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Newest Member: starlit (45061)

Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Tactical Primer
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, January 17th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 11686 | Registered: Mar 2008
caribou
♀ Member
Member # 21852
Default  Posted: 4:31 AM, January 22nd (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

and bump


Me- BS 40 yrs
D-Day 29 Sept 08

"When dealing with a cake-eater you close the bakery" - Catwoman


Posts: 481 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Melbourne, Australia
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, January 28th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 11686 | Registered: Mar 2008
twopercenter
♂ Member
Member # 17024
Default  Posted: 2:17 AM, February 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump!

Posts: 273 | Registered: Nov 2007
twopercenter
♂ Member
Member # 17024
Default  Posted: 2:17 AM, February 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump!

Posts: 273 | Registered: Nov 2007
mom-of-3
♀ New Member
Member # 22623
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, February 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank-you for bumping this!


Me: 35WH: 32
Together 11 years, married for 5
Kids - D9, S4 & S2He's had 3 PA's & 1 EAWe're both now in counseling... I'm considering R

Posts: 12 | Registered: Jan 2009
ThoughtIKnewYa
♀ Member
Member # 18449
Default  Posted: 10:27 AM, February 3rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 11686 | Registered: Mar 2008
betterdaysahead
♀ Member
Member # 12309
Default  Posted: 11:01 AM, February 19th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bumped


The best thing about telling the truth is that you don't have to remember what you said. ☯

Posts: 13649 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Canada
StoryHour
♀ Member
Member # 19725
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, February 19th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This really should be stickied.


3 Strikes you're out pal!
D. 8-10


Posts: 2034 | Registered: May 2008
snowed
Member
Member # 22895
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, February 19th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stickied? It should be mandatory reading material right after you get married. "I know you both promised to be faithful, but the reality is, likely ain't gonna happen. So this is what to do."
Feeling a bit jaded today.

Posts: 75 | Registered: Feb 2009
FastForward
♂ Member
Member # 22073
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, February 24th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 207 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: So. FL.
sofresh
♀ Member
Member # 22912
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, February 24th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I fear if I tell poeple like his co-workers, her parents, his employer, his parents that he would NEVER forgive me.
And I fear he'll get fired.


ME BW 30 & DS 14 mos.
STBXWH 38 sociopath, SA living with OW 25
D day #1
4 F/R's and corresponding D days
For unhealthy relationships, Dr Seuss would probably say to us…
“Be happy its over, don't cry because it happened”

Posts: 630 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: NY
sofresh
♀ Member
Member # 22912
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, February 25th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I told him that his mother knew something was wrong...I had told her three weeks ago about the fact that my paranoia (which I now know was concrete suspicion) was upseting him and that we weren't getting along.

Yeah...I feel like it's 1 step forward 4 steps back.

But at this point I believe it is in God's hands and no matter what I do...make him happy,kiss his ass, piss him off ask too many questions.....that it's going to end the same way regardless.

I think we all need to see things that way...if I were to force him to stay waht gratification would that give me...I would feel more loved for him to decide on his own accord.


ME BW 30 & DS 14 mos.
STBXWH 38 sociopath, SA living with OW 25
D day #1
4 F/R's and corresponding D days
For unhealthy relationships, Dr Seuss would probably say to us…
“Be happy its over, don't cry because it happened”

Posts: 630 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: NY
SerJR
♂ Member
Member # 14993
Default  Posted: 10:12 AM, February 25th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sofresh - you're quite right that you can't control him and that you don't want a relationship with him where he is a reluctant partner. What's important is to set up those personal boundaries for ourselves to protect what is important to us. By taking charge in this manner, we force a WS's hand into making the decision they were going to make and pull ourselves out of the limbo so that we are able to move forward with our lives. The techniques mentioned in here not only help to rebuild our empowerment, but also apply motivating factors to promote that movement.


Me: BH - Happily remarried.
Hope is never lost. It exists within you - it is real. It is not a force in and of itself - it is something that you create with every thought, action, and choice you make. It is a gift that you create for yourself.

Posts: 17097 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Further North than South
redrock
♀ Member
Member # 21538
Default  Posted: 8:36 PM, February 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping


I don't respect anyone that can't spell a word more than one way:)

Posts: 3156 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Michigan
NoMoreNiceGuy
♂ Member
Member # 22956
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, March 13th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SerJR - Thank you. It's been 2 1/2 years since seperation for us and we are at a weird stand-off phase (no-win). She cries for 'lovy-love' but it seems to never get us anywhere. There's just another fault of mine that'll be the NEXT big issue (excuse) to hold of reconciliation. So I posted a question in the Recon. Forum, (Lovy-Love)Love Dare vs. Tough Love? and received near 200 responses and counting. Unanimously in favor of Tough-Love/180. But -socold- just led me here and the info just might be what it takes to break the stale-mate. Thanks allot! And great work.
NiceGuy

[This message edited by NoMoreNiceGuy at 3:43 PM, March 13th (Friday)]


Posts: 73 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Salem, OR
brohl5
♀ Member
Member # 13440
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, March 19th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bumping for newbies


I'm not going to let this define me anymore. He's gone and I couldn't be happier.

You couldn't have told me in July and December of 2006, but there really is a life after this mess.

Breathe, just breathe.


Posts: 5650 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: Indiana
tkd1
♀ Member
Member # 6661
Default  Posted: 9:51 PM, March 19th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

yay for this Primer...thanks again Ser.


"We opened up the wine and we just let it breathe
But we shoulda drank it down while it was still sweet;
It all goes bad eventually."

Posts: 2905 | Registered: Mar 2005 | From: SE Ga
Brokken
♂ Member
Member # 22373
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, March 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Could not agree more...

Anyone have suggestions or experience that would help me decide if it is time to pull the trigger on Step #4?


Together 6 years...
Married 08/08/08
D-Day #1 - 01/01/09
D-Day #2 - 03/10/09
Divorced - 10/16/09

"Don't make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option..."


Posts: 164 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: SLC, UT - USA
Want2Run
♀ Member
Member # 22745
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, March 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is a great help. Thank you!!Calms me down a bit just to see it in simple steps.


Happily divorced!!
Moved on...well we still have to co-parent...

Posts: 304 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Mid-Atlantic
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