SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Just a little bit of background. I wrote this letter to my friend but she is not married, never been through any of this, and I thought I could get a little more from my SI friends.

Im still living with my STBXH. Divorce will be final July 3. Was all set to move May 30th and was excited. Then I find out they want me in by next friday, May 16th and im rushing to get packed. Then it all hit me:

Im a little out of source today. Packing has really gotten to me. Probably because the first thing I started packing had those great pictures of me and STBXH together in them...Its hard. I know that I need to be moving on, but i keep finding myself crying over the fact that it is happening so soon. Its really getting to me today but Im trying to hold myself together at work.

On top of all of that, I got to DS2 and DS3's school today to drop them off and there was this big mothers day breakfast there for me and the other moms. Ugh, cried a river then too. Its STBXH's weekend. I dont get them for mothers day. Im so sad right now dude. I dont want to be alone.

Im feeling a lot of ups and downs lately,...i was way up yesterday, and way down today...I dont know if i can chalk that up to the monthly thing going on, or if it is something that I should really be concerned about. Im scared and lonely, and im really just needing someone to be strong for me today. Im always so strong. I always hold it together. But i just cant fucking do it right now.

You can do it.

We're here to help.

(((((STE)))))

I dont think I have felt this weak since the day I filed. In fact, I think this is the first time I have really broken down since then...Just lost

It's written in my decree that I have my kids on Mother's Day weekend--the WHOLE weekend. He has them the WHOLE Father's Day weekend.

Make sure that this is added. Also add in that the kids are with you for your birthday. Don't forget that one.

Cat

Im sorry, but that really doesnt help me to feel better right now. Just feeling stupid for not thinking about it earlier. I do appreciate your help though.

He's an ass for preventing his kids to be with you on Mother's Day.

Cat

That helps a little...

I would challenge it with him. Why should you be alone on Mother's Day?

And trust me, I can relate. EVERY single Mother's Day since we have been separated, my ex has planned things with them and then pretended he wasn't aware of Mother's Day, insisted they come over to celebrate Mother's Day with the OW (he lives with her), etc.

I had it written into my decree as a result, and he STILL pulled this shit.

So, I took a proactive approach. I planned the whole weekend with them. He can't see them. I know he'll try, but he can't.

Besides, any moron like my ex who has bounced three child support checks in the last 5 months doesn't deserve any breaks.

Cat

Right now im just freaking out about all the ups and downs. Up until i found out I have to move in next friday i was fine, excited, ready to purge, downsize, and get a move on...

Now all of the sudden I cant confront anything in my house. I cant concentrate at work, not eating again, not sleeping. having a hard time finishing a sentence at this point. I cant keep a convincing smile on my face at work to save my life.

What the hell just happened? I was fine,...FINE just a couple of days ago!

Did you ever notice how much it physically hurts to fake happiness for the sake of professionalism when you are really miserable?

Now all of the sudden I cant confront anything in my house. I cant concentrate at work, not eating again, not sleeping. having a hard time finishing a sentence at this point. I cant keep a convincing smile on my face at work to save my life.

Nothing new here - I was that was for the better part of a year till these emotions started to subside!

Hang in here as these rough feelings will pass.

-t2g

PS: Yes -- faking happiness sucks!

TY, t2g

STE, I know exactly how you feel. I am in the process of purging so I can put my house on the market. Even though I can't wait to get out of this house and away from the memories, it's really hard and sad at times. And you react to the silliest or smallest things at time. I had to move the kids' train table down to the basement and I thought I was going to cry seeing the room w/o it. It's been in there since we moved in the house 7 years ago.

Hang in there. I know that doesn't help any, believe me. But honestly, there's nothing else we can do. I'm just really hoping for better times to come in the future. They have to, right? The pain and sadness diminishes a little as time goes by, but I think it will take awhile.

You have to remember that we didn't ask for this or want this. We got married for the long term. We thought we would have our families intact forever. So it's going to be hard on us ... for awhile ... to deal with it all.

It sucks and it's not fair, but unfortunately, these are our lives now. And try not to beat yourself up for breaking down or crying over little things. You have to allow yourself to grieve. Letting it out will help in the long run.

In terms of Mother's Day, your soon-to-be ex should understand you wanting to be with your kids on your special day. I would ask him if he could bring them home Sunday morning so that you can spend the day with them. And mention that you will do the same for him when it's Father's Day. That's only fair to both of you. He shouldn't deprive you of that. It's your right.

Good luck and keep your chin up! (Said from the woman that's been fighting back tears all week b/c May 10th is (was) our wedding anniversary!)

(((((hugs)))))

This really is still so new for you - it's like only a moment has passed. But I promise you, you can get through this. You will find peace and the pain will go away. Right now you're being hit with all that raw emotion, and I remember how hard that was.

We understand, and we're here for you.

Thank you everyone. Today is a much stronger day for me. I have been trying to keep very busy. This time next week I will be in my new downtown apartment and I am excited/scared/every emotion in the world!

I got up very early this morning and loaded all the laundry into the car, headed for the laundromat. I sold my brand new deep red front loading washer and dryer to cover the deposit of my new place so this will be the routine for a bit.

After bringing home the laundry I headed out for the downtown park and enjoyed the air while surfing on my laptop with their free wifi...Cleared my head a bit..went to my dealership and got an oil change all the while preparing myself to come home to what I once knew as home to pack up my life. As I type, my bedroom is in shambles..Im purging. Throwing away a ton of stuff and doing my damndest to not look at any one thing for too long....Just look, do i need it or not, trash or pack...thats it. Im taking a break to write this.

Tomorrow is still uncertain. I have no idea wether or not I will get the kids for the whole day, but at least I know that they will be home in the evening.

Today Im stronger, tomorrow is too far away to judge just yet. For now im breathing in and out, in and out,...and packing one thing at a time.

I dont know how much I will be online this week, but will touch base as much as I can. Thank you all for your continued support...SI is my rock right now, and I would be lost without you all.