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Tactical Primer

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annb posted 4/26/2011 22:05 PM

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Thinkingtoomuch posted 4/27/2011 07:54 AM

I have read the Tactical Primer. Haven't given up completely yet on R but working towards it.

My ex fiance of 8 yrs. is still in the fog of 1+ yr. A. He is now living 600 mi. away altho, OW has condo 150 mi.away and the 600 mi.

He got all remorseful with me and was talking "maybe R-thinking about it", 2 weekends (3?) in a row when she broke up with him and then was out of touch for 2-3 days in a row.

So when he calls he sounds all down, knows he'd be making a commitment to me if he moved back here. But the down is really because he's upset she is out of contact and he's sad and upset and freaking out.

I don't answer the phone for a couple days when he calls. I've done 180 since the beginning. But since we're not married, I don't feel like I have any leverage or right to tell him to stop the A, or to tell his friends what has happened. I found out about the A 6.5 weeks ago.

By the way, he only calls me on Fri. or the weekend, not during the week. Just a couple months ago and for the whole engagement 8 years he called every day.He loves to talk. So he must be talking to her everyday still. I figure he's getting his feeling connected/cared for needs met from me when she's not available.

Easter Sunday he mentioned R again. I told him he needed to stop contact with her. That it was like an addiction and that talking to an IC could help. He actually agreed. But he probably won't cuz of the FOG.

So any ideas about what to do if you're not legally married,no financial or legal backup,but had a loving joined at the hip relationship before? 1+yr is a long time for an A and it really ruined our relationship for that time and put me in a bad light. Hence there are those negative memories he has of us while he deliberatly set me up. It does feel helpless but am trying to stay positive.

I am at the point after all my pain and reading so many posts of just letting them have ea. other. But there's still that piece of that says 'maybe, just maybe...'

[This message edited by Thinkingtoomuch at 8:04 AM, April 27th (Wednesday)]

Fighting2Survive posted 4/29/2011 20:29 PM

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annb posted 5/6/2011 09:45 AM

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broken~soul posted 5/6/2011 11:30 AM

That is VERY HELPFUL information for Newbies! Thank you

bufffalo posted 5/7/2011 11:42 AM

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seeker2010 posted 5/9/2011 12:37 PM

Can this have a sticky or tack applied to it so it stays at the top? I didn't find it until just today. I could have used a lot of this information before. Thanks!

annb posted 5/11/2011 16:28 PM

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Fighting2Survive posted 5/14/2011 20:41 PM

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annb posted 5/17/2011 13:30 PM

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annb posted 5/21/2011 09:47 AM

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nooneeverthought posted 5/25/2011 17:09 PM

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annb posted 5/26/2011 15:01 PM

bumped by request!

LAFA posted 5/27/2011 14:43 PM

Bump.

Cee64D posted 5/28/2011 01:17 AM

Rise_Above posted 6/6/2011 00:49 AM

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Cee64D posted 6/13/2011 21:35 PM

Take2 posted 6/15/2011 08:38 AM

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Cee64D posted 6/15/2011 22:04 PM

SuspiciousWife posted 6/17/2011 22:47 PM

Bumping

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