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User Topic: N.P.D. Thread part VI
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 3:08 AM, July 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I spent 6 hours in the ER today unsure if I would need surgery after I saw all the blood, etc.

As the hours dragged on after the CT Scan, I got to wondering...just how many patients have to explain that they do NOT want their WH who is NPD-- "contacted"!

Ahhh, the damned joys of being M to a freak of an N.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, July 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Dream(y))))
You OK?

PM or email please.

Lil' Bro BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, July 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dreamlife

Hope you are ok. (((((hugs))))

Blood? that doesn't sound good at all.

Take care of yourself sweety. we need you around here.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 11:31 AM, July 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dreamlife? What's up?

Bob! Good to see you and that all is going well :o)


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, July 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, every one.

I'm in for a complete (food) Life Style change...found out I have bad Diverticulitis. When I have $, I'm gonna have a re-section done!

I'm on a mess of antibiotics now (reacted badly to Cipro IV) & I am feeling better.

Still, lying there hooked up/monitored...made me *feel* Very Vulnerable about my N!

One of the nurses said, "You should get a TRO out on him!"

She does not really understand these freaks,does she...


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, July 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((dream)))

I hope you're doing ok now. You're back at home now? Hospitals are not fun for sure.

Did you tell the nurse that you could have 50 TROs on him and it wouldn't matter a bit? No, the "normals" don't get the NPD crap at all. Did they abide by your wishes and not call him?

(((big hugs)))

[This message edited by woundedby2 at 1:13 PM, July 16th (Wednesday)]


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, July 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, here's my latest NPD contact. No contact is ever good with him. God, I need to get caller ID....

He calls me at home. He'd probably been calling me at work all morning, but I had stayed home with DD who had hurt her knee yesterday.
Anyway, he asks about her knee. I keep it short, to the point. Get him off the phone pretty quickly. Yay me

...'bout 20 minutes later, he calls again. DD answers. He asks about the knee then to talk to me. Well, he starts off sounding real concerned about her knee and how is it doing and telling me about everything he had done for her last evening. Big, whoopdie-doop Then he gets down to what he really wants. He wants to take the kids to the beach tomorrow afternoon until after 9:00 at night. His visitation is from 3:30 - 8:00 only. I tell him he can get them at 1:00, that's fine, but they should be home at 8:00. Well, you can probably guess where the conversation went from there. Now, here I am giving him some of my time, and I've already given him some of my time on Saturday afternoon this week too. He says, "So you're telling me that I can't have the kids out after 8:00, but it's ok for you to have them up till 11:00 at night anyway?" I say, "No, I'm saying that I would like them home so that they can be showered and relaxed and ready for bed when they need to be in bed." So it went like this for a bit. I finally said, "Look, maybe you don't need to take them at all then. Or I can hold you to the agreement which is 3:30 to 8:00." Of course, he starts trying to bait me with other accusations and NPD crap, but I didn't bite on any of that. I finally told him 9:00 - no later.

Then he talks to DD about the beach. Then to DS. DS says he doesn't want to go to the beach After all that. Now of course, he wants me to make DS go with him. I finally had to get rid of him and said, "You need to call back later tonight and talk to him about this. Bye." Click.

I swear, I get so tired of this crap. He said that I'm not being agreeable, and said something about how when things don't go my way. I swear. He's the one asking me for a favor. Honest to God....

[This message edited by woundedby2 at 1:30 PM, July 16th (Wednesday)]


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:56 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I touch others’ pain for a living.
Why did I marry someone who could touch none but her own?

Posts: 6012 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 8:04 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wounded, yes, the hospital did not contact him at all.

(((((hugs & thanks, everyone))))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 10:53 PM, July 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gosh, you guys, I thought I had killed the NPD Thread! I was beginning to get a complex.

Dream, I hope you're feeling better today!

jj, I think we must all have a deep-seated need to help, to nurture, to "fix". But some of them are just too broken. Like Humpty Dumpty, we cannot put them back together again.

((((Tribe))))

Special positive vibes going out to HB. I hope she's doing well.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jj~ indeed this is the 64Kquestion/quandary...it is what it is...huge hugs.

wounded, yes, a bit better.
I have found a *wonderful* diverticulitis support group online!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ah hell. where else to post this?

Her daughter just called.
Oh how that call helped me!
Any conexn I have w/ her is good.
There’s a private school in the country she wants me to pay for her to go to.
Trouble is,
Every penny I save her mommy
Mommy spends on herself!
Like 50 bucks for a motel room!
Ken Kesey’s right!
F&**&%$#$#K DA WIFE!

Plus, she’s the one that outed the A.
I've always felt a special bond w/ her because of that.
I feel I owe her.
We talked about it.
I told her, if she wants me to pay-
She has to be * accountable* to me.
I told her to imagine herself in my place.
I figure it’s a good exercise for her, to IMAGINE she’s someone else.
Helps differentiate her from her Nmother.
She said she’s making a list.
We’ll see.

PLUS it keeps her away from…uhhh, she wants to be- o she is so sore!
She said it this way; “Where else am I gonna go?”
PLUS, of course, we’re forbidden to communicate, and it will keep us in touch.
It does have finger-in-the-eye value, I admit!

Right? Cut OFF communication w/ others?
ISOLATE the victim (through manipulation, lies, etc. – pg. 238 in the N-codebook)

Be nice to rip that one out & send it flyin.
I think I’ll pay.
But dam these N’s!
Don’t even KNOW how it makes me feel to be *good*
And enable her all at once!
Seems they taint just about everything sometimes.
DAMMIT JIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Posts: 6012 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, July 18th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i have to be honest with you guys.
it's really hard to post here sometimes.
it's kinda like i get so angry it scares me - i think will it ever end?
i want to rip the throats out of the guys you're dealing with

with hands that...
i just can't BE this angry.
buncha sodam insanes you're dealing with!

perversely, i post my li'l ol sitch- so you can all see something ELSE-
for just this little while, thinking what?
hell,
SOMETHING else, anyway.

i get to thinking bout what you're dealing with?
im reduced to abject incompetence cause i can't seem to locate my major irish ass-kickin boots.


Posts: 6012 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 2:31 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jj brings up a good point --

It is interesting that even though we're all going through hell with our own special freak, we all show tremendous concern for the others and frequently downplay the severity of our own situations.

I guess it is part of the nurturing, care-taking role. We are by nature caring and empathetic individuals. We are able to invest in others, and by helping others, we help ourselves.

(((Tribe))) and thanks for always being there with a kind word or a hug.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 2:35 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jj- the anger is, at times, terrifying. I have thought that I am quite capable of putting myself in jail over this one. Fortunalty, over time, it does start to diminish only to bubble up every now and then.
My counsellor is working on my anger issues as well. I sometimes do not know what to do with this emotion because it is not an emotion I like experiencing. By nature, I am a fairly placid person.
The anger you are feeling is normal. Are you in counselling?

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I emailed a counselor (recc. by a dr. friend) a brief description of my sitch, and she very politely, and professionally

begged off.

(we really need some kind of insane smiley to insert *right here*)

So (((TRIBE))) it is until further notice...

I am still NC, but earlier this week, her IC -who I arranged for her, who has a PhD, AND is a PASTOR! called me!
He wanted to tell me that he thinks I should send her money, help her out financially, etc...
(no question, she set him up to do this).
A- he has had no communication whatsoever with ME, though he knows that I am the one suffering the pain of betrayal - other than a similar phone call @ a year ago, when she started. He called to ask me to support her financially then, too!
(I was flabbergasted, and didn't say much of anything - "had to go" & we haven't talked since).
She's had about a year w/ him. Exhibit# 24,587 of a counselor/professional/doctor/pastor -
believing the accomplished lies & manipulations of an N.

I'm a little pissed, because I asked him if I should send her $$ if she's still cheating -
and he sounded just like her -
avoiding the question and instead asking "how do you know that?" - i didn't tell him anything about the motel sick-
I even asked, considering the positions, why haven't you called me, to, you know, maybe put an arm around my shoulders, mano-a-mano-like, & comfort me?
He said that he thought I had Jesus, and that's all I should need & that he did tell me he's sorry for my pain in that one phone call @ a year ago...
Ummm ok! I'm cool with that..

Just one more thing to test my faith...fine. There's really no good answer to that one...
except a few days later, it dawned on me, what I should have said -
& that's when I got a little pissed...

I should have asked him; "So is that what you preach to your flock? *If any of you are hurting - you got Jesus, and I already told you I'm sorry for your pain*
??????????????????????????

I left it with letting him know I am willing to meet with him and her - he would be the mediator, etc. - to further discuss the $$ issues.
Haven't heard back.
In my mind's eye, I imagine walking into his office, with him & her sitting there, sitting down, and setting it up like this -
me: I understand you need money. I'm willing to talk about that. But I'd like you to understand how I might feel, how I might need something in return...like a little honesty, openness, remorse - stuff like that. Is that ok for me to talk about that?
them: yes.
me: ok. well, how 'bout we do this then...how 'bout we *pretend* that everything depends on one simple question.
*Pretend* this is the last question, and that everything sinks or swims based upon your answer - whether you can honest...can you do that?
her: (blah blah blah) (& finally after recruiting his help...i get her to agree to the reasonableness of my request for honesty)
"yes"
me:
ok.
WHO WERE YOU WITH AT THE MOTEL SICK?

(at this point, i think i'm borrowing from dear ba)
her: flopping around like a demon-possessed fish - who the hell KNOWS what she'll say?
me: ok.
WE'RE DONE HERE! (& getting up & walking away - getting in my car & driving AWAY - A W A Y!!!!!!)

sorry for ramblin so much ((((tribe))))
i live alot in my imagination lately, finding comfort there.


Posts: 6012 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, July 19th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jj - I think with counselling you would get to the point where you could tell the ex and pastor (whom she is obviously manipulating) to go boil their heads! Keep looking for a counsellor as I think you need someone to guide you through the quagmire of separating from an npd freak.
I don't think you should be giving her any money. Do you have kids that you have to support? If so, that's obviously different. Unfortunatly it is unlikely that you will get any straight answers from her. In time you will stop caring whom she was in the motel room with - probably someone as equally morally corrupt as herself.
You will get there jj!

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 5:25 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If she has money to blow at Motel sick the she doesn't need you help. I assume that she is able bodied and is not still raising young kids or a disabled child and is unable to work full-time because she is caring for them.

She made the bed so she should lay in it. IMHO. being broke because the marriage was dumped in the toilet and flushed is part of the consequences. Guess she should have thought about that a while back.

Is she perhaps sleeping with the guy or something like that to have him so deep in her back pocket?

My difficulty with anger is that I still have alot of anger at my ex for the crap he constantly pulls. How do you let go of justified anger? When more keeps getting added to the pile?

I struggle with that.

I think coming here and talking about our situations helps me face all that has happened. I think without that I would have a tendancy to ignore what has happened and thus fail to heal completely.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 5:54 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lied-
see, now you said it, i might as well say it too -
yes.
it HAS been on my mind that the pastor/counselor
-would be the one at the m-sick.
yep.
sure has.
in my little *scene*, i haven't worked out how to watch BOTH their eyes.

no kids together, itsa.
no. absolutely not! (giving her $$$)
that's why i posted earlier about how hard it is to help her daughter!
I want to -
but that means mom's got more to motel with. see?

Nwife never worked the entire time we were married. I'm with you on the consequences.
i did my best. really. i did!

i need time, you're right.
(((((tribe)))))


Posts: 6012 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
lostsahm
Member
Member # 17136
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, July 19th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Woundedby2 asked what it was like to be free of my NPD now that my divorce is final. I wish it was that easy.

For the first time, I am commiting myself to NC. SInce we have a toddler together, it's a little more difficult, but XH is not really that interested (he just feigns interest for other people.)

My grandfather died the same day I found out the divorce was final, so the day sucked all around.

I'm not sure if I have mentioned that my NPD XH seems convinced that I am not pregnant and aborted the baby as he demanded. A week before the divorce was final, we were tweaking the divorce and he asked "Why does it keep saying 'the children'?" Ummmm. It says in our divorce that I am pg. It increases the childs support with the birth of second child. It has visitation restrictions for when the baby is born. It says "the childre" throughout the entire settlement, and yet he doesn't think I am pregnant.

I often wonder if this is the delusional world in which NPDs live.

Well, he is in for a surprise, because due to me being gone for my grandfather's funeral, him having to go on a business trip, him missing visitation for golfing, etc. It will be nearly 4 weeks when we see each other late next week. Well, I am obviously showing now, and he is going to be in for the shock of his life.

He really, truly has convinced himself that I aborted. Even though the divorce decree gives me custody of BOTH children.

*sigh* I wonder what a NPD reaction will be upon this little surprise. I'm actually a little scared, but maybe he can convince himself that I'm just getting fat in my belly. Who knows.

[This message edited by lostsahm at 9:36 PM, July 19th (Saturday)]


"Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do and damned if you don't."
- Eleanor Roosevelt

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