'll have had these NPD Freak experiences. I sometimes get triggers reading your posts and I remember going thru similar stuff. I'm so grateful that we have each other. The world is an interesting place.
Bob - I'd love to come to the party! I'll bring the champagne to toast our survival against the odds!
It seems that the NPS are displaying their colors in full glory this week. Is it because it's Spring??
Sometimes I wonder how we are all able to survive this. I guess it shows just how strong we really are - and always have been.
Hey, Bob, I want to come to that party too! It's supposed to be over 100 degrees here in SoCal this weekend. I have a big pool - we could all go swimming and have a BBQ - oh, wait NPD took the grill last night. Someone else will have to bring a grill. Or we'll have to order pizza I have a couple bottles of wine on the kitchen counter.
One of the things I struggle with is that I'm not perfect and I wasn't perfect.
Sometimes that throws my NPD'O'Meter into a tailspin.
I didn't have the best work history (musician), FOO issues (Mom, Dad & Brother seem to whacked, Dad and Bro diffentely NPD), so I wonder if I'm being harsh or judgemental when I look at someone else and get an idea of where their at.
STBXPDW and I had a lot of similarities in our backgrounds. Differences being I didn't get in trouble as a kid nor did I or ever have substance abuse issues. Hence my dilemma in seeing other folks. I came from a hellish background and apparently I'm not disordered. (LOL). SO it's sometimes hard to see where people are coming from. It's interesting though.
There is a quote floating around SI that I think is the real Trial by Fire:
There are two kinds of people in this world:
1. Words and Actions match
2. Words and Actions do not match
After living in this world, you can bet....I will be acutely aware of that!
I believe it was from Matches.
As many of the great teachers have taught us, people can change, grow and develop. I guess the key is to figure out if they are capable of change, growth and developement regardless of what there previous performance has been. Hmmmmmmm....
Scorned what techniques did you use to turn the NPD traits back on him? I am curious to know
first ....get sam vankins (sp) book ....it is the BIBLE for NPD behaviour.
When they are trying to bullshit /gaslight ....call them on it without hesitation .... " BLAMESHIFTING !" DEFLECTING!" PROJECTING!"
don't give them an explanation , just call the behaviour....they'll probably have to look it up. They will wonder what YOU have been reading or WHO you have been talking to that has clued you in on THEIR behaviour ....
which brings me to my favorite part of NPD behaviour , PARANOIA !
NPD's are well known for their paranoid thoughts ..." who is plotting aginst me? Is she /he cheating on ME?..... etc- ....all you have to do to get an NPD's mind RACING is "hint" at something , anything ....then sit back and watch their imaginations RUN WILD! ....
doing that at the appropriate moment usually gets them to back down / retreat .....it throws them "off balance".
I actually had a lot of fun with that part ! It was nice to see HIM squirm and not know what the fuck was going on , instead of me for a change. ....
I was fucking with his head and he didn't even know it.
Hang in there everyone.
Robert Louis Stevenson
I was working Ft at his request. I worked 6 days week and was paid pretty good. During this time I had saved quite a bit of $. I was usually asked pretty often how much was in my acct. Stupid me. I told him the truth. At one point he thought I was saving for a divorce. At that time I could've afford to do such a thing. I was saving for a family emergency. I was the saver, he was the spender. Iamgine that. I worked from home so me surfing the net in my down time usually on shopping channels made him nervous. Again, something I'll never be able to rationalize. Just wanted to share.
D-day 12/06/07,day b4 b-day admitted 2 wk EA.
Success is failure turned inside out.
"Illusion never changed into something real." Torn - Natalie Imbrulia.
Divored n Feb 09