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Newest Member: EverythingAfter (44970)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Understanding the 180
gracelesslady
♀ Member
Member # 21550
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, June 1st (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bumping for newbies


BW (me) 54
WH (him) 50
MOW (her) 32
Married 13 years
D-Day 10/30/2008
Trying to R

I've seen this happen in other people's lives
And now it's happening in mine
-"That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore", The Smiths


Posts: 229 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Washington, DC
Militarycasualty
♀ Member
Member # 24193
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, June 1st (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the post. It made things more clear for me.

I have been doing the 180 for a few days and it doesn't seem to be going so well. It is just pissing him off. WH is with his parents for the next week then back to Korea. I probably wont see him again until next summer when he picks our daughter up for visitation. By then the D will be long over.

I am finding it hard to be nice and civil when he is pushing the D and wants to be w/ OW who is in a different country for the next 3 years. All through this, I still love him and want him to come home to us. He refuses to think about R because he is talking to her all the time and I know she is convincing him how awful I am and how he is better off without me.

It is also hard to take things slowly since as a recent grad, I need to apply for my license, work on my resume, get a job, sell our house, find a new place to live, enroll my daughter in Kindergarden, and find her before and after care so I can work.

I am just depressed and overwhelmed and not sure where to start. I make lists but end up not really accomplishing much. I found a counselor for my daughter finally because she is pretty messed up by all of this. One thing done off the list a million more to go!


Me-BW 31
Him-WS 31
really wishing that this will work

Posts: 185 | Registered: May 2009
gracelesslady
♀ Member
Member # 21550
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, June 1st (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((MC)))

I need to apply for my license, work on my resume, get a job, sell our house, find a new place to live, enroll my daughter in Kindergarden, and find her before and after care so I can work.

As much as you can, focus on these things and getting them done. I know it takes an enormous amount of effort, but getting these things checked off your list will go a long way toward making you feel better, and that will help you to heal. That said, there have been many days for me where I feel like I have been pushing a rock uphill, s I really do know how hard it can be, and sometimes, you just have to fake it 'til you make it.

It is great that you are making lists. Try to make a little more progress every day, and when you do make sure you celebrate that and pat yourself on the back.

Have you found an IC for you?


BW (me) 54
WH (him) 50
MOW (her) 32
Married 13 years
D-Day 10/30/2008
Trying to R

I've seen this happen in other people's lives
And now it's happening in mine
-"That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore", The Smiths


Posts: 229 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Washington, DC
SerJR
♂ Member
Member # 14993
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, July 23rd (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

Posts: 17097 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Further North than South
taintedzodiac
♂ Member
Member # 24726
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, July 23rd (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I bookmarked and read this post every night. It's extremely inspirational and drilling it into my head has helped thus far. Thanks!

Posts: 275 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: PA
nooneeverthought
♀ Member
Member # 20157
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, August 4th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump to page one


it doesn't matter where you go in life ,it's who you have the beside you

Posts: 8493 | Registered: Jul 2008
gracelesslady
♀ Member
Member # 21550
Default  Posted: 9:20 AM, August 9th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


BW (me) 54
WH (him) 50
MOW (her) 32
Married 13 years
D-Day 10/30/2008
Trying to R

I've seen this happen in other people's lives
And now it's happening in mine
-"That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore", The Smiths


Posts: 229 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Washington, DC
jewel123
♀ Member
Member # 22863
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, August 11th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


BS me 44
H 46 (paulie)
married 25 years (hs sweethearts)
dday 8-08
DS19
DS23
New love is the brightest, and long love is the greatest, but revived love is the tenderest thing known on earth. -Thomas Hardy
Reconciled! :)

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: MO
HeavyE
♂ Member
Member # 19333
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, September 1st (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


You can't change the wind, but you can adjust your sails.

Me Tarzan
Her Jane

Reconciled
D-Day 4/14/08


Posts: 9561 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Birthplace of America's Music
Scanda
♀ Member
Member # 25387
Default  Posted: 11:11 PM, September 1st (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bless you for the bump. This is food for my soul.


54 BW
53 WH
Married 24 years
Together 25
DDay July 28, 2008
no kids
WH moved Aug 10, 2009

Posts: 54 | Registered: Sep 2009
bufffalo
♂ Member
Member # 21854
Default  Posted: 7:17 AM, September 5th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump for the "rookies"!

Thanks SerJr.


DDay 9/25/2008
R started 11/10/08
BH-me

Posts: 5822 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Texas
bufffalo
♂ Member
Member # 21854
Default  Posted: 9:01 PM, September 6th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


DDay 9/25/2008
R started 11/10/08
BH-me

Posts: 5822 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Texas
gracelesslady
♀ Member
Member # 21550
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, September 15th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bumping for newbies


BW (me) 54
WH (him) 50
MOW (her) 32
Married 13 years
D-Day 10/30/2008
Trying to R

I've seen this happen in other people's lives
And now it's happening in mine
-"That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore", The Smiths


Posts: 229 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Washington, DC
bufffalo
♂ Member
Member # 21854
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, September 19th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


DDay 9/25/2008
R started 11/10/08
BH-me

Posts: 5822 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Texas
ams02
♀ Member
Member # 25400
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, September 19th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for this....I wish I had seen it right after D-Day as I was/have been doing it completely wrong.

Telling him I love him, still doing everything for him (I am just so used to it by now), even having sex.

And it's weird, because now that I have had some time to process everything, now I regret having sex with him again so soon because that is probably part of the reason why he thinks everything is OK again.


BW (Me):28
WH (Him): 30
Married 8 years
3 boys (12, 6 and 2)
DDay 7/27/2009
MOW#1 - 2007
MOW#2 - 2009
MOW#3 - 2009
MOW were former friends
"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to put its pants back on"

Posts: 158 | Registered: Sep 2009
nooneeverthought
♀ Member
Member # 20157
Default  Posted: 5:04 PM, September 20th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


it doesn't matter where you go in life ,it's who you have the beside you

Posts: 8493 | Registered: Jul 2008
SerJR
♂ Member
Member # 14993
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, October 7th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seeing a few questions raised about the 180 by some newer members


Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

Posts: 17097 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Further North than South
quedagh
♂ Member
Member # 24195
Default  Posted: 11:51 PM, November 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Divorced and safer, mostly.


Posts: 803 | Registered: May 2009 | From: Recovery Land
JustKeepSwimmig
♀ Member
Member # 19269
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, November 4th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Mr. JKS - EA/PA
DDay - April 2008

Posts: 2143 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Canada
Finesse026
♀ Member
Member # 25868
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, November 4th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I agree with you Ams.....I was so blinded by trying to fix things that I was feeding him cake! H even told me that he knew that I wouldn't leave him!!! Ugh! I told him he better rethink that statement! I don't need H. Since then, 180 baby!!

I don't know if it's helping him, but I don't care. It's helping me an that's the point. I feel stronger each day. Sure I still ge down, but I know I am no out :)

thank you for bumpin this fir the newbies like me!!


Together: 8.5 years
Married: 5 years
BW: 32
WH: 34
Angel baby: Nov. 09
OC born June '10

filed for D Oct. 15, served Dec 18
D final June 21, 2011


Posts: 1795 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: Wonderland
Topic Posts: 553
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