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Tactical Primer

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shopper13 posted 8/5/2008 15:44 PM

What a great resource this is. Thanks!

wonderingbull posted 8/9/2008 12:44 PM

Bump for newbies

oldtimer97 posted 8/13/2008 03:36 AM

bump

AFguy posted 8/15/2008 13:40 PM

bump

wonderingbull posted 8/16/2008 13:05 PM

Bump

burnt_toast posted 8/22/2008 21:34 PM

bumpsey bump

cards96 posted 8/23/2008 00:12 AM

GREAT post SerJr, wish it would have been around when I was new to this rollercoaster. Only thing I would add is don't make any snap decisions, think before you act. Your actions will have an impact, positive, negative or neutral, and be prepared to deal with that.

Balancing Act posted 8/26/2008 07:41 AM

bumping for the newbies....this is good stuff!!

Balancing Act posted 8/29/2008 05:52 AM

bump

futureshock posted 8/29/2008 13:30 PM

Thank you SerJR, one of the best posts I have read so far. My only disconnect was with your advice on reconciliation when you said

- Avoid spending too much time together to try and force recovery.

We are in day six and it has been non-stop talking. This increased communication makes us feel we are getting closer. After reading your advice I am now conflicted as to whether we should continue this intense or maybe obsessive communication.

SerJR posted 8/29/2008 14:08 PM

Hey futureshock - the key point to that statement is the word 'force'. If the communication is coming naturally and you are not uncomfortable spending that much time together then that is great and I encourage you both to keep it up!

The key is that is that you don't want to smother each other or force things to happen at an unnatural pace and be respectful of each other's need for space and other emotional needs.

As for the primer, it presents the general action plan - adapt the tactics as necessary to fit your own situation.

futureshock posted 8/29/2008 14:18 PM

That clears it up very well for me. Thank you again SerJR

Balancing Act posted 8/31/2008 16:31 PM

bump

SophieKnows posted 9/1/2008 14:53 PM

What a great post.. I am only in phase 1, collecting all my evidence. This is a very painful process, but I know I need to do this.

Balancing Act posted 9/5/2008 08:41 AM

bump

pitiful posted 9/7/2008 20:42 PM

Bump for humiliated again.

bbee posted 9/10/2008 23:48 PM

bump

SerJR posted 9/25/2008 17:34 PM

IKnowNow posted 9/26/2008 03:45 AM

Great SerJR!
*just bumping*

HelpMeUnderstand posted 9/26/2008 06:03 AM

I wish I had this at the beginning of my journey. THANK YOU so much for your insight. I've been on this site before, but didn't really know where I fit in. Now I know. It's hard to start healing when you don't know where to begin. You made my day!

TwoHearts posted 9/26/2008 08:57 AM

6-9 months are full of mood swings from "it's going to be okay" to "Why am I even trying." Your thoughts are emotion driven and not dependable.

9-12 months you can actually go about 15 minutes without thinking about "it." One morning I stepped out of the shower and realized that I hadn't thought of the affair yet. But sadly, those times were few and far between. You're still up and down emotionally.

Then at 12 months, sobbing again with the disappointment in your spouses selfishness

14 months you are able to have a heartfelt happy moment.

18 months the incredible crush of despair is gone. You wake up one morning and realize that the A was something that happened, not something that is happening.

20 months you no longer feel like your world is in danger. Trusting again, with your heart if not with your brain. Constantly questioning your own feelings but you realize it is fear stalking you now, not danger.

22 months you can see a future. You don't cry at the drop of a hat. You can watch television without falling apart at a love scene. Actually feeling almost back to your normal self. You finally loose that sense of being "outside" yourself. The phases can trick you, you think you're doing great at five weeks and then you hit the bottom of the well at 12 weeks. You can be raging at 10 months with a horrible anger that never appeared early on.


Great help, even to those of us who have been around here for a while. The only thought I had about what else might help is the time line quote from the healing library.

What you said was very helpful and when I combined it with the general time lines experienced by BS's it really helped put it all in perspective. Like you said, a general tactical process that might help newbies know what to expect and how to deal with it.

Well Said,

Thanks Again

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