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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N.P.D. Thread part VI
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, June 6th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WantOut -- your story is frightening. That a medical professional would submit his son to such a torturous "treatment" is sickening. Does your son *look* like a guinea pig?? WTF?! That story just pisses me off.

I am having similar issues with my DS and STBXNPDH. My NPD is more about verbal and emotional abuse, but he does fly into rages where he will manhandle the kids (pushing, shoving, grabbing, raising a closed fist, etc.)

Like you, I realize that the kids need to have some contact with their dad. But he wants them much more often than I and the kids are comfortable with (M-F afterschool and e/o weekend). We have a hearing on the 16th where the court will decide this issue for us. I have offered T/Th evenings and e/o weekend 1 night. I hope the courts will be in my favor with all of the abuse and violence that's been going on, but he does have a good argument that the kids would otherwise be in daycare or home alone after school. I can see the court agreeing that if he is available that the kids should be with him afterschool. Nevermind that for their entire lives daycare has been a perfectly acceptable place for them to be. But now suddenly Wonderdad has been able to alter his work schedule and is there for them??

This is frustrating. I just want to protect the kids from his abuse. I'm not there to shield them from it anymore. I just want to limit the exposure. My STBXH also seems to think that he should have 50/50 custody. Truth be told, he wouldn't have a clue what to do with them for that amount of time. Plus it would really interfere with his quality time with OW.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, June 6th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ron~

My N was sooo VAIN that he got his penis surgically "enhanced" along with 3 hair transplants, mini "lift", nose job, etc.

Must report that the former did NOTHING to help him out in that arena.

He would live on weird anorexic diets then binge out like there was a famine coming.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 6:58 PM, June 6th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wounded I really hope that the courts will see him for what he is and limit exposure to him. They may well if he has shown that he is unable to manage them for longer periods. They did in my case but then mine didn't fight for them all that hard either.

My ex would eat many of the same foods all the time. He would live on lasagnia, spagetti and peanut butter sandwiches. He apparently "could" cook but it was more that he refused to bother to do it. He cooked before he married me and then suddenly forgot how.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 11:34 PM, June 6th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ex is getting remarried tomorrow. I can't get it out of my head. Part of me wants him to have a very bad day.

The kids are not going and we have no heard a thing from him. The little one is busy with his other activities so he won't care and I think the oldest is relieved to not have to attend a "boring" wedding.

I was wishing for rain but the forcast is nice but very hot. Maybe she will overheat and pass out.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 11:45 PM, June 6th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is such an ass, and she is just a dumbass for marrying him. Just think about what a terrific catch you know she's made.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lied2, they do not change and she has inherited your N.

She will never ever be a happy camper with him!

ALL honeymoons end...usually with the first *slap*.

(((((huge hugs)))))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dreamlife he already slapped her 2 years ago in front of my kids. I can only imagine what else has transpired in the last couple of years. You she got some kind of catch, more like a disease.

My little one is having a bad day. He is disrepectful and miserable today. I have sent him to his room for the rest of the afternoon because I can't take it anymore. I hate that he takes his anger out on me all the time. It is really hard to take.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, June 7th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Lied)))

What a miserable day for all of you. Could you take DS and get out of the house? See a movie or something? Maybe get everyone's mind off what probably no one is mentioning?

Your X and his Ho deserve each other. You already know the ending to their story, don't you?

It is his loss that he is destroying what is left of his relationship with his kids. Asshat.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 1:41 AM, June 8th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lied - there is no happy ending for the freak and they both deserve what they get. It is just a shame your kids are the ones to suffer. Could you spoil them a bit today? It must be grotty to know dad is marrying someone who isn't mom. And when you have spoilt them, spoil yourself and raise a glass of wine to yourself. With all of those "congratulations" buzzing around your neck of the woods, I think you deserve a special one for yourself! "Congratulations, Lied, for you are NOT married to a worthless piece of shit. You are a great mom and someone to be admired!".

My kids have decided not to see dad today. The younger dude is following his sister, but when you speak to him, he is also moaning about the fact that dad does nothing with them. I will text the freak. I will be interested to see his reaction. How much of it will be my fault? 100% 101%???

Hugs, folks!


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 6:32 AM, June 8th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fully agree with itsa & wb2!

Bravo to YOU, Lied2!

((((((huge hugs)))))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, June 8th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

itsa, my kids were with STBXH for a Friday overnight, and by Saturday morning at 9:30, I was getting text messages saying that they want to go home. They don't want to stay until 7:00, etc. It's so sad - he really has no idea what to do with them. On Friday night he took them to Disneyland (OW works for Disney and gets people in for free) and on Saturday afternoon he ended up taking them for mini golf. So for him, he's literally Disney Dad. I'm stuck with the homework, bedtime, chores, getting up for school. And you know what -- they still prefer me. And oh, yes, it is my fault. Every bit of it. 100% or 101% definitely. It will always be our fault, won't it? Everything that goes wrong in their lives, no doubt. Our fault. Definitely.

Lied2,
I hope everyone did ok yesterday. Now that this is past, you and the kiddos can take a step forward and move on from this. (((hugs)))


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
WantOut
♀ Member
Member # 13960
Default  Posted: 4:32 PM, June 8th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wx2...I couldn't agree more.

This is frustrating. I just want to protect the kids from his abuse. I'm not there to shield them from it anymore. I just want to limit the exposure. My STBXH also seems to think that he should have 50/50 custody. Truth be told, he wouldn't have a clue what to do with them for that amount of time. Plus it would really interfere with his quality time with OW.

What you've written is exactly how I feel. We go to mediation again tomorrow and I know that his attorney will once again try to muddy the waters of custody and property division. Their goal is to wear me down and let me tell you-it is working. I just don't know how to address my S. Unlike your kids, my S still wants to spend time with his good time dad. Why wouldn't he, he believes the burn on his hand from the "so-called" wart removal is his fault


Posts: 1547 | Registered: Mar 2007
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, June 8th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The poor baby, blaming himself for his father hurting him. That is just wrong.

The kids seem to be ok today. I purged some old letter and stuff from my past and it felt good to be letting go.

((((TRIBE))))

My youngest got a call back from his father and the ex indicated that he is willing to go to the family counceling with the boys (an me I think) The thought of being in the same room as him listen to his lies and how he is such a great father and all I do it prevent him from seeing his kids etc. make me

I don't think I can do it.

I am in a real funk tonight. I hate that he is leaving for his honeymoon tomorrow (we never had one) and I am all alone. It is not fair and I hate this. I hate that it bothers me. I hate it all right now.


ARRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH

[This message edited by lied2 at 9:33 PM, June 8th (Sunday)]


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
WantOut
♀ Member
Member # 13960
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, June 8th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(lied2)

I'm sorry you're in a funk. It is easy to go there-their life appears better-in your case a new life partner for XH -in mine that plus a lot more money. In any event, would you really, truly want to be in his new wife's shoes?

Remember how his lies made you feel?You know you deserve better and sometimes that better is being alone.

Hugs to you tonight.

I know that once I get my D, I will never look back. The OW is welcome to him. (STBXH's OW is his XW from 28 years ago-they were married 6 months when cheating broke them up. STBXH ignored me on our wedding night. Later justified that by stating that he didn't think it was that important since he already had one wedding night )


Posts: 1547 | Registered: Mar 2007
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 11:42 PM, June 8th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Lied)))
Family counseling? Wow, that's a big step for Wonderdad. I think I'd want to be there, probably like you, in order to run interference for the kids. I don't know if all of you together would be the optimal situation. Could he be thinking of he, Ho, and the kids?? "Happy Family" Planning? Do you have an IC? If so, ask for advice on this sitch. Would probably benefit your kids either way - and if he's paying for it, even better.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 12:31 AM, June 9th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lied2, I think you need TIME to heal from this further emotional assault.

My N never took me on any honeymoon either (but he *promised to*)...maybe if I was a MAN...

He blew 50K on a very lavish wedding/honeymoon back in 1991 with his XW. I guess it was very important for "looks" back then...you know, so the whole damned state would KNOW he wasn't a bi/gay man (duping a straight woman whom he lied to about wanting to have children with & never did -- thank God!).

Its normal to be feeling as you do...but keep in mind its all bullshit, he will slap her around again, again, & again...& she will have to live each day with the fucking creep that you happily divorced!

In retrospect, I am very glad we did not go on any "honeymoon". It was like being in the same room or space with him just sucked the very Life/energy/happiness-- right out of me!
Sometimes I could barely breath and I used to wonder WHY...


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 12:38 AM, June 9th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had the most disgusting situation yesterday. He turns up to see the kids, to hear it from them that they don't want to see him. He did not beleive my text message. They both said they did not want to come over and he asked them why. My son said he just wanted a break. The ex said "you want a break from daddy, I'll give your a break from daddy" and he stormed off into his car. DS gets upset as he thinks he will never see daddy again. I look out of the window ten minutes later and he is sitting outside in the car.
I go outside and talk to him for about 15 mins about why the kids don't want to come etc. He says that ds is selfish and wants attention he can't gie her! etc etc.
He said it is my bitterness that is influencing her!! I was quite pleased how I dealt with that one - I laughed and said don't be ridiculous, I havn't wanted you for years". The situation became semi-resolved as the kids decided to go. The ex threatened me with "as long as you live here, I will turn up every sunday and wednesday and wait outside to see the kids, because I am a good dad and i have done nothing wrong" I offered to go back to court and have some family mediation. He did not seem to keen on that idea!!

The kids return and dd tells me he told her that all of this mess is my fault! Of course it is - I didn't expcet anything else. Absolute insanity! I have no way of dealing with this because nothing works.

It reminded me just how much I hate dealing with him. He is beyond help.


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
SCORNED
Member
Member # 6301
Default  Posted: 1:40 AM, June 9th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

itsabattle,

your H is an asshole of epic proportions.
I wish someone would kick his damn ass for you.

It's assholes like him that get it back in spades.As your kids get older they too will FULLY understand what he has done , to both them AND you.
When he winds up old and alone he will have noone to blame but his own selfish ass.

((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))


"The cruelest lies are often told in silence."

Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 12165 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: southwest
Ron7127
♂ Member
Member # 10145
Default  Posted: 1:13 PM, June 9th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How soon after enmeshment did the mask come off? Mine was, actually, the day begore our wedding. I got the first of many silent treatments for something I had no idea was wrong in her mind(it was not wrong). It began to escalate soon thereafter. They are very good at masking during courtship.

Posts: 2273 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Minnesota
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, June 9th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmmmmm........

Itsa,
Can I come to Merry 'Ole England and kick the wankers ass???

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

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