STBXPDW's response to DD13's email:
Hey DD13! you were here today and didnt even tell me to check my email! Sorry, Im just getting this now(thursday nite). You can say anything you have to say to me. I try to get you to help and run my errands with me, but you never want to. You have no reason to be afraid of our family. We lived with granny and papa along time and they've been very good to us! As far as the living arrangement, I dont know what else to do right now. I get very afraid, and worried, and I dont always know what to say. This is a change for all of us. Theres things I dont know how to address either. I am trying, even though I dont always know how. I'll talk to you tomorrow! Love Mom.
Dear Ineffectual Heifer,
None of the problems that DD listed have anything to do with me, so I cannot possibly make them any worse. You [and your punk-bitch ass], however, do have the power to make your house a safe, loving environment. Going on outings is not going to solve the problem of them feeling unsafe when they are in your care. Please take their considerations and their feelings seriously. It is one thing for them to come to you, but if you never do anything about it, they may start to feel that there's no point to it.
The Man Who Wishes You Would Either Shape Up Or Ship Out
itsa: good for you! How horrible that you have to wait so long, but at least this way, all of his arrears will be attached.
lied2: I can't tell you how familiar that sounds. NPD will joke around with everybody who comes in the room, ho ho ho, he's Mr. Congeniality. The minute we check out, Lola will be all mine. I went through hostile counselors, too. They are almost as bad as the ones who tell you that you need to wipe out the past and start everything with a clean slate. There is no such thing as a clean slate with an NPD; it's always dirty.
sadtoo: I got the puppy dog, too. Bad childhood, mother once threw him out of the house naked while he waited for his father to come pick him up (he was 12 at the time) -- how could you possibly turn your back on him? Very easily, now. Stuff like that turns people into NPD's.
scared: Ha! Mine is always telling me that what he is doing/has done is not so bad; it's my PERCEPTION of things that's bad. I put such an awful, ugly spin on things -- I'll always be unhappy.
It is especially important to stay NC when they really "piss you off" or come across as overly kind.
In the NPD world, this is otherwise known as Baiting.
Ignore, ignore, ignore.
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
OC born 2001 (I didn't know)
Remarried 2008 (Happy!)
maybe all the problems I see are mine and not his.
BoB -- I am so mad at your STBX. I'd like to poke her in the eye with a sharp stick.
This little tidbit struck me:
You could be alittle more encouraging.
By that she obviously means that you should fix this whole thing up for her, right?
And also this:
theres no reason we cant all get along. Dont create problems.
But this one really pisses me off:
Everythings not always perfect, thats part of parenting
Oh, poor, poor her! I can just picture her saying,"It's so hard being a parent. Boo hoo. BoB,I'm trying my hardest, I swear. You and DDs are being unreasonable in expecting me to provide the "perfect" arrangement for them. I can't deal with any of it, and I don't want to hear any more about it...Oh, DDs, I need to go to get gas and pick up some Vodka and stuff. You girls be good, and why don't you get Granny some more ice for her Gin and Tonic, DD? Don't you have any manners?I'll just be gone a few minutes, I promise..."
[This message edited by woundedby2 at 12:05 PM, May 23rd (Friday)]
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
Interestingly, N described these rages I read about here from his mother & her bipolar side.
Still, I can sense an underlying quiet sort of Madness in him -- so who knows when/if he'll SNAP one day...?
BoB, why can't DD just write to the point:
"Mom, until you quit drinking and get help, I'm not going near you?"
This might be the wake up call she NEEDS.
Veritas & Lola Bunny~ am keeping you both in my thoughts!
Itsa~ hang in there!
Chriscross, I understand. There are so many times I wanted to tell the SOB off and major. I was near exploding I wanted to do it so bad but then I would think about how much he would actually LOVE to think I could get that worked up over him. Indifference is the only blow we can deal. Please know that you're not alone! We're here for you if you need support.
BoB~ hugs & hang in there!
STBXH NPD selfish asshole (there aren't enough descriptive words) was supposed to take both kids out of town this weekend. It was a huge ordeal where he wouldn't provide me with any details of where they were going, who they were going with, etc. 7 email exchanges and a call to my attorney later, he finally gave me the info that I wanted. Anyway, fast forward to this afternoon when he is supposed to be picking up the kids to leave for the trip. He calls me at work at 3:00 saying, "You need to call and talk to your son." Well, DS has decided that he doesn't want to go. And I'm supposed to fix this? From 20 miles away at work??
I call DS and talk to him about how he really needs to go. He needs to think of his dad's feelings (like he really has any), and that I can't just tell him that he doesn't have to go, etc. I tell DS to be prepared for his dad to come to the house and that he will be mad.
STBX then calls me back. I tell him the gyst of our conversation. Then he says, "Well, if he doesn't go then I'm going to pull that Xbox out of the wall and take it with me. I say, "no". He flies into a rage again about how it's his house and he owns half the stuff in it, yada yada. I tell him that if he takes his DS's Xbox that I will file a police report. He says, "I'm telling you that I'm taking it." I said, "I do not give you permission to do that. I will call the police." He was in full rage mode and headed to my house where DS is alone. I call local police to see if they can go there. They say only if DS calls them. Great. I call attorney's office (closed) and leave a message.
Well, he gets to the house, enters in a rage. Tears into DS verbally. Disconnects the Xbox. DS calls me at work. STBX is in the background yelling, "You tell her what you said to me!" DS doesn't answer fully, and he yells, "You don't have the guts to tell her?!". "You were man enought to say it to me, now you be a man and say it to your mother!". DS finally tells me that he said that his dad is annoying and he doesn't want to spend time with him. He finally storms out of the house.
10 minutes later STBX returns to the house with DD9. STBX calls me saying that DS is not going with him. OK. I ask about him getting DDs things. Then DS is yelling in the backgournd that he is hitting me. Mom, he's grabbing me. STBX then puts DD in the middle by demanding, "Am I hitting him? You tell your mother." Nice. I'm thinking that I'll call the police and have them go out there, and then STBX gets on the phone and demands, "Where did you tell him to hide the Xbox?" WTF? I say, "What are you talking about?" He repeats. I say, "I don't know what you're talking about!" He says (in front of the kids), "I'm tired of this fucking Bull shit!. Where did he hide it?" I say, "You took the Xbox! What are you talking about?" Well, he had apparently left it, and DS had taken it and hidden it STBX was crazy-mad. DS gets on the phone. I ask him if he's ok. Did he want me to send the police? He says that his dad has gone.
I drive home. Talk to DS. Write everything down. This shit just sucks. I am so, so tired of dealing with this freak. The damage he's doing to his kids is huge. He's hellbent on destroying his relationship with them (at least DS). Poor DS, he was so emotionally shaken, and he already has enough psych issues...
Tribe, can you hold me up a bit tonight? (((hugs?)))
She said that she'll call me on Tuesday and we'll see about her going "ex partee"(??) to get a TRO. She agrees (finally) that he has got to be kept out of my home and needs the courts to tell him how to behave since he's not listening to his attorneys. She sent a letter about a few weeks back advising his attorneys about his behaviors.
Oh, Ron, this makes me so tired. I was looking forward to a nice weekend to myself, and now I not only do I not have that, but I also get to clean up all the emotional BS that NPD spread all over this place today. And it's no consolation that the raging lunatic F-tard has my DD9 with OW all weekend.
I will spend the weekend loving DS. I'm going to drive to my parents' house tomorrow for some extra support and love for DS too. Why do they do this to our kids?? Why?
An RO or protection order should give you some peace.
woundedby2 - I am SO, SO sorry for what your NPD asswipe did to those kids! Absolutely get a TRO to keep him away from them. Ex Parte simply means that you and your attorney will communicate with the judge without a representative from the other side of the issue present.
You might also consider supervised visitation - I was petrified while reading your post. I would have been freaking out if something like that had happened to my kids and I was not there to protect them.
I hope that you and the kids are doing better and that you have a very relaxing, quite weekend with your parents.
BOB and Veritas - good luck to you also...
sadtoo: I hear you!!! I was always told that I was "being a princess" or that I was being "too sensitive" and actually he was projecting that crap onto me. I have come to realize that I AM JUST FINE THE WAY I AM...his opinion is of NO value to me on any subject at any time!
Y'all have a good Memorial Day weekend!
Tulsa Area Coffee Buddy
Oh my fucking stars !!!
TRO. Is the way to go.
He is such an asshole. Bravo for DS for being strong and hiding the XBox. WOW !!! What a man for standing up to the fucktard. He's brave. You've taught him well. (Teach him to dial 911 at any sign of Daddie*Buttfucks shenanigans).
May an ugly stick with the capacitiy to make dinks permantely flaccid and to remove what remaining hair on one's head meet with that motherfucker (SI lingo for complete asshole. LOL.).
He is a dangerous jerk.
Hug DS for all of us also.
Thanks for all of your kind and supportive words for me and DS.
Itsa and Sadtoo -- Yes, I hope we can get the TRO and that it will actually be effective. Gawd, I never thought this would be my life. Pond scum is what he is...
Balancing and Bob -- Hearing all of these things over the phone and knowing that I could not get there in time to make a difference was so stressful. I was also getting texts from DS saying "Hes hitting me", "Hes grabbing me". Attorney said to take photos of the texts to use in our request. After Dumbass had finally left with DD. I texted him saying "U ok?" His reply was, "IDK (I don't know) Im crying"
I was really surprised that he had hidden that Xbox too. DS was also doing a pretty good job at defending himself against the verbal assaults too. When he made the comments about being a man and not having guts, DS was saying things like, "Oh, so now you're going to insult me?" We've been working hard on this in IC.
Tribe -- having you all here to vent to means so much to me. The craziness of dealing with these freaks really takes a toll on you. DS and the puppy and I will head down to my parents for an overnighter. I hope you all have a pleasant Memorial Day weekend. (((hugs again)))
[This message edited by woundedby2 at 9:26 AM, May 24th (Saturday)]
I'm sorry you're dealing with this. The more you document now, the better off you will be later. Remember, there is no such thing as too much documentation.
[This message edited by sadtoo at 10:57 AM, May 24th (Saturday)]
I don't think its a violation of "privacy" but do check with your atty to be certain.
I liken it to these "security cameras" strategically placed to keep us safe/secure...& raging is Verbal Abuse!