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Just Found Out Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Tactical Primer
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, April 26th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump

Posts: 7445 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
Thinkingtoomuch
♀ Member
Member # 31765
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, April 27th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have read the Tactical Primer. Haven't given up completely yet on R but working towards it.

My ex fiance of 8 yrs. is still in the fog of 1+ yr. A. He is now living 600 mi. away altho, OW has condo 150 mi.away and the 600 mi.

He got all remorseful with me and was talking "maybe R-thinking about it", 2 weekends (3?) in a row when she broke up with him and then was out of touch for 2-3 days in a row.

So when he calls he sounds all down, knows he'd be making a commitment to me if he moved back here. But the down is really because he's upset she is out of contact and he's sad and upset and freaking out.

I don't answer the phone for a couple days when he calls. I've done 180 since the beginning. But since we're not married, I don't feel like I have any leverage or right to tell him to stop the A, or to tell his friends what has happened. I found out about the A 6.5 weeks ago.

By the way, he only calls me on Fri. or the weekend, not during the week. Just a couple months ago and for the whole engagement 8 years he called every day.He loves to talk. So he must be talking to her everyday still. I figure he's getting his feeling connected/cared for needs met from me when she's not available.

Easter Sunday he mentioned R again. I told him he needed to stop contact with her. That it was like an addiction and that talking to an IC could help. He actually agreed. But he probably won't cuz of the FOG.

So any ideas about what to do if you're not legally married,no financial or legal backup,but had a loving joined at the hip relationship before? 1+yr is a long time for an A and it really ruined our relationship for that time and put me in a bad light. Hence there are those negative memories he has of us while he deliberatly set me up. It does feel helpless but am trying to stay positive.

I am at the point after all my pain and reading so many posts of just letting them have ea. other. But there's still that piece of that says 'maybe, just maybe...'

[This message edited by Thinkingtoomuch at 8:04 AM, April 27th (Wednesday)]


Posts: 782 | Registered: Apr 2011
Fighting2Survive
♀ Member
Member # 28410
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, April 29th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well

"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces


Posts: 7279 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: NC
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 9:45 AM, May 6th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump

Posts: 7445 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
broken~soul
♀ Member
Member # 32029
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, May 6th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is VERY HELPFUL information for Newbies! Thank you


BS- me
WH- in denial
d-day #1 2000- no confession...
d-day #2 2011- discovered still in contact with OW #1, still no confession...
d-day #3 In the works- just come to my senses and figured out that there is possibly OC in the mix now.

Posts: 90 | Registered: Apr 2011
bufffalo
♂ Member
Member # 21854
Default  Posted: 11:42 AM, May 7th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


DDay 9/25/2008
R started 11/10/08
BH-me

Posts: 5814 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Texas
seeker2010
♀ Member
Member # 31552
Default  Posted: 12:37 PM, May 9th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can this have a sticky or tack applied to it so it stays at the top? I didn't find it until just today. I could have used a lot of this information before. Thanks!

Posts: 183 | Registered: Mar 2011
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, May 11th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump

Posts: 7445 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
Fighting2Survive
♀ Member
Member # 28410
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, May 14th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well

"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces


Posts: 7279 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: NC
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, May 17th (Tuesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump

Posts: 7445 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 9:47 AM, May 21st (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump

Posts: 7445 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
nooneeverthought
♀ Member
Member # 20157
Default  Posted: 5:09 PM, May 25th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump


it doesn't matter where you go in life ,it's who you have the beside you

Posts: 8493 | Registered: Jul 2008
annb
♀ Member
Member # 22386
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, May 26th (Thursday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bumped by request!

Posts: 7445 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: Northeast
LAFA
♂ Member
Member # 31868
Default  Posted: 2:43 PM, May 27th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump.


When you put someone on a pedestal, they quickly learn two things. The view is mighty good from up there, and it is a fine vantage from which to kick.

Posts: 183 | Registered: Apr 2011 | From: Hawaii
Cee64D
♂ Member
Member # 21836
Default  Posted: 1:17 AM, May 28th (Saturday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


The hardest part of forgiveness is accepting it from others...
Me BH 44
Clarrissa FWW 44
D-Day 04 Oct, 2008

Posts: 2740 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Ohio
Rise_Above
♀ Member
Member # 23674
Default  Posted: 12:49 AM, June 6th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


You can live the way you believe this is your opportunity to let your life be one that lights the way~F.Battistelli

*****
God's hand was an avocado branch


Posts: 14226 | Registered: Apr 2009 | From: Chrys a lis
Cee64D
♂ Member
Member # 21836
Default  Posted: 9:35 PM, June 13th (Monday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


The hardest part of forgiveness is accepting it from others...
Me BH 44
Clarrissa FWW 44
D-Day 04 Oct, 2008

Posts: 2740 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Ohio
Take2
♀ Member
Member # 23890
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, June 15th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump


"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us." Joseph Campbell...So, If fear was not a factor - what would you do?

Posts: 4112 | Registered: May 2009 | From: New England
Cee64D
♂ Member
Member # 21836
Default  Posted: 10:04 PM, June 15th (Wednesday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


The hardest part of forgiveness is accepting it from others...
Me BH 44
Clarrissa FWW 44
D-Day 04 Oct, 2008

Posts: 2740 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Ohio
SuspiciousWife
♀ Member
Member # 18108
Default  Posted: 10:47 PM, June 17th (Friday), 2011View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bumping


Me - BW, 44
Him - FWH, 44
OW - former co-worker
3 great kids
DDay - April 25, 2008 - mostly EA with one make-out session

Posts: 557 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: East Coast
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