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Understanding the 180
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The original 180 was a section in a book by Michele Weiner-Davis. All it was was a technique where you try the opposite approach of what you have been doing, since your previous approach wasn't working. The context was trying to bring a marriage back from the brink of divorce.
I've seen the rest of the "180" ideas attributed to Michele as well, and they did come from her book, but they weren't part of the 180, they were just other ideas and techniques in other sections and chapters of her book.
I'm new and not exactly sure where to post this. Here goes: I started the 180 a few days ago. I also am realizing that I am most likely codependent. So I'm also kind of dealing with that. Dday was Dec 20, 2011 so it's fresh. I find out Tuesday (thanks to facebook) he had lied about the OW also attending a seminar he went to last month. He claims now that he never spoke with her, didn't expect her to be there and didn't even know she was there until the end when he saw her leaving. I asked him the morning of the seminar if he thought she'd be there and he said no...so maybe it was a lie of ommission but regardless, it still hurt. So I'm pretty much feeling like all of our progress has been wiped away. I checked emails, texts, etc found nothing. He says he didn't tell me because we'd had a "good" day that day and didn't want to trigger me by hearing her name or that she was there. Ok so I slipped on the 180 and had a meltdown. Crying over all of it. When he had to work late the following night I texted him that I was having a hard time believing he was at work. The next morning I started 180 again. Fast forward a few days.....it's like he's mad that I've turned the tables. He's mad that I want a few more days without his daughter being home, says he can't deal, he's sick of the roller coaster, doesn't ever know which person I'm going to be and can't stand being accused of things he's not doing. My first instinct was to apologize, give in and remind him that I love him. But I didn't. I'm still keeping my plans this weekend which don't include him. I'd love nothing more than for him to take me out but since he's not initiating it, I'm sure not bringing it up. So here are my questions. Am I pushing him away by doing this? Where is the anger coming from? Is he just trying to dump it on me? He's always telling me...I'm not blaming you for what happened!! But I feel like he's angry at my reactions to it. Should I stay the course? I'm looking out for me...which is new and scary but I feel almost selfish about it.
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I just saw a post talking about the 180 boundaries. Where could I find this? She talked about a list of boundaries.