Return to Forum List

Return to Just Found Out

SurvivingInfidelity.com® > Just Found Out

You are not logged in. Login here or register.

Tactical Primer

Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45

TwoHearts posted 9/26/2008 08:57 AM

6-9 months are full of mood swings from "it's going to be okay" to "Why am I even trying." Your thoughts are emotion driven and not dependable.

9-12 months you can actually go about 15 minutes without thinking about "it." One morning I stepped out of the shower and realized that I hadn't thought of the affair yet. But sadly, those times were few and far between. You're still up and down emotionally.

Then at 12 months, sobbing again with the disappointment in your spouses selfishness

14 months you are able to have a heartfelt happy moment.

18 months the incredible crush of despair is gone. You wake up one morning and realize that the A was something that happened, not something that is happening.

20 months you no longer feel like your world is in danger. Trusting again, with your heart if not with your brain. Constantly questioning your own feelings but you realize it is fear stalking you now, not danger.

22 months you can see a future. You don't cry at the drop of a hat. You can watch television without falling apart at a love scene. Actually feeling almost back to your normal self. You finally loose that sense of being "outside" yourself. The phases can trick you, you think you're doing great at five weeks and then you hit the bottom of the well at 12 weeks. You can be raging at 10 months with a horrible anger that never appeared early on.


Great help, even to those of us who have been around here for a while. The only thought I had about what else might help is the time line quote from the healing library.

What you said was very helpful and when I combined it with the general time lines experienced by BS's it really helped put it all in perspective. Like you said, a general tactical process that might help newbies know what to expect and how to deal with it.

Well Said,

Thanks Again

SerJR posted 9/29/2008 11:37 AM

SerJR posted 10/9/2008 10:12 AM

twopercenter posted 10/13/2008 03:46 AM

I wish I had been able to read this two years ago.

tractorgirl posted 10/15/2008 08:01 AM

bump

DownNotOut posted 10/15/2008 08:10 AM

Even though I am over 2 years out from initial dday your primer is still a very useful tool.

Thanks SerJR for putting it together and putting it out here for all the newbies (and oldtimers).

toohurt posted 10/15/2008 08:22 AM

As I have 'just found out', this is the most important piece of information I have found to date anywhere on the internet. Even my counselor hasn't been this much help.
Thank you, thank you from the bottom of my heart.

keeks posted 10/15/2008 08:59 AM

Ser GREAT JOB!!!! This should be either in the healing library or my preference at the top of this forum....Just a hint mods...

hurtingstudent posted 10/24/2008 06:13 AM

Bumping back to the top for new members.

SerJR posted 10/24/2008 18:35 PM

tractorgirl posted 10/27/2008 08:02 AM

bump

jjct posted 10/29/2008 06:13 AM

btt

Behindthemask posted 11/7/2008 11:20 AM

Im glad LostatSea4 sent me this link. This really is a good thing to look over. Thank you

woundedby2 posted 11/12/2008 07:06 AM

Bumping for the new, hurting ones.

mella_love posted 11/12/2008 08:14 AM

Wow ... I'm really glad that I saw this. Its been three months since my d-day and I'm still so lost.

I just joined SI the other day. I've just been reading everything in the Library (along with some of these posts) and I already feel better.

So thank you.
ML

HoBeGone posted 11/12/2008 09:25 AM

THIS is absolutely amazingly perfectly well stated and needs to be seen/read by EVERY SINGLE BS!!

Thank you for posting this AND to everyone who replied ..

LostatSea4 posted 11/12/2008 10:02 AM

I am really happy it helped you BehindtheMask. It helped me a lot too when Ser put it up on one of my posts!
Thanks Ser.

soldieron posted 11/13/2008 17:11 PM

bump

SerJR posted 11/25/2008 16:42 PM

Missjane posted 11/25/2008 19:29 PM

this should be a must reread before joining the club nobody ever wanted to be a part of...

then again, it could be in inspirations, the healing library, and reconcillation....

glad I stumbled upon it...

Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45

Return to Forum List

Return to Just Found Out

© 2002-2016 SurvivingInfidelity.com ®. All Rights Reserved.