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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N. P.D Thread - Part VI
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, January 20th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Lied2)))

PM me. Call and chat if you'd like.

BoB

After getting caught up on the thread all i have to say is this. It ain't pretty...

Fucking Narcissists.

I'm not quite getting flashbacks, but I sometimes start remembering what it was like living with her and her fucking chaos. And her FOO too.

I hope peace for all. There's nothing worse than realizing your life was a facade, non-existent and so much has passed away.

There is a future, just not what we had thought it could or would be.

Thank God, the Buddha and the Stars for this thread. I don't know how I would have survived without it.

It's as if what we have lived through is some kinda dirty little secret that no-one wants anything to do with and we're some kinda pathetic lepers who brought this on ourselves. Bullshit.

And the "professionals" have got to be some of the most uneducated pinheads in their fields for not recognizing and knowing how to deal with this crap. They have really pissed me off with their bullshit, condescending attitudes and plain-ass ignorance of this topic. Everytime some numbskull has told me about learning to co-parent with her or some other freakin' harebrained idea I just wanted to hurl.

The only truth and answers I got were from SI and this thread specifically.

Nowhere else. Frickin' court system was a joke. A mean-spirited joke. All they wanted was a resolution. It was like they didn't want to get involved. Fuckers. LOL.

I'm pissing and moaning cause some of you have had it far worse than I did and to see you suffer like this is un-fucking bearable sometimes.

You didn't do anything wrong. You did what was right and got fucked over by an asshole who took advantage of your goodness.

It's like waking up from a nightmare only to find your in a nightmare that is far worse than the one you were in when you were asleep !!!

Fucking Narcissists.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 8:10 AM, January 20th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hear ya about the court system. It sucks!

I am so sick and tired of hearing about his rights.

What about his responsibilities that no one has enforced?

What about mine and the kids rights?

It seems if you are NPD then you can get away with murder, probably literally, but if it's one of us then God forbid that we go against the grain and actually try and protect our kids.

My experience with the courts has been a nightmare.

Actually my friends and family have said they have never seen so much bullshit in their lives, all the shit he continues to get away with.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
Dazed In Dixie
♀ Member
Member # 21178
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, January 20th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My lovely NPD called yesterday wanting to talk about the kids. He wanted to know how they are. I told him they are fine. Then he wanted to know how I am and I told him I am actually doing quite well. He went on to tell me that he is not, etc etc etc. I told him that he should be quite happy, this is the life he chose for himself and if he is not the he only has himself to blame. He said he'd do anything for the kids and I told him that was a lie. The one thing they want is for him to break it off with the OWskankwhore and he tells them that is unrealistic for them to ask of him. And I told him to not worry, I wasn't saying any of this because I had delusions of us getting back together. I politely informed him that I had moved on and wasn't interested in a relationship with him anymore. I told him that my heart was not available to him because of the abuse of my love and devotion. I told him to marry the girl and I hoped they were happy and I wasn't saying that sarcastically. I mean it..cuz I know they will both make each other miserable!!
He was dumbfounded that I wasn't pining away for him. The silence on the other end was great..very empowering! I'm sure it was all an act and I'm not sure what the motive was, but he never does anything without their being an evil reason behind it as you all well know.

Anyway, we have court in a week. I just got done reviewing and making revisions to the settlement agreement we are going to send over to his attorney in hopes to settle this before and not go to court. But he's calling for a guardian ad litem and that's going to drag this out forever!!! OH well...whatever...

He's going to absolutely SHIT when he sees that we are asking for supervised visitation until the children's therapist feels it's in their best interest to see him unsupervised. Oh well...c'est la vie!

And I haven't taken my AD's in 4 days now and I feel FINE!!!! Have a few triggers but I had those even when taking the meds...so I'm excited about that!!

(((lied2))) I'm here if you need a shoulder or a friend. I'm always just a PM away!


1-26-10 DIVORCED FINALLY
"Infidelity is like cat pee in carpet. And no matter how hard they try, an affair couple will never ever get that stink out. It will always follow them." -DCK

Posts: 742 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Atlanta
grownup
♀ Member
Member # 22285
Default  Posted: 11:23 AM, January 20th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow People! I have missed lots so have been reading posts this morning to cactch up. I know I'm going to miss some of the things I want to say but...

((((Lied2))) Don't you know that you totally ROCK?!! I'm not talking about the rock that sits on your shoulders to push you down. I'm talking about the kind of rock that keeps you making the right choices, the kind that is going to find one thing today that will make you smile (I'm kinda thinking you need a song playing that will make you tap your feet or shake your booty!) Don't forget rock star...WE ARE YOUR FANS!! ROCK ON, BABY!

(((Its a battle))) I too am scared to go on ADs. I feel that I'm in the fight for my kids and that somehow the ADs will "wash away" my need or importance to hold my ground on my childrens safety (H is SA probably NPD-still waiting psych assessment). Will I start giving in to stuff ?

(((Dixie))) Way to Go! You are totally holding your ground!

My first collaborative law meeting is supposed to be going on right now. Yesterday, H comes to the house to get papers from the file cabinet that is supposed to be given to the lawyers before the meeting. In my mind I'm thinking "why the hell is he leaving it to the last minute" During this the phone rings and it is my lawyer telling me that H has cancelled the meeting and we have to reschedule for February. I hang up and go back to H and said why am I finding out now that I have no meeting tomorrow. Not my problem he says and that he has something more important on. As he is pulling papers out of the cabinet he asks if have done all my paper work. Yes, I say, because I was supposed to be meeting tomorrow. Well, he says, if you already have it done can't you just make me a copy so I don't have to go through all of this? No, I say, in my 180 voice but casually looking around the room for something heavy to swing. He then wants to use my little printer/copier which he has no paper or ink for. Fine, I say. Part way through the feed breaks and he blames me because I can't fix it. I decide it would be fine for him to take the papers somewhere else to copy (get the hell out my inner voice says). He says he just needs a few more things so he gets his best swim trunks, passport, and travel immunizations and leaves. You all know what I am thinking right now don't you?


Me:44
Him:44 SA
Married:14 years
D-day: too many, final Nov 8, 2008
Separating ,he's on the run

Posts: 153 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: alberta
Minniemouse
Member
Member # 14369
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, January 20th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all, just wanted to introduce myself. I haven't finished reading the whole thread yet, but I'm learning alot.

I think it's very possible my STBXH has NPD. He certainly has many of the characteristics.


BS Me
the thing Mr. Rat
Married 21 years
False R and too many betrayals and lies to count
3 lovely girls 9, 7, and 6
Divorced

Posts: 357 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Missouri
grownup
♀ Member
Member # 22285
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, January 20th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome Minnie!

I am glad you found this place and...so very sad that life has brought you here.
Make sure that you read lots of the early threads of NPD as there is great info and great people. Lots of truth here. Truth is nice for once isn't it?! Have you been on other threads or the Healing Library?

Lots of hugs((((()))))

I'm editing as I just read your profile. You do know this site already! Let me know if I can help

[This message edited by grownup at 12:05 PM, January 20th (Tuesday)]


Me:44
Him:44 SA
Married:14 years
D-day: too many, final Nov 8, 2008
Separating ,he's on the run

Posts: 153 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: alberta
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, January 20th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dazed,
You handled that situation very well. Keep pushing him back further until you can stop him right at the "How are you" question. I'm always concerned that they are somehow trying to bait you into something especially right before hearing or before trial.

It's interesting because it's like he only asked how you were doing as an entry to "Not me!!" Almost like he couldn't wait to get that in there, maybe hoping for sympathy...you know the NPD's favorite thing SUPPLY!!

Next time he says "he's not..." Say something like, "That's too bad. I've got socks to iron. Gotta go. BYE!!"

Then hang up.

It's so interesting how he "says" he'd do ANYTHING for his children, but when you tell him the ONE thing they want him to "do", he comes back with "that is unrealistic" even after he just told you how miserable he is.

He's probably miserable because he can't have his cake and eat it too. So typical.

Dazed, you're doing so great. Stick with it! Dealing with these jerks is not easy.

((((Everyone))))


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
keeks
Member
Member # 10814
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, January 20th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to ask if anyone else has a problem with mirroring their npd's behavoir at times? I find myself at times angry beyond my normal, short fused and I even lie to him (about financial stuff) at times....some of it is like a barrier/wall...Especially the lying about financial stuff. He flips so bad if something isn't able to get paid (even though he is not working at this time and is no financial help) that sometimes lying is easier for the moment...sometimes I get to pay it before wh figures it out sometimes not....This is also a major issue because when our finances first started to get bad he acted like WE would get thru no problem and was mister helpful....well he was cheating all that time and wasting money on a crack whore so we have a lot of issues with all of this...I know I shouldn't lie and it does kill me every time but I'm so tired of taking blame and being no good that sometimes that is a little quiet in the storm.....but it makes me no better and he uses it as ammo in the end....god I'm rambling sorry

Posts: 371 | Registered: May 2006
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 12:57 PM, January 20th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're buying into his guilt trip. "You're no better because you lie too."

Bullshit

You're lying to survive. If your NPD is anything like mine when it came to finances, you're probably better off to lie. I know if my XNPDH found out about something I didn't pay on time, or I bounced a check or whatever (he wasn't helping either and was wasting money on OW's and OC's) he would literally flip out. Scream and yell, call me horrible names. Sometimes he would get physical. I wouldn't get any sleep and would be worthless at work the next day.

No, I don't think you are mirroring. I think you're just trying to survive.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
keeks
Member
Member # 10814
Default  Posted: 1:07 PM, January 20th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think I have been dealing with wh and his bullshit for so long that I've lost all of me at times.......He was always difficult (to put it nicely) but 4and 1/2 years ago he got real sick and almost died....I swear that since then everything has manifested 10xs as much......Sadly I remember praying he would make it and now I wonder why....life has been nothing but heartache and chaos ever since....god help me for even saying that but I often wonder that as hard as it would have been would I have been better off if.........then I remember that god doesn't give you more than you can handle..lol ummm god my shoulders just aren't this big.....I know i'm not useless, or dumb or put on this earth just to make wh mad....but god help why is that all I hear....why can't I get a hug and be able to believe that everything is going to be ok? Why can't sex be comforting and emotional not cheap and degrading.....why can't I forget to buy milk and it not be the end of life as we know it.......why can't wh deal with his children while I'm at work without calling me to tell me that they are acting up???? Gotta go now be back later

Posts: 371 | Registered: May 2006
keeks
Member
Member # 10814
Default  Posted: 1:14 PM, January 20th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

sadtoo thank you...your right but I think that society helps form my opinion of myself too...lying is supposed to be wrong....explaining to others that it is a state of survival at this juncture in my life seems like i'm trying to justify....but unless you live like me (and all here) i'm afraid people won't understand....

Posts: 371 | Registered: May 2006
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, January 20th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is part of the "walking on eggshell" and the "no matter what I do, it's not right"

You get so desperate for peace. You just want a day a week without him flipping out or you on the edge worried about him flipping out.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, January 20th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The freaking Chaos is so overwelming. I half wonder if some of the issues I have is because my kids mirror the chaos that their dad brought with him everywhere and they can't seem to manage without it. My kids often debate things that need no debate and delay and procrastinate things in hope that someone else will do them etc. It seems to be a constant but it was back them as well except I had 3 people doing it instead of 2.

Is some of this crap learned behaviour? I know that away from them I manage pretty well. The kids (and being around their father) send me into a spin at times with the chaos.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
keeks
Member
Member # 10814
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, January 20th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i'm not sure if it is learned or not but i would guess some of it can be....but that doesn't mean new behavoir can't be taught....I think kids act out because of the chaos...think about it this way we are adults and have adapted our behavior to accomodate the freaks in our lives....we want peace so we act certain ways to get it....kids want attention and will get it however they can....so yes if they see that dad acts like a jerk and gets attention well we can act up too....its hard but I am sure that with your loving guidance and support that your kids will learn proper behavior....hang in there lied2......new here but not to all the bullshit I have read here....have days just like yours but my freak is still living with us

Posts: 371 | Registered: May 2006
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:53 PM, January 20th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's so interesting how he "says" he'd do ANYTHING for his children, but when you tell him the ONE thing they want him to "do", he comes back with "that is unrealistic" even after he just told you how miserable he is.

Thank God something is interesting!

Pattern-recognition is important. It really is necessary for survival.

The quoted above is one of the recurring patterns.

((((HUGGING))))) every dam one of you!

I remind each and every one, and I can tell...

You were chosen for a reason.
No.

I don't know each and every's reason for such broad shoulders.

Your abilities, your specialness was targeted and fed off...
to the point of depletion!

What broad shoulders you have!

Evil is by definition self limiting. It has its own self-serving blinders on.

Rest is what I would wish for you, and many warm hugs and love! Truth is that which doesn't change at all.
You have the truth.

My prayers are for your rested hearts, in that.
Rest in that.
Please I pray. In that knowing.

They say there's not enough prozac in the world......
there ARE enough of us! hugs


Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Threnody
♀ Member
Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 12:45 PM, January 21st (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Poking my head in to say hi and to welcome a new lurker. I'm still reading, just not posting much in this thread lately.

Sending warm hugs to the crew. Spring is on its way here, so I'm betting the sap will be rising in some of the Ns soon. Hang in there, gang. They do it every year. Don't you wish we could trim parts of THEM off like we do trees?


“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14039 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:45 PM, January 21st (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hey thren! good to see you round these parts! Sure does feel like spring...

When I first came to this thread, I was still busy trying to pick my jaw up off the floor from the realization of what I'd been involved with.
And then, BoB told me to RUN!

Since that time, I've honestly come to believe that the people that come here to tell their stories
((((hugs!))))
are the most amazing,
of the most amazing people on the planet.

I would wish for everyone to believe that, first of all.
You were targeted as supply for a reason,

yes you were!

(hope you can all check out the first thread, and downfall's stuff. Lots of healing, links and stuff there)


Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, January 21st (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, all.

Went to court today for a hearing. 2 issues at hand...
1. I am requesting a custody evaluation (psych eval). The freak - amazingly enough! - won't agree to this.
2. The freak feels that he does not have to follow court orders and reimburse me for medical and daycare expenses. (you know, rules just don't apply to them....) At least I've been able to have his check garnished for the C/S!

Anyway, we were not able be heard today, so we've had to reschedule in Feb. Grrrr....

On the upside, it seems that freak is considering my offer that we could use Minor's Counsel in lieu of pursuing the psych eval. This would be much less costly, and would hopefully yield the desired result. I'm so tired of this dragging on and on...



Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7636 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
keeks
Member
Member # 10814
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, January 22nd (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thren I'm new here and the part about spring coming and the sap rising....well laughed so hard almost fell off my chair....I have said this for years...seems like spring and some sort of inapropriate behavior go hand in hand....what the hell is the connection there I wonder???? Must say relieved that this is not a unique trait belonging only to my freak.......but guess I better gear up for another eventful spring.....UGH........

Posts: 371 | Registered: May 2006
Chipmunkie
♀ Member
Member # 21653
Default  Posted: 5:17 PM, January 22nd (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've read through this thread so many times. It's like I'm reading my own story. The pain and confusion.
The never ending hurt. You'd think at this point I could let it go. It's hard. Really, really hard.
My ex was "officially diagnosed" in 1990. By that time I was so indoctrinated. I didn't see it. His psychiatrist of 10 years got fed up with his bullshit. Seriously. He actually told him to "come down off the cross".
I mean c'mon.. How the hell did I continue to support and enable him?
It hurts me to look back now. I'm two years out, and I swear. It took almost all of them for me to see the damage that was done. Not just to me. But to my children. Yes, I say mine.
It was me that supported and protected them all those years.
Why? Why was I such a fool?
I know why. I believed his lies.
I believed that there is good in all people. No matter what.
Notice I put that in past tense.
Twenty years with him changed all that.
I still wish him no ill will. Do I love him at all? NO. Anything I ever felt for him has died.
Do I pity him? Maybe. I don't know. All I know is my life is so much better without him.

I'm still not divorced. It is the one thing I wish for more than any other. We went to trial. It was all settled and done.
One week after, the settlement was on the judges desk awaiting a signature.

He couldn't let me be. He took the court ordered emails regarding the kids and falsified them. Added things I didn't and never would say. Really horrible things. Unbelievably horrid things. Had his lawyer submit them as my non-compliance.
So? The judge vacated the divorce decree. It's been a year.
Slowly working it's way back through the court system.

There is no justice. Trust me.
All I want is to be free of him. He
can't allow that to happen.
Meanwhile, the true victims in all of this are the children. The nightmares they have of forced visitation. Breaks my heart.
He is a heartless bastard. That is a given.

Hell, if I know where or why this is going. Just let it be a warning.
Never, ever let your guard down. A true narcissist will do everything in his power to destroy you and everything you hold dear.
I am weary. So very weary. But, the upside ? He didn't break me. He won't break me.
I am no longer afraid.


Me: BW
Him: Irrelevant Bastard

About ~C.? I hear she even keeps a bottle in her desk at work. Not in an alcoholic way but in a kick ass Humphrey Bogart kinda way.


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