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User Topic: N.P.D. Thread part VI
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 12:34 AM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry he's ignoring you.
I like it when mine is ignoring me any more.
It's just more peace and quiet for me.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
Marcia
Member
Member # 6503
Default  Posted: 12:43 AM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

something that would piss him off, he's shut down communication with me. When he's mad at me, I get ignored, the cold shoulder, shut out, etc.

Yep, BTDT. It's called manipulation. They can't get their way any other way, so they try hostility and dismissal. An NPD characteristic, btw. Spoiled child refuses to engage if every little thing doesn't go his way


WHEN DID THE RULES CHANGE?
How did I miss the memo???

People: Read up on the 180!
Oh, and I'm boycotting Nike forever ;)


Posts: 225 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Washington DC
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 1:00 AM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just read back a few posts and realized that Lostsahm announced her divorce was final. Lost -- how does it feel to be free from the NPD? I hope things are going well for you.

HB,
No judging coming from me. Anyway - you know yourself and what you can handle. But if it gets too much, you should tell him so, and ask him to leave. Be as much NC as possible. I'd be very busy. Lots of errands. Impersonal, like the cashier lady. Cold, like Mt. Everest. Don't poke that bear or feed him in any way.

We'll be thinking of you. If you can sneak in a post or two, let us know how you are doing. (((big hugs))

[This message edited by woundedby2 at 1:59 AM, August 7th (Thursday)]


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:18 AM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hb, what i meant was, for whatever reason, you've decided to have contact.
Knowing the way N's feed, off positive AND negative, thus we all tell stories about damned if you do/damned if you don't-

I'm just saying contact is the toughest way because you're automatically in a no-win sitch.

I doubt if anyone here prefers, or would suggest contact is a good thing, but since you're choosing that - we're pulling for you!

Hey, maybe you could try the *boring* approach!
(we know it's an act )-
but it might be a good way for you to handle being so close, at least you could try, and see how it goes.
Have a little *inside* fun with it...


Posts: 6028 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((lostsahm))): I hope everything is okay. You sound kinda down. When you're ready, let me know so I can bring the party.

Gillian: There is absolutely no reason for you to go through that. He would have just missed out on visitation. That is beyond ridiculous.

(((HB))): For you to even consent to have this fool back in your house after you got him out, I know you must be in a bad state. I know what you're trying to do and avoid, and you're trying to keep some measure of control, but you're doing it by putting the leash around your own neck because you know he likes to walk the dog. I'll support you in whatever way I can.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
gillianbx
♀ Member
Member # 18465
Default  Posted: 8:55 AM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear HB,
My best suggestion for you is to not let him stay in the house. Couldn't he sleep in his truck? I have a no entrance rule into my house. My X knows that he is not allowed in, even if I am not there. And he knows that the reason why he is not allowed in is because anytime that I have been nice in the past and let him in, he has gone through my computer (installing spyware) and other stuff looking for things to use against me. I was very firm about this and I told him that if he comes into my place, I will call the cops.
If you don't think you can do that, though, I have a fun idea. What if you wore your rattiest, worst clothes, didn't shower the whole time and basically just acted like a heartless bytchh the whole time. Just have no manners and be rude and disagreeable. Fart when you are near him. Belch in his face. Ignore him. Mumble obscenties about him under your breath as you walk past him. When he asks you what you said, say nothing. It might be fun. Don't brush your teeth. Breath on him with your new-found "death-breath". Let your house go, don't do the dishes, be as messy and as gross as you can be.
Just a thought....

[This message edited by gillianbx at 8:57 AM, July 15th (Tuesday)]


"If you want to change your reality, change your focus. If you want to change your focus, change the questions you ask yourself. Questions control your focus, therefore questions control your own experience of life." -Kobi Yamada


Posts: 128 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: missouri
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you ALL for understanding.
Only TRIBE would.

I think I will use the "I'm just here" attitude to survive the week.
He should be in sometime today and I won't be able to post until he's gone.
I'm going to interact as little as possible with him.
And suggest he take DS to go swimming.


That'll get them out of the house for awhile.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
got2moveon
Member
Member # 13270
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HB, I just wanted to tell you that if you are unable to get on the computer when he's there and need to talk then you are more then welcome to call. He doesn't need to know who your talking to.

If you need me, I'm here.


When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.---Helen Keller

Thanks VanillaLatte :)


Posts: 5082 | Registered: Jan 2007
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 10:17 AM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks G2, I probably will.

Still haven't heard from him.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dearest,
(((Beloved Tribe))) of Lightbulbs and Toasters, AKA: The N-Survivors Club, AKA: The Club of and From Hell, AKA: The Island of Misfit Toys, AKA: The Clan of the Phoenixes Who Will Rise Again,

BoB RePoRt (LOL):

Well,
I've been busy trying to work n my newly appointed official capacity as one who fixes things at work. E-Fucking-Gads. Arrrggggghhhhhh !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Working for a Clan of Ns is very difficult. Talk about control issues. Secrecy. Fucking shit up.

The head N likes to play the rule of knowing WTF he's doing. LOL. Lots of problems with school CPUs and servers. I'm at a point that I take all my work home know to do. Fuckers. LOL.

STBXPDPITAW has not said boo in awhile. KEWL !!!!!!!!!!!!!! Apparently STBXPDW is referred to and or fitting the description of Town Bike/Coke Whore. Interesting.

Today the GAL is scheduled to submit his report. Please say a prayer and cross your eyes, teeth, fingers, etc. that this ends quickly. I've asked for full custody, etc.

DDs are at my brothers, over the hills and faraway, until Sunday.

The DDs and Nanny issues seem to have worked themselves out. Nanny and DDs have talk on phones, text and email. How sweet.

We know have two new cats. Older one for about a month or so. Picked up a kitten from Nanny's Dad's farm also. Vet says they are good. Cats are cool.

"Dogs have owners, Cats have staff."

Hmmmmm.... What else? Working on a lot of projects with students. PM and I'll send pics and mp3s.

Life is good.

Ya'll have had a lot to discuss lately.

FuckingNs. Arrrgggghhhhhhhhh!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

The sex thing. LOL. I remember that hell well. What a fucking nitemare. They are pure assholes, aren't they?

The "Why don't you drive all over hell to take care of things cause it's all your fault cause I'm a complete Asshat*Fucktard game." ARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ns Suck*Big*Giant*Donkey*Gonads.

HB:
May his dick fall off in one of his OW, and the search party inform him that it's been eaten by rabid crocodiles that are residing within OW, that were deposited by 17 different parasite infested boy*men, that she had been simultaneously shagging all this week as he was out of town. LOL.

Ns, SUCK !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry for such a lame report.

DF, those posts are awesome. I have found that EFT can be helpful. Between that and the meditation, Yoga, walks, IC, etc. I have found that which can help DDs and I to move forward, and beyond the nitemare which is N.

I miss ya'll.

Love,

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
gillianbx
♀ Member
Member # 18465
Default  Posted: 3:11 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What do you call it? Poking the Bear?

The last time that I didn't drive the kids to St. Louis on his whim was in February. I told him that it was B.S. and if he wanted to see the girls he could sober up and drive the two hours here and see them.
So, the vindictive bastard called my fourteen-year old and told her that she was irresponsible and she had broken her promise to him. He called her so many names for not coming to see him on his weekend that he made her cry and then she wouldn't talk to me for hours. His parting words to her were that if she didn't come to St. Louis on his weekends then he would disown her and he would drive the two hours to our town to see his youngest child only.
Yes, he is manipulating me through my children. He is hurting my babies in order to get me to do what he wants. But, I will not let him make my oldest daughter cry like that again, even if it means that I have to be inconvienced.

Thoughts??


"If you want to change your reality, change your focus. If you want to change your focus, change the questions you ask yourself. Questions control your focus, therefore questions control your own experience of life." -Kobi Yamada


Posts: 128 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: missouri
tothineownself
♀ Member
Member # 20158
Question  Posted: 3:29 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello all on the NPD thread.
I need some advice.
After doing hours of reading the HL, posts and threads I think this is who I need to hear from.
I am only 16 days out from D-day. I am still trying to deny the severity of my WH N.
I visited him in the town where he works this past weekend. He is continuing his CL, NPD pattern.
My problem, for the moment, is that we have a family camping/boating vacation next week. (His family. )
3 cabins, 3 bathrooms, 2 boats and 14 people!!!
I DO NOT feel like doing all the packing, shopping and preparing to go let alone all the work it will be and all the crap I will have to deal with while I am there. Unfortunately his family is also very dysfunctional. They have always expected me to do all the cooking, organizing and cleaning up. "Because I enjoy it"!!!???!!!
Since he is OOT I will have to do all the getting ready alone with my 4yo.
I also do not feel like making the big statement of not going and making WH angry and his family miffed.
I am still in shock and trying to "get my ducks in a row" for what looks like the inevitable outcome of a relationship with a N.
My IC is out on medical leave this week!
Any suggestions of what to do and/or how to survive the week?


”This above all: to thine ownself be true,
And it must follow, as the night the day,
Thou canst not then be false to any man.”-Shakespeare-Hamlet
Forget the pants,( you weren't wearing them anyway!)
It's liar, liar SOUL's on FIRE!!

Posts: 54 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: illinois
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, he is manipulating me through my children. He is hurting my babies in order to get me to do what he wants. But, I will not let him make my oldest daughter cry like that again, even if it means that I have to be inconvienced.

Thoughts??

That he wouldn't have custody, or that he would not be allowed to talk to the kids on the phone. Did you contact the courts or the lawyer when he did this?


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
gillianbx
♀ Member
Member # 18465
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

tothineownself,

What if you went, but conviently forgot to pack everything and then once there you just didn't do all of the cooking, cleaning and organizing? What if you just took enough things for you and your 4y0 to be comfortable and then let everyone else take care of themselves? Is that a possibility? What if you just took care of yourself and your child and let the rest of them fend for themselves?


"If you want to change your reality, change your focus. If you want to change your focus, change the questions you ask yourself. Questions control your focus, therefore questions control your own experience of life." -Kobi Yamada


Posts: 128 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: missouri
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gill - he has you over a barrel with that one. Mine pulled a similar trick to what your ex is doing and as usual I was the one that compormised so that the kids could continue to have a relationship with the freak. For their sakes. It is not ideal but there will come a time when you no longer have to act as a go-between to enable him to have relationship with them. I think that time will be when they are older. Like me, you are trying to protect the kids. However, my cousellor always used to say to me that I could not keep this up and the sooner they see what he is like the better. It goes against every instinct as a mother though. This is hard Gill - I have no answers, I just know how you feel.

HB - I don't think it is good for you to have him in the house but sometimes you have to take the path of least resistance. For you, this is one of these times. The next time he asks you may be strong enough to say no. Do whatever feels right at the time. I do like the idea of being as smelly and scruffy as possible so he stays well away!

NPD land - don't ya just love it!!


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
sunlil
♀ Member
Member # 6312
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

May his dick fall off in one of his OW, and the search party inform him that it's been eaten by rabid crocodiles that are residing within OW, that were deposited by 17 different parasite infested boy*men, that she had been simultaneously shagging all this week as he was out of town.

I think that curse deserves an award!!


Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced. - Lucille Ball

Posts: 2518 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Central Nevada
gillianbx
♀ Member
Member # 18465
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

More to the horrible story.

I filed for divorce two years ago and had to immediately rescind the filing. During our marriage, I owned a car dealership and several cell phone stores. (All in my name because he was not a US citizen). Unbeknownst to me, my ex used these businesses to launder money and the FBI was investigating the businesses for bank fraud and the money laundering thing. My X hired an expensive criminal attorney to represent him (but not me). The attorney told him to blame it all on me and let me go to jail. That is when I rescinded the divorce filing. As long as I am still married to him, he cannot blame me for his shit. So, I don't have a court order or an attorney. I have an agreement between him and I that he will give me child support each month and he will get to see the girls every other weekend.
When he pays back the banks that he defrauded and clears things up with the FBI then I can file for divorce.
In the meantime, he finally became a US citizen and I took my name off of all of the businesses and put them solely in his name.


"If you want to change your reality, change your focus. If you want to change your focus, change the questions you ask yourself. Questions control your focus, therefore questions control your own experience of life." -Kobi Yamada


Posts: 128 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: missouri
sunlil
♀ Member
Member # 6312
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just want to apologize for not being able to offer anything more than an ear here.

I'm still trying to figure out whether my H is full blow NPD or if he just has a lot of N tendencies.

I do not feel qualified to offer advice while I'm still sorting my self out, but I'm always willing to lend an ear or offer up a hug.


Update: I got a very loving e-mail this AM that makes mention of our upcoming anniversary. Hmmm.


Not everything that is faced can be changed, but nothing can be changed until it is faced. - Lucille Ball

Posts: 2518 | Registered: Jan 2005 | From: Central Nevada
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((tothineownself))) I have no advice; just hugs, if you're determined to walk on eggshells. I'd be tempted to get some ipecac, myself, or just flat-out fake an intestinal virus. That's the last thing people who will be out in the woods for a few days will want to be near :)

(((gillian))) What a nightmare! I'm not understanding why you don't want to disentangle yourself from him legally now if all you're concerned about is financial stuff. You're liable for everything he does as it is, including stuff that he's done in the next state over. I'd talk to a lawyer and see what my options are -- the FBI might be willing to cut a deal. Unless you're worried about him retaliating physically, in which case you could possibly cut him out of your life for good.

As long as I am still married to him, he cannot blame me for his shit.

He doesn't have to blame you. If the crime is big enough, they can prosecute both of you and gather their own evidence.

[This message edited by veritas at 4:04 PM, July 15th (Tuesday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 5:53 PM, July 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

O Man Gillian. You have to hire a shark-in-a-suit and get away from him before he drags you in even further. (he will, he showed you that when he changed everything into his name). Get help with it and get it quick. i know it is expensive but it sounds like it will hurt you far more if you don't (ie jail time etc.)

HB you are amazingly strong. I totally understand the least resistance. I lived it for years because it was the only option. If you want my home phone number to have someone else to call just ask.


tothineownself I think that just taking care of yourself and your child is a great idea. I know we all get into a place where we do what is expected because it is the 'right' thing to do. It sounds like it is time to change your actions and they will have to change their actions as well. If you are that clost to d-day then you need to take care of you and not be bothered with 'saving the world' for a week. They are adults and if they don't like it IMHO then too darn bad. Their own slaves died long ago.


Hey BOB glad to see you around. I was wondering how you and the girls were doing.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
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