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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N.P.D. Thread part VI
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:30 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Longlost, seeing you back here doesn't make it all better, but it sure makes it a whole helluva lot better!
(sheathing my sword; 'hyperbole')

I went to a Divorce Care group last weekend. Some group - there was only one other lady there, besides the moderator, 3 total -
The sad story of infidelity and injustice she told - how typical!
hubby's due to inherit 3 mil,
picks up bambi bimbo,
dumps wife and kids.

sigh. There will be a fearful accounting someday!
I gave credit to SI for the things I've learned, they'll be lurking, maybe joining...

I confirmed obligation to help SD go to the school. Many back-and-forth phonecalls to *make sure* "are you (N) ok with this?"
$1,650 was half of what was owed from last year - I will pay $1000 of it,
plus the other half owed I got them to agree to roll it into the monthly tuition, and agreed to pay (just over) half of that; $350/month.
5 minutes
5 minutes! after I confirmed it via email w/ the school, N tells me she doesn't know if she can do it!!!!!!!!!!!


iow - "gimme more"
Makes me reflect on the constant sabotage I dealt with. Now I know what's going on;
the unfillable void.

I'm also waiting for the *goodness to be turned against you* (me) -
expect to hear I'm only doing it because
A. I only want to be seen as a 'good guy' (I'm really evil, don't you know)
B. I will use the money to manipulate SD against her (while she busies herself manipulating & motel sicking).

I'm sure there's a C & D, hell,
all the way to Z in store for me.
((((Tribe))))


Posts: 6021 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((HB))) FOTY needs to quit having so many automatics. Unless I'm missing something, all he texted you was that he was taking off time surrounding your and Niki's birthday. All of a sudden, you're planning an itinerary for him and where he's going to stay. That's not your job anymore. I would completely ignore it. He's taking off. That's nice. So what? Let him make his own plans and get his own hotel room for sure.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 8:43 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HB if you don't want him around then tell him that. You should do whatever is most comfortable for you. He can find a tall cliff and go for a long walk.


((((HB)))))

jjct they are unfillable pits. If it is not one thing, it is something else.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm going to work on that email today.
Thanks everyone.You've given me a little strength today.

Enrolling DS in school today.
That's my priority for today.

In his TM he wanted me to respond to him ASAP.(another hoop for the circus poodle he thinks I am)
Haven't responded yet.
It's not a priority for me, just an option.

After I take care of DS' school biz then I'll work out a rough draft of what I want to say to him.
When I'm happy w/it, I'll send it.
Anybody have any ideas as to what to put in it?

Topics will be
1.Him not coming here anymore.
2.His not discussing the lack of insurance issue before he changed jawbs.
3.My issue about him being around me on that day.

Maybe some other topics will come up.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 9:11 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HB,

I think you should send him the email saying you don't want him at the house. Suggest brother's house.

Don't give in though. He can stay at brother's, a friend's, family's, a motel, or he can sleep in his vehicle. Assuming he wants to spend time with DS, you'll have to figure out whether DS will go and stay with him or make arrangements allowing him to pick up DS at the house. If DS doesn't want to see his dad, and FOTY doesn't ask about how he's going to see DS, then don't worry about it. His loss.

It's a big step, but you definitely need some firm boundaries with him.

jj,

She can't do it??? You offer to pay the past due tuition from last year, and more than half of the monthly tuition for this year, and she doesn't think she can do it?? Clearly, her D is her top priority.

Does the woman have a job, jj? She's living with her parents, right? The parents can't help out with this? She needs to get off her lazy butt and get out there and get a job to support herself and her kids.

I think it's a back-handed way for N to get some monthly support from you. She got you to commit to the school tuition knowing you have a big heart and a soft spot for the SD. So, now she begins reeling you in a bit more. Hoping you'll come up with the rest of that tuition each month. Cuz she knows you just might.

It's a tough call, jj. I know you want to help the girl out, and I know you don't want to be putting any more money into the N's motel fund. You're screwed either way, for sure. No matter what, the N will twist things so that you are the bad one and everything is your fault (as always). Be strong and let her sweat for a while.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HB,
Just tell him that he needs to stay somewhere else. It's not your job to make suggestions as to any other options. He can figure that out.

If he asks "why" say, "Do you really have to ask?"

And leave it at that. He's playing you and tossing out things that you normally would do for him. It is more natural for you to react to him than ignore him. It takes PRACTICE.

Remember, the less you offer him, the easier and the better it will be.

Example:

Your email:
-----------------------------
Dear ASSWIPE:
It will not work out having you stay at my house while you're here. Please make other arrangements.

HB
-----------------------------
Don't tell him why or offer suggestions of alternatives. If he asks, tell him he's being rude and it's none of his business.

JUST SAY NO and mean it.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 12:36 PM, August 6th (Wednesday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear ASSWIPE:
It will not work out having you stay at my house while you're here. Please make other arrangements.

HB

I like this, only I would add, "not ever" after the while you're here. I wouldn't discuss any feelings, and I think you dicussing the insurance bit is going to be as useful as pissing in the wind.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 1:05 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone.
I'll use some of all of this.
Got son enrolled, so the important stuff si done.

Going to work on rough fraft later.
(((TRIBE)))


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with V about the insurance issue. I would just drop it.

He may be taking out the policy(s) for the intended purpose (just in case). And due to what you've been throgh, I can see where that might be normal. Even if he does take out additional policies, he has to keep them up and pay the premiums, etc. Based on his past performances of being repsonsible, I would bet they will be canceled.

You have enought to worry about. Let this and the other BS with him go. He's so not worth it.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ST, I meant about the health insurance being dropped and no health ins for 90 days.
That violates the TO signed by the judge.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ST, I meant about the health insurance being dropped and no health ins for 90 days.
That violates the TO signed by the judge.

Well, then, there really isn't anything to discuss with him. He knows what the TO says. Tell it to the judge.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, sorry! I thought it was about the life insurance that he was taking out.

I wouldn't talk to him about something that is in the TO. Call your lawyer about that. Talking to your XNPDH will only get you more empty promises.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is the TM he sent me.

fyi am putting in time off for 8/** -8/**
(5 days)
If this is a problem, please let me know asap so I can change it.

This strikes me as just another example of doing something he wants to do, w/o discussing it with me first when it something that may affect me.
Maybe I'm being too sensitive about that.
Don't care anymore, not my problem.

One of the things I'm concerned about is him feeding off of me to ease his own grief over our daughter.
I can't do that.
I don't have enough strength in me to feed him.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 1:54 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Rough draft so far...
I don't care when you put in for time off.I don't think I will be comfortable with you being around me during that time period. Please stay at Bro's house.
You are welcome to have DS with you during the time when he's not in school.
I want to be left alone during those days.
Please respect my wishes.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 2:11 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is there any way you can ask him to clarify what he means?

How about:

Other than school and school activites for DS, I think his schedule is open.

Where are you planning on staying?


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmmm, good thought.
I think that since I let him come back in the house since Niki died, it's just assumed that I've let him back my heart and life.
That heart is gone. He killed any love I may have had for him.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 2:40 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It just sounds like you're assuming that he's planning on staying at your house. I'm sure he is, but ask to be sure, then tell him it won't work.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm not sure I understand exactly what you're saying.

Wouldn't it be better since he's assuming that, to just use do the same thing?
You know, keeping it simple for stoopid?



Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're not being too sensitive, but you need to get tough. Play dumb.

Dear Asswipe:

Will you be taking DS while you are on vacation? If so, let me know where you will be, if you plan on going anywhere.

Make it seem like the thought of him coming to visit never crossed your mind.

[This message edited by veritas at 4:20 PM, August 6th (Wednesday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're all nicer than I am. I would respond. "What makes you think I give a flying flip WHEN you take your vacation?!?!?!"


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

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