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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N. P.D Thread - Part VI
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 9:09 AM, September 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

did any of you ever wonder if it was you who was NPD?

Tribe?

Hexed, we had a lengthy discussion on this back somewhere on the prior NPD thread - which is also called NPD Thread Part VI. Not sure how we have 2 part 6s...

Yes, I think we've all thought it was us that was the crazy one. We were made to feel crazy by our NPD freaks. Made to doubt the very core of our self.

But, make no mistake. You are not NPD.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 10:37 AM, September 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oh my gosh! thank you. i will find the prior discussion. there's all these things i've wondered about. this place is a godsend.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8261 | Registered: Apr 2008
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, September 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My take on us feeling like we are being a bit on the NPD side is that we tend to be the caretakers and the givers and at times we have to be the takers. When we end up in the taker role I think we feel like we are being selfish and thus like the NPD. We all are entitled to take care of ourselves at times and if we neglect our needs we are no good to anyone. There is a balance in there.

Those will NPD are very much on the taker side most if not all the time and when they do give it is with the motive of gain for themselves and there is no real selflessness in there at all.

Thing of the mom on the plane with the oxigen mask. she puts on her own mask so that she can then help others. The NPD puts on his own and then sits back and closes his eyes and pretends there is noone else on the plane. If confronted about it they can claim that they didn't "see" anyone who needed help.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 1:32 PM, September 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lied,

Spot on with everything you posted. Loved the analogy of the oxygen mask!!

Hexed,
It is a wonderful thing to realize that you are not alone in this, isn't it?

A godsend. Yes. Truly.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, September 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wounded - my dd10 has similar issues with the freak. she is scared to ask for anything to meet her emotional needs. It truely is heart breaking. I think the kids have to go through what we did: disbelief, pain, anger etc etc. All at their young age. JJ - your dad is truely admirable for being able to take the high road - I feel that I cant do that at times - my bitterness and anger just oozes out at the worst moments. I feel that my divorce has made me quite a crap mom as I am always stressed and tired along with dealing with all of my issues. I'm having a moment over here.

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, September 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((itsa))))

I'm now having a crap day too. I'm sitting here posting from work. Livid. Shaking.

Stupid fucktard. Why, why, why did I answer his call? Why? I could see it was him. He'd already called once and I had ignored him.
Tonight is Back to School night at DD's school, so I knewthat is what he was calling about. And it was - on the surface - until he had me hooked and then he started in with his NPD bullshit. Controlling, accusing, condescending bullshit.

Any conversation longer than 12 seconds is too long. I know that. Fuck. Why did I answer the phone????

HB -- are you around today? I'm gonna call you at lunchtime.

I'm so frustrated and tired of this....

Just


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 2:10 PM, September 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((wounded and itsa))) The beat goes on, eh? He's out of your life, but still there. My biggest fear.

I should have gotten rid of him a long time ago, but I feel like he owes me. Sometimes. Most of the time, I feel like I have to be able to survive completely independent of him, because he will try to crush me. My family can talk all they want to about the help they're going to give me, but push has come to shove, and their help falls through.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, September 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I believe their mission is to slowly make us suffer and some of the time it works. Yeah, he is always there...carrying on fucking up my life whenever he can. All because I stopped believing his bullshit alll those years ago - making me suffer is his mission in life. Sad fucker.
I'm sorry some of you feel the same way. I do understand. I know what you mean Vee about him always owning you. I really do.

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, September 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((wounded)))

ouch! what a way to ruin a perfectly good day!

veritas, i was lucky, i was able to completely get rid of him. i had accept the fact that i wouldn't get CS if i wanted him out of my life. it was worth it.

he would've had to find some poor woman to mooch it off of to pay me.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8261 | Registered: Apr 2008
whyohwhyohwhy
♀ Member
Member # 17890
Default  Posted: 3:14 PM, September 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

have anyone's npds started to look really really awful, especially when they start to realize you don't believe a word they say? even the older kid looks at him now with disappointment in her eyes.

mine is starting to look haggard....

before I found out about the cheating stuff last year, a friend came over for thanksgiving. she has known us for 15 years. she said "stbx is starting to look really old." he was 45 at the time. he looks ten times worse now.


what did I ever do to deserve this?

Me:47 BS
Him: X, 51 PA SA NPD?
2 kids; DD14, DD8 divorced


Posts: 1030 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: east coast
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, September 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

All because I stopped believing his bullshit alll those years ago - making me suffer is his mission in life.

I was just thinking the eaxact same thing today. There is nothing that has changed much in my behavior toward him from a few years ago -- other than I no longer believe anything that comes out of his mouth, I know the true backstory of what he says versus what he really means, and I don't bother to hide my contempt for the lies that come out of his mouth. I don't even bother to pretend like I am listening anymore. Because it could change on a dime. And that's what makes him hostile: I no longer look at the shit he offers up and say shinola. If I bother to say anything, I say, "It's shit."

hexed, I basically came to that same conclusion because be told me so. Several times. He said he would be willing to go to jail rather than pay a dime in child support. And considering his attitude toward his children, I believe him.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, September 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

veritas, i was lucky. he was so horrible and deceptive with the judge, his lawyer, my lawyer and the GAL, that i was able to get a permanent restraining order and no visitation for him.

the judge gave him conditions to meet if he wanted those things changed. he never did. we never had a finalized support order and i never pushed it. it just wasn't worth the headache.

as such i haven't seen him in 11 years though i do google him at regular intervals. he's recently conned some poor woman into marrying him and putting his name on the title to her house.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8261 | Registered: Apr 2008
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, September 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The exSIL is such a B&%$% (female dog with no offence to dogs). She has been messaging with my oldest who is upset about not seeing his father. She has the gall to say that I am being a child because I refuse to allow the ex to see the kids without the home phone number. Of course it is all my fault because I am preventing him from seeing his kids.

Why the hell can't his family see how totally stupid this all is. I want the freaking phone number of his house. It is what the law requires, the councelor agrees, child protection agrees it is necessary. It is just an excuse to not be a father. If it was not this it would be some other excuse. He is a loser who does only what he legally has to and seeing his kids is not a court order that he could go to jail over.

His family is so screwed. No wonder he is like he is, they all enabled the baby of the family to act like this. Losers, all of them.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, September 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe)))

NPD Freaks suck.

I hope things get better for all.

Maybe Pete will have a run in with Ike? Here's hoping they go off into the sunset together. LOL.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, September 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm so sorry it's been such a tough day gang- thanks (((itsa))).
here's a guy that did what?
- survived a depression
- fought & won a world war
- watched his wife leave - suddenly, taking all his children, and move 1000's of miles away, from central Ohio to southern Florida.
- watched his 13 y o
daughter die

He was a good man.
i could only hope to honor him.

(((TRIBE)))


Posts: 6020 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
whyohwhyohwhy
♀ Member
Member # 17890
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, September 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ooops! wrong post

[This message edited by whyohwhyohwhy at 7:17 PM, September 9th (Tuesday)]


what did I ever do to deserve this?

Me:47 BS
Him: X, 51 PA SA NPD?
2 kids; DD14, DD8 divorced


Posts: 1030 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: east coast
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 10:18 PM, September 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((lied2))) They are all just poisonous fruits from the same poisonous tree. This past weekend, my NPD was telling me about yet another "dream" where he hurts me physically. I have never had a single dream where I have hurt him, but since we were on the road with 4 more hours to go, and I didn't see the convo improving, I told him that in my dreams, it was rat poison.

Well. The "I had a dream" speeches stopped, but not before he told me that he had always suspected this and this was why he never ate until the boys ate, because then if I had to kill him I would kill everybody.

And then I "coincidentally" get a call from his mother where one of her "friends" actually threatened her with poisoning her. She could understand if this friend threatened her with hitting, stabbing or shooting her, but poisoning was just so... evil. The hairs on the back of my neck stood up.

These people are just fucked up. You can't outdo sick.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 11:00 PM, September 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Lied)))I hear you. Mine still continues his charade of telling everyone that he's living one place, when he's clearly living somewhere else (with the skank OW). Don't know who he thinks he's fooling exactly.

jj--you do honor him. Every day. You are a living, breathing testament to his character. The apple didn't fall far from the tree, I don't think. What a wonderful tribute to a dad who did the right thing by his kids. I didn't realize that you had lost a sister - and so young.

((((Tribe))))


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 11:52 PM, September 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We deserve a holiday! Recovering from this nightmare is hard work.

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 12:19 AM, September 11th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So, yesterday I had a horrible day dealing with the NPD Asshat. He called me again in the late afternoon from someone else's cell phone, and then proceeded to rant about my having "caller id on him". Then he launched off into a myriad of other NPD bullshit twisted lies and accusations. I finally hung up on his ass after telling him not to call me at work again. I've already asked him, in writing, not call me at work. I told him that I was no longer allowing other people to control me. And I slammed the receiver down.

Oh, I almost forgot. The REASON that he was calling me was this: He had some leftover BBQ chicken from a work function and did I want it for me and the kids?

WTF??!! Leftover food? Some kind of peace offering to prove to himself that he is a good guy. Looking out for me and the kids???

There aren't enough words...

So I was a wreck after listening to him rant. Called my mom and cried half of the way home. Pulled myself back together since I was on my way to DD's Back to School Night - where he was also going to be gracing me with his presence.

It's all a big game, isn't it? Stir me up knowing that I've got to be at this school event in an hour. Asshole.

I did fine at the school thing, BTW. Yay me.

But he started in again today with emails. A barrage of ridiculous, crazy, NPD bullshit. Then at 4:15 he CALLED me at work. WTF???? He left a message about a trivial problem that he was having with DS's online school record thing. "WE need to see what is wrong. WE need to look into this."

Who exactly is "WE"? Oh, you mean ME? Fuck that. He can call the school himself. Mr. Father of Year. Mr. I'm Still Going to Seek 50% Custody. I think it's high time he figure out how to deal with these miniscule problems that I've been dealing with all of these years. Dumbass.

end of vent. *breathing in cleansing breaths now*


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
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