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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N. P.D Thread - Part VI
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 7:45 AM, November 26th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After all not everyone can have npd can they??

Itsa, let's hope not!! Cuz I don't think I could survive another one.....

((((Tribe)))) I assume we're all dealing with some NPD issues in regards to the Holidays. Mine is demanding and raging already. I'm glad to be going out of town for the long weekend.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 6:07 PM, November 26th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After all not everyone can have npd can they??

I wonder some times. LOL

I am glad that thanksgiving is over here. Of course christmas is coming and birthdays (one past and one upcoming for the kids). That always seems to bring out the worst in my pet NDP.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 6:20 PM, November 26th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe)))

Happy Turkey Day !!!

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, November 27th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hope tribe's havin a good T-day!

For our friends across the ocean, I thought I'd post a call-out for a hurting one in JFO.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=264777&AP=1

Maybe you guys could help with some UK-legal stuff for this guy...

...and we've batted around the differences btn BPD & NPD a time or two - in our efforts to make sense of things in our lives,
and I've settled pretty much on; "They're Broken".
I don't know all that much about the differential diagnosis - I remember one of the posters is a psych, and she said something to effect that she arrives at the Dx based on "feel".
BPD feels 'this way',
NPD feels 'that way'...

Either way, this poor bloke's WS is a piece of work!
What struck me is her quick cruelty.
The unmasking, in his sitch - well,
what's worse?
having the whole mountain fall on you all at once?
or
slow death by "here comes another!" avalanche.

Hell, IDK, and I think that's why I'm bringing it over here to the tribe -
Some of you guys have had the 'mountaintop experience'
o shit!
and can probably relate more to the poor guy, since I'm (surviving dammit!) the repeated rockfall-variety.

To me, this is a change-the-locks
Yesterday!-deal...
I just don't know how that goes over yonder.

Love you guys!
Hugs to all.
(you too, BoB))))))))))))


Posts: 6018 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, November 28th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe)))

Send that Mojo again...

...finances fell through. Eviction is on again. Damn. LOL.

Thanks.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, November 28th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((BOB)))))

I wish I knew what to say buddy. The whole thing stinks. Hopefully something good will come out of all the struggles. I swear if all the struggling is supposed to make all of us stronger we will all be strong as oxen.

Sending you more MOJO and some prayers as well.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
Dazed In Dixie
♀ Member
Member # 21178
Default  Posted: 10:52 AM, November 29th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well..I believe I am part of this tribe..

Long story short...caught my STBXH at his girlfriend's house in April. OW is an alcoholic whore who has been with other married men..she's never been married..38..and a co-worker of his. He moved out on D-day but after a week asked to come back home saying he didn't want a divorce. He came home...we started marriage counseling and he supposedly went NC. Found out after a few weeks he was still talking to her..actually took her over to a friend's place of business. I told him the night I found that out to leave...once again he begged to stay so I told him he had to make a commitment to me and to go NC with her and be completely transparent. He said he knew he was in a MLC. Well...he just kept getting meaner and meaner..telling me the affair was my fault..it was an act of defiance on his part because I am so controlling. Told me the marriage problems were all because of me...because I didn't keep the house clean enough, because I didn't make enough money and didn't work up to my potential...because I had the kids in private school..because I went to church too much. He left again in July...then in August asked to come home yet again. I let him...and then in October found out he was still with the OW. Now he is gone..I filed for divorce a couple of weeks ago. He sends me harassing emails and texts all the time. The kids DO NOT want to talk to him and he blames that on me also. Says I am turning them against him. Says that he's divorcing me, not the kids. He didn't chose the OW over them...she doesn't have anything to do with them. Hmmmm...they feel differently about it.

We go to court on Tuesday for the preliminary hearing.

So far since I filed he has:
He cut off my credit cards and my cell phone
He's threatened to prove me an unfit mother
He's threatened to say my boss and I are having an affair
He's threatened to say a young man from church that watched my kids a few years ago molested them and that the church covered it up
He's threatened the kids by saying he would have the sheriff force them to see him (which they won't do..one of my best friends is an investigator for the sheriff)
He's threatened to come get the car tag off one of the cars I have and cancel the insurance.
He's closed a joint account and had the money sent to him (not much...principle of the thing)
He's accusing me of something called Parental Alienation Syndrome...basically saying that I'm poisoning the kids against him and keeping them from seeing him
He's threatening now to cut the kids cell phones off if they don't talk to him
He told me today to get the utilities in my name now
He told me today that I am childish, a coward, and that he's going to have to support my lazy ass
He told me the other day to go fuck myself and then called me a bitch (all of this is in email)
He sent me 8 text messages in 2 minutes yesterday
He met with the kids' therapist and told her that he takes Xanax like it's candy, sometimes popping 5 at a time

Just here looking for support because I want to crumble right now...I miss him and I love him...and I'm having a hard time with everything.


1-26-10 DIVORCED FINALLY
"Infidelity is like cat pee in carpet. And no matter how hard they try, an affair couple will never ever get that stink out. It will always follow them." -DCK

Posts: 742 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Atlanta
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 1:29 PM, November 29th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Dazed In Dixie)))

Sorry that you find yourself here.

Welcome to the (((Tribe))) of Lightbulbs and Toasters, AKA: The N-Survivors Club, AKA: The Club of and From Hell, AKA: The Island of Misfit Toys, AKA: The Clan of the Phoenixes Who Will Rise Again,

He is not being nice. I will think of a curse for him soon, something like, "May his balls enlarge and cause him undue distress," or something like that.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, November 29th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dazed,
Sorry you find yourself here. If he's not an NPD, he's certainly a big JERK.

Here are some suggestions for the things that he is doing.

So far since I filed he has:

He cut off my credit cards and my cell phone

I would recomment that after the WNPD is out of the house you need to change ALL of the utilities into your name only. Also have a code word put on the account so it cannot be accessed by simply giving your SS number which WNPD would know. This is one of the first things NPD's do after they are thrown out of the house. They lose control and they strike back. They shut the utilities off, the close bank accounts, report YOU for writing bad checks because they don't tell you they are closing the account, etc. I would also get a new cell phone or cell phone account that is in your name ONLY.

He's threatened to prove me an unfit mother.

Right. Good luck with that one. You've been just fine for all these years and now that he's mad, you're suddenly unfit. Don't think the judge won't see through his bullshit on this one.

He's threatened to say my boss and I are having an affair

Right now he's just making noise.

He's threatened to say a young man from church that watched my kids a few years ago molested them and that the church covered it up
He's threatened the kids by saying he would have the sheriff force them to see him (which they won't do..one of my best friends is an investigator for the sheriff)

Plain insanity. He can't "force" the sheriff to do anything without a court order.

He's threatened to come get the car tag off one of the cars I have and cancel the insurance.

That could be illegal. But if I were you,I would make sure you have insurance in your name only.

He's closed a joint account and had the money sent to him (not much...principle of the thing)

Jerk.

He's accusing me of something called Parental Alienation Syndrome...basically saying that I'm poisoning the kids against him and keeping them from seeing him.



He's threatening now to cut the kids cell phones off if they don't talk to him.

Just like with your phone, put the kids phones in your name too. Then the old phones are disconnected and you beat him to the punch.

He told me today to get the utilities in my name now

Fine. Keeps him out of your business.

He told me today that I am childish, a coward, and that he's going to have to support my lazy ass

More noise.

He told me the other day to go fuck myself and then called me a bitch (all of this is in email)

Block his email. Do this right now. After you tell him that further communication will be done through your attorneys ONLY.


He sent me 8 text messages in 2 minutes yesterday

This will be solved with the new phones.

He met with the kids' therapist and told her that he takes Xanax like it's candy, sometimes popping 5 at a time

Sounds like he's got some problems of his own.

You've got to distance yourself from him. If you're eventually going to be divorced, you're going to have to do these things anyway. Why not do them now. It will keep him out of your business and give you some peace of mind.

You cannot reason with NPD's. You're just wasting your breath.

Good luck.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, November 30th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((dazed))) I can't tell from your post whether your husband is N or not, but he is being a jerk. With that said, sadtoo has given you some very good concrete advice. If you look at your list, most of what he is doing is "threatening" to say things in court. That's good because it gives you opportunities to speak against those things. Let him ramble and threaten; more ammo for you. Also, the best thing you can do for yourself, like sadtoo said, is to start distancing yourself and detaching yourself from him. Print out all of the texts and e-mails. Try to avoid direct contact with him unless absolutely necessary, and keep the phone records/texting so you can show a history of harassment.

I know everything seems horrible and murky right now, but I promise you, once you get out from underneath The Shadow, things will become clearer and clearer. You will begin to see your marriage in a new light and what the hell you thought you missed about it. He's treating you like you're a hostile enemy, so you have two choices at this point. You can roll over and let him shoot, stab, crush, mutilate, etc., you multiple times -- which if he is an N, he will do that with no mercy and will continue to kick you long after you are down. Or you can start to build the wall and let him kick and punch against that. Good luck.

[This message edited by veritas at 6:59 PM, November 30th (Sunday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, December 3rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dazed Welcome

It have to agree with everything the other 2 ladies have said. Give him lots of rope to hang himself by not talking to him, debating what he says etc. Let him ramble since it will give you a heads up on what he is upto. Nothing he has said will help his case and likely will sink his ship especially what he has said to the councelor. Keep everything to email if you can. Personally I find email easier to tolerate (less of the screaming and swearing LOL) and it provides a nice trail of evidence in case you need it for court.

Hang in there. There is no real way to know if he is truely NDP but he is definitally a jerk and needs to be avoided at all costs. Keeping the kids away from him is a good idea as well. It sounds like they are not happy about the drama he is creating either. I am glad they are in counceling because they will likely help them as well.

Protecting yourself now if the best course of action since reversing things later is next to impossible (and/or very costly) if it comes to that. Trying to get things back they have taken etc. is much harder than not letting them take the stuff in the firstplace. Let everyone you have accounts with that he is making threats to mess with you. They have heard it before and can try and help you protect yourself.

Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, December 5th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dazed, I can tell you from experience they will come through with every threat they make and then some. Protect yourself now.

I've mostly been posting in D/S but I wanted to come post over here and post that these sorry bastards can be defeated.

We had court the other day and it was for the visitation. The kids guardian gave him sup. visitation. It is only until the trial next month and then I am hoping that it becomes permanent. I think that it's only temp. because the judge has the final say, atleast I hope.

I was petrified when I went to court that I would not get the sup. visitation. I tried to prepare myself for the worst. It's a huge relief to me that she seen through his bullshit and ordered the visitation done in a center.

She also had issues with his entire family and that is why they aren't doing it.

I didn't talk to the guardian at court but my attorney told me everything and she had a long talk with the STBXH.

I am glad that someone finally put him in his place. He has been one cocky ass bastard this whole time. Doing whatever the hell he felt like and got away with it, we haven't been before the judge yet though.

Apparently, the bastard didn't learn anything from that court hearing. He has decided that the child support is going to go way down, his words. He's also going to get all the furniture even though he already was given an hour to roam the house freely and take whatever he wanted and told me that there was nothing else he wanted. He also thinks that he can decide what days he will see the kids and for how long. Of course, it's during the week. What's funny is that the center only does the visits on the weekend. Will be surprised if he actually shows.

I am glad this part is over. The kids are my biggest concern out of everything. As long as they are taken care of and protected I don't give a shit about the rest of it. Everything else can be replaced. My kids cannot!


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
Dazed In Dixie
♀ Member
Member # 21178
Default  Posted: 11:26 PM, December 6th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just checking in with my NPD peeps...

I'm good! Went to my lawyer on Monday and we were able to get an agreement hammered out so that I didn't have to go to court on Tuesday. Visitation is at the kids discretion and they DO NOT want to see him. He can call them between 8 and 9pm and he does and leaves messages every night. Told them they are supposed to pick up...ummm...NOPE...you can call but they don't have to talk.

He sent them a text message the other day telling them he was going to buy them Christmas presents but then realized that would just be rewarding their bad behavior towards him.

My lawyer had a long talk with his lawyer and all the threats, etc have stopped for now. My lawyer told him to stop his client or he would! Love an aggressive lawyer!

I told my lawyer that STBX thinks he's smarter than his lawyer and my lawyer. My guy said...well, I've talked to his lawyer and he is smarter than him..but no way is he smarter than me! Love that man!

He just about drained the joint checking account but I was able to get some out before he managed to take it all. He left the boys a message saying he had told me to take out that amount of money to give to them. Well good! Lawyer told me to take the money and if STBX had a problem he could take it off my first child support payment. Guess since he told me to do it, I'll be getting the full amount... I'm also getting alimony!

Since he can't talk to me...he's talking to mutual friends hoping it gets back to me. Says that since the boys won't see him, he's going to have his vasectomy reversed and get the whore pregnant and have kids that way. Dumbass...


1-26-10 DIVORCED FINALLY
"Infidelity is like cat pee in carpet. And no matter how hard they try, an affair couple will never ever get that stink out. It will always follow them." -DCK

Posts: 742 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Atlanta
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 11:41 AM, December 7th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((DID)))

Glad that things are good !!!

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, December 7th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are you guys ready for this one???

I got my mail yesterday and I find a bill from my XNPDH's attorney for $300.00. It's for document preparation.

For those who weren't around for the circus, my divorce took FOR EVER and my XNPDH would not agree on any property settlement other than him getting everything and me getting nothing. My attorney was charging me a small fortune and since all he was really doing was arguing back and forth with my XNPD's attorney, I figured I could handle that part until and if we ended up going to trial, so I let him go and represented myself. In the end, the judge forced the settlement by threatening that if we took it to trail his decision would be the same only he would award me all of my attorney fees. X's attorney convinced X to take the deal and he drew up the paperwork. I agreed to pay HALF of the document preparation which was $300.00.

Anyway.....

When I went to sign the settlement agreement....did I mention this was almost SIX YEARS AGO???....I took a cashiers check for $300.00 for the attorney and another check for XNPDH's settlement. I also have copies of both.

My question is this. Why on earth is he sending me a bill for this six years after the fact? Doesn't he have to close out his books at the end of the year? I am so mad about this I could spit nails. If I have to go back into my storage shed and dig through that crap looking for that carbon copy and see all of that crap from that horrible divorce I think I will lose my mind.

What is this guy up to? Why would he do this? Anyone have any insight or advice on how to proceed?


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 8:07 PM, December 7th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadtoo I know here that there is a statute of limitations on things like that. Here the limit is 6 years and then they can't go after you for the moneys. It may be just under the 6 yr mark and the lawyer has to try and get the $$$ from you or lose the opportunity.

Dazed my ex was trying to tell me last week that seeing the kids after acting out is rewarding bad behaviour Actually I consider see him punishment but that is a whole nother topic.

Oh and the taking stuff off the child support he owes <giggle> once it has all been filed in the court that amounts to contempt of court so let him play that game and then hit him in court for contempt. These whack jobs are so much alike.

My friend is having a really bad time with her whack job. He has filed for a reduction in child support arrears while living with someone, filing her income on the papers and claiming $500+ in entertainment expenses a month while objecting to paying less than that in child support. Not sure how he is planing on showing that paying his child support is an undue hardship since his entertainment cost more than providing for his child. I guess we will see. I know her ex is a psychopath so I am sure he just figures he is above it all and will get the moon if he asks for it.

Dealing with these nutjobs is freaking exhausting.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 8:32 PM, December 7th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But I already DID pay him. (Six years ago.) That's what I'm so upset about. So now I have to go dig up my receipt to prove that I paid him or pay it again. Because if I don't pay, he'll get a judgement against me. If I fight it, I have to pay another attorney.

What people don't realize is that I had to rent a storage garage to store the thousands of documents that I had from my divorce. I don't dare throw anything away because of this exact sort of thing. But I just dread going back in and sorting through it all again.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 1:10 AM, December 8th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadtoo - I'm sorry to hear that the "circus" has come back to town! Just bite the bullet, find the paperwork and hopefully, that will be enough.
I hope everyone is ok. I have had a few issues this weekend with my dd not wanting to go to her fathers. It resulted in a "conversation" with ow who basically told me I needed to move on. Excuse me I think I did that some time ago. I very politely gave her some food for thought aabout what I thought about her behaviour and the things she does to my girl. I was cool and calm but my message was very clear. I did tell a small white lie - she said she pitied me because I havn't moved on and found someone else. I said "For your info I have had someone in my life for quite a while now, I just havn't introduced him to the kids etc etc". I did not want her pity, as if relationships are the only measure of success etc etc. Am I bad???

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 10:14 AM, December 8th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Itsa)))

This is meant to be a bit funny:

All is fair in love and war-John Lyly

All warfare is based on deception-Sun Tzu

(((Sadtoo)))

I hope this resolves itself pronto. You need no more hell.

BoB

[This message edited by bobelina at 10:15 AM, December 8th (Monday)]


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 8:31 PM, December 8th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its You do have someone in your life (a few male someones to be exact) and you have not introducd them to the kids because it involves air travel I am certain that the guys on this thread would love to stand in as the someone. I am certain you are a very neat lady.

If anyone needs to be pitied it is HER. Look what she got in the deal Heck I'd rather be alone forever than go back to mine. His new wife can have him Blech.

I am sorry sadtoo. Hopefully the papers you need will be in the first box you open and you can in and out in a jiff.

I am getting the pre-holiday blues. I find the holidays tiresome. I can't seem to find the fun in it any more. It all just seems like work and more work.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
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