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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N. P.D Thread - Part VI
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 12:14 PM, December 30th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have ADHD and the whistler on a teapot drives me batty (mine is conveniently broken ) and I have a hard time with light. Some people like their space and I know in my small kitchen there isn't room for 2 people to work, we would literally bump into eachother and with hot stuff that is bad news.

having said that, my ex has some very strange "issues" like the things you are describing. Things like other peoples farts make him sick and he flips out. He spends a long time on the can and can't stand to be bothered. It makes it hard since we had only one bathroom.

No idea if it is all part of the selfish crap these people have as part of their make-up. It sure is annoying to say the least.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 12:17 PM, December 30th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Stung)))

Don't know your story fully lola, but are you guys in MC?

From reading here at SI, I've heard some doozy stories, so it's vitally important to get a good one...a lot of them are complete incompetent quacks & do more harm than good.

Sounds like a good MC, one who is familiar with NPD and infidelity....perhaps an actual MD/psych who can help prescribe meds to control the secondary behaviors?
Cuz that's all that can be done, apparently. If he IS N, the basic underlying problem can't be fixed.

Finding the first NPD thread & reading through it would help too:

http://survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=158555

it's got tons of stuff, incredibly helpful.
I hope for your sake he isn't N.
hugs,
jj


Posts: 6020 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, December 30th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lied, So your sayin if we might have a chance encounter with the freak, we could load up on nachos and beer first?
Make reservations...

Posts: 6020 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
lola99
♀ Member
Member # 13869
Default  Posted: 12:59 PM, December 30th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We've been to MC counseling...the last one wss a nationally known psychiatrist who wrote a book called "Secrets of Happily Married Men.." C didn't improve anything so we quit. H doesn't think he need IC...I'm going to make an appt with one....The book I ordered on N's came today...I'm reading it now. So far, it seems like he is a N....uh oh....


Me: BS, 55
Him: WH: 52, textbook NPD
1st EA (PA?): 1 year
2nd EA (PA? probably): 5 years to present
D-Day: Oct 28, 2006 (he started 'friendship' after meeting her on 4/28/05)
False R w/ narcissistic cake-eater
7/16/10: Filed for divorce

Posts: 395 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: I'm on Venus - H's on Mars...!
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, December 30th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

H doesn't think he need IC

No, the narcissists don't think anything is "wrong" with them.

Even if he's not a full-blown N, there's something strange with all of the sensitivities he has. I work with a girl who is super-sensitive to all things - noises, smells, air temperature - any kind of discomfort is hugely amplified for her. It drives me batty; I can't imagine being married to someone like that!

Keep reading up on the Ns. Any knowledge and information is helpful and good.

((((Tribe))))


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
lola99
♀ Member
Member # 13869
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, December 30th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks....I'll keep reading. I realize that the only person I can change is myself and my response to these behaviors. I wish I could wave a magic wand and turn myself into someone who isn't affected by them....but so much for wishful thinking!


Me: BS, 55
Him: WH: 52, textbook NPD
1st EA (PA?): 1 year
2nd EA (PA? probably): 5 years to present
D-Day: Oct 28, 2006 (he started 'friendship' after meeting her on 4/28/05)
False R w/ narcissistic cake-eater
7/16/10: Filed for divorce

Posts: 395 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: I'm on Venus - H's on Mars...!
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 1:33 PM, December 30th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Lola,
The thing I would be interested in is if he is sensitive to YOUR feelings or sensitivity.

For example, does he give you the same courtousy, privacy, etc that he demands for himself? (without you asking) Or do the rules only apply to you and he can bulldoze around house doing whatever he pleases?

Does he own ANY of the problems in the marriage? Or are they ALL your fault? Are his affairs even your fault?

Hmmmm.....I think I smell a narcissist.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 1:33 PM, December 30th (Tuesday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
lola99
♀ Member
Member # 13869
Default  Posted: 3:53 PM, December 30th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi sadtoo.....Thanks for responding. You've posed some interesting questions. If I don't ask for space, his natural inclination is to invade mine. For example, if I'm soaking in the tub ... he'll barge in, open the glass sliding door and stand there, which he knows upsets me. (OMG, that's not a good sign.) I work 14 hours a day, including a 4 hour commute and need my sleep at night, but it's a constant fight to get him to stop TV watching in our bedroom which keeps me awake. I have to ASK or DEMAND my space.

And as far as the issues we have in the marriage, he says he's been emotionally abused and has had to seek refuge from me in the form of emotional A's, but then says he's not justifying the behavior but "explaining."

I've snooped on his computer and discovered that he's watching young Japanese girls stripping on youtube videos instead of spending time with me. I confronted him...he lied....said they were "pop ups." And now he's mad at ME for snooping and is going to change his passwords. So I'm always the problem. If I just "let him be himself" there wouldn't be any problems according to him.

It's not looking too good right now, is it?

[This message edited by lola99 at 3:56 PM, December 30th (Tuesday)]


Me: BS, 55
Him: WH: 52, textbook NPD
1st EA (PA?): 1 year
2nd EA (PA? probably): 5 years to present
D-Day: Oct 28, 2006 (he started 'friendship' after meeting her on 4/28/05)
False R w/ narcissistic cake-eater
7/16/10: Filed for divorce

Posts: 395 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: I'm on Venus - H's on Mars...!
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, December 30th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No. It's not looking too good right now. But, it's very early in this and he could just be a big selfish jerk. You'll get support here either way.

Hugs to you.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 8:39 PM, December 30th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jjct I find I need liquid reinforcements to deal with my pet N these days. The whole thought of it makes my skin crawl.

Sadtoo is very right about the sensitivities. My ex had his but then would "forget" when there were things that upset me or the children. He is special and the rest of us aren't. Of course he caters to the wifetress now....but mark my words, her time will come too.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 10:38 PM, December 30th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does he look in the mirror constantly and admire himself?


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
lola99
♀ Member
Member # 13869
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, December 31st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks, liedto....and hugs to you sadtoo....

Peridot: He is a high maintenance guy with a killer wardrobe, tons of shoes....top notch suits, leather jackets, hat collection. I consider myself an attractive woman but when he and I are out in public, he gets all the admiring glances from woman AND MEN! He constantly gets compliments. In fact, I feel like the spouse of a celebrity who's pushed aside while he's the center of attention. It's a really weird dynamic.

We recently went to Montreal for the weekend and two French men actually approached my H and asked if they could take his picture! I stood off to the side while they snapped his photo!

He's like a magnet and I just can't explain it....but of course he loves it but will never admit it....


Me: BS, 55
Him: WH: 52, textbook NPD
1st EA (PA?): 1 year
2nd EA (PA? probably): 5 years to present
D-Day: Oct 28, 2006 (he started 'friendship' after meeting her on 4/28/05)
False R w/ narcissistic cake-eater
7/16/10: Filed for divorce

Posts: 395 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: I'm on Venus - H's on Mars...!
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 12:15 PM, December 31st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, boy, Lola....

Welcome to the NPD Thread, sister!!

Have you gotten through that book yet? You'll have to let us know what you learn!

[This message edited by woundedby2 at 12:15 PM, December 31st (Wednesday)]


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 3:13 PM, December 31st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh wow....

I remember that happening with my XNPDH too. We were participating in this annual event here in the local area and there happened to be a movie producer in town looking for "extras" for a movie they were planning and he asked XNPDH to come for a shooting. I never heard the end of that, even though the movie was never made.

The weird thing was though, that he never really "fit" if you know what I mean. He always looked the part. It was almost like living with someone who was a living costume party or something. For example, he wouldn't be caught dead in the barn in a pair of tennis shoes. He HAD to have on cowboy boots and a cowboy hat. I was like, "Who gives a shit? The horses don't care what you look like." If we went out, he had to dress to kill. Again, he looked the part, but he never "fit". I'll never forget one time going to one of my company functions. It was not black-tie, but close. Everyone was in the lounge for after dinner drinks and XNPDH says to the waiter, "I'll have a glass of Caug-Nack" The waiter snickered and said, "How about you ma'am..." I was like, "What did he order?" Then I saw the cognac and LAUGHED out loud!! I honestly thought XNPDH was trying to be funny, but he was SERIOUSLY STUPID.

Unbelievable.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 4:49 PM, December 31st (Wednesday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
lola99
♀ Member
Member # 13869
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, December 31st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi woundedby2: Thanks for welcoming me to the thread that we all dread!!! Well, at least we have each other!!

sadtoo: Wow...I thought my H was one of a kind but sounds like you had a doozy too! The cowboy costume thing is a hoot...and the Caug Nack had me in stitches! Yes, you're right, they look the part but don't fit in. I always tell my H that the reason he gets so much attention is because he has to look "different" to be noticed...He'll never admit it, though but sticks to his story: "I like to look nice." It's snowing here right now to beat the band, and he's changed twice already to go to the market. First trip he wore a brown leather bomber jacket with brown hat and boots. 2nd trip he changed into a black leather jacket with matching hat and boots....Who's he trying to impress?!? Anyway, Happy New Year!! Hugs, Lola

[This message edited by lola99 at 5:50 PM, December 31st (Wednesday)]


Me: BS, 55
Him: WH: 52, textbook NPD
1st EA (PA?): 1 year
2nd EA (PA? probably): 5 years to present
D-Day: Oct 28, 2006 (he started 'friendship' after meeting her on 4/28/05)
False R w/ narcissistic cake-eater
7/16/10: Filed for divorce

Posts: 395 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: I'm on Venus - H's on Mars...!
lola99
♀ Member
Member # 13869
Default  Posted: 5:52 PM, December 31st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

woundedby2: I'm 1/3 of the way through the book. It's fantastic...I'll give you a book report soon!! hugs, Lola


Me: BS, 55
Him: WH: 52, textbook NPD
1st EA (PA?): 1 year
2nd EA (PA? probably): 5 years to present
D-Day: Oct 28, 2006 (he started 'friendship' after meeting her on 4/28/05)
False R w/ narcissistic cake-eater
7/16/10: Filed for divorce

Posts: 395 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: I'm on Venus - H's on Mars...!
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 6:12 PM, December 31st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe)))

All this dressing up reminds me of 3 year olds. LOL.

Happy New Years !!!

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, December 31st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

3 year-olds is about right, Bob!! Dealing with the NPDs is seriously like dealing with children....

Happy New Year to you too Bob. Hope you and the girls are doing well.

((((Tribe))))
Happy New Year to all!!


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 9:19 PM, December 31st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't post here very much anymore...but just want to wish everyone a much better New Year!

((((hugs)))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Chipmunkie
♀ Member
Member # 21653
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, December 31st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ha! Here's a good one.
We were in mediation and he was ranting about how "I" wasn't entitled to half the house. His reasoning? On the property tax records it said *His name* and ethel.
I was like OMG... Ethel..

Ummmm.. no dear.. it says Et Al.

Seriously.. they never cease to amaze me.


Me: BW
Him: Irrelevant Bastard

About ~C.? I hear she even keeps a bottle in her desk at work. Not in an alcoholic way but in a kick ass Humphrey Bogart kinda way.


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