Second, it is really sad that we need another thread .
Now I am gonna whine for just a minute. OC birthday is next week and just feeling a little on edge waiting to see what new crap OW is gonna pull this year . End of whine.
Sorry we have to continously go thru this. I got OW trying to call now because of OC birthday next month and court date.
Wish she would just crawl under a rock.
About new thread, I have a feeling we will need another one some day as well with so many of us going thru the OC issue.
[This message edited by BMC0415 at 11:20 AM, April 18th (Friday)]
Right will prevail, she won't get the kids back. And she is probably just trying to call to prevent you from going to court, I don't even think she will show up(again). As always my thoughts and prayers are with you, stay strong.
Just got back from Europe for our visit with OC. That actually went well, he's a little over two years old, and very congenial. Knows me and we get along--mostly wants H, since he talks to H every two weeks and knows him better, but I'm not included in those conversations since OW has to be there, take the phone when OC runs off, etc. But OC calls me by name, and both H and I are waiting for some s**t to hit the fan if he starts talking to her about what we did and mentions my name. Hope he does, and also hope she's grown up enough not to freak--but I doubt it.
It's still stressful as hell though--I don't see OW at all, not that I want to, but H meets her at a cafe to pick up and drop off, and isn't lingering like she wants, and brings him back to the hotel. We spent 3 days with him and it went well. Only one meltdown by me, and that's only cuz OW is such a pain. The arrangement we have is that H doesn't have his little chats every day with her about OC during the visit, just one at the end to tell her what we did and how OC was. And that works pretty well for me, but I still hate it.
I mean, nothing can change that I have to live wth his betrayal for the rest of y life. Our marriage will never be innocent again and it just simply sucks.
Someone wrote this on the LTA thread today, and it's so true and depressing--especially with an OC to be such a constant reminder. Choosing to stay in a marriage after this is tough, but is my decision, and I guess I'd live with those feelings in or out of the marriage, and I picked "in" the marriage. Good thing for me H is doing what he is--not that I'll ever really feel special again or completely trust again, but what he is doing is enough. Sucks that this "enough" is so messed up for us, especially at our age. Oh well, just thought I'd check in.
Wishing you all well and hugs to all.
But here we are trying to clean up someone else's mess, forced to have to deal with some stupid bitch that we just wish would go away, picking up the pieces of our lives.
Sometimes it is just overwhelming.
XWH died Dec. 2010
I DREAD DREAD DREAD people congratulating me on "my" baby when WS has custody. What do you say? Thanks, but it's not mine, it's the product of this asshole's 5 year affair???
I am so sorry that you find yourself here. My suggestion, get DNA testing as soon as possible, then you will know what you are dealing with. Also visit the Other Child 1st thread on the 1st page I believe. There are alot of good suggestions there about protecting yourself and family in this situation.
Also, your child is too young to comprehend this and I personally would not discuss it with them.
((MollyJo)) This is very hard. For me everyone knew who the OC were to me. If I meet someone new that doesn't know, I tell them they are my foster children or I am their guardian because they were taken from their mother, I don't get into the other details. How much contact have you and your H agreed to? This may also be a factor on how you handle this.
Welcome new members, sorry for our situations.
Lauren, BMCO is right--get the DNA and don't worry about gory details with a 3 year old--you're so new to it all, you're reeling. If your H is on board with you, you can discuss what to tell your child as things progress.
We haven't told our family yet--it was a long distance as well as LTA--but we are gearing up to tell our kids sooner rather than later (although OC is already over 2!) And we are also DREADING it--our kids are all adults, and I hate the fact that this will affect them in ways I can't even imagine.
There are some threads about telling family and friends--unfortunately there are lots of posts to get through, but it's worth doing so.
From what I've read here and on MB, telling the family goes badly however it's done, but if H dwells on his remorse in hurting his family and spouse,and emphasizes his wish to rebuild his marriage and try to make it up to the BS (Not really possible of course, but the trying helps), and if the spouse can manage to couch it in terms of getting through a terrible situation, mistake, blow together with the WS, it's goes a tad better. But there's no good way to escape the humiliation and disillusionment and anger on the kids' parts--unfortunately it's something they have to process and go through their own roller coaster of emotions about.
Keep posting and good luck.
And what the HELL are "prenatal pills"???? There's no such thing as a pill that will stop a miscarriage, and that's what she's threatening...She's taking him for money...
And come to think of it, what do you mean she's having a baby in 9 months?? there's no way she knows she's pregnant and has 9 months to go...you don't even GET pregnant until you've got 8 1/2 months to go, since they count from the 1st day of your last period and she wouldn't ovulate until 2 weeks later, and then couldn't possibly get a positive pregnancy test until at least 10 days after that...so the very, very longest time it could be would be 8 months...
It sounds like she's faked a pregnancy to get money and reel in your H!!
Demand to see a positive pregnancy test FROM A DR!!!
[This message edited by laurensc82 at 10:51 AM, May 9th (Friday)]
Your H really should not have any interaction with OW at all. Both of you need to make sure that she is pregnant and then he should not be giving money or anything else until DNA is done.
If you two are trying to R, no contact is a must. It might be modified because of OC (if there is one) but you both have to be a united front in how this is going to be handled. Right now, the emotional part fothe affair is still going on because she calls him and he comes running.
Take it from someone who went thru this for months, this will only get worse if you don't handle it now.
Redvixen- I have been talking to Dust to dust by PM and she is getting along. Still confused and I am doing my best to help her thru this difficult time. Hopefully she will let us know when the DNA test comes back in a couple of weeks. But keep her in your thoughts she really needs it.
[This message edited by laurensc82 at 10:52 AM, May 9th (Friday)]