You guys, I have to chime in and share my story. Lied2... all of you. I can so relate what you are going through.
What do you do when your DS15 is turning into a NPD? I am dying! Get rid of one, just to have another.
My story-- please read! It's long! Extra kuddos to you if you can stay with me and read the whole thing!
D-day was two years ago. Eventually (14 months later) I came to my senses and D'd him.
During the D process ex (then WH) moved to the "cool" part of town (expensive). So he could pay less CS. He was much farther away from us and the kids. OW has a horse farm. They split their time between the homes. He hasn't introduced her to the kids yet... I have it in the decree they can only introduce them a year after the D. The OWs ex (yes, "ex" because of A) said she is a narcissist too! They are apparently "on-again-off-again". Volatile. Can two NPDs stay together?
The D decree gives him custody Thur-Mon (school-to-school transfer) every other week. Thursday nights every week. He cancels (last minute) more than he takes them.
That's the basics, now for my DS15 situation.
DS was the "chosen" child of my ex his whole life. He put everything into that kid (my other two girls - not so much). My son is a gifted athlete so my ex put him on a pedestal. He coached him, etc... they were very close.
Then D-day happened. My son was 14 at the time. He knew right away (DS likes to eavesdrop). We didn't know DS "knew all" for 4 months!
When we found out that DS "knew" about his dad my ex blamed me for "exposing" the kids to adult situations. I was an awful mother! I never exposed them, they found out on their own!
After 4 months of horrible disrespect, false Rs, lying, deception, etc.. I kicked ex out for good.
My kid - who used to get A's and B's in school started getting D's and F's.
Then he was accused of having a weapon at school - unfairly. But it happened at the same time as the Virginia Tech shooting incident so my lawyer told me to just take the punishment - he didn't want to draw attention to my case. Bad timing. I hired the lawyer (thousands of dollars), had to go to court and my son got expelled. No tolerance policy. I had to check my son into Juvie for 6 weeks and take him there daily (45 minutes ride each way). Where was WH (ex)? Traveling all over the world with OW. Eating out. Socializing. Ignoring everything. It was all on my shoulders -- and I was still reeling from the effects of the A at that time. I was a mess. I lost 30 pounds.
When my son got out of Juvie he was even more angry. He hit me, threw things at me. When I asked ex to come get him from the home he actually said "It's your problem... you are a bad parent... you made me move out. Your fault! You deal with it!".
Meanwhile he was using our money to take OW to Europe, Asia, NYC, San Fransisco, Florida... everywhere! Having the time of his life. I was beyond the beyond.
My DS kept on abusing me, breaking things out of anger and threatening his two sisters. We were walking on eggshells. I got rid of one NPD to replace him with another!
We still weren't D... I had so much going on I hadn't even filed yet. I was still hoping he would change and "see the light".
My ex would occasionally take the kids sporadically for a weekend. But if I had something planned he would "conveniently" have a business trip come up suddenly so my plans would be spoiled. I couldn't dare to leave DS alone! I needed a break, he wouldn't let me have one. About that same time my DD17 decided never to talk to my ex again. She caught him talking to his OW when he said he was "done" with her. She saw what a liar he was all by herself. My DD never forgave him. Of course that was MY fault again. Alienation. I exposed her. My DD is the one that CAUGHT ex in the act!!!!
Ex was still living the high life with OW. He blamed me for alienating his kids, and kicking him out. Played the victim with his friends and family. He can be quite convincing.
Every time I asked him for help with disciplining my DS, he'd say "fuck you, you made your bed lie in it!". But he would never put it in an email... only say it to me over the phone. What he emailed was different. He was protecting his ass for the actual D.
We eventually D'd (a separate, terrible ordeal). My son was still horrible to me. His grades were awful. He had no respect for me (F word all the time, violence, utter disrespect). His dad would do nothing but laugh and his DS knew it. He knew he could get away with everything. Never visited with his teacher, therapists. Nothing.
I tried everything over the next year. Put him in a mental hospital; but then he decided to behave there and got released without even a lick of medication. Took him to several therapists. He blamed me and his dad during the sessions and was totally disrespectful to them. Waste of time. DS15 refuses to take meds and if I try to make him, he finds a way to hide them in his mouth and then spit them out.
Right after the D in Feb I actually called the cops when DS struck me! They took him to jail. I had bruises. His dad says "that was stupid to call the cops, you ruined his sports career, your ruined his life, you are a loser and a failure of a parent. You will pay for this". Then he laughed an evil laugh and hung up. He left immediately to go with OW on a ski trip. I ended up having to bail DS out of jail (they made me), take him to a probation officer an hour drive each way each week for months, take him to court, paid all the fines, did all paperwork... still trying to raise 2 other kids and trying to find a job (I was a SAHM for 6 years). I will never call the cops again. It's counter-productive. Hurt me, didn't phase DS. Ex did not one thing to help. And there was not a thing I could do about it. I tried. I tried to get him involved. I couldn't. Ex just laughed.
Finally this past week DS kicked my DD17 in the face when she was driving him to school. DD was in tears, ran home, and DS refused to get out of the car. I had to get a neighbor force him out.
He has stolen from me, broken so many things, drank alcohol, stayed out all night, cussed at me every day, threw stuff at us, hit all of us, demeaned us, stolen my DDs car (he is only 15! No learner's permit even). He refuses to do chores and is purposely a slob. Throws his things on the floor. He will shit all over the toilet just to get to me. I can't handle it anymore. I set rules, he breaks them. Totally disrespectful. He's cruel.
When I ask my ex to help -- to take him -- he says "Fuck you, your fault. You alienated him from me. It's your problem. Take me to court and I will take ALL the kids -- and I then I will stop paying CS! Try me! Hehe" (he always adds hehe)
BTW, he made $250,000 before the D and I get much less than 10% of his salary CS (no Spousal) for all three kids and have a HUGE mortgage. I was a stay-at-home mom and now I am starting over -- making very little. I can't make ends meet. He lives in a $2500/mo. apartment and eats at fancy restaurants every night and travels with OW every other weekend.
This week my son was so mad he broke every picture frame in the house and some pottery on the stoop outside the house. My DDs were scared. I was too. I locked the doors and windows and told him never to return. He was no longer welcome in my house. I have to work full-time to keep our house. I can't do this anymore. I kicked my son out.
I told ex, who said he was "busy" and couldn't take him. I have no idea where DS spent the last few nights... and I don't care. It is peaceful in my house for the first time in years. Am I a terrible mother?
I heard he has been going to school but I also have heard today he received an in-school-suspension and a teacher called me about his disrespectful behavior. I also found out he flunked yet another class.
Oh please help! I need direction. Thanks to anyone who has gotten through my ramblings. I am at my wits end.