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User Topic: N.P.D. Thread part VI
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 4:22 PM, June 9th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please do Bob - he would run a mile as well!
You know how it is - I have spent the whole day wondering if I am bitter!! They are so great at putting a seed of doubt in your mind arn't they! I have decided I'm not bitter, just mentally unbalanced for having married that nutter in the first place!!

Unfortunalty I had a row with the kids this morning about getting ready for school and I started moaning about how I have to do everything etc etc so that was not the most productive start to the day. I know why I was so grumpy - its because of yesterday's dealings with the loony!! But tonight I feel better and more rational. He is mad and I am not. Nothing more to say really!!

It is so disconcerting to see him and know he has npd. He is so text book but I so didn't see it before. Was I blind???????????????????????
Everything he says is crazy. He did his unsual criticism of things in the house (my oven needs to be raised and he did not like my pink kitchen accessories), his usual critism of my personality and parenting etc.
But it so does not matter because the worst thing in the whole entire universe was sharing the same air as him. It reminded me about how my life was so disgusting when he was here. OW, who goes by the name of man-beast, you are welcome to him. Take him, he's yours!!!


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, June 10th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((tribe))) Itsa, I just get tired reading your posts. So your NPD is criticizing everything, eh? Just remember that even though you have to do it alone, at least you don't have to do it with him standing over your shoulder, telling you that everything you're doing is wrong, that you should be doing X, Y, and Z, and you're just a flaming idiot for not doing or using A, B, and C. Just think of all the fun you "could" be having.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, June 11th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just think of all the fun you "could" be having.

Oh man the images that brings up

I am so glad to ne have to deal with him.

I just got off the phone with the councelor. We talked about my ex coming to counceling and my concerns about him using the time to attack my parenting and to side step his lack of parenting and abuse of the kids when he does have them. Hopefully she can understand the situation and keep it all under control.

Have you ever wanted someone to not return from a honeymoon? Wouldn't that make both of us widows? Sorry my bad.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 10:26 AM, June 11th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But, of course, lied2! In fact, I had a DREAM about this very thing last night!

itsa, enjoy your pink thingies. I luv my new PINK frying pan.=)

N couldn't give a shit about stuff like that...but he was sooo critical about the manner in which I wrote out a check, etc. (Which was CORRECT -- though just a slightly different variation of Mr. Perfect's way).
Very *exacting* about $ stuffs. And, once he even asked me (insultingly) if I "needed" for him to draw me out a FLOW Chart -- the nerve!
ahhh, fuck him!

Yup, veritas is right.
With the POS gone...Fun is the object of the game!

[This message edited by dreamlife at 10:32 AM, June 11th (Wednesday)]


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 10:48 AM, June 11th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((lied2))) I went to exactly one counseling session with numbnuts. He lied the entire time; I got tired of correcting him. Whenever we have to attend meetings/appointments together, I keep my mouth shut because he attacks or contradicts everything I say. And he claims to like me! I can only imagine what post-divorce counseling will be like. The counselor in our case sucked up to him as he is in obvious need of counseling. That's I would not ever attend a counseling session with him again.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
StungAgain
♀ Member
Member # 13283
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, June 11th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((tribe)) it has been ages I know, and I have wanted to post many many times, and I am finally going to!

I don't even know where to start

I had my EDH charged with sexual assault two weeks ago and the conditions that were put on him were no contact, direct or indirect, no coming to my work, or my home. Well he breached all of them the same night he was charged!

Then we had a terrible situation arise, the father of the children my EXDH and I were raising died in a work related accident, so I chose to have contact with EXDH and be empathetic because it really was very very hard and upsetting. The funeral was last Thursday.

Head up to Friday and Saturday EXDH is now wanting to stay at my home, and then he would just leave in the middle of the night. I couldn't say or do anything, let alone text or call anyone because he started watching me like a hawk. Well on Saturday afternoon (late) my g/f called me and invited me out for drinks to her place. I chose to go, and EXDH got pissed at me!! it was like all that had been put in front of him didn't mean anything, and suddenly he was back in my life as my partner/spouse

Then he sent me a text message similar to a suicide note, and I was upset that he would do such a thing, by my therapist said it wasn't suicide it was manipulation and he was punishing me because I went out with my g/f and not tending to HIS needs

So when he texted me on Sunday after his rant and escapade on Saturday I asked my g/f to come with me to the police station to file a complaint that he went against the conditions of the order put before him.

Well hear nothing Monday, then yesterday got inundated with text messages, and I didn't respond, then I had phone calls that I wouldn't answer. I have been staying with my g/f since all this started, and saw my therapist yesterday. With the help of some very very good friends, I am moving away, as much as I don't want to, I have no choice, it is clear he isn't going to leave me alone, and I can't risk what he will do in a rage, especially with the animals, that suddenly he has decided he will "miss" but doesn't want to take responsibility for.

As of lunchtime I had gone back to the police station and the officer who took my case too pictures of the text messages and missed calls, combined with the two visits to my house, he is being charged individually with 40 counts of breach!! she and her sargeant were going to where he was working to pick him up and arrest him. She also said that after they got him charged etc., they with any luck will have him remanded till his court hearing June 25/08, or at least till he can make bail. She told me that she would request a high bail to make it difficult for him.....

I am tied up in legal crap against him and the OW for what is duly my share of my former home, so that is a bit daunting at times. Today I had to go thru all the receipts I had with regards to the home, and I came across a ton of receipts that were clearly hers as her name was on them and she had used a credit card for payment of various items. I did call her, after speaking to the officer first, and let her know I do have the receipts and if she wants them she can let me know.

As for EXDH I haven't heard anything as of yet, but when I do, she said she will apply for an Emergency Protection Order against him.

Tell me something, why do NPD's figure that they are above the law????


BS 41 (me)
H 42
'GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS...
YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,
BUT YOU KNOW THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE.'

Posts: 822 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: British Columbia,Canada
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 4:20 PM, June 11th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

StungAgain They think they are above the law because in their delusional minds they are gods. Why would they have to follow the same rules as us measly humans?

Man I am in such a funk. I just want to snap out of it but somehow I can't. It just sucks bad right now. I must be PMSing or something because I just feel totally off. Heck even chocolate didn't help.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
StungAgain
♀ Member
Member # 13283
Default  Posted: 4:30 PM, June 11th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((lied)) I hate it when I am pms'ing and the usual tactics don't work.

Well the police officer called to tell me that they didn't get him because the foreman at his job told EXDH that the cops were looking for him

And because I allowed him to come into my home due to the circumstances I mentioned above, she isn't sure if the charges will stick now

I just hung up with my abuse counsellor and she told me that even if the charges are dropped, that I did what I thought was best for me at the time and it doesn't mean that other charges can't be pressed against him.


BS 41 (me)
H 42
'GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS...
YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,
BUT YOU KNOW THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE.'

Posts: 822 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: British Columbia,Canada
marymom
♀ Member
Member # 15948
Default  Posted: 7:55 PM, June 11th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((stung)) just hugs


Husband walked out on me and the kids with my BF 6/04. NC with me and the kids. They broke up 9/07. Filed for D 9/04. Still not done. Back together with her 10/7. Living in her Dad's basement apt.

Posts: 156 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: NW PA
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, June 11th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((stung))) Stay strong.

(((Lied))) I'm in a bit of a funk myself. We have a hearing on Monday, so I know that's part of it. Also, STBXH NPD has DD again on a trip with OW. DS refused to go this time again.

(((everyone)))

So, STBXH had the kids on an overnight on Friday to Saturday. DD9 talked for 4 days straight about how mean her dad had been to them and how he had yelled at her and they couldn't do anything right. Anyway, yesterday, he called me at work about why the kids had been bickering the night before. When I told him that DD was very upset about some things that apparently happened between the 2 of them over the weekend, he got all defensive and actually said, "I wasn't yelling at her, and I'm not taking any blame for her being all emotional." WTF? I'm telling him that whatever was said, she is upset with him about it, and he refuses to take any responsibility for it? It just shows the total lack of empathy of the NPD. He further tried to insist that the reason she is being emotional is that she hasn't been with him as much as she's used to this week Oh, yeah, that's it. I just want to whack him upside the head.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 12:24 AM, June 12th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stung - yeah, you sure have a lot on your plate at the moment! Just keep doing what you are doing...the law will do what it can. I agree with your counsellor, you did what was right at the time. The thing is, when you are normal i.e. not npd freaks, you react in emphatic, normal ways. You must remember that this will always be taken advantage of by the freaks! That is why you can never "win" against them because they use your good points against you. This even sounds mental as I am writing it!! How can someone's good points be used against them? Anyone of us on her has experience of that!! Play by your own rules now; not his. Follow the law to the letter and follow your counsellor's advice. You will get there!

Wounded - yours sounds a very similar situation to mine. My daughter is striving to have some sort of relationship with the freak and he says she is too demanding!!! After all of the drama on Sunday, he texts me yesterday to say he can't see kids on Wednesday as he has something on! He is coming over today to help paint my dd's bedroom. I don't want him in the house but I will do it as dd so wants to do this with him. He takes advantage of me everytime as I will always try and enable the kids to have a relationship (however shit it is) with him. Because that is what they want.
As parents the freaks take no responsibility for their relationships with their kids. EVERYTHING that goes wrong between him and the kids will be your fault. Nice eh? Good luck Wounded, we all need it when parenting with the freaks.


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, June 12th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The thing is, when you are normal i.e. not npd freaks, you react in emphatic, normal ways. You must remember that this will always be taken advantage of by the freaks!

This is so TRUE. Never, ever forget this. Never ever count on, rely on, put faith in, use them as as a back up or in a pinch or last resort, OR ANYTHING.

It will ALWAYS come back to harm you in some way.

Stung, I am so sorry for everything you are dealing with. You have so much on your plate right now and you did what you thought was best in the circumstances. Go back to NC and keep moving forward.

Lied2,
I know how you're feeling. It's such a contrast of emotion. When my XNPDH moved on, built a new beautiful home, remarried, took a fabulous honeymoon, etc and left me in a heap of debt and destruction I felt completely robbed. Not that I wanted him back. Not at all. It was just that it seemed that she was "getting" what he had promised me. Even though I KNEW it wouldn't last and that he was not treating her right, I just couldn't get past the feeling of being so jilted.

Now I know that the money that has paid for thieir lifestyle is hers. She has spent almost every dime she has every earned. She has spent every dime her grandmother left her all to provide him the lifestyle that he "deserves." He claimed that I had "ripped him off" and he needed time to get back on his feet, so she has been footing the bill for EVERYTHING. She sold her house to help pay for this new huge 5 bedroom home, she has paid his lawyer bills, helped him fight for custody of his OC with OW#1 during our marriage. I've heard she's almost broke.

My point is, things aren't always how they seem. This is especially true in the lives of the NPD. It's all about image. Belive me, I'm sure if you could get a glimpse inside the walls of their lives, things would look MUCH different than they appear from the outside.

Hugs to all.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, June 12th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((stung))))
dammit
(((tribe)))
If there was ever one whose goodness was used against them
dawns on me
now we share it.
This makes us heirs of greater things.
Yet for this time and this place and this now, the strength prayed for you comes.
And with it peace.
I believe it.
because i see it.
because he promised it.
I heard the thing that comes by hearing
PEACE!
STRENGTH!

and so so big big ((((((((HUGS)))))))))


Posts: 6021 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
StungAgain
♀ Member
Member # 13283
Default  Posted: 11:22 PM, June 12th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone for understanding....

Today he was released on $500 bond under the conditions that he have no contact with me, direct or indirect, texting, mail etc. Well what does the #***@ do, he drives by me after I leave the truck that HE asked me to SURRENDER at the police station and I gave him 2 of the 4 dogs.

Snearing at me, and threw out the birthday card that I had given him this past May. I told my g/f on the phone that he was trying to intimidate me because of what I did to him. This was his way of getting the last word So I called the police and reported it, they told me that it is a "grey" area and at present they aren't going to charge him right now, but I am to keep a log,and report to the police if he continues or starts texting etc.again.

But of course he knew that I am to be going out of town for the weekend, and I have no way to get to the airport But for my g/f's daughter she may be able to take me and then I just have to figure out how to get back on Sunday afternoon.

I have been feeling so many bloody emotions, I don't know if I am coming up or going down... is this normal?


BS 41 (me)
H 42
'GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS...
YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,
BUT YOU KNOW THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE.'

Posts: 822 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: British Columbia,Canada
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, June 13th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stung--

What a freak he is!

The emotions - yes it is normal to cycle through them. I think with the NPDs, our stress level remains so high - we are always on the alert for something - that we feel the emotions even more.

I pray that things will settle down for all of us. That some day there will truly be peace in our homes and our lives.

((((tribe)))


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, June 13th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I truely hope we all find peace as well. I have been divorced for six months, he left eighteen months ago and we separated within the house, twelve months prior to that. We lived separate lives for years before.

I feel that I will never find anyone to share my life again. I feel older than I should etc etc. He still bothers me in many ways and I fear I shall never find peace from him or within myself. Life with an npd freak sucks.


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, June 13th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Itsabattle you will not be alone. You are too wonderful for that. You do need time to heal. I am feeling alot of the same things and I am slowly making progress forward.

The last week I have been puring all kinds of old files. This morning I got rid of a whole heap of photos, put some in an album and set some aside for the kids to have one day. I also made the ex a pile that the kids cna give him if he shows for father's day. It was emotionally draining but it feels good to be able to put pieces of the past away for good. I know I am doing alot of healing because even the wedding photos don't bother me (even with them having married less than a week ago). It was like this huge cheer went up. I am winning this battle.

Stung do whatever you have to stay safe. Report him again if you see him. It is likely he won't stop.

((((tribe))))) Hope everyone does something good for themselves today.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
StungAgain
♀ Member
Member # 13283
Default  Posted: 12:47 AM, June 15th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know I am here out of town with friends who would do anything for me. We were sitting here on the computer going over the distance between where my home is and where I need to go during the daily grinds of life. I have no vehicle now, no bus that is out my way, no bike to ride, and the obvious is to walk and we are looking at least 45 mins one way!

I remember getting up from the table and running to my room bawling my face out at the shear notion of his behaviour. The fact that he deliberately took the truck away from me, because he knew it would leave me stranded and in some ways defenceless, which is why I believe he drove by me, to show that he thinks he has the "power".

I have to board a plane tomorrow morning, to return to my home for about 12 days, we are just fine tuning the plans on which type of vehicle to rent etc. Money is ready to be deposited to my account at a moments notice, and yet I feel angry, and upset and scared all at the same time. My neighbour is looking after my two dogs at the moment, along with my two cats.

EXDH is under a curfew, but let's face it, what are the chances he is going to abide by those rules? His hearing is June 25 and it is the preliminary one. I don't know if i need to attend or not, part of me figures "why" I dont' want to see his face or hear his lies, it is bad enough I have to do that in court against him.

Emotionally I am up and down, crying than angry, sorrow and grief to frustration like no other. I will be looking into a battered support services group once I get myself settled in my new home with my friends, but like everything else things will all take time.

Hi to everyone, sorry for making this all about me.


BS 41 (me)
H 42
'GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS...
YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,
BUT YOU KNOW THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE.'

Posts: 822 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: British Columbia,Canada
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 1:13 AM, June 15th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Stung))))

It can be all about you tonight, ok? I'm here with you.

What an asshat you're dealing with. Control freak for sure.

I'm glad you've had the support of your friends this weekend. You will make it through the next couple of weeks and things will be looking up for you. Change is always stressful, that is why you are feeling so many different emotions. You will be ok, Stung.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, June 15th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Stung))))


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
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