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User Topic: Other Child Support Thread II
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Default  Posted: 2:06 PM, April 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, April 18th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First off thank you mods for giving us another thread .

Second, it is really sad that we need another thread .

Now I am gonna whine for just a minute. OC birthday is next week and just feeling a little on edge waiting to see what new crap OW is gonna pull this year . End of whine.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 11:18 AM, April 18th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Auntcis))

Sorry we have to continously go thru this. I got OW trying to call now because of OC birthday next month and court date.

Wish she would just crawl under a rock.

About new thread, I have a feeling we will need another one some day as well with so many of us going thru the OC issue.

[This message edited by BMC0415 at 11:20 AM, April 18th (Friday)]


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, April 18th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((BMC)))

Right will prevail, she won't get the kids back. And she is probably just trying to call to prevent you from going to court, I don't even think she will show up(again). As always my thoughts and prayers are with you, stay strong.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
25wimsey
♀ Member
Member # 7816
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, April 18th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone, sorry to see we needed another thread so soon.

Just got back from Europe for our visit with OC. That actually went well, he's a little over two years old, and very congenial. Knows me and we get along--mostly wants H, since he talks to H every two weeks and knows him better, but I'm not included in those conversations since OW has to be there, take the phone when OC runs off, etc. But OC calls me by name, and both H and I are waiting for some s**t to hit the fan if he starts talking to her about what we did and mentions my name. Hope he does, and also hope she's grown up enough not to freak--but I doubt it.

It's still stressful as hell though--I don't see OW at all, not that I want to, but H meets her at a cafe to pick up and drop off, and isn't lingering like she wants, and brings him back to the hotel. We spent 3 days with him and it went well. Only one meltdown by me, and that's only cuz OW is such a pain. The arrangement we have is that H doesn't have his little chats every day with her about OC during the visit, just one at the end to tell her what we did and how OC was. And that works pretty well for me, but I still hate it.

I mean, nothing can change that I have to live wth his betrayal for the rest of y life. Our marriage will never be innocent again and it just simply sucks.

Someone wrote this on the LTA thread today, and it's so true and depressing--especially with an OC to be such a constant reminder. Choosing to stay in a marriage after this is tough, but is my decision, and I guess I'd live with those feelings in or out of the marriage, and I picked "in" the marriage. Good thing for me H is doing what he is--not that I'll ever really feel special again or completely trust again, but what he is doing is enough. Sucks that this "enough" is so messed up for us, especially at our age. Oh well, just thought I'd check in.

Wishing you all well and hugs to all.


Posts: 695 | Registered: Aug 2005
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, April 18th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((25Wimsey)), children are forever. No matter how well we try to handle this situation on a daily basis, it is always there. Just in the back of our minds, wishing things were different.

But here we are trying to clean up someone else's mess, forced to have to deal with some stupid bitch that we just wish would go away, picking up the pieces of our lives.

Sometimes it is just overwhelming.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
redvixen
♀ Member
Member # 15259
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just a message to Dust to Dust; hope you are okay if you're reading this. It's been a while since we've heard from you and I was thinking about you.


Me, BS Him WS early 40's at the start, cheated before and after cancer diagnosis.
Two A's, two OW's, online looking for sex partners, two false R's.
Threw him out in January 2009.
Divorce final March 30th, 2010

XWH died Dec. 2010


Posts: 4104 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New Jersey
laurensc82
New Member
Member # 19226
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW is pregnant, i have about 9 months b4 OC is born, how do i explain to my 3 year old that she's going to have a little brother or sister, and its not from mommy?

Posts: 34 | Registered: Apr 2008
MollyJo
♀ Member
Member # 18820
Default  Posted: 5:03 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How did ANY of you who stayed with your WS tell your extended families, friends, kids, etc about the OC??

I DREAD DREAD DREAD people congratulating me on "my" baby when WS has custody. What do you say? Thanks, but it's not mine, it's the product of this asshole's 5 year affair???


Me: BS Him: SOB OC born 9/08. We've split up but I still see him every day and the OW occasionally. Lost my whole life because he couldn't keep it in his pants.

Posts: 219 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: midwest
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 5:43 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((Laurensc82))

I am so sorry that you find yourself here. My suggestion, get DNA testing as soon as possible, then you will know what you are dealing with. Also visit the Other Child 1st thread on the 1st page I believe. There are alot of good suggestions there about protecting yourself and family in this situation.

Also, your child is too young to comprehend this and I personally would not discuss it with them.

((MollyJo)) This is very hard. For me everyone knew who the OC were to me. If I meet someone new that doesn't know, I tell them they are my foster children or I am their guardian because they were taken from their mother, I don't get into the other details. How much contact have you and your H agreed to? This may also be a factor on how you handle this.

Welcome new members, sorry for our situations.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
25wimsey
♀ Member
Member # 7816
Default  Posted: 6:50 PM, April 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome to new members from me as well--and so sorry you are here.

Lauren, BMCO is right--get the DNA and don't worry about gory details with a 3 year old--you're so new to it all, you're reeling. If your H is on board with you, you can discuss what to tell your child as things progress.

We haven't told our family yet--it was a long distance as well as LTA--but we are gearing up to tell our kids sooner rather than later (although OC is already over 2!) And we are also DREADING it--our kids are all adults, and I hate the fact that this will affect them in ways I can't even imagine.

There are some threads about telling family and friends--unfortunately there are lots of posts to get through, but it's worth doing so.

From what I've read here and on MB, telling the family goes badly however it's done, but if H dwells on his remorse in hurting his family and spouse,and emphasizes his wish to rebuild his marriage and try to make it up to the BS (Not really possible of course, but the trying helps), and if the spouse can manage to couch it in terms of getting through a terrible situation, mistake, blow together with the WS, it's goes a tad better. But there's no good way to escape the humiliation and disillusionment and anger on the kids' parts--unfortunately it's something they have to process and go through their own roller coaster of emotions about.

Keep posting and good luck.


Posts: 695 | Registered: Aug 2005
laurensc82
New Member
Member # 19226
Default  Posted: 9:50 AM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H has said he does not want the baby, doesn't want anything to do with her, but if she is pregnant he said he needs to step up and take care of his OC, understandable. So as of yesterday, she told my H that she is real stressed out, and she started spotting? My H gave her money for prenatal pills, and offered her a ride to get the prescription and she said not to worry that she would take care of it? My thoughts are starting to run...

Posts: 34 | Registered: Apr 2008
MollyJo
♀ Member
Member # 18820
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG!!!! YOUR H SHOULD NOT BE GIVING THIS WOMAN A RIDE OR MONEY!!!

And what the HELL are "prenatal pills"???? There's no such thing as a pill that will stop a miscarriage, and that's what she's threatening...She's taking him for money...

And come to think of it, what do you mean she's having a baby in 9 months?? there's no way she knows she's pregnant and has 9 months to go...you don't even GET pregnant until you've got 8 1/2 months to go, since they count from the 1st day of your last period and she wouldn't ovulate until 2 weeks later, and then couldn't possibly get a positive pregnancy test until at least 10 days after that...so the very, very longest time it could be would be 8 months...

It sounds like she's faked a pregnancy to get money and reel in your H!!

Demand to see a positive pregnancy test FROM A DR!!!


Me: BS Him: SOB OC born 9/08. We've split up but I still see him every day and the OW occasionally. Lost my whole life because he couldn't keep it in his pants.

Posts: 219 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: midwest
MollyJo
♀ Member
Member # 18820
Default  Posted: 11:21 AM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

P.S. WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE CRAZY BITCHES!!!!!!! WHAT KIND OF PERSON WANTS TO GET PREGNANT BY A FUCKING CHEATER?!?!?!?!?


Me: BS Him: SOB OC born 9/08. We've split up but I still see him every day and the OW occasionally. Lost my whole life because he couldn't keep it in his pants.

Posts: 219 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: midwest
MollyJo
♀ Member
Member # 18820
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

P.P.S. ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHH!


Me: BS Him: SOB OC born 9/08. We've split up but I still see him every day and the OW occasionally. Lost my whole life because he couldn't keep it in his pants.

Posts: 219 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: midwest
laurensc82
New Member
Member # 19226
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know how supposed pregnant she is, she has faked this b4 and i think it may happen again. My H has been very good about trying to earn my trust, and is being very open about everything. But, I just want this bitch gone. I don't think she's really pregnant, and unfortunately my husband is trying to take care of his supposed OC. I am just hoping this nightmare is over with soon. I don't know how long I have until the supposed due date, my H didn't care to ask he said he was trying to get out of there quick, and what he said to me was we have 9 months i guess.

[This message edited by laurensc82 at 10:51 AM, May 9th (Friday)]


Posts: 34 | Registered: Apr 2008
firstandthird
♀ Member
Member # 17022
Default  Posted: 1:40 PM, April 23rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lauren,
Don't let him give her money or anything like that, wait for a positive pregnancy test and a paternity test. What makes him think this is his kid? If he can cheat on you, it's entirely possible she was sleeping with other men. I would ask him to cut off contact and wait for a DNA test. It's important that everything is handled through the courts so she can't run all over you. Good luck with a very difficult situation.


Me: BS 26
Him: WS(ONS) 27
Wedding Day: Mar 17, 2007
ONS: Sept 4, 2007
OC born: May 22, 2008
Nov 25, 2008: Found out the OC is not his!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 108 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: ohio
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 6:43 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lauren,

Your H really should not have any interaction with OW at all. Both of you need to make sure that she is pregnant and then he should not be giving money or anything else until DNA is done.

If you two are trying to R, no contact is a must. It might be modified because of OC (if there is one) but you both have to be a united front in how this is going to be handled. Right now, the emotional part fothe affair is still going on because she calls him and he comes running.

Take it from someone who went thru this for months, this will only get worse if you don't handle it now.


Redvixen- I have been talking to Dust to dust by PM and she is getting along. Still confused and I am doing my best to help her thru this difficult time. Hopefully she will let us know when the DNA test comes back in a couple of weeks. But keep her in your thoughts she really needs it.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
laurensc82
New Member
Member # 19226
Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, April 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told my H I wanted proof, and he said that supposedly she's having a miscarriage, and was at the hospital, anyways, we only had 5 mins to talk as it was real late when he got out of work last night, and i have yet to talk to him, I will be telling him I want absolutely NC at all, and if there is i will go through with a D. He would never leave me for her, I got him by the balls, with just my daughter alone. That's not including he works for my father, his car is under my name, and the list goes on...

[This message edited by laurensc82 at 10:52 AM, May 9th (Friday)]


Posts: 34 | Registered: Apr 2008
firstandthird
♀ Member
Member # 17022
Default  Posted: 2:46 PM, April 24th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

obviously it is terrible for her if she is having a miscarriage, and no one would wish that on someone, but your H cannot be the one to comfort her, not if he is serious about R. stick to your guns about no contact, regardless of what happens until DNA proves that he has an OC.


Me: BS 26
Him: WS(ONS) 27
Wedding Day: Mar 17, 2007
ONS: Sept 4, 2007
OC born: May 22, 2008
Nov 25, 2008: Found out the OC is not his!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 108 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: ohio
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