Unfortunalty I had a row with the kids this morning about getting ready for school and I started moaning about how I have to do everything etc etc so that was not the most productive start to the day. I know why I was so grumpy - its because of yesterday's dealings with the loony!! But tonight I feel better and more rational. He is mad and I am not. Nothing more to say really!!
It is so disconcerting to see him and know he has npd. He is so text book but I so didn't see it before. Was I blind???????????????????????
Everything he says is crazy. He did his unsual criticism of things in the house (my oven needs to be raised and he did not like my pink kitchen accessories), his usual critism of my personality and parenting etc.
But it so does not matter because the worst thing in the whole entire universe was sharing the same air as him. It reminded me about how my life was so disgusting when he was here. OW, who goes by the name of man-beast, you are welcome to him. Take him, he's yours!!!
Just think of all the fun you "could" be having.
Oh man the images that brings up
I am so glad to ne have to deal with him.
I just got off the phone with the councelor. We talked about my ex coming to counceling and my concerns about him using the time to attack my parenting and to side step his lack of parenting and abuse of the kids when he does have them. Hopefully she can understand the situation and keep it all under control.
Have you ever wanted someone to not return from a honeymoon? Wouldn't that make both of us widows? Sorry my bad.
The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
itsa, enjoy your pink thingies. I luv my new PINK frying pan.=)
N couldn't give a shit about stuff like that...but he was sooo critical about the manner in which I wrote out a check, etc. (Which was CORRECT -- though just a slightly different variation of Mr. Perfect's way).
Very *exacting* about $ stuffs. And, once he even asked me (insultingly) if I "needed" for him to draw me out a FLOW Chart -- the nerve!
ahhh, fuck him!
Yup, veritas is right.
With the POS gone...Fun is the object of the game!
[This message edited by dreamlife at 10:32 AM, June 11th (Wednesday)]
I don't even know where to start
I had my EDH charged with sexual assault two weeks ago and the conditions that were put on him were no contact, direct or indirect, no coming to my work, or my home. Well he breached all of them the same night he was charged!
Then we had a terrible situation arise, the father of the children my EXDH and I were raising died in a work related accident, so I chose to have contact with EXDH and be empathetic because it really was very very hard and upsetting. The funeral was last Thursday.
Head up to Friday and Saturday EXDH is now wanting to stay at my home, and then he would just leave in the middle of the night. I couldn't say or do anything, let alone text or call anyone because he started watching me like a hawk. Well on Saturday afternoon (late) my g/f called me and invited me out for drinks to her place. I chose to go, and EXDH got pissed at me!! it was like all that had been put in front of him didn't mean anything, and suddenly he was back in my life as my partner/spouse
Then he sent me a text message similar to a suicide note, and I was upset that he would do such a thing, by my therapist said it wasn't suicide it was manipulation and he was punishing me because I went out with my g/f and not tending to HIS needs
So when he texted me on Sunday after his rant and escapade on Saturday I asked my g/f to come with me to the police station to file a complaint that he went against the conditions of the order put before him.
Well hear nothing Monday, then yesterday got inundated with text messages, and I didn't respond, then I had phone calls that I wouldn't answer. I have been staying with my g/f since all this started, and saw my therapist yesterday. With the help of some very very good friends, I am moving away, as much as I don't want to, I have no choice, it is clear he isn't going to leave me alone, and I can't risk what he will do in a rage, especially with the animals, that suddenly he has decided he will "miss" but doesn't want to take responsibility for.
As of lunchtime I had gone back to the police station and the officer who took my case too pictures of the text messages and missed calls, combined with the two visits to my house, he is being charged individually with 40 counts of breach!! she and her sargeant were going to where he was working to pick him up and arrest him. She also said that after they got him charged etc., they with any luck will have him remanded till his court hearing June 25/08, or at least till he can make bail. She told me that she would request a high bail to make it difficult for him.....
I am tied up in legal crap against him and the OW for what is duly my share of my former home, so that is a bit daunting at times. Today I had to go thru all the receipts I had with regards to the home, and I came across a ton of receipts that were clearly hers as her name was on them and she had used a credit card for payment of various items. I did call her, after speaking to the officer first, and let her know I do have the receipts and if she wants them she can let me know.
As for EXDH I haven't heard anything as of yet, but when I do, she said she will apply for an Emergency Protection Order against him.
Tell me something, why do NPD's figure that they are above the law????
Man I am in such a funk. I just want to snap out of it but somehow I can't. It just sucks bad right now. I must be PMSing or something because I just feel totally off. Heck even chocolate didn't help.
Well the police officer called to tell me that they didn't get him because the foreman at his job told EXDH that the cops were looking for him
And because I allowed him to come into my home due to the circumstances I mentioned above, she isn't sure if the charges will stick now
I just hung up with my abuse counsellor and she told me that even if the charges are dropped, that I did what I thought was best for me at the time and it doesn't mean that other charges can't be pressed against him.
(((Lied))) I'm in a bit of a funk myself. We have a hearing on Monday, so I know that's part of it. Also, STBXH NPD has DD again on a trip with OW. DS refused to go this time again.
So, STBXH had the kids on an overnight on Friday to Saturday. DD9 talked for 4 days straight about how mean her dad had been to them and how he had yelled at her and they couldn't do anything right. Anyway, yesterday, he called me at work about why the kids had been bickering the night before. When I told him that DD was very upset about some things that apparently happened between the 2 of them over the weekend, he got all defensive and actually said, "I wasn't yelling at her, and I'm not taking any blame for her being all emotional." WTF? I'm telling him that whatever was said, she is upset with him about it, and he refuses to take any responsibility for it? It just shows the total lack of empathy of the NPD. He further tried to insist that the reason she is being emotional is that she hasn't been with him as much as she's used to this week Oh, yeah, that's it. I just want to whack him upside the head.
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
Wounded - yours sounds a very similar situation to mine. My daughter is striving to have some sort of relationship with the freak and he says she is too demanding!!! After all of the drama on Sunday, he texts me yesterday to say he can't see kids on Wednesday as he has something on! He is coming over today to help paint my dd's bedroom. I don't want him in the house but I will do it as dd so wants to do this with him. He takes advantage of me everytime as I will always try and enable the kids to have a relationship (however shit it is) with him. Because that is what they want.
As parents the freaks take no responsibility for their relationships with their kids. EVERYTHING that goes wrong between him and the kids will be your fault. Nice eh? Good luck Wounded, we all need it when parenting with the freaks.
This is so TRUE. Never, ever forget this. Never ever count on, rely on, put faith in, use them as as a back up or in a pinch or last resort, OR ANYTHING.
It will ALWAYS come back to harm you in some way.
Stung, I am so sorry for everything you are dealing with. You have so much on your plate right now and you did what you thought was best in the circumstances. Go back to NC and keep moving forward.
I know how you're feeling. It's such a contrast of emotion. When my XNPDH moved on, built a new beautiful home, remarried, took a fabulous honeymoon, etc and left me in a heap of debt and destruction I felt completely robbed. Not that I wanted him back. Not at all. It was just that it seemed that she was "getting" what he had promised me. Even though I KNEW it wouldn't last and that he was not treating her right, I just couldn't get past the feeling of being so jilted.
Now I know that the money that has paid for thieir lifestyle is hers. She has spent almost every dime she has every earned. She has spent every dime her grandmother left her all to provide him the lifestyle that he "deserves." He claimed that I had "ripped him off" and he needed time to get back on his feet, so she has been footing the bill for EVERYTHING. She sold her house to help pay for this new huge 5 bedroom home, she has paid his lawyer bills, helped him fight for custody of his OC with OW#1 during our marriage. I've heard she's almost broke.
My point is, things aren't always how they seem. This is especially true in the lives of the NPD. It's all about image. Belive me, I'm sure if you could get a glimpse inside the walls of their lives, things would look MUCH different than they appear from the outside.
Hugs to all.
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
OC born 2001 (I didn't know)
Remarried 2008 (Happy!)
and so so big big ((((((((HUGS)))))))))
Today he was released on $500 bond under the conditions that he have no contact with me, direct or indirect, texting, mail etc. Well what does the #***@ do, he drives by me after I leave the truck that HE asked me to SURRENDER at the police station and I gave him 2 of the 4 dogs.
Snearing at me, and threw out the birthday card that I had given him this past May. I told my g/f on the phone that he was trying to intimidate me because of what I did to him. This was his way of getting the last word So I called the police and reported it, they told me that it is a "grey" area and at present they aren't going to charge him right now, but I am to keep a log,and report to the police if he continues or starts texting etc.again.
But of course he knew that I am to be going out of town for the weekend, and I have no way to get to the airport But for my g/f's daughter she may be able to take me and then I just have to figure out how to get back on Sunday afternoon.
I have been feeling so many bloody emotions, I don't know if I am coming up or going down... is this normal?
What a freak he is!
The emotions - yes it is normal to cycle through them. I think with the NPDs, our stress level remains so high - we are always on the alert for something - that we feel the emotions even more.
I pray that things will settle down for all of us. That some day there will truly be peace in our homes and our lives.
I feel that I will never find anyone to share my life again. I feel older than I should etc etc. He still bothers me in many ways and I fear I shall never find peace from him or within myself. Life with an npd freak sucks.
The last week I have been puring all kinds of old files. This morning I got rid of a whole heap of photos, put some in an album and set some aside for the kids to have one day. I also made the ex a pile that the kids cna give him if he shows for father's day. It was emotionally draining but it feels good to be able to put pieces of the past away for good. I know I am doing alot of healing because even the wedding photos don't bother me (even with them having married less than a week ago). It was like this huge cheer went up. I am winning this battle.
Stung do whatever you have to stay safe. Report him again if you see him. It is likely he won't stop.
((((tribe))))) Hope everyone does something good for themselves today.
I remember getting up from the table and running to my room bawling my face out at the shear notion of his behaviour. The fact that he deliberately took the truck away from me, because he knew it would leave me stranded and in some ways defenceless, which is why I believe he drove by me, to show that he thinks he has the "power".
I have to board a plane tomorrow morning, to return to my home for about 12 days, we are just fine tuning the plans on which type of vehicle to rent etc. Money is ready to be deposited to my account at a moments notice, and yet I feel angry, and upset and scared all at the same time. My neighbour is looking after my two dogs at the moment, along with my two cats.
EXDH is under a curfew, but let's face it, what are the chances he is going to abide by those rules? His hearing is June 25 and it is the preliminary one. I don't know if i need to attend or not, part of me figures "why" I dont' want to see his face or hear his lies, it is bad enough I have to do that in court against him.
Emotionally I am up and down, crying than angry, sorrow and grief to frustration like no other. I will be looking into a battered support services group once I get myself settled in my new home with my friends, but like everything else things will all take time.
Hi to everyone, sorry for making this all about me.
It can be all about you tonight, ok? I'm here with you.
What an asshat you're dealing with. Control freak for sure.
I'm glad you've had the support of your friends this weekend. You will make it through the next couple of weeks and things will be looking up for you. Change is always stressful, that is why you are feeling so many different emotions. You will be ok, Stung.