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User Topic: N. P.D Thread - Part VI
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, October 28th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe)))

I baked a kick*ass chocolate cake. What to drink with yours?

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 11:59 PM, October 28th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Forget the drink and hand over the cake. (can you tell I am PMSing?)

Now I have to go look for chocolate. Darn it all. LOL

((((Bob)))))


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, October 29th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey, is there any of that cake left? Sounds good even at 6:00 am!

(((((Tribe)))))


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
ktshadow
♀ Member
Member # 10920
Default  Posted: 7:32 PM, October 30th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here is a story about how it never stops, nothing is or ever will be enough. I haven't posted here in awhile bc things have been quiet. He left almost exactly a year ago for OW who he is still with. I met with her right before she met our son to bury the hatchet so to speak. She was nice enough...a perfectly vulnerable girl to be his next victim. Since then, she has attended events such as soccer games and tomorrow night for halloween trick or treating with my ex and our son. I do all of this for my son's best interest and to keep the drama level as low as possible in my own life.
He will not have it.
So now the holidays are coming up and we have negotiated pretty well Thanksgiving..I will have him Thanksgiving day, him for what has become his every other weekend. I have been invited to his family's house for Christmas Day. Last Christmas, even though he had moved out, he spent Christmas Eve here on the couch so that he could spend Christmas morning with our son. So I proposed the same thing for this year. Trouble is that OW is intimidated by my relationship with his family despite all of the efforts I have made above and beyond what is even deserved for the sake of myself and my son. Of course she is insecure. He needs her to be that way so he can continue to manipulate and control. He said that he wasn't sure that she would be comfortable with him staying her. I invited her to stay with him. He didn't know what to say to that. I am so over him, he can't imagine it. I am dating someone wonderful who has kids and an ex to deal with himself, so none of this is an issue for him...he understands the importance of my son having his father in his life.
He then proceeds to tell me that he doesn't think it's a good idea for me to come to his parent's for Christmas Day bc OW and he would not be comfortable. I have never ever dealt with someone who takes and takes and never ever gives back. So he wants to do what he wants to do and then keep me from spending the rest of Christmas Day with his son despite the fact that there is no viable reason for this at all. I have talked to his family and they have said that I am more than welcome.
We are not divorced yet bc I am still home with our son and need to be on his benefits.
They are black holes of greed and compassionless,selfishness, and heartlessness. Problem is that things are troubled over there bc she is questioning why he isn't married to me anymore considering the integrity with which I have handled myself and the situation. He describes her to me as anxous and awkward, trying to pit us against each other and further manipulate the situation so that he is her rescuer.
There are no words to describe the lengths these people will go to to make their problems your issues. Un fucking believable.


Don't let only one person decide if you are loveable or not. Be around the ones who have already decided that you are.
I traded in my intuition for his analysis.

Posts: 152 | Registered: Jun 2006
napewastewin
♀ Member
Member # 15297
Default  Posted: 4:43 AM, October 31st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey BoB sorry I missed the cake, you know Suday is my birthday and well I do like cake and well you know, (LOL)

jjct, the picture I posted here a while back is of me and my grandaughter, and yes she lights me up.

I hope you are all doing well, I know I took a rather long break. It didn't work, you just can't run far enough away form the A aftermath, so dealing with it is the only answer.


take your candle and go light your world

Posts: 1443 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Michigan
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 9:25 AM, October 31st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK i need the collective NPD SI tribe wisdom.

i started seeing a new IC yesterday. really really liked him. in the context of getting to know me and my stituation with stbxwh, he asked a few questions regarding narcissitic behaviour. which in my case led to some discussion of my DS's father. my former pet. who has been diagnosed by a court shrink as being NPD. fairly far on the spectrum actually.

so this bubbled a couple of things to the surface for me. one the implication that my current stbxwh could even be on the spectrum of NPD horrified me. how could i make that mistake again! the IC didn't say that he was. just questioned if perhaps some of his behaviours were in that category. we were talking about how my actions during the whole M may have resulted in certain behaviours from him becoming acceptable.

the other one is more specific and odd...did anyone here have an NPD pet that actually hid things. things of his actually. and then flip out and accuse you of misplacing their very important mustache trimming scissors?

this was the final straw for me with my NPD. i just couldn't believe my physical and emotional reaction when we started talking about him. just talking about him took me to a very very bad dark place.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8262 | Registered: Apr 2008
ktshadow
♀ Member
Member # 10920
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, October 31st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine didn't hid things of his, but he hid things of mine. When I decided that it was time to leave and get our son home last Christmas, I sensed that he didn't want me to leave yet. I went into my pocketbook to look for my keys. I turned it inside out...looking everywhere in the house. After about an hour of me and his family looking for the keys, he comes out from the living room and waves them at me saying "here they are." I asked where he found them. He said "they were right in your bag." Before I would have second guessed myself but I very clearly looked at him and said "no. they weren't". And took them and left.


Don't let only one person decide if you are loveable or not. Be around the ones who have already decided that you are.
I traded in my intuition for his analysis.

Posts: 152 | Registered: Jun 2006
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 9:22 PM, October 31st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think my ex did but I could never prove it and chaulked it up to the kids or my bad memory.

I find I have a reaction most times I talk about my ex IRL or have to deal with him. My life is far more peaceful with him gone.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 10:35 PM, October 31st (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BOO !!!!!!!!


Happy Halloween.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 9:16 AM, November 1st (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lied2 how long has it been since you split?

its been 12 years since i've seen or talked to the man. once we went to court and things got a little tough for him he abandoned DS never to be seen or heard from since THANK GOODNESS

i don't talk about him often and i was shocked that all these years later i could be shaken so hard by talking about it.guess i never really dealt with it.


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8262 | Registered: Apr 2008
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, November 1st (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

...did anyone here have an NPD pet that actually hid things. things of his actually. and then flip out and accuse you of misplacing their very important mustache trimming scissors?

Mine "hid" lots of things:
OW#1
OC
OW#2
Money

...and yes he flipped out when I found out about these things. But he claimed that I was "seeing things" and that they didn't really exist.

On the other hand if he misplaced things, like his very important mustache trimming scissors, or his extra special screw driver set; he would accuse me of STEALING them or he would accuse me of leaving the door unlocked and allowing an intruder to come in and steal his very precious belongings.

I would always say, "Oh sure, they went right to your precious screw drivers and scissors but decided to leave the laptop computers, the printers, my jewelry, the flat screen tv's and dvd players.

Sure.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
betterdaysahead
♀ Member
Member # 12309
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, November 1st (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Not material things, but he is presently accusing me of hiding investments and he is accusing me of cashing in investments that he was not consulted on.

Both are absolute fabrications.

I cannot believe these things.

I am literally rolling pennies to put gas in the car.

He is the one who hid things...drugs, money etc.

But the good thing is that I have come to the point in my healing that I am learning to become detached about these things. He is one part of my life that is a very BAD part. The rest is pretty good.


The best thing about telling the truth is that you don't have to remember what you said. ☯

Posts: 13649 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Canada
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, November 1st (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I kicked my ex out ( because of the affairs and abuse) Aug 1st 2003. I was officially divorced Sept 5th, 2005.

I wish my ex would get lost totally. as it stands now he comes and goes at will from the childrens' lives and it isworse because he messes with them because he blames me for him not seeing them, blames them and their behaviour on visits for the NC etc. and at times is great and then horrible to them on visits. My kids are now struggling with serious behaviour problems and the yougest may have to go into a residential treatment program because his behaviours are so out of control.

We seem to lately to be back to serious weekly "freak outs" with the little one when he is dangerous towards others, sometimes destroying property and being completely defiant and unmanagable. We had another if these today and I just finally got him to calm down and go to his room. The worst 2 of these have been in the last few weeks since their father finally gave us the phone number and has said he wants to resume visits. Coincidence? who knows but if becoming way more than I can handle and both kids rage to the point of someone getting hurt at times. (sound familiar?)

Some days I dream about running away from all this and making a whole new life for myself just like my ex did. Sadly it would just hurt my kids more but I just don't know how to cope with this all. I get blames at every turn for the kids behaviour because most therapist feel that it is my fault they act out since I have been raising them alone for the last 5 years. I think a good part of this is the fallout from being raised around someone like their father and them learning that the freakouts etc. help the person get their way. when they are acting like that it is difficult if not impossible to let them "get away" with the behaviours and I can't do to them like I did with their father and simply remove myself from the situation.

I pray everynight I will wake up from the nightmare and it will have just been a dream.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 10:02 PM, November 1st (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tonight I got a call from the ex's wife's ex-fiance who I used to work with. He wanted to know how I was doing.

During the conversation he mentioned that last year the ex when to the ex-fiance's home and was beating on the door (had something to do with a civil suit between the wife and the ex-fiance)and flipping out while the guy was away from home until one of the neighbours told him to knock it off or the cops were getting called.

It is so nice to know that the psycho drama is now mostly someone else's problem.

WOW, Just WOW

[This message edited by lied2 at 10:03 PM, November 1st (Saturday)]


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 11:57 PM, November 2nd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine would kind of do the opposite: every time something of his went missing, or he had fucked it up, it was because either the kids or I had done it.

It wasn't until after he had completely locked up his computer and shit STILL went wrong that even I realized that we were being blamed for stuff that we had absolutely no part in.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 12:51 AM, November 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have a secret boyfriend that I am hiding. It's either the postman or the UPS guy.

He hid a secret lifestyle, prostitutes and money.

When I confronted him about stuff I was the crazy one or trying to frame him for something.

Oh and I used his cell phone that he had on him while he was at work and made all the phone calls just to set him up. This was all done at the exact time he took his lunch break.

I have also noticed how peaceful life is with him gone. I am trying to go complete NC on him for my sanity.

So far it is going pretty good. Making him talk to the answering machine or hanging up on him has become quite fun. He hates being ignored!


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
hexed
♀ Member
Member # 19258
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, November 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i feel so lucky that he isn't a part of DS's life. i spose the CS would've been nice but some things aren't worth it. i was surprised that the court was so definitive with its ruling so quickly that he couldn't have contact with either of us. he appealled the ruling but never showed up for the appeal hearing.

he would accuse me of hiding things on purpose. then he'd tell me that noone could be so stupid as to misplace as many things as i had.
finally with the mustache scissors, i knew where they were that morning b/c i had cleaned the bathroom. it finally dawned on me that he was hiding them on purpose.

my other personal favorite was forgetting olive oil at the grocery store even thought it was on the list. according to him, i didn't love him or else i wouldn't have forgotten the olive oil wow, really, hmmmm...nope guess i don't love you, now get out!


But that's just a lot of water
Underneath a bridge I burned
And there's no use in backtracking
Around corners I have turned

“Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” -foulton oursler


Posts: 8262 | Registered: Apr 2008
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 4:34 PM, November 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, yes. The old "misplaced anger" trick. The most trivial things would turn into a major tantrum: I hated him, I was trying to disrespect him, because surely, SURELY I knew how to fold towels. He understood that I came from country people, but even country people could fold a towel properly, right? And if they didn't fold it, right, then it must mean that they are shoving their non-towel-folding-ness in his FACE. They are trying to aggravate him deliberately.

I got to hear from his own lips how when the company refused to keep him in Brazil for Christmas, he decided to take it out on the kids and me for the entire week that he was forced to come home and be with the children that he had been away from for 6 months. Ever since then, he has never had a tantrum that I have been able to see as anything other than calculated.

[This message edited by veritas at 4:46 PM, November 3rd (Monday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, November 6th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Why is it that when the kids are going to be seeing their father do they feel the need to treat me a little extra bit worse. The little one was just horrible to me last night and today. He is becoming just nasty like his father. He is in counceling and is being given other supports and it seems to be making things worse rather than better.

The kid asked me last night where the adoption papers were because I can't be his mother. I felt like saying "well kid there are days when I wish you where not my kid because of how aweful you act."

I can only imagine how he will act when he gets back from seeing his dad tonight and then again on Sunday for most of the day.

I don't know how more of this crap I can take. Why did I ever decide I wanted kids with this man? Somehow my genes are not strong enough to overrid the defective stuff their father contributed.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 1:53 PM, November 6th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lied - my dd is the same - she treats me like dirt. She does this because she can't take her anger and upset out on her father. His love is conditional whereas mine isn't. However, it does not mean that I (or you) should receive such an emotional battering. I'm not sure she even knows she is doing it some of the time.
My kids went to my parents at the beginning of the week as I was at work for two days and they were not back at school. She got so upset, saying to my mom that she thinks I wont come back etc etc, how upset she is because dad left etc. It was so bad that I had to turn round and drive back to get her (200 miles - 4 hours. She was fine as soon as I was with her. The headache for me was relentless - missed work etc.
I know how difficult it is, I hate how I get left with the crap. My life is shit as well at times. I'm sorry Lied, I wish it was different for you.

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
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