Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: RMarred (44242)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Understanding the 180
bufffalo
♂ Member
Member # 21854
Default  Posted: 10:09 PM, October 25th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bumping to page one...


DDay 9/25/2008
R started 11/10/08
BH-me

Posts: 5810 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Texas
takilasunrise
♀ Member
Member # 29786
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, October 26th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for bumping this up so I could find it! I found the author's site (that came up with the technique) and she explains that it's for yourself first....it doesn't mean it will get your spouse back, but it will put you in a better place to handle whatever may come along.....yes, a "side affect" could be to get your WS's attention again, but it won't save your marriage per se. You BOTH have to want to "fix it". The list in the FAQ's is just specific things to do or not to do as it pertains to your WS. You have to be flexible to modify it as needed, too...such as the part that says do not say I love you. When my WH says he loves me first, I will still say it back, but I don't initiate it now. It is hard to apply the technique at times, especially when you're feeling pretty low or mad, but as explained, it's for you, NOT to get your WS back.


BW - Me, 49 years old
WH - Him, 51 years old)
D-Day July 2010 (several D-days to follow)
Divorced February 7, 2012

Denial isn't the way to forgiveness. The Karma for screwing over a good girl is the Bitch you end up with.


Posts: 978 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: WI
september7
♀ Member
Member # 29929
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, October 26th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks this is so well written !! Trying to implement the 180 myself and this really helps me understand!!

Thanks for taking the time to write this.


D-Day September 7, 2010
NC ended December 22, 2010 and I kicked him OUT! WH dumps OW July 2, 2011 and wants to R! Now he has been living with me in not the best circumstances, but we're paying for medical school for one kid and college the other.

Posts: 156 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: Florida
bufffalo
♂ Member
Member # 21854
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, October 28th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I did this 180....and am glad i did. Thanks SerJR.

bufffalo


DDay 9/25/2008
R started 11/10/08
BH-me

Posts: 5810 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Texas
WHATDOIDONEXT
♀ Member
Member # 29937
Default  Posted: 6:30 PM, October 31st (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump for newbies


DDay Sept 12th 2010.
BW 47.
FWH 46 (Penitent95).
Married 5 years
2 DS's 1 & 3 years old.
2 SDD 17 & 19 years old.

As a phoenix rises from the ashes I to shall rise from embers that were once my old life.I shall rise anew. Stronger, wiser.


Posts: 195 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: UK
booger bear
♀ Member
Member # 26584
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, November 2nd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

newbie bump


I am fiercely independent and I won’t apologize for it. I'd rather be single than settled.

Posts: 18725 | Registered: Dec 2009 | From: Here, but not there ...
Cee64D
♂ Member
Member # 21836
Default  Posted: 1:43 PM, November 7th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumparooni


The hardest part of forgiveness is accepting it from others...
Me BH 44
Clarrissa FWW 44
D-Day 04 Oct, 2008

Posts: 2740 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Ohio
Llanden
♀ Member
Member # 10402
Default  Posted: 9:05 PM, November 7th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"11) Remember what has worked for you in the past. Likely beneath all the doubts, fears, recriminations, and self-criticism that are swirling around your head, you hear a few faint and muffled words of your own good advice telling you what is good for you. This counsel may be barely audible, but listen carefully to it. You already have everything you need to be happy, including the wisdom you have developed over your life so far. "

This part rings so true to me. If I had listened to that little inner voice that was trying to scream at me but all I was hearing was a whisper .. I would be in such a better place. Thank you for clarifying the 180 ... it's hard to see through the "fog" when, especially being a BS, the pain hurts so much.


"If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best."
“Who makes everything we experience happen? You. You have all the weapons you need. Now fight!” Sweat Pea from Sucker Punch
BS 35
DD's 14, 7 and 5

Posts: 567 | Registered: Apr 2006 | From: New York
WHATDOIDONEXT
♀ Member
Member # 29937
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, November 10th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump for notsohopeful

[This message edited by WHATDOIDONEXT at 11:50 AM, November 10th (Wednesday)]


DDay Sept 12th 2010.
BW 47.
FWH 46 (Penitent95).
Married 5 years
2 DS's 1 & 3 years old.
2 SDD 17 & 19 years old.

As a phoenix rises from the ashes I to shall rise from embers that were once my old life.I shall rise anew. Stronger, wiser.


Posts: 195 | Registered: Oct 2010 | From: UK
hard_yards
♀ Member
Member # 23549
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, November 11th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump



I feel like I'm in a parallel universe... everything looks the same... but something's just not right...

Posts: 1221 | Registered: Apr 2009
bigpicture3236
♀ Member
Member # 27861
Default  Posted: 6:21 AM, November 14th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


If you love something and hurt it dearly, then chose not to fix it...you never deserved it in the first place.

Posts: 3603 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: Michigan
AttemptStrength
♀ Member
Member # 27947
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, November 15th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


BS me
WS him x2 A's
1 autistic DS

I'd never have spent the money on a wedding dress if I knew I was just going to a costume party.


Posts: 1992 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: Wisconsin
lordhasaplan?
♂ Member
Member # 30079
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, November 17th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BUMP


D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10)

Posts: 1860 | Registered: Nov 2010
bufffalo
♂ Member
Member # 21854
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, November 23rd (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


DDay 9/25/2008
R started 11/10/08
BH-me

Posts: 5810 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Texas
bufffalo
♂ Member
Member # 21854
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, November 25th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


DDay 9/25/2008
R started 11/10/08
BH-me

Posts: 5810 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Texas
socold
♂ Member
Member # 17400
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, December 4th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

b


(me)fBH 35
D-Day Dec 9, 2007
D final Oct 19th 2010

Posts: 2584 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: in a van down by the river
socold
♂ Member
Member # 17400
Default  Posted: 5:07 PM, December 7th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

u


(me)fBH 35
D-Day Dec 9, 2007
D final Oct 19th 2010

Posts: 2584 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: in a van down by the river
socold
♂ Member
Member # 17400
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, December 10th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

m


(me)fBH 35
D-Day Dec 9, 2007
D final Oct 19th 2010

Posts: 2584 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: in a van down by the river
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 11:16 AM, December 12th (Sunday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

p


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3441 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
socold
♂ Member
Member # 17400
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, December 21st (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


(me)fBH 35
D-Day Dec 9, 2007
D final Oct 19th 2010

Posts: 2584 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: in a van down by the river
Topic Posts: 542
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28

Return to Forum: Just Found Out Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.