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Tactical Primer

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ThoughtIKnewYa posted 1/17/2009 11:03 AM

caribou posted 1/22/2009 04:31 AM

and bump

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 1/28/2009 16:09 PM

twopercenter posted 2/2/2009 02:17 AM

Bump!

twopercenter posted 2/2/2009 02:17 AM

Bump!

mom-of-3 posted 2/2/2009 08:46 AM

thank-you for bumping this!

ThoughtIKnewYa posted 2/3/2009 10:27 AM

betterdaysahead posted 2/19/2009 11:01 AM

bumped

StoryHour posted 2/19/2009 11:57 AM

This really should be stickied.

snowed posted 2/19/2009 12:25 PM

Stickied? It should be mandatory reading material right after you get married. "I know you both promised to be faithful, but the reality is, likely ain't gonna happen. So this is what to do."
Feeling a bit jaded today.

FastForward posted 2/24/2009 09:24 AM

sofresh posted 2/24/2009 09:40 AM

I fear if I tell poeple like his co-workers, her parents, his employer, his parents that he would NEVER forgive me.
And I fear he'll get fired.

sofresh posted 2/25/2009 07:59 AM

I told him that his mother knew something was wrong...I had told her three weeks ago about the fact that my paranoia (which I now know was concrete suspicion) was upseting him and that we weren't getting along.

Yeah...I feel like it's 1 step forward 4 steps back.

But at this point I believe it is in God's hands and no matter what I do...make him happy,kiss his ass, piss him off ask too many questions.....that it's going to end the same way regardless.

I think we all need to see things that way...if I were to force him to stay waht gratification would that give me...I would feel more loved for him to decide on his own accord.

SerJR posted 2/25/2009 10:12 AM

sofresh - you're quite right that you can't control him and that you don't want a relationship with him where he is a reluctant partner. What's important is to set up those personal boundaries for ourselves to protect what is important to us. By taking charge in this manner, we force a WS's hand into making the decision they were going to make and pull ourselves out of the limbo so that we are able to move forward with our lives. The techniques mentioned in here not only help to rebuild our empowerment, but also apply motivating factors to promote that movement.

redrock posted 2/27/2009 20:36 PM

Bumping

NoMoreNiceGuy posted 3/13/2009 15:42 PM

SerJR - Thank you. It's been 2 1/2 years since seperation for us and we are at a weird stand-off phase (no-win). She cries for 'lovy-love' but it seems to never get us anywhere. There's just another fault of mine that'll be the NEXT big issue (excuse) to hold of reconciliation. So I posted a question in the Recon. Forum, (Lovy-Love)Love Dare vs. Tough Love? and received near 200 responses and counting. Unanimously in favor of Tough-Love/180. But -socold- just led me here and the info just might be what it takes to break the stale-mate. Thanks allot! And great work.
NiceGuy

[This message edited by NoMoreNiceGuy at 3:43 PM, March 13th (Friday)]

brohl5 posted 3/19/2009 13:53 PM

bumping for newbies

tkd1 posted 3/19/2009 21:51 PM

yay for this Primer...thanks again Ser.

Brokken posted 3/20/2009 12:15 PM

Could not agree more...

Anyone have suggestions or experience that would help me decide if it is time to pull the trigger on Step #4?

Want2Run posted 3/20/2009 12:22 PM

This is a great help. Thank you!!Calms me down a bit just to see it in simple steps.

Karma62 posted 3/20/2009 15:29 PM

You seem to be the experienced person. I am new. My only comment on your primer is the not spending time together part initially. Ok,.... like the first 2 - weeks painful, but the next 2 months were key to spend time (or is that the 3 - 6 month thing?). We took two trips since D-day, skiing and the UK, both good ideas for us and our therapist said also. He goes away and I am lost. Being togehter seems to help, for both of us to get over this.

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