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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N.P.D. Thread part VI
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, May 23rd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe)))

STBXPDW's response to DD13's email:
------
Hey DD13! you were here today and didnt even tell me to check my email! Sorry, Im just getting this now(thursday nite). You can say anything you have to say to me. I try to get you to help and run my errands with me, but you never want to. You have no reason to be afraid of our family. We lived with granny and papa along time and they've been very good to us! As far as the living arrangement, I dont know what else to do right now. I get very afraid, and worried, and I dont always know what to say. This is a change for all of us. Theres things I dont know how to address either. I am trying, even though I dont always know how. I'll talk to you tomorrow! Love Mom.
------

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, May 23rd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bob: I am horrified that your children can express exactly what's going on in that house -- and nobody's going to do anything about it until something really bad happens! It sounds like a disaster! And that X of yours -- yikes! Her daughter is saying, "I'm afraid of these people," and all she can say is, "Well, I don't know what to do?" If she really wants her daughter to come to her, and she doesn't do f*ckall about it except stand there wring her hands like a heroine in a melodrama, what the hell good does she think that does?

Dear Ineffectual Heifer,

None of the problems that DD listed have anything to do with me, so I cannot possibly make them any worse. You [and your punk-bitch ass], however, do have the power to make your house a safe, loving environment. Going on outings is not going to solve the problem of them feeling unsafe when they are in your care. Please take their considerations and their feelings seriously. It is one thing for them to come to you, but if you never do anything about it, they may start to feel that there's no point to it.

Sincerely,
The Man Who Wishes You Would Either Shape Up Or Ship Out

itsa: good for you! How horrible that you have to wait so long, but at least this way, all of his arrears will be attached.

lied2: I can't tell you how familiar that sounds. NPD will joke around with everybody who comes in the room, ho ho ho, he's Mr. Congeniality. The minute we check out, Lola will be all mine. I went through hostile counselors, too. They are almost as bad as the ones who tell you that you need to wipe out the past and start everything with a clean slate. There is no such thing as a clean slate with an NPD; it's always dirty.

sadtoo: I got the puppy dog, too. Bad childhood, mother once threw him out of the house naked while he waited for his father to come pick him up (he was 12 at the time) -- how could you possibly turn your back on him? Very easily, now. Stuff like that turns people into NPD's.

scared: Ha! Mine is always telling me that what he is doing/has done is not so bad; it's my PERCEPTION of things that's bad. I put such an awful, ugly spin on things -- I'll always be unhappy.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 11:40 AM, May 23rd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

what a crap.. i will continue my No Contact rule. even if sometimes her letter is really piss me off.

CrisCross,
It is especially important to stay NC when they really "piss you off" or come across as overly kind.

In the NPD world, this is otherwise known as Baiting.

Ignore, ignore, ignore.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

maybe all the problems I see are mine and not his.

Scared -- He is clearly projecting his crap onto you. He would like you to believe that all the problems are yours. He is perfect after all.

BoB -- I am so mad at your STBX. I'd like to poke her in the eye with a sharp stick.

This little tidbit struck me:

You could be alittle more encouraging.

By that she obviously means that you should fix this whole thing up for her, right?

And also this:

theres no reason we cant all get along. Dont create problems.

Laughable. Truly.

But this one really pisses me off:

Everythings not always perfect, thats part of parenting

Oh, poor, poor her! I can just picture her saying,"It's so hard being a parent. Boo hoo. BoB,I'm trying my hardest, I swear. You and DDs are being unreasonable in expecting me to provide the "perfect" arrangement for them. I can't deal with any of it, and I don't want to hear any more about it...Oh, DDs, I need to go to get gas and pick up some Vodka and stuff. You girls be good, and why don't you get Granny some more ice for her Gin and Tonic, DD? Don't you have any manners?I'll just be gone a few minutes, I promise..."

[This message edited by woundedby2 at 12:05 PM, May 23rd (Friday)]


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7636 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Balancing Act & North~ you both have described my N "duck" to a total "T"!
Sad *victimized* & withdrawn puppy who is into $ & sex.

Interestingly, N described these rages I read about here from his mother & her bipolar side.

Still, I can sense an underlying quiet sort of Madness in him -- so who knows when/if he'll SNAP one day...?

BoB, why can't DD just write to the point:
"Mom, until you quit drinking and get help, I'm not going near you?"
This might be the wake up call she NEEDS.

Veritas & Lola Bunny~ am keeping you both in my thoughts!

Itsa~ hang in there!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
OutFromUnder
♀ Member
Member # 19061
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bob, That B***H! But it's who she is. I surely feel for your kids. My Mom is NPD. Dad, too, but he left. All I can say is thank goodness they have a great dad. The B***H will do herself in for good eventually.

Chriscross, I understand. There are so many times I wanted to tell the SOB off and major. I was near exploding I wanted to do it so bad but then I would think about how much he would actually LOVE to think I could get that worked up over him. Indifference is the only blow we can deal. Please know that you're not alone! We're here for you if you need support.


Posts: 79 | Registered: Apr 2008
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, May 23rd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Out~ I enjoy *gas lighting* my N right back!

BoB~ hugs & hang in there!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 12:10 AM, May 24th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crying for my DS13 tonight.

STBXH NPD selfish asshole (there aren't enough descriptive words) was supposed to take both kids out of town this weekend. It was a huge ordeal where he wouldn't provide me with any details of where they were going, who they were going with, etc. 7 email exchanges and a call to my attorney later, he finally gave me the info that I wanted. Anyway, fast forward to this afternoon when he is supposed to be picking up the kids to leave for the trip. He calls me at work at 3:00 saying, "You need to call and talk to your son." Well, DS has decided that he doesn't want to go. And I'm supposed to fix this? From 20 miles away at work??

I call DS and talk to him about how he really needs to go. He needs to think of his dad's feelings (like he really has any), and that I can't just tell him that he doesn't have to go, etc. I tell DS to be prepared for his dad to come to the house and that he will be mad.

STBX then calls me back. I tell him the gyst of our conversation. Then he says, "Well, if he doesn't go then I'm going to pull that Xbox out of the wall and take it with me. I say, "no". He flies into a rage again about how it's his house and he owns half the stuff in it, yada yada. I tell him that if he takes his DS's Xbox that I will file a police report. He says, "I'm telling you that I'm taking it." I said, "I do not give you permission to do that. I will call the police." He was in full rage mode and headed to my house where DS is alone. I call local police to see if they can go there. They say only if DS calls them. Great. I call attorney's office (closed) and leave a message.

Well, he gets to the house, enters in a rage. Tears into DS verbally. Disconnects the Xbox. DS calls me at work. STBX is in the background yelling, "You tell her what you said to me!" DS doesn't answer fully, and he yells, "You don't have the guts to tell her?!". "You were man enought to say it to me, now you be a man and say it to your mother!". DS finally tells me that he said that his dad is annoying and he doesn't want to spend time with him. He finally storms out of the house.

10 minutes later STBX returns to the house with DD9. STBX calls me saying that DS is not going with him. OK. I ask about him getting DDs things. Then DS is yelling in the backgournd that he is hitting me. Mom, he's grabbing me. STBX then puts DD in the middle by demanding, "Am I hitting him? You tell your mother." Nice. I'm thinking that I'll call the police and have them go out there, and then STBX gets on the phone and demands, "Where did you tell him to hide the Xbox?" WTF? I say, "What are you talking about?" He repeats. I say, "I don't know what you're talking about!" He says (in front of the kids), "I'm tired of this fucking Bull shit!. Where did he hide it?" I say, "You took the Xbox! What are you talking about?" Well, he had apparently left it, and DS had taken it and hidden it STBX was crazy-mad. DS gets on the phone. I ask him if he's ok. Did he want me to send the police? He says that his dad has gone.

I drive home. Talk to DS. Write everything down. This shit just sucks. I am so, so tired of dealing with this freak. The damage he's doing to his kids is huge. He's hellbent on destroying his relationship with them (at least DS). Poor DS, he was so emotionally shaken, and he already has enough psych issues...

Sad, sad.

Tribe, can you hold me up a bit tonight? (((hugs?)))


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7636 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
Ron7127
♂ Member
Member # 10145
Default  Posted: 1:13 AM, May 24th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You need to keep that psycho away from the kids. Try for a TRO and have the kids available for an affadavit. He is nuts and dangerous> What a temper.

Posts: 2273 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Minnesota
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 1:36 AM, May 24th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ron,
Yay! Someone else is up tonight. Psycho is right. My attorney actually called me as I was finishing up that post. Can you believe she called me at 9:30 on a Friday night of a holiday weekend?? She's really great. I hope she's going to be strong when it comes to the nuts and bolts of this. Nuts - ha, I made a funny He's nuts alright.

She said that she'll call me on Tuesday and we'll see about her going "ex partee"(??) to get a TRO. She agrees (finally) that he has got to be kept out of my home and needs the courts to tell him how to behave since he's not listening to his attorneys. She sent a letter about a few weeks back advising his attorneys about his behaviors.

Oh, Ron, this makes me so tired. I was looking forward to a nice weekend to myself, and now I not only do I not have that, but I also get to clean up all the emotional BS that NPD spread all over this place today. And it's no consolation that the raging lunatic F-tard has my DD9 with OW all weekend.

I will spend the weekend loving DS. I'm going to drive to my parents' house tomorrow for some extra support and love for DS too. Why do they do this to our kids?? Why?


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7636 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 3:38 AM, May 24th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

because they are scum, wounded. Your poor son. I am glad that he has you there for him and I think going to your parents is exactly the right thing to do. Try and relax there. Easier said than done, I know.
You will just have to let the law take over in this situation; he should not be coming into your house anymore. You will get through this.

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:04 AM, May 24th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

just (((hugs))) w2
(((((BIG HUGS))))))

Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 6:18 AM, May 24th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wb2,
(((Huge hugs)))

An RO or protection order should give you some peace.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Balancing Act
♀ Member
Member # 19047
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, May 24th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((((hugs for all))))))))

woundedby2 - I am SO, SO sorry for what your NPD asswipe did to those kids! Absolutely get a TRO to keep him away from them. Ex Parte simply means that you and your attorney will communicate with the judge without a representative from the other side of the issue present.

You might also consider supervised visitation - I was petrified while reading your post. I would have been freaking out if something like that had happened to my kids and I was not there to protect them.

I hope that you and the kids are doing better and that you have a very relaxing, quite weekend with your parents.

BOB and Veritas - good luck to you also...

sadtoo: I hear you!!! I was always told that I was "being a princess" or that I was being "too sensitive" and actually he was projecting that crap onto me. I have come to realize that I AM JUST FINE THE WAY I AM...his opinion is of NO value to me on any subject at any time!

Y'all have a good Memorial Day weekend!


Me - BS....living a wonderful new beginning and giving love another chance

Tulsa Area Coffee Buddy


Posts: 2443 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: in the middle, somewhat elevated
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 8:27 AM, May 24th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((W2)))

Oh my fucking stars !!!

TRO. Is the way to go.

He is such an asshole. Bravo for DS for being strong and hiding the XBox. WOW !!! What a man for standing up to the fucktard. He's brave. You've taught him well. (Teach him to dial 911 at any sign of Daddie*Buttfucks shenanigans).

May an ugly stick with the capacitiy to make dinks permantely flaccid and to remove what remaining hair on one's head meet with that motherfucker (SI lingo for complete asshole. LOL.).

He is a dangerous jerk.

Hug DS for all of us also.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, May 24th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((everyone)))

Thanks for all of your kind and supportive words for me and DS.

Itsa and Sadtoo -- Yes, I hope we can get the TRO and that it will actually be effective. Gawd, I never thought this would be my life. Pond scum is what he is...

Balancing and Bob -- Hearing all of these things over the phone and knowing that I could not get there in time to make a difference was so stressful. I was also getting texts from DS saying "Hes hitting me", "Hes grabbing me". Attorney said to take photos of the texts to use in our request. After Dumbass had finally left with DD. I texted him saying "U ok?" His reply was, "IDK (I don't know) Im crying"

I was really surprised that he had hidden that Xbox too. DS was also doing a pretty good job at defending himself against the verbal assaults too. When he made the comments about being a man and not having guts, DS was saying things like, "Oh, so now you're going to insult me?" We've been working hard on this in IC.

Tribe -- having you all here to vent to means so much to me. The craziness of dealing with these freaks really takes a toll on you. DS and the puppy and I will head down to my parents for an overnighter. I hope you all have a pleasant Memorial Day weekend. (((hugs again)))

[This message edited by woundedby2 at 9:26 AM, May 24th (Saturday)]


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7636 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, May 24th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wb2,
While the event is still fresh in your mind, write down each and every detail. If there are marks on your DS or things that he threw around in the house, take photos. Also, save and copy all of the text messsages and emails that were exchanged during this event. You can use all of this when you go to request your RO or protection order. The more details you can provide, the better it will be.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. The more you document now, the better off you will be later. Remember, there is no such thing as too much documentation.

Good luck.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 10:57 AM, May 24th (Saturday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, May 24th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

w2~ do u have a VAR?
Documenting one of the rages IRL to be played back IN COURT would steam any judge up.

(((((huge hugs))))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 12:44 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dream --I don't have a VAR. I would be willing to get one though if it might do some good. Are recordings like this admissable in court? Or is there a privacy issue? I'm supposed to talk to my attorney. I guess I can ask her about this possibility.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7636 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 6:34 AM, May 26th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Radio Shack...has a good VAR I bought for college lectures before...decided one day to use it when XH was raging...the look on his face was Priceless when I waited a few days and played his toxic crap back to him full blast!

I don't think its a violation of "privacy" but do check with your atty to be certain.

I liken it to these "security cameras" strategically placed to keep us safe/secure...& raging is Verbal Abuse!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
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