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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N. P.D Thread - Part VI
gillianbx
♀ Member
Member # 18465
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, August 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All of our businesses were in my name only because he was not a US citizen at the time. All of the lawsuits and indictments against him have my name on them also as a co-defendant. My name is on everything, so I am part of the investigation, but I have no information because I did not run the businesses and I was not involved in all of his illegal crap. I have nothing to bargain with. I have no documents are information to trade with. Even if I did testify against him, I have nothing to say. I don't know what he did. I only know what he has been accused of after the fact.


"If you want to change your reality, change your focus. If you want to change your focus, change the questions you ask yourself. Questions control your focus, therefore questions control your own experience of life." -Kobi Yamada


Posts: 128 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: missouri
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 1:20 PM, August 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

have my name on them also as a co-defendant.

That may be a technicality that can be changed at any time.
Especially since he has a L for this.Theoretically this guy is also your L on this case at this time.

You should be able to get that split off because of the old "best interests of the client" thing.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 1:30 PM, August 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All of our businesses were in my name only because he was not a US citizen at the time. All of the lawsuits and indictments against him have my name on them also as a co-defendant. My name is on everything, so I am part of the investigation, but I have no information because I did not run the businesses and I was not involved in all of his illegal crap. I have nothing to bargain with. I have no documents are information to trade with. Even if I did testify against him, I have nothing to say. I don't know what he did. I only know what he has been accused of after the fact.

They can come after the both of you because you were married at the time all of this occurred. Obviously, fraud occurred. That's not in question. What will be in question is who is culpable. My cousin didn't know about her husband's activities -- but she could name people that he was involved with, times that they did their runs, etc. You know more than you think you do, and that's what your husband is afraid of. If you are a co-defendant, that means that you are probably going to trial anyway. If they look at the bleak picture that you present, you're going to jail anyway if you sit back and say nothing. They will look at how you have stuck by him and covered up for him instead.

And there is absolutely nothing that PROHIBITS spouses from testifying against each other. Your husband is probably a career criminal. He knows he's going down. There's no way he's going to escape prison. So long as you remain married to him and don't speak up, you're going to prison, too. The only scenario where you get to stay out of prison is if you disconnect yourself from him. The longer and more entangled you become with him, the worse off you will be. What makes you think that he won't have a sudden change of heart and name you as the mastermind anyway? That's the only way he can avoid jail.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, August 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He's still calling and TM'ing my phones.

I'm still NC w/him.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 7:51 PM, August 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay, HB!

Gillian,

OMG. I don't even know what to say. What a horrible sitch you're in. I do have to agree that you need to hire some kind of lawyer to protect you and your kids. I'm frightened for you.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
chriscross
♂ Member
Member # 17166
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, August 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hello tribe.. its been a while..now its on part VI.

well thing are quite busy for me and my daughter. my npdxw bugs me not too often.. but still....

- blaming me for whatever shits happens to her.
- blaming me that im not call her, so that she can talk to her D. ( i want to say..if you want to call you D, get your cellphone and dial my number)
- this is sucks.. she emailed my and asking me to make her a resume. ( why in the world should i give you some favor?)

i guess npd really do some bullshits from time. thanks to this thread, i've learned a lot, and keeps me in focus to my own happiness and to set a good example to my daughter.


Posts: 85 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: philippines
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 11:55 PM, August 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey, good to hear from you Chriscross. It sounds like you are doing well in dealing with the NPD. Best wishes to you and your D.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
chriscross
♂ Member
Member # 17166
Default  Posted: 1:18 AM, August 22nd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks woundedby2!

- i've read a lot of books
- talked and have therapy session with psychologist
- google everything about her strange behavior. but.....


when it comes to dealing a person with NPD...SI is your bestfriend. thank you guys for all the comments and shared experiences.

and oh.. NC is a must!


Posts: 85 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: philippines
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 2:51 AM, August 22nd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As always, I agree with Sad! Whatever the circumstances Gillian, there is a way out. To believe this is the first step. Your freak is in his full npd glory at the moment but you do not have to accept this type of treatment. You have some excellent practical advice on here but I want to add that you need be believe that escaping him is possible. However you do it.
I used to think suicide was my only escape (what a hideous admission )but with the help of a counsellor I discovered other ways. None of which were easy but escape from the freak became possible. I sympathise with you gillian but I want you yo believe that you will get away. Can you get one of those witness protection things?

HB - Keep the nc going. You know it is for the best!

My kids are on the four day break with the freak. DD did not want to go. The freak is having decent communication with me at the moment about her. Slightly unnerving to say the least!!


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Concerned  Posted: 7:11 AM, August 22nd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He sent me more TM's to my phones last night so I just turned them off.

Just checked my email and he hasn't sent me one yet.
I have no idea what his problem is, oh wait, yeah I do.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, August 22nd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How's it going, HB? You doin' ok?

Asshat called my phone at work twice today. I have a new phone that displays the number of the caller, so I ignored him both times.

He's been out of town on business all week and is flying home today, so I knew the peace was going to end, but it sure was nice while it lasted.

I suspect he was sitting at the airport and was bored. What could be more fun than calling your favorite source of N supply and harrassing her at work? Just to pass the time, ya know?

Fucktard can leave me a message!!


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, August 22nd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WB2, I'm here for a while.
He's due within the next hour or so.

I've turned my phones off because he kept TMing and calling.

DS has his bag packed and ready to go w/his daddy.
I'm stressed.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, August 22nd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He came and picked up DS about 40 minutes ago.
Let's see how tomorrow goes.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:36 AM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got me a birthday present for the whole (((((TRIBE)))))!!!!!

How 'bout this?

"Toxic shame ...is the SOURCE of many complex and disturbing inner states...the so-called borderline conditions and disorders of narcissism."

click! goes the lock.
the tumblers of truth
toward the inevitable
OPENING
click click, they say!

here:

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=250279

and here:

http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&id=TcagkSY6w3MC&dq=toxic+shame&printsec=frontcover&source=web&ots=6QquDSSG-u&sig=VKpE24JIfla4ub5qtnRSE_M4ZTM&sa=X&oi=book_result&resnum=5&ct=result#PPR8,M1

and HEAR!
I'll be damned, jim!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BAYBEEEEE!


Posts: 6012 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 8:41 AM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Toxic shame ...is the SOURCE of many complex and disturbing inner states...the so-called borderline conditions and disorders of narcissism."

Dammitjim!
Me no comprende

Could you break that down for idiots like myself?


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 9:02 AM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday to you!!!!


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...And happy birthday to you too - and you know who you are


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 11:07 PM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Birthday JJ

Gillian you have to get away from him. You are in serious danger as long as you are married to him. It can turn bad in a second and then you will have a hard time getting out. Right now you have time on your hands to find someone to help you.

Having some one living with you to watch you and make sure you folow the "rules". sorry but that freaks me out and I would be inclined to stop that kind of crap and get free of him. He has no right to do that and intimidate you. You are the only person who can stop him since you have to reach out and enlist the help of other to get away from him.

It may mean giving up his support of the children and the kids not having visitation. Personally I don't think that a career criminal is a good person a child to spend time with, especially if they are into the kind of activities that he sound like he is. They could end up in the crossfire as well.

I know when I felt my ex I was willing to give up what ever to took to get away from him and have my kids be safe. It might take that for you as well but it is worth it and then some.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
Balancing Act
♀ Member
Member # 19047
Default  Posted: 8:08 AM, August 24th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((TRIBE))))

I've been away for a while as this thread tends to trigger me horribly, but I bit the bullet last night and tried to catch up - again...


(((Gillian))) wow...I just don't know what to say, but I want you to know that I read all this and hope that you can protect yourself and be free of his craziness...

(((HB)))...just 'cuz I'm thinking of you...

I so appreciated the reposts of cielo and catwoman's previous posts. It has helped me to remember that I cannot let him and his crap "get" to me.

We were moving along fairly nicely - agreed to get the house painted and get it on the market (this discussion has been going on since June) and just Thursday, hours before my job interview I made the mistake of checking my email to find that he has decided not to pay the painter as agreed and also to not sign the listing agreement...

One step forward, two steps back. I really should have known better than to click on that email on such an important day for me.

I started feeling the signs of a panic attack coming on (although luckily I've never had a full-blown panic attack) and immediately went into *breathe* mode. I told myself that I don't have to react to his crap and that it can be dealt with later. I had bigger things to think about and set about getting that out of my mind and focusing on my interview later in the day.

I was in a really good place by the time the interview rolled around and had really been able to forget all about his shit for a few hours.

I believe the interview went really well and I was told that it would be late this coming week before I heard anything. So now I get to sit and wait and hope and pray that I get this job. It is an amazing job with an amazing organization in exactly my field - they'd be crazy not to hire me!!!

Anyway, I'm letting the lawyer deal with his NPD bullshit about the house. His refusal was his reaction to receiving the Request for Production. I think he took issue with the fact that we are asking for expenses and photos and correspondence with any "unrelated female"....he accused me of reneging on my promise to be amicable.....

well, what the fuck is his definition of amicable???? Refusing to follow the temporary orders??? Not paying me the set amount? Not providing a notarized inventory? Not giving me access to financial information?? Not paying the painter as agreed?? Not listing the house??

yeah - he's being REALLY amicable, isn't he?

It just pisses me off no end that I am the one who has followed the court order and done what I said I would do to a T and he is the one who has done absolutely everything in his power to fuck it all up.

I just want to scream and rage and hit something....but I know I can't make him do anything and I am just trying to take it one day at a time and know that I can only do the right thing and continue to move forward.

Please, please let me get this job...i can go ahead and move and begin my new life...let him delay the process and drain our finances as a result...i don't care...I'm moving on and will just let him flop and flail and bitch and stomp like the 3 year old he is. The karma bus will be here one day, I just know it.

My best to you all...thanks for giving me a safe place to vent.....

[This message edited by Balancing Act at 8:13 AM, August 24th (Sunday)]


Me - BS....living a wonderful new beginning and giving love another chance

Tulsa Area Coffee Buddy


Posts: 2443 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: in the middle, somewhat elevated
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, August 24th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks l2- all in all, it was a good day, and I just love you guys (((TRIBE)))

(((ba))) got get em gurlllll!
mojo sending mojo!

I've heard that even in a no-fault state (grrrrr. awful thing, 'no fault' grrrrr), judges, well, some judges don't like girlfriends - the production order no doubt has to do with frittering away marital assets (?), but also, I pray you get *that kind of* judge - I see you winning on all fronts. I can only imagine how the order slobberknocked him out of his fantasy Nworld. jj smiles at the thought.

So often, as I tiptoe daintily through the triggers here, it becomes very emotional, and I fear to post.
Yeah.
So far though, whenever I've gathered the gumption to reveal, I've found love and understanding, wisdom and support.
"It's a battle", no doubt about that, yet there's no better place for strength and encouragement.
Tribe gets it.
& totally rawks! :)

Many special prayers for you all- every day! - and especially for you, gillian.
I second the witness-protection idea. "Oh dear, I forgot (insert name of school clothes/supplies here)."
Then trundle off to the nearest FBI building with the "shoppers" & park your butts in the lobby until you get a hearing with that cute agent & his supervisors. Squeaky-wheel time.
SCREAMING-wheel time!
DEMAND protection. Refuse to move. MAKE them have to remove you bodily -carry you out of there. Then CAMP in the damn doorway till they help you!

I'm sorry gillian. I don't know what to say! For me, as usual- I read the stories - especially the cruelty to the wimmens! & I get so pissed off and frustrated that I can't win the lottery, or be some caped superhero & fix it all up for everyone!
(oh, while you're at it, could you maybe borrow some sodium pentathol from the cute agent?)
((((hugs)))), gillian. Though I'm not a caped crusader, I have a direct line to the hero-Maker. Been burning up the minutes!

While going through this messed-up mess, I've found myself processing the whole shebang on so many levels!
Like realizing my wife puts the she in shebang -
o boy

like;
- kicking myself for ignoring the red flags
- fighting myself, my nature/desire to "fix it"
- hearing "RUN!", but not knowing how to (then approaching an awful truth on little cat's feet: is it more an issue of pride? my belief that "I can fix this, jim!" - and stubbornly refusing "defeat"?)
- fear. of loneliness. So far, I'm 'doing ok' with that. I stay busy enough that the chittering stays mostly at bay, but hell's bells! I turned 56 yesterday! I had (unbeknownst to me, a "too") sexually active W, 17 years younger than me. I was feeling like Gregory Peck there for awhile!
now, that's out the window!
- and look what blew in: some as-of-yet unidentifiable sickness of soul. A nausea when my thoughts turn 'sexual', and I think; maybe that's my path, and it's a good thing, ultimately - and my worry, my "fear" is a sign of lack of faith within me. Maybe my path is to remain celibate. OK then. I'm gonna need time with this one, gang.

I seek cause, not to excuse the problem behavior-
but to understand it.
I see that toxic shame is the genesis of her N, the prime-motivator for the eventual development into a full-blown PD.
I'll try to avoid being a johnny one note while banging this drum for the Tribe, but this post by DL on the other thread spoke of "it" - the cause:
One of the hallmarks of emotional maturity is having the ability to separate behavior from the person - and believing in a person's ability to change. We all have the ability to change, but for someone that can't separate behavior from the person believes that behavior *is* the person. Such judgments become life sentences rather than a problem that can be fixed. Such beliefs feed toxic shame and hopelessness.

Healthy shame is being ashamed of what one has done (which leaves room for behavioral corrections and growth and is how healthy people learn not to repeat their mistakes). Toxic shame is being ashamed of who one is (that they as a person are defective and unfixable - and that change and growth are impossible).

I pray that the jaw-dropping quality of that drumroll echoes in your hearts as it did in mine.


Posts: 6012 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
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