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Newest Member: leftfordust (44208)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Understanding the 180
Fighting2Survive
♀ Member
Member # 28410
Default  Posted: 6:03 PM, January 9th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well

"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces


Posts: 7279 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: NC
Edie
♀ Member
Member # 26133
Default  Posted: 3:17 AM, January 13th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


Maybe a long walk in the Hindu Kush would do it?
BW (me) 52
FWS 55
Together 29 years; 2 DDs 15 & 12
Dday Dec 08 (confessed) Feb 09 16 other OW confessed. OW17 tried her unedifying hardest until Aug 09. R'd.

Posts: 5018 | Registered: Nov 2009 | From: UK
bufffalo
♂ Member
Member # 21854
Default  Posted: 12:24 AM, January 15th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


DDay 9/25/2008
R started 11/10/08
BH-me

Posts: 5810 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Texas
Fighting2Survive
♀ Member
Member # 28410
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, January 18th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well

"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces


Posts: 7279 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: NC
AttemptStrength
♀ Member
Member # 27947
Default  Posted: 12:05 AM, January 23rd (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


BS me
WS him x2 A's
1 autistic DS

I'd never have spent the money on a wedding dress if I knew I was just going to a costume party.


Posts: 1992 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: Wisconsin
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, January 27th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump

Posts: 7389 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
unarmbears
♀ Member
Member # 7480
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, January 29th (Sunday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


FBS-Me, 60
FWH-Him, 55
2 Sons 26 and 31
2 Daughters 29, 24 And 4 darling grandchildren!
"Love is an impulsive act, it's free. It's the story we tell about it afterward that's our poverty." Byron Katie

Posts: 4891 | Registered: Jun 2005 | From: From where the trees lean east...
Cee64D
♂ Member
Member # 21836
Default  Posted: 5:54 AM, February 6th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bumping from page 4


The hardest part of forgiveness is accepting it from others...
Me BH 44
Clarrissa FWW 44
D-Day 04 Oct, 2008

Posts: 2740 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Ohio
WakingFromADream
♂ Member
Member # 33934
Default  Posted: 2:15 PM, February 15th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bumpity-bump


Me(35) XWW(36) DS(7) DD 11/16/11 EA(PA?) M 11y D 9/3/13

Don't make anyone a priority when you are only an option.


Posts: 1147 | Registered: Nov 2011
AttemptStrength
♀ Member
Member # 27947
Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, March 7th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


BS me
WS him x2 A's
1 autistic DS

I'd never have spent the money on a wedding dress if I knew I was just going to a costume party.


Posts: 1992 | Registered: Mar 2010 | From: Wisconsin
Mormegil
♂ Member
Member # 34841
Default  Posted: 2:38 PM, March 7th (Wednesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The original 180 was a section in a book by Michele Weiner-Davis. All it was was a technique where you try the opposite approach of what you have been doing, since your previous approach wasn't working. The context was trying to bring a marriage back from the brink of divorce.

I've seen the rest of the "180" ideas attributed to Michele as well, and they did come from her book, but they weren't part of the 180, they were just other ideas and techniques in other sections and chapters of her book.


Me: BH 38
DDay 10.18.2011
Divorced.
DD: 11 yrs old
Dating someone new now.

Posts: 52 | Registered: Feb 2012
SuperDuperWonderboy
♂ Member
Member # 34716
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, March 8th (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


My Friends call me Wonderboy--That's Mr. SuperduperWonderboy to you Tred.


Posts: 1272 | Registered: Feb 2012 | From: Everett
blackdog
♀ New Member
Member # 34924
Default  Posted: 11:24 AM, March 9th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm new and not exactly sure where to post this. Here goes: I started the 180 a few days ago. I also am realizing that I am most likely codependent. So I'm also kind of dealing with that. Dday was Dec 20, 2011 so it's fresh. I find out Tuesday (thanks to facebook) he had lied about the OW also attending a seminar he went to last month. He claims now that he never spoke with her, didn't expect her to be there and didn't even know she was there until the end when he saw her leaving. I asked him the morning of the seminar if he thought she'd be there and he said no...so maybe it was a lie of ommission but regardless, it still hurt. So I'm pretty much feeling like all of our progress has been wiped away. I checked emails, texts, etc found nothing. He says he didn't tell me because we'd had a "good" day that day and didn't want to trigger me by hearing her name or that she was there. Ok so I slipped on the 180 and had a meltdown. Crying over all of it. When he had to work late the following night I texted him that I was having a hard time believing he was at work. The next morning I started 180 again. Fast forward a few days.....it's like he's mad that I've turned the tables. He's mad that I want a few more days without his daughter being home, says he can't deal, he's sick of the roller coaster, doesn't ever know which person I'm going to be and can't stand being accused of things he's not doing. My first instinct was to apologize, give in and remind him that I love him. But I didn't. I'm still keeping my plans this weekend which don't include him. I'd love nothing more than for him to take me out but since he's not initiating it, I'm sure not bringing it up. So here are my questions. Am I pushing him away by doing this? Where is the anger coming from? Is he just trying to dump it on me? He's always telling me...I'm not blaming you for what happened!! But I feel like he's angry at my reactions to it. Should I stay the course? I'm looking out for me...which is new and scary but I feel almost selfish about it.

Posts: 6 | Registered: Feb 2012
Fighting2Survive
♀ Member
Member # 28410
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, March 10th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well

"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces


Posts: 7279 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: NC
ImNellNow
♀ Member
Member # 28753
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, March 12th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

blackdog,
PM coming.
Nell


BS & D
Drinking wine and thinking bliss is on the other side of this.

Posts: 2370 | Registered: Jun 2010 | From: Baby steps on my new path
SisterMilkshake
♀ Member
Member # 30024
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, March 22nd (Thursday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


BW (me) 50ish FWH 50ish
Married 34 years, 3 children
d-day 3/10 LTA (4 yrs./fucking & flirting)

"Oh, why do my actions have consequences?" ~ Homer Simpson
"She knew my one weakness: That I'm weak!" ~ Homer Simpson


Posts: 9401 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: The Great White North USA
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 11:13 PM, March 24th (Saturday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump for newbies


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4112 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
keraka
♀ New Member
Member # 35133
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, March 26th (Monday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just saw a post talking about the 180 boundaries. Where could I find this? She talked about a list of boundaries.

Posts: 15 | Registered: Mar 2012
Fighting2Survive
♀ Member
Member # 28410
Default  Posted: 2:27 PM, March 27th (Tuesday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well

"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces


Posts: 7279 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: NC
Fighting2Survive
♀ Member
Member # 28410
Default  Posted: 9:32 PM, March 30th (Friday), 2012View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well

"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces


Posts: 7279 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: NC
Topic Posts: 541
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