Do we get to be "adjusted" post-gorge?
I know it's hard for us to understand why they can't learn and be responsible and get it together. But here is how I think of it. To wonder about that is like wondering why a person with a crushed leg can't walk. His brain is simply not capable of it. Once we realize they just don't have the ability, we can let it go. That's when we really understand that it's not about us.
In a way, it's not really even about them but about defective merchandise. And that's when you come around to genuinely pitying them; nothing more.
I say, "Return to Sender. Merchandise Defective."
Hey jjct, can I go to the beach too? I love the beach as I am land locked.
He say I am manipulating him( what do you think you are doing to me.)I won't actually keep anything, but I will scare the crap out of him.
Met when we were 17 and 15. Together since 1983, married since 1985. Two kids, B21, G15.
Life has a way of making us get our panties in a wad.....I refuse to wear panties ever again.
scared&stronger My ex pulled crap like that all the time. It drove me nuts. I found out at one point that he had "invested" over $10,000 in shares in his investment account and they basically lost alot of money and we lost most of it because he made some horrible choices thinking he was some kind of investment guru. I'll never know all of the money he blew on different things. I am just so happy to know that I have control of my finances now and don't have to worry about someone else's sneakiness.
The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
Beach, did someone say Beach? I will take a Rye, tequila, and some beer with me, anyone in?
Well on another saga note, I have learned from a trusted source that XH is in jail til the 9th of July!
Guess the judge he had, was a hard ass!!
Anyways my real concern is the other two dogs that I left behind. My friends who I am staying with are trying to assure me that they will be in good hands, but it is so very hard to think that way when I have 4 of the 6 pets already, and I left the other two behind because I thought they would be "better off" with him, because he always took them anywhere and everywhere he went. Now I am regretting that.
I did go thru with the grooming of my dogs and they look soo good! As for me, I am now a sassy redhead :D.
I may have to wait a week til I can get into a new therapist, but that isn't as bad or as long as I thought it would be, considering I have had to wait much longer in the past.
As for information being out on me, I am very guarded about that. Although I suspect that XH has gotten the phone numbers of where I am, and not thru anyone else. One night he was at what was once our place, and I had fallen asleep and when I awoke I saw that I had several text messages from friends, and all but one was left unread. That tells me that he read them, and then looked up their phone number under my contact list.
Thank you all for your support, you will my two very good friends where I am living I don't know what I would do without you all. I know I am having a hard time on the emotional rollercoaster I call hell, and there is some misplaced guilt, I am hoping in time that it will get better.
Count me in for the beach trip...I really do need some clean fresh air w/ a salty tang! Or else I'll be wearin' that Elizabethan collar!
jj~ maggots cleaned out my dog's elbow before...hope she's better soon.
Today my elder collie Rizzo is having a tough day walking wise, I know it is his age, he is only 8, but he has a hip that likes to remind him of his age, but if I were to show him a ball, he would forget and think he was 2!
Today I am feeling rather reflective, wondering what XH must be doing in jail. Most of me says he will be pissed off blaming me for it all anyways.... too bad he can't get beyond his own words and realize he did this to himself.
Ah, yes, a beach barbeque sounds fantastic! Although it's kinda foggy chilly this morning in coastal SoCal. Maybe nicer on the Gulf.
Stung - Oh, poor, poor him. That's too bad about him being in jail and all. Maybe he'll meet a real nice fellow in there, and they'll become real close friends. Or does that only happen in prison?
You all are brave grooming your own doggies. I have a puppy now, and I can't even clip his nails. I did give him a bath, but there is no way I could clip him! He's way too wiggly.
I'm trying my best to be as much NC as possible with my NPD. I initiate no contact other than via email - and only about the kids. He still insists on calling me at work. Always works things into an argument or blaming or belittling. If he is pleasant - he's up to something. I'm sorry to hear that some of our Tribe members are "in hiding". These people we are dealing with are pieces of work, arent' they?
Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson
He tried to pretend that I am a controlling bitch and I am doing everything to prevent him from seeing the kids. Of course he also made it sounds like I have always been this way. (not true I was always too accomodating and now that I will no longer bend at his abuse he can't take it). When he couldn't get his way he stormed out. We all expected as much. I'm glad it is over.
I figure eventually he will give in. He thinks that when the oldest turns 16 DS can do whatever he want. I have custody until DS is 18 or until he asks the courts to be declared an adult earlier than that. The courts would hear his wishes on where he lives at 16 but he doesn't get free rule of his life and to go anywhere he wants at 16. Not if he is living in my house, I won't allow that when I am legally responsible for him. Not happening.
I am sad for the kids because he clearly values the phone number more than he values the children. I feel like such an evil person because I am not giving into his stupidity. I just can't do it because I don't think it is in the best interest of the children. It puts me in too much liability.
The Doctor makes me a bit angry because he keeps saying that the children need a man in their life. I have no control over the choices their father make
Although it is true that children need a man in their life, it's too bad their father is just an overgrown boy himself. I wouldn't take what the Doctor said too personal.
Why on earth is this telephone number so friggin' important? Why doesn't he want you to be able to get in touch with your children (that you have legal custody of) while they are at his home. You are not asking for anything unreasonable.
I would be suspicious that he is up to something. There is absolutely no reason for him not to give you that number.
He's just plain nuts. You've done all you can to make this work. Unfortunately, you're not going to be able to reason with him. It seems it's his way or the highway. He showed that by stomping out.
When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
OC born 2001
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)
I'm winning the damn lottery soon, and taking you ALL to the beach for a vacation.
JJ,I'm holding you to that promise.
I need some serious beach time.
Just to lay there and listen to the waves crashing on the shore and hear the seagulls screeching while enjoying the peace and beauty of nature in all her serene or stormy beauty.
It restores something in my soul to see nature do her stuff.
There isn't anything like a good thunderstorm with lightning crackling all around and tremendous rolls of thunder to invigorate one's outlook on life.
stung, glad you're safely away. hopefully POS develops a wonderfully close relationship with manybubbas during his stay at the greybar hotel. you ever touch base with the landlady?
& w2, uh uh! I haven't progressed to the nail-clipping competence level yet! I'll be getting a pool next tues - should be loads of wetstinky fun-
that didn't come out right.
Aye. It's been awhile for a BoB Report...
The kids now have a nanny. I've been promoted to a software management position at the school I teach at. STBXPDW, is still the Creature that she's been (Thanks for the term LL).
The Nanny is, ummm ......... my girlie friend also. She has a DS3. The kids love her and the way things have been working out.......
.... But now my DDs are being dorkifiers concerning the Nanny.
Ladies, maybe you could help me out with this whole Daddie+Nanny thing. It would seem that there maybe a "jealousy" thing going on between DDs and Nanny. The kids seem to be a bit bent out of shape as the Nanny and I spend a lot of time together. What do you think? Nanny is here about 4 days out of the week. It's been great to have someone to talk to and she's been awesome helping around the house and taking care of DDs. She's a cutie pie too !!! But, DDs are now complaining that I don't spend enough time with them. Funny, as were still all here at home. Hmmmmmm.... Nanny kinda feels that the DDs are pretty manipulative towards me. LOL. Maybe STBXPDW has taught them well !!! I'd had one of the DDs teachers warn me of the same thing also. Come to think of it, LOL, a principal and a counselor said to watch out for the manipulation thing too. Interesting. I guess another challenge to be met.
Still, no paperwork, taxes, etc. being taken care of on STBXPDW's side of the fence. I've talked to her three times a few weeks ago concerning DDs. That would be the first time I've talked to her since July. Rumors are that she is the town bike and a lot of coke and booze and boys. It's too bad for DDs. I hope these tales don't make it back to them.
A family friend of STBXPDW and her family, has been in contact with me again. That's nice. I'd not contacted her since DDs and I left in July as I did not want to cause any problems. She let me know quite a bit that she new from STBXPDW's family. It's not pretty. A lot of bad stuff happening with those folks. It's sad. It would seem that there attitudes on life are catching up to them.
Well, that's the report for now. Things are good.