Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
like us on facebook
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Heartbroken1234 (44324)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Understanding the 180
betterintime
♀ Member
Member # 22152
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, February 7th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks SerJR! Great Post, especially for all the new members............

for everyone, have you found any specific 180 behaviors that have helped you?

thanks again everybody


Posts: 151 | Registered: Dec 2008
betterdaysahead
♀ Member
Member # 12309
Default  Posted: 10:47 AM, February 19th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


The best thing about telling the truth is that you don't have to remember what you said. ☯

Posts: 13649 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Canada
conflictedheart
♀ Member
Member # 22901
Default  Posted: 10:56 AM, February 19th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for bumping this.


-was lulled into a false reconcile

BW, Me 34
WH, 33
Married 13 years, together 19 years
2 children


Posts: 112 | Registered: Feb 2009
betterdaysahead
♀ Member
Member # 12309
Default  Posted: 9:43 AM, February 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bumped for IKN

ETA sorry INK

[This message edited by betterdaysahead at 9:44 AM, February 20th (Friday)]


The best thing about telling the truth is that you don't have to remember what you said. ☯

Posts: 13649 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Canada
FastForward
♂ Member
Member # 22073
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, February 24th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 207 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: So. FL.
sofresh
♀ Member
Member # 22912
Default  Posted: 10:32 AM, February 24th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

if WS has KISA syndrome, won't being so confident push them away?


ME BW 30 & DS 14 mos.
STBXWH 38 sociopath, SA living with OW 25
D day #1
4 F/R's and corresponding D days
For unhealthy relationships, Dr Seuss would probably say to us…
“Be happy its over, don't cry because it happened”

Posts: 630 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: NY
sofresh
♀ Member
Member # 22912
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, February 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hate the fact that the 180 acknowledges that the WS is till in your home...does it also assume they are still seeing the other person,...I mean how does one put up with this?!


ME BW 30 & DS 14 mos.
STBXWH 38 sociopath, SA living with OW 25
D day #1
4 F/R's and corresponding D days
For unhealthy relationships, Dr Seuss would probably say to us…
“Be happy its over, don't cry because it happened”

Posts: 630 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: NY
TraumaMamma
♀ New Member
Member # 23044
Default  Posted: 12:56 PM, February 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been kind of doing some of this already.

My WS is so self centered he wants to know why when he doesn't tell me something it is not ok and I when I pull away it is ok.

I am having a hard time wrapping my brain around this whole 180 thing. We still live together, his mistress so to speak are his adoring bodybuilder friends and band groupies, both of which he has tainted for me to enjoy because of flirting and affairs. (and I never really got into either of those venues anyways).

He maintains his innocence and "only had a ONS" and did not see his pages and pages of comments to women and flirtations as hurtful to me.

And he actually accused me of being dishonest and not going in early last nite to work for training. I called on speaker phone so he could hear I did indeed have to go in early.

So my 180 when it takes me away from him, is met with distrust.

I guess since he has been dishonest, it is hard to believe the other person could actually be doing what they say they are, right?

I realize the 180 is about me, and it is pissing off the WS as he believes it is about HIM.

[This message edited by TraumaMamma at 12:57 PM, February 27th (Friday)]


"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will." ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Me BS 44
Him WH 39
Married 4 yrs
No bio children, just step's and 3 dogs!


Posts: 33 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Ohio
SerJR
♂ Member
Member # 14993
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, March 7th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Self care tips added in


Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

Posts: 17093 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Further North than South
Rella
♀ Member
Member # 21136
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, March 8th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Continuing the Bump


Happily Divorced- final in Oct. 2009, Engaged to my True Love in Dec. 2012

When his family jokingly tells you of how "spoiled" HE was as a child, RUN- It doesn't change when they get older!


Posts: 2206 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: New England
sofresh
♀ Member
Member # 22912
Default  Posted: 10:02 AM, March 9th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WS is so self centered he wants to know why when he doesn't tell me something it is not ok and I when I pull away it is ok.

I have the same problem, and I agree with your sentiments...
They assume we are being dishonest because that's all they know right now.
My WH actually said something about me going to church...like sure that's where you were.


ME BW 30 & DS 14 mos.
STBXWH 38 sociopath, SA living with OW 25
D day #1
4 F/R's and corresponding D days
For unhealthy relationships, Dr Seuss would probably say to us…
“Be happy its over, don't cry because it happened”

Posts: 630 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: NY
brohl5
♀ Member
Member # 13440
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, March 19th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bumping for newbies


I'm not going to let this define me anymore. He's gone and I couldn't be happier.

You couldn't have told me in July and December of 2006, but there really is a life after this mess.

Breathe, just breathe.


Posts: 5641 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Indiana
JoePike
♂ Member
Member # 13207
Default  Posted: 6:49 AM, March 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping for newcomers


"Do or do not. There is no Try" - Yoda.

"The term “mistake” infers a level of ignorance, innocence and naivety. And a lack of intent and planning." - Craig Harper


Posts: 3952 | Registered: Jan 2007
JoePike
♂ Member
Member # 13207
Default  Posted: 6:53 AM, April 2nd (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump for Allybam and other newcomers


"Do or do not. There is no Try" - Yoda.

"The term “mistake” infers a level of ignorance, innocence and naivety. And a lack of intent and planning." - Craig Harper


Posts: 3952 | Registered: Jan 2007
gracelesslady
♀ Member
Member # 21550
Default  Posted: 1:48 PM, April 8th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


BW (me) 54
WH (him) 50
MOW (her) 32
Married 13 years
D-Day 10/30/2008
Trying to R

I've seen this happen in other people's lives
And now it's happening in mine
-"That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore", The Smiths


Posts: 229 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Washington, DC
Shared Taxi
♂ Member
Member # 22900
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, April 8th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I wish I had read this early on. I completely misunderstood the 180 and avoided it.

Posts: 216 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: California
HardenMyHeart
♂ Member
Member # 15902
Default  Posted: 11:41 PM, May 1st (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping for newbies.


Me: BH, Her: FWW - Long Term EA/PA
d-day: June 25, 2007
Married 30 years, Reconciled

Posts: 5624 | Registered: Aug 2007
kluelesskat
♀ Member
Member # 23552
Default  Posted: 1:44 AM, May 5th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think it is important to understand that this is for yourself first.


Me - BS
Him - WS
MOW - Ole fatty w 2 others on the side besides mine and her husband

Posts: 215 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: Canada Eh
Charli
♀ Member
Member # 15601
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, May 11th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


me: 31, F, XBSO, getting on with my life!

Posts: 1573 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: The Netherlands
itspjw
♀ Member
Member # 21268
Default  Posted: 11:11 AM, May 12th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


no, I can't take one more step towards you...cuz all that's waiting is regret...

there's just too much that time cannot erase

dday 9/11/08

And the more I know, the less I understand

Because of you...I am afraid...


Posts: 14786 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Texas
Topic Posts: 542
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28

Return to Forum: Just Found Out Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.