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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N. P.D Thread - Part VI
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 7:30 AM, October 4th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, Itsa, we are all amazingly strong, wonderful people. Getting through what we've been subjected to for many years, and emerging from the horror as a stronger, more beautiful person is something worth being proud of.

I am proud of each one of us. (((((TRIBE)))))


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, October 4th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope everyone is doing well today.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
discombobulated
♀ Member
Member # 6580
Default  Posted: 11:03 AM, October 5th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Victory report:

I just came back from a wonderful week in the mountains of North Carolina. When I went with SA STBX, I was so afraid that something awful would happen on the road becuase he was so careless and reckless. This time I DROVE in the mountains, and I wasn't scared, and I didn't have any anxiety and it was all wonderful! WOW! I didn't realize until this week how he had infested every waking moment of my life. But now I own my life. I run my day. I choose how I feel and it is wonderful! I've never been so relaxed and HAPPY.


BS - age 52- married 27 years, in IC, support groups
WH - age 57 - sex addict/porn addict, NPD
Children 2 boys, 19 & 16
D-day #1 2/2/05, D-day #2: 1/22/06
R 4/21/05, but that was another lie, just a game.
D-day #3 11/06
Divorce final may 09

Posts: 2151 | Registered: Mar 2005 | From: Florida
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, October 5th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, Disco--

That's great! I used to have the same sense of fear and high-anxiety when my NPD freak was at the wheel. I knew that I was going to die someday in a fiery wreck with him at the wheel. His competitive, rage-filled driving was the source of many, many arguments and tears...

I am free of that now too...
Thanks for reminding me. Now I share in your victory today!


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, October 5th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thank God every day for lots of things disc has just described. I love the peaceful life I now have.

DD10 is upset tonight, the freak has just got engaged and dd did not like the ow showing off her new engagement ring. They have no consideration of the kids feelings.


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, October 5th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its that part is tough for the kids. Mine had a bit of trouble with the ex announcing his wedding to the kids. They always hold out hope in the back of their mind that they will one day have an intact family. When their parent remarried they will usually have less time for the children (and if they are already a useless parent like my ex the little time they do see their children will dwingle to nothing).

I know it did console me that I knew what she was marrying and was happy to know that once they married there would never be the idea of him coming back. I found it freeing in a strange way.

Disc the trip sounds awesome. Good for you.

Hope everyone had a good weekend. I spent the weekend doing outside work between rain showers. Winter is coming, So much to do and so little time.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 1:39 AM, October 6th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Personally, his marriage to ow means nothing to me. Give it six months into the marriage and she will start to see his true colours. I believe history will repeat itself! It actually fits in quite well with the financial bombshell I intend to drop on him next year!!

As for dd and ds, it is very sad. I wish the ex would of had the decency to tell me so I could of been aware of the kids feelings a bit more this weekend. But doing something decent would be breaking the habit of a lifetime. I really feel like hauling him over the coals over this one but I know ther is not really any point as it would only be turned against me. " Your'e jealous, you want to ruin it for me" etc etc. Sound familiar!!!!!!!!!!!!


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, October 6th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((itsa))))

What a complete assclown he is. I'm pretty certain that mine will take this path as well. DD9 tells me that Dad is looking for a house. And there are home buying magazines on the table at the skank OW's house.

Well, they certainly deserve each other... Maybe I'll send a thank you card to her some day....


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
TrustingFaith
♀ Member
Member # 6849
Default  Posted: 9:22 AM, October 6th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is this a usual NPD practise? My STBXWH told me a lie on Saturday morning(I knew he was lying - was amazed at how quickly he came up with it), I didn't react at all, making it look like I bought it. Then last night he calls me up and first asks me if I was with a man on Sat night (I was technically..a friend and her H) and was I dating - I respond only I was at a man's home with him and his wife (they are actually a couple we were very close to, which I kept, and STBXWH lost). He then says tearfully "I lied to you on Sat and I'm phoning to apologize" He then procedes to tell me where he really was on Friday night and why he really didn't have a jacket when he came to pick up the kids Sat morning. The kicker is that he was telling me another lie. I know for a fact he wasn't with who he said he was, and that he didn't get slightly drunk and crash at said friends house. It was such a surreal moment, I felt like throwing up and crying with anger at the same time. Why phone me to tell me he was lying only to put another lie in the mix. He could have left it with the first set of lies.

He is lying bc of who he actually was with...but that's a long story.

You all are my hero's here, and I value your insight, fellowship and wisdom.


There is, in every true woman's heart - a spark of heavenly fire

Which beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity

W. Irving


Posts: 180 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: Canada
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 11:04 AM, October 6th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trusting - I can only go on my ex-husband's behaviour but yes, that sounds pretty typical npd behaviour to me!! You do tend to look at them and go "why are you lying" when it becomes obvious to you that is all they can do. They are pathalogical liars. They lost the truth a long time ago.

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, October 6th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trusting,

Yes, they will lie. Absolutely. To you, to the kids, to the judge...

Anything to protect their image and their own deluded version of "reality".

((((hugs))))


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
TrustingFaith
♀ Member
Member # 6849
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, October 6th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Itsa and Wounded...oh I know they lie, without a doubt...what I don't understand is I "bought" (seemingly to him) his first lie. So why call me out of the blue, admit lying, and then precede to tell another lie??? Honestly, it has me perplexed. I don't think he was fishing for anything, bc with all the events of the last year I'm becoming a fairly good actress for small amounts of time, and I made it clear that I didn't suspect that he was lying the first time.

bewildering


There is, in every true woman's heart - a spark of heavenly fire

Which beams and blazes in the dark hour of adversity

W. Irving


Posts: 180 | Registered: Apr 2005 | From: Canada
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 2:37 PM, October 6th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TrustingFaith,
NPD's are pathalogical liars. So you can pretty much bet that everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie. It is amazing though, isn't it? I mean, they even lie about stuff that they don't even need to lie about. I don't think they need a reason to lie, other than it suits them somehow. Maybe he told you the first lie as a "hook" to give himself an excuse to call later with his apology call. Even though it was another lie, it was possible he could have got sympathy.

Who really knows. Don't try to make sense out of nonsense.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 2:41 PM, October 6th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe)))

"Don't try to make sense out of nonsense."

Sad, That was beautiful !!!

I sometimes remember the convoluted horse hockey the XPDW fed me and reflect on it. It's kinda funny how messed up their way of thinking is. Distance helps.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, October 6th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Trusting,

This:

He then says tearfully "I lied to you on Sat and I'm phoning to apologize"

is likely what I've come to call a "peace offering" by the NPD to hook you, to catch you off guard, to soften you up...I've had peace offerings of sex and also of food being delivered to my house

Wants you to think, "wow, he's not such a bad guy afterall".

Don't fall for this crap. He's angling for something. Just be vigilant...


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 3:40 PM, October 6th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They always have a motive when they appear to be doing something "nice" and "reasonable". Be more on your guard than ever!
My ex has been reasonable recently - obviously planning his wedding is making him behave in this caring compassionate way to his children. Not!
Just don't trust anything they say, as soon as I got my head around this I found it much easier!!

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 3:42 PM, October 6th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My NPD dad is in town. Kids are with XNPDW and she is taking them to visit him.

Interesting. XNPDW had told my dad that I was keeping the kids from her, etc. Wonder what the kids may say to him.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 8:42 PM, October 6th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bob you have a NPD father. Yuck. Having them visit him with your ex sounds like total pain for the children. poor dears.

My ex lies so much it is sickening. I just assume he is lying or omitting something when he speaks because that is all he ever does. When he does tell the truth it is always with some kind of motive. At some point I found I stopped caring although I am tickled that he lies to the wife. She deserves it. LOL


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 9:30 PM, October 6th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's for sure. When they're being nice, LOOK OUT!

Nice = Trouble with OP.
Apologetic = Sympathy seeking and possibly looking for sex.
Sincere & kind = Trying to find out what's going on in your life so they can use it against you later.

So just to be on the safe side no matter how they're acting, assume it's bad and tell them to send an email. Or better yet, call your lawyer.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 9:30 PM, October 6th (Monday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 11:42 PM, October 6th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, Sadtoo,

You have nailed that one on the head! Anytime they are acting "normal", "nice", "sincere", "thoughtful"....

Something is brewing. Be very wary. Keep your guard up. Lock the back gate!!

From my assclown today was an email containing his TRUE residence address and phone number (OW's house). He and I had words about this on Friday evening, and I left him a voicemail demanding this information and a threat to go through attorneys if I didn't have it by today.

So I get this email where he "thanks" me for my voicemail, which show's (sic) how immature and shallow I've been through this whole thing....Also claims to have just moved to OW's address this past weekend. Hmmmmmm....my kids have only ever had visitation at OW's house since June...

So, by my demanding that he stick to court orders and also provide me with his true address, I am shallow and immature....right....

(((((tribe)))))


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
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