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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N.P.D. Thread part VI
Heartless Bytchh
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Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WB2, that was so funny! Thanks for the laugh!


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
OutFromUnder
♀ Member
Member # 19061
Default  Posted: 8:14 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Heartless, I believe it. Mine seemed proud of being a bully which I always thought was so strange. When I'd complain about behavior, he'd always proudly say, "It's who I am."

That also reminds me. Did anyone have the NPD tell them you were taking them away from everything they loved? All while trying to get them to get off their butt and do something--anything--old hobbies whatever.

Wounded, loved inner asshole as well!


Posts: 79 | Registered: Apr 2008
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 8:40 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine had a similar line to yours.
His was :"I'm a man, what can I say?"
Or I'm an asshole,and proud of it."
I've done a lot of thinking about the asshole line over the last 2 yrs and I've come to the conclusion that it's pretty pathetic to aspire to be an asshole.
I think that would be something you'd try to improve yourself on.
But then what do I know?
According to him, I don't know anything because I'm a woman.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
Ron7127
♂ Member
Member # 10145
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MY ex is also a bigoted racist(redundant, I know). And she screwed her soccer coach in Highscool. Yet, she threatened to put our daughters out on the street if they ever became pregnant. Wtf? She had affairs with at least two married guys when she was in college.
My family hated her, as she made some racist remarks when she visited them with me. And, she could never take the balme for anything. When her car was stolen after she repeatedly left her keys in it, she tried to bakme it on my son, her stepson. She also accused him of trying to fondle her while she slept. The kid was 8 at the time.
I just hate that woman with every fiber in my body.

Posts: 2273 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Minnesota
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ron,
I hate her too.

-wounded


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ron - she is disgusting to say that about your son. What a bitch.
Their distorted sense of reality is quite amazing to comprehend.
I remember my ex-husband said something about a woman having a nice butt. I felt quite annoyed especially as he looked at me when he said it as if to say "you havn't". I could fill a page of the insults he used to make about me. - my hair, my weight etc - you would think I was the biggest moose on the planet. I had really let myself go!! On my bad days I still believe it but that does not happen as much now.
He still says things to the kids about my appearance though.
Every day is a blessing without him!

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 11:53 PM, July 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ron, I'm glad you got her out of your life.
Your poor son! OMG! Is he ok now?


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 12:02 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Every day is a blessing without him!

It sure is.

Mine woudl intentionally mess up repairs. The one time he "repaired" the downspout by taping it together with red tape that later couldn't be removed so I have to replace 2 1/2 stories of downspout to repair it properly. When he moved out every single room in the house was ripped apart. I am slowly getting it done and it has take me almost 5 years and there is still more to do.

I think unless they get praised and get something out of it they are lazy slobs. Mine is atleast. Unless he gets supply he would do nothing.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
Ron7127
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Member # 10145
Default  Posted: 12:52 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for hating her. He is okay and happy to be away from her toxin. I've apologized to him for subjecting him to her so long and he forgave me. He is a great kid. She made a big mistake coming between my son and me. Now, she's alone and has no family support. The OM lasted about 3years and then she kicked hin out for not doing enough for her. My sons are safe from her, now.

Posts: 2273 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Minnesota
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i finally posted on G.
trying to figure me out...

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=243584


Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
OutFromUnder
♀ Member
Member # 19061
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, July 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ron, you really got a bad one. Sometimes I think the women NPD's are worse than the men. They almost always seem to be the somatic types and they think everyone wants them desperately. Sick. Thank goodness she's gone. It sounds like she was so far out there that it wouldn't take other people long to realize who the real loser is. You must be a saint.

Lied2, I know mine intentionally messed up repairs and installations as well. I too have lots of things to get fixed yet. People cannot believe they do things like that but they do.


Posts: 79 | Registered: Apr 2008
itsabattle
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Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 12:52 AM, July 10th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The DIY thing is what is currently driving me mad. Until I have had the whole house re-done and anything he touched corrected, I will always be reminded of him.
No child maintainance again this morning! Anyone surprised? I wonder what I did this month that needed punishing! Exist?

I went to a new counsellor yesterday - it was through my docotor and it was the lady I saw three years ago when I had found out about his affair. This was the lady who said that he was emotionally abusive towards me. It was good to see her and tell her what I had acheived over the past eighteen months. I talked about what I still feel insecure about etc.
She gave me a good piece of advice that you all might find useful. She said sometimes it is good to look back on the past and think about why we let things happen, why we didn't leave etc because it can serve to remind us about how far we have come. She is right- I have come a long way since he was living here, messing with my mind. She also agreed that he was trying to kill me by getting me to kill myself. That is the most disgusting thing of all. To accept that is difficult.
She made me face up to the fact that in his eyes, I was disposable and meaningless, hence his treatment of me. We also talked about how during the ten year relationship I enalbled him to behave like he did. It was a tough session but very useful. I wonder if I will be in therapy forever!


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
Heartless Bytchh
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Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 5:28 AM, July 10th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

itsa, I think I've come a long way in the last couple of years.
I know I still have a ways to go.
And there'll always be some scar tissue considering how long I was M.
But that's ok for me now.
I've survived so far, I'll do it awhile longer.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
Nicole5
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Member # 17794
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, July 10th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If it's okay with y'all I am going to hang out here with you for awhile.

I joined SI in January having come from another, less active, "si-type" board, but there are sooo many choices here at SI!

I am making myself dizzy trying to figure out where I just posted, where I "belong" (really too many forums!lol), and where I might be most helpful.

My "resume" includes a long term marriage worthy of Cinderella until I discovered Prince Charming had a few problems. (infidelity, as it turns out, may have been the least of the problem/s BUT it was the very thing that blew his cover!)

I have to run to work, but will try and remember how I got here, so I can check in from time-to-time!

Nic


divorced my WH on Nov 4, 2011
(see my profile for "the story")


Posts: 338 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: TX
Balancing Act
♀ Member
Member # 19047
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, July 10th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good Thursday morning to you all!

I guess I should try to vent it all out here on SI, but I find that the "conversations in my head" just won't come OUT

It's all just too, too much..it's such TRIVIA...it's my NPD trying to take advantage of me and my wondering if it's easier to just do what he wants/needs from me in an attempt to be amicable and have this whole mess over with faster - OR - hold firm...maintain my boundaries, be thought a bitch and make my life harder than it has to be.

There are so many little issues that need to be addressed, but I am trying to figure out what is in my best interest and what is the correct strategy.

I don't know if I need to talk to my lawyer or a therapist. The therapist would cost less, but the lawyer could actually DO something about it all...

I'm so fucked up over all this and I am trying to maintain indifference to him, but the conversations in my head take over and I end up in a twist with rage and ranting and it's all inside me!! I have to get it out somehow, but it just seems so futile.

My solution is to go get a good book that has nothing to do with divorce or NPD and lay out by the pool all day and just let the day go. but there will be another one tomorrow with no progress.

I think this is the plane of lethal flatness...limbo...

Me, wanting to take action, to make things happen, to move forward and being too afraid of making the wrong move and screwing my life up even more.

I need clarity...I need focus...I don't know how to get there...

Thanks for being here...for letting me just ramble...


Me - BS....living a wonderful new beginning and giving love another chance

Tulsa Area Coffee Buddy


Posts: 2443 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: in the middle, somewhat elevated
Heartless Bytchh
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Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, July 10th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nicole, I'm glad you found this thread.
You'll have to share some of your stories with us.
Please tell us some more of this code.

Tribe,stbx called me for advice a couple nights ago.
He wants to go back to his old job where they were starving him out.
He's been getting decent miles w/ this co.

I was very noncommital when he asked my advice.I wanted so bad to ask him what OW's thought he should do.

But I took the high road and didn't poke the bear.
He's going to call me back again and discuss it more.

I don't care anymore who or what he does.
It's not my problem.

How do I get the message across to him to not ask me for anything without sending him into a rage or a "poor pity me" fit?

BA, I've been thinking about you.
Wondering how you've been doing.
I see what you posted about the "conversations in your head".
It sounds like you're just all over the place.
There's nothing wrong with that.
Just realize it's what I call "disjointedness".

Try typing it all out either here on the boards if you want input or in the journal feature available here.
It's in your profile.
You can make it public or private.
It's a great feature and I love it.

It's not futile to want to get it all out.
It's a way of healing and purging.


(((Tribe)))


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, the projects around the house - left half-finished, poorly done, not done. Small problems ignored until they became big problems - roof leaks, plumbing problems, algae in the pool, etc.

Anyone else with a "project car" rusting away on their property? I have a '57 chevy station wagon in my backyard that STBXH drove back from Missouri 7 years ago. Now it's got flat tires and doesn't run at all. He was going to fix it up...


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let's see... he put two holes in the wall... they were patched up a year later, still not painted...

There's a big clump of dirt that he hauled in the back yard... about 2 ft high by 3 ft wide by 8 ft long... it's growing grass and weeds... he was supposed to make a dais for chairs and a table on it... now he wants a shed out there instead...
the ice maker in the freezer is still broken (all it needs is to fix the hole in the tubing) because he wants to connect a water main at the sink before he does this... the front door is locked but it doesn't unlock... we locked it into that position when it would just swing open... his toilet is overgrown with something, i don't know what... both toilets need to be bolted down...
*there's oh, so much more but so little time*


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
sunlil
♀ Member
Member # 6312
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was a poster in the Emotionally Unavailable partners thread for awhile but for some reason I started reading the NPD threads today.

I haven't made it through all of them but I'm crying now because so much of what I've read hits home.

I don't want it to, I don't want to see these things in my H.

I've been telling myself (and everyone else) we're reconciling and our marriage is a work in progress. I've been focusing only on spinning things in a positive light.

I've been working really hard at denying the truth and I think I need to be honest with myself, finally.

I'm not happy in this marriage and it's really not about the A at all.

It's about how I've spent years trying to get him to hear me and never ever being heard.

It's about the eye-rolling, blame-shifting, invalidation, gaslighting, crazy-making crushing of my spirit.

I'm just floored right now.


Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced. - Lucille Ball

Posts: 2518 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Central Nevada
Nicole5
♀ Member
Member # 17794
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, July 10th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

{{sunlil}} Welcome! I just claimed this as home as well.

I am, however, not a newbie to the world of the self-absorbed.

I hope you find peace here. These are some of the most compassionate people I have ever *met*. (of course they are, narcissists choose only the best!)


divorced my WH on Nov 4, 2011
(see my profile for "the story")


Posts: 338 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: TX
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