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Newest Member: Giupeppe (46032)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Understanding the 180
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 3:02 AM, July 9th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumped


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 5199 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
punky
♀ Member
Member # 12233
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, July 18th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping for newly found out.


Be a lion, not a mowess...
The Cowardly Lion

Posts: 11296 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: A whole 'nother country
JustKeepSwimmig
♀ Member
Member # 19269
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, July 22nd (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Mr. JKS - EA/PA
DDay - April 2008

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Canada
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 7:25 PM, July 25th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump for curly.

Posts: 7664 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
unarmbears
♀ Member
Member # 7480
Default  Posted: 12:28 AM, August 7th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping for the new folks.

Take care of you!


FBS-Me, 61
FWH-Him, 55
2 Sons 26 and 31
2 Daughters 29, 25 And 4 darling grandchildren!
"Love is an impulsive act, it's free. It's the story we tell about it afterward that's our poverty." Byron Katie

Posts: 4892 | Registered: Jun 2005 | From: From where the trees lean east...
booger bear
♀ Member
Member # 26584
Default  Posted: 10:48 PM, August 7th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


I am fiercely independent and I won’t apologize for it. I'd rather be single than settled.

Posts: 18829 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: OK - Hot as hell here !!!!!!
bufffalo
♂ Member
Member # 21854
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, August 31st (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


DDay 9/25/2008
R started 11/10/08
BH-me

Posts: 5884 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Texas
knutz
♀ Member
Member # 28877
Default  Posted: 3:47 PM, September 2nd (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Together 23 years
Married 20 Years
BW (me) 48
FWH: 49 (rSA)
2 children, 9 & 12
DDay: December 27, 2009
"Life is not what it is supposed to be. It is what it is. The way we cope with it is what makes the difference". Virginia Satir

Posts: 237 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: New England
gonogo1
♀ Member
Member # 25518
Default  Posted: 3:55 PM, September 2nd (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

180 is for you to detach not to get back together , it gives prespective to your unique situation.In the mean time you doing 180 will be noticed by your spouse, yes it will ,you are doing something he/she doesn't expect, you are not begging , hounding etc, they wonder what's going on. Late you may want to stop 180 and make contact to see if they get it , if they don't keep it up it is for you to gain strength , and prespective.

Posts: 1627 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: East Coast
numb&dying
♀ Member
Member # 29254
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, September 2nd (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Outstanding! Thanks for putting the 180 that way. I grasp the purpose more now. Thank you!


US- together since '94 (17 years)
ME- BS, 40
HIM- WS twice, 44 (& once at 40)
D-Day- 7/24/10 (EA/PA) & 12/27/06 (PA)
Status: Trying to R & get my life back, one day at time.

Posts: 120 | Registered: Aug 2010 | From: can't seem to get of this damn stupid ride!
Crazymama
♀ Member
Member # 24957
Default  Posted: 6:34 AM, September 7th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This has helped me save my sanity! It was one of the best things I could've read!


Me BS 57 DH WS 59 several ea's and search for long lost love
Married 38 yrs
D Day 07/08/09

Posts: 61 | Registered: Jul 2009
played-a-fool
♂ Member
Member # 29476
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, September 8th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My D-Day is around 7 mos ago. I have been a total emotional mess and have acted completely opposite of the man I truly am. I'm tired of being the man I have been acting like lately. Is it too late to start my 180? Have I waited too long for it to be effective? I wonder if I start 180 now will it undo any progress we have made in our R? Our R has been slow and she has been unable to show true remorse until recently. She says its because the A happened 19 yrs ago and she has already dealt with it. She swears that there was only 1 physical encounter with him and that there have been no others and I'm supposed to just believe that and act like nothing happened. Inside I feel like starting the 180 because I'm really tired of being this pathetic man. My gut is telling me to move out for a while. I moved her out at first and ended up begging like an impotent ass. She rejected me at first but later came back although it seemed like charity. I hate that. She is now showing true remorse but I think I need to go back and give myself some measure of control over my life. Right now she is holding all the cards. I have never been in this position before and that's why I'm having doubts. I've always been very assertive and in control of myself. I want that back. What do you guys think?

[This message edited by played-a-fool at 11:04 AM, September 8th (Wednesday)]


Me - BH
Her - FWW
Trying to R

Trust is difficult to earn but so very easy to lose. It's a gift that should be treasured and guarded.


Posts: 637 | Registered: Aug 2010
cuckhold
♂ Member
Member # 25015
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, September 8th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Played, Don't think it's too late. As you probably know the 180 empowers you! It also shows your spouse you not co-dependant. Did you mention polygraph? I've read that most WSs cave when faced with that. Some even hold out until they hit the parking lot of the examiners office. I'm seriously considering it if my FWW keeps on with the "I don't know, I can't remember" bullshit!

Posts: 716 | Registered: Aug 2009 | From: michigan
bufffalo
♂ Member
Member # 21854
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, September 9th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bumped for the newbies...


DDay 9/25/2008
R started 11/10/08
BH-me

Posts: 5884 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Texas
Cee64D
♂ Member
Member # 21836
Default  Posted: 9:46 PM, September 14th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumpity bump


The hardest part of forgiveness is accepting it from others...
Me BH 44
Clarrissa FWW 44
D-Day 04 Oct, 2008

Posts: 2740 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Ohio
AttemptStrength
♀ Member
Member # 27947
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, October 8th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


BS me
WS him x2 A's
1 autistic DS

I'd never have spent the money on a wedding dress if I knew I was just going to a costume party.


Posts: 1992 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: Wisconsin
cass
♀ Member
Member # 24261
Default  Posted: 2:08 PM, October 23rd (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bumping for newbies


DDay - April 2008
Me - 54 and doing great. Found myself again and loving life
Him - who??

I can see clearly now, the rain is gone (Johnny Nash)

Those who stir the shit soup get to lick the spoon!


Posts: 4975 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: UK
bufffalo
♂ Member
Member # 21854
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, October 24th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump....


DDay 9/25/2008
R started 11/10/08
BH-me

Posts: 5884 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Texas
urwyfe
♀ Member
Member # 29856
Frustrated  Posted: 11:55 AM, October 24th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

encouraging words...


BW 47/WH 47 Married 7+ years
together 16 1/2 years
DD#1 9/08, Reconciled 9/09
Cheating always ends in disaster! We were able to survive the aftermath!

Posts: 190 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: NY
bufffalo
♂ Member
Member # 21854
Default  Posted: 8:46 PM, October 24th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


DDay 9/25/2008
R started 11/10/08
BH-me

Posts: 5884 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Texas
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