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User Topic: N. P.D Thread - Part VI
StungAgain
♀ Member
Member # 13283
Default  Posted: 4:42 PM, January 9th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Afternoon

Well I am thinking that some of my deep seeded damage is starting to reap its weary head.

In college today we were watching the movie Radio, it is to do with a person who is developmentally disabled. Anyways the movie gets to a point where it is emotional and the tissue comes out, and gets passed around. The difference I noticed was I didn't feel the need to use any, and I know the scenes in question are truly emotional, and here I am feeling NOTHING!

WTF is the matter with me? My friend says I am broken, meaning I have been through a lot and so my emotions are buried.

I left a voicemail message for my Therapist, I would like to look into this further.

Has this happened to anyone else before?


BS 41 (me)
H 42
'GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS...
YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,
BUT YOU KNOW THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE.'

Posts: 822 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: British Columbia,Canada
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 9:34 PM, January 9th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He needs to lie because he needs to have the power and control over people by withholding the truth from them.

But how does that translate into power and control over me since I no longer care about what he does or who he screws anymore?

Is he deluding himself into thinking I do still care?
Does he think I'm stupid enough to continue to buy his lies?


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 9:54 PM, January 9th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stung, I think that it is natural for us to bury our emotions. Kinda like put up a brick wall around us so that we don't get hurt.

I know that I have done that.

One of the things he accused me of being was very hateful and angry all the time and really I was. I have come to the conclusion that I did this to keep him from hurting me anymore than he already has.

I have also noticed that I am a lot less angry and hateful now that I am finally starting to feel at peace, other than when I have to deal with him.

I guess that I have learned to be this nice person around others but then when dealing with him I let the Bitch come out and play for a little while!

I have also found that it is great not having to walk on eggshells anymore. It got to a point where even the kids were afraid they would say or do something to piss him off and then all hell would break loose.

We've been seperated almost a year now and I am finally starting to feel like myself again.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 9:58 PM, January 9th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HB I think they withhold bits of information from pretty much anyone they are involved with on any more than a passing encounter. It was a way to hold power over the other person.

I don't think he really thinks about all the much. He thinks about himself.

They all think about only themselves and how they can benefit if someone else is involved.

Recently my ex had to talk to the children's worker. She asked him if he ever gave any kind of thought to the time, energy and money that I put in every day to care for the children and raise them. He answered her honestly and said that he had never given it any thought. He was raised my a single mom so he knows just how much it takes to raise children alone so he is just being the person he is by not giving this any thought. He is selfish to the core.

As for power over us directly, they lose that in time. They will grab at whatever they can and the lies are all they have left once we take away all their power. Eventually they will love on to someone else and lie to them instead. They really can't fathom being cast aside. They really would not process that they don't matter to use any more. Their world view ONLY revolves around them.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, January 10th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Stung,
I'm very glad to hear that you are rethinking your decision to go back to him. You need to go back and remember how very difficult it has been just to get where you are today. I know he is "presenting" and "image" of an easier life, but believe me, it won't be that way. It will be like it was before, only worse.

There is nothing wrong with you, or your emotions. You have been through something very traumatizing and are likely suffering from PSTD or something similar. I went through this too where my emotions just shut down. The only thing I could feel was anger and rage. Stay with your therapy. It will get better and the other emotions will come back into check. Don't underestimate the damage he has done.

I know how hard it is to rebuild your life after something like this. You just have to keep moving forward. You're going to get there. Just keep believing in yourself and don't give up.

HB,
I think part of it is power and control, but I think the lying for NPD's is also just part of the being. It's just something that is built in. I don't think they can help themselves. I know my XNPDH would lie at times it would be much easier to just tell the truth, but he would lie over the most STUPID stuff even when it was OBVIOUS he was lying. Yes, I think that they think "we" are so stupid that we will believe what they say. But I also don't think they care either way if we do or not. Have you ever gotten that stupid deer in the headlight look from him when you call him on the little lie? But he doesn't admit lying, he just acts a little confused? For me, I always walked away thinking, "Am I the idiot here? I know that's what I just heard....what is wrong with him?" But by that time in our relationship, I had learned not to push things over something small or I was in for a war that would last for days, so I would let it go.

I think that they are so focused on themselves and trying to overcome their insecurities that they are constantly trying to outdo, outshine, be an authority, sound smart, etc. They're not even listening to what is going on around them or even the other half of the conversation. It's all about them and how they think they are coming across.

I would say that NPD's are definately delusional. They're freaks of nature.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
squiffle
♀ Member
Member # 13015
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, January 10th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey, I just wanted to share this with all of us who've ever tangled with an NPD and escaped and lived to tell the tale.

This documentary -- it's riveting -- on youtube "Crazy Love" -- check out Burt Pugach. All your creep radar will go off. It's a chilling look at one freaky NPD.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZlxSB1BUo0


Moved on. Moved away. Happily married to a good man. Life gets better after this shit.

Posts: 4529 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: west
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 8:29 PM, January 10th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I remember that story. It is so creepy. She goes back to him and then he cheats on her and threatens to do what he did to her to another woman. She's in such NPD-fog that she defends him. Ugh.

Very sad.

This is a very good portrait of an NPD and an NPD victim.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 10:17 PM, January 10th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so happy to be single. Their fighting makes me think about my ex and how argumentative he was about everything. Freaks, all of them.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 10:28 PM, January 10th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have court ordered mediation again on Wednesday. Since he decided that he didn't need to agree to anything we mediated the last time, I am not going to put much effort into this session. I will show up there since I'm ordered to, but I'm not going to give him an inch.

We have a hearing the following week to have the judge order the custody evaluation and to clarify for the freak that he is to be reimbursing me for half of DD's daycare expenses. Seems that the only person he'll actually listen to is the judge.

Had CPS out on the day after Christmas. They aren't going to intervene on my kids' behalf, but "their report will be on file for the judge to see". Whatever...

It is so frustrating that something horrible has to happen before they will step in.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, January 11th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wounded, I am sorry. It seems that they just get away with everything. I guess that includes child abuse now.

I keep hoping that one day they will get theirs.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, January 11th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think their problems are soo deeply immeresed in them that they do not even realise when they lie. They now believe that their lie is actually the truth. They don't like the truth, they prefer the lie as it suits their mental health (!) more. They cannot cope with the truth, they shut off the truth years ago to cope with the reality of their lives. They would not know the truth if it came and smacked them on the nose! I just think that lies are just how they are, I don't even think they are aware when they do it. It makes understanding them so difficult because you never know the truth. The only soloution is to walk away, with the small amount of sanity you are left with!

I often have flash-backs to situations that made no sense at the time, but do now. Really silly things but obviously left me with a feeling that something was not right.

My ex husband is a mess and I am glad I am no longer part of that life. My new life is hard in a different way but at least I am free from him. I guess that is the most any of us can expect in the early days.


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
Dazed In Dixie
♀ Member
Member # 21178
Default  Posted: 8:15 PM, January 11th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just don't even know what to think about things anymore...

The counselor the kids and I have seen called me last week. She strongly suggested that the boys meet with their father in an appointment with her so she can gauge his reactions towards the kids. They didn't want to go but I in essence forced them. He is claiming PAS and she said it would help negate his claim.
He hadn't seen the kids in almost 3 months...and he didn't even get up when they came in the room. He didn't hug them...nothing. Told them he would do anything for them...and when they asked him to leave his girlfriend, he said no, that was unrealistic for them to ask and it was them trying to control him.
Counselor talked to me yesterday about the session. She couldn't divulge some information because of confidentiality but she did tell me I need to be ready to defend my character. He has reported me to DFACS and he even reported my lawyer to the bar. He had this big notebook full of stuff...who knows what it all is. He still isn't paying the house payment where I am...doesn't understand that status quo means continuing to pay the bills you'd been paying all along. He said it means that since I'm now getting child support, I have to pay for my mortgage. I even sent him the definition of "status quo". How do you deal with someone who doesn't get it? I just hope my lawyer is equipped to deal with the bullshit this freak is going to put out there. Now I have to worry about how to defend my character...
Any of you dealt with all of this crap???
Then I get an email from him the day after the kids met with him thanking me for letting them come. Then he asked when we could cut out all the crap and sit down together and talk about the kids. Yeah...I'm gonna fall for that one! NOT...
I just hate this...the nightmare won't end...


1-26-10 DIVORCED FINALLY
"Infidelity is like cat pee in carpet. And no matter how hard they try, an affair couple will never ever get that stink out. It will always follow them." -DCK

Posts: 742 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Atlanta
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 9:09 PM, January 11th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dazed, be prepared for him to make up all kinds of shit about you.

My STBXH couldn't come up with any thing against me so he started making shit up.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, January 11th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Defend your character? That I don't understand. I assume that he is going to make all kind of accusations however it will be difficult for him to prove hat you are doing something wrong when it has been you who has been raising he children with little to no help from him.

Why would he report your lawyer to the bar? A lawyer works for their client and not for him so how can he make a claim about YOUR lawyer. It sounds like a defection from his actions. I can only hope that the IC can help you with any claims he is making to DFACS. I am sure that everyone dealing with the kids can see that you are caring for them and are not neglecting them or abusing them. Hopefully a false claim will harm his case. They are often much more suspicious when a claim is made during a divorce. Clearly it is about slamming you and not about the wellbeing of the children.

Hang in there. These Toads are famous for making up false claims and causing problem where they are none to be had. Ignore and document is the best place to start.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
Dazed In Dixie
♀ Member
Member # 21178
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, January 11th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have NO idea why he would report MY lawyer to the bar...makes no sense to me.

I work with a lady that used to work with DFACS..she said they have 5 business days to investigate a claim..and I haven't heard a word from them nor have the kids been interviewed at school or anything. Maybe they already dismissed it...who knows? And I have nothing to hide...I'm sure he's going to bring up the fact that I haven't been the world's greatest housekeeper. He actually took pictures about 10 years ago and had sent them to his lawyer then. He's had a file on me for years...now that's a bit freaky!!! I found a bunch of stuff the last time he came home...his sister brought over a file box filled with crap about me.
The worst thing I've ever done was hit his arm one night after counseling when he told me I drove him to cheat on me. Poor baby...no police report, no pictures, no proof!
I'm just so tired of it all. He supposedly has been suspended from his job because he can't concentrate since he is "so worried about the boys". Hmmmm...seems he's more worried about trying to screw me over. The counselor said in the session he had with the boys he didn't relate or respond to them as a parent. She went on to say he didn't even respond or relate to them on a human level...he only heard anything negative that might have been said and then twisted it so that he was the victim.


1-26-10 DIVORCED FINALLY
"Infidelity is like cat pee in carpet. And no matter how hard they try, an affair couple will never ever get that stink out. It will always follow them." -DCK

Posts: 742 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Atlanta
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, January 12th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds like the councelor may end up being a good weapon against this crap since she has witnessed how he treats the children.

He keeps a file on you. That is creepy. Being a poor housekeeper is not a crime. Try and not let him frazzle you. It is best to not feed the pet freaks with any kind of responce because it keeps them coming back for more even if it is negative attention.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 12:39 PM, January 12th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dazed,
The one thing you have in your corner is TRUTH. You can't defend yourself against his lies and delusions. He's going to say what he's going to say. The truth will speak for itself.

DO NOT sit down and talk to him about ANYTHING. As desperate as things may seem, and no matter how thick that notebook of his seems to get, never-ever-ever try to negotiate anything with him. Who knows what's in there. Most likely it's his delusional version of things. Like the bad housekeeping blown out of proportion, etc. No matter how delerious and exagerated his lies, (or even if they border on truth) do NOT allow yourself to be baited into any manner of defending yourself, arguing with him, negotiation or anything else with him. It will get you no-where. You must remain calm and let your documentation and other proof speak for you.

His mouth and his ego will take care of him.

Interesting how he reported your attorney to the bar. My XNPDH yelled at the prosecuter during a criminal hearing when he was arrested for violating my protection order.

He yelled, "Do you know who I am? I will see to it that you are digging ditches by the time I am through with you!"

Not the smartest thing to yell at a prosecuter. Who is my XNPDH? Nobody. But that prosecuter has never forgotten him. Every time I have trouble with him, all I have to do is call that very nice man and say, "He's back at it." and I get results.

I know it is hard right now to stay calm and trust in the system and the court officials. But they will see through him and his BS. (bullshit) He may come off as an authority and posture around like he's a big "somebody" but when it comes to backing it up with proof, he won't have it.

One big mistake I see he is making right now is not following through with the judges order to pay the bills on the house. Playing dumb at this juncture will get him nowhere with the judge.

Hang in there.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 12:42 PM, January 12th (Monday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, January 12th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ex also threatened my solicitor with reporting him to the bar!! Very strange, dellusional behavour. All paid up members of the cookie cutter crew.

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
grownup
♀ Member
Member # 22285
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, January 12th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh my god! Ohy my god! I just started perusing this thread and I keep seeing H everywhere in it. I jumped ahead a few pages and start reading again and again there he is doing all those things and it never even occurred to me that it might be possible.


Me:44
Him:44 SA
Married:14 years
D-day: too many, final Nov 8, 2008
Separating ,he's on the run

Posts: 153 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: alberta
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 1:38 PM, January 12th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dazed, he's really delusional, isn't he?

((((grownup)))) I remember having the same feeling as you when I first stumbled upon the NPD thread. A sort of jaw-dropping experience, isn't it? If you haven't already done so, go back and find the first NPD thread and read the first few pages. There is some great information there. This is a great group of people posting on this thread. Keep posting! We're here for you.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
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