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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N. P.D Thread - Part VI
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, January 22nd (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so sorry for what you have been through, Chipmunkie. ((((Hugs))))

You are so right in so many ways.

Never, ever let your guard down. A true narcissist will do everything in his power to destroy you and everything you hold dear.

You can't. Just about the time they're right back again.

Would you believe that mine is back AGAIN? Driving by my house again. Good God.

I won't be afraid either. This time, I called the OW, left her a message telling her he was driving by and then sent her the picture of him in the vehicle outside my house.

What a creep. My dad said that he would never go away. I'm starting to wonder if he may be right.

He is nothing to me. He cannot hurt me anymore.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Chipmunkie
♀ Member
Member # 21653
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, January 22nd (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

awww, sad.

I wish that life were fair. It just isn't.

It's good that you are no longer afraid. I ran far, far away. Even with all this distance it took me so long to reach the point of no fear.
If you haven't lived the fear there is no way to explain it.
I know the fear. Be strong. I wish it for you. I wish it for me.
I wish it for all of us.

Right now? I'm saying a soft prayer for you. May you have the strength to not care.
Does that even make any sense?
Just know this. You are not alone. Oh no, you are not.
Hang in there.


Me: BW
Him: Irrelevant Bastard

About ~C.? I hear she even keeps a bottle in her desk at work. Not in an alcoholic way but in a kick ass Humphrey Bogart kinda way.


Posts: 494 | Registered: Nov 2008
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 8:43 PM, January 22nd (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sadtoo He is back? Holy crap what a nutjob.

I need to vent. The shit has gone too far. Tonight my little one hit me when I turned the computer off after 20 minutes of asking him to get off and do what he was asked to do. I am through with this crap. I don't see any alternatives. He hit me, then I sent him upstairs to get ready for bed. He messed around so I went up and and removed the cards he was playing with. He didn't like that so he threw a glass of water down the hall, covering me and the hall. Refused to clean it up so I walked away and poured myself a drink. He came after me trying to get the cards away from me and was telling me that when I am asleep he is going to rip my hair out. I finally got him to bed.

I saw the worker the other day and she knows I am at my wits end with this kid. We talked about the options and the day she came I was feeling a bit more hopeful. Tonight was supposed to be family counceling but the councelor was sick. I can't do this day in and day out. He is totally out of control at times and the bigger he gets the more scary he gets. They were supposed to have him in the see the psychiatrist by now and nothing. He is on the wait list (apparently) for a treatment group home but I don't think I can hang on. He is all over the place from one minute to the next.

After the last knife incident he got one of the really old tool knives from my tool box I had not locked because it is totally dull. He took that to cadets. Freakin kid is obcessed with weapons. He plays that crap on the computer as well and then fights me when I try to limit him. They got around all the passwords. I am tired of having to stay 2 steps ahead of them and fighting to get them to comply.

I sit here and wonder just how much is boy/teen behaviour with the defiance etc. and what is just plain abnormal and dangerous. I hate the idea of my kid being put in the care with child protection but I don't know how else to get him the help he needs. I am trying everything else and he seems to be escalating. The more we try the worse he seems to be.

Atleast he is going away from training over the weekend. I will defintially be making some calls tomorrow and seeing what else can happen next week. This always seems to happen when my worker is on vacation.

[This message edited by lied2 at 8:45 PM, January 22nd (Thursday)]


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 12:21 AM, January 23rd (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Lied2))))

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 1:05 AM, January 23rd (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wounded - one step forward, two back but you are slowly getting there.

Sad - Not again! He is such a loser. Good for you sending the picture to ow. No doubt he had some bull excuse for her. I am glad that you don't care.

Chipmunkie - I understand about what you are saying. forced visitations are so wrong. My 11 year old is now refusing to go - can't say I blame her. He is no being horrible about is own daugher.

Lied - I have no answers for you but I know you need a break. I don't think your son's violence is something you have to put up with if there are alternatives. I'm sorry.


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 10:33 AM, January 23rd (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went to go to bed last night and found that he had soaked my bed with water as well. This morning he was bragging that he is a "big man" for hitting him mother. I guess I can thank his father for teaching him to hit people when they don't do what you want and for teaching him vendictive PA behaviour.

We were supposed to have family counceling last night and it was cancelled because the worker is sick.

I have to try and make some calls later. I am just so tired of all this crap. I don't much want to talk to people other than those already involved because they are already too many hands in the pot.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 11:07 PM, January 23rd (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Lied)))))

So sorry...

My freak is back in action. Called me today at work and informed me that he was picking DD10 early and was taking her to a funeral. I was fuming mad! Not so much as a moment's thought as to whether I would agree to her going to a funeral, and absolutely no thought as to whether a 10 year old really should be at a funeral for a non-family member. Grrrrr....


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7635 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
MaleableReality
♀ Member
Member # 22451
Default  Posted: 7:14 AM, January 24th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Lied2))))

OMG. I can't believe how awful things are for you right now and that you have troubles outside of the NPD freak. Ugh. How much can one person take????

How old is your son? I can't imagine one of my kids turning on me like that. I'm sure I am oversimplifying but I swear to god if my kid hit me because I turned off the computer, I would go get a baseball bat and smash the computer into a million pieces. That would certainly be the last time. My kids are still little but the last time my oldest (8) flipped out on me about setting boundaries, I took every single toy out of her room and locked it up in storage. I gave her a deadline to get her act together or it was all going to goodwill.

You need serious help from a behaviorist or psych. I used to work in a psych hospital for kids and teens, locked in-patient facility. It was horrible at times. There were kids who were just acting out but then there were kids who were torturing animals and burning down the garage. You need help to figure out what is going on with him.

What's the problem? Why won't anyone help you? Don't they understand the seriousness of the actions he's taken?

Is it a problem with medical insurance not wanting to pay?

God, I want to hug you.


Posts: 64 | Registered: Jan 2009
MaleableReality
♀ Member
Member # 22451
Default  Posted: 7:18 AM, January 24th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((sadtoo)))

I can't believe he is back again. Good for you for having the presence of mind to take a picture and send it to her. LOL. I love it.

You know what I pictured in my mind? What if you could take some of those big sharp metal "jacks" you see in cartoons and throwing them out in front of his car so all his tires pop! Wouldn't that be great?


Posts: 64 | Registered: Jan 2009
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, January 24th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think he needs one of those metal prongs stuck up some place in a way that he can't remove and is to busy dealing with that to deal with anything else.

MR my little one is on 2 wait lists and he was already supposed to be in the see a psych. The regular wait list here is 2 yrs. The other one he is on was 4 months but the doctor leave the end of this month so I doubt he will get in to see him.

The water throwing was for taking his cards away. These stupid pokemon cards have been a source of trouble in this house before. (not to mention they came from their father) I am really tempted to just start the wood stove with them. I haven't since I think it gives him the wrong message.

I know that they do understand the seriousness of what is going on. We just have some seriously long wait lists here for help. The only other step would be to temporarily put him into the care of child protection and then their Doctors etc. would be called in. The risks for that are many in that he could get worse since it may be a group home he would get placed in. He would feel rejected by me and he is not doing well with that and it could do further damage. The other risk is that he could end up in the system and I would have to fight to get him back.

I keep wracking my brain asking myself what the heck I am doing/have done to make him like this. What the hell do I do to get it to stop and for him to be just an ok boy. He just turned 13. It is a horrible age for boys with hormones and all. I get that but some of this stuff is over the top.

NDP the gift that keep giving, even to the children.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, January 24th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I found a song that sounds like it was written by someone who had experience w/ a NPD.
It's by Chevelle and called I Get It.

Awesome lyrics.
http://www.metrolyrics.com/i-get-it-lyrics-chevelle.html


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
discombobulated
♀ Member
Member # 6580
Default  Posted: 9:47 PM, January 25th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lied 2 - You need a domestic violence support group right now. You can PM me and I will help you find local help.

Do not wait, do not hesitate, you need suport and tools to manage your son.

Soon he will be bigger and stronger than you - and you need to be ready when that day quickly comes.

You are in my prayers today.


BS - age 52- married 27 years, in IC, support groups
WH - age 57 - sex addict/porn addict, NPD
Children 2 boys, 19 & 16
D-day #1 2/2/05, D-day #2: 1/22/06
R 4/21/05, but that was another lie, just a game.
D-day #3 11/06
Divorce final may 09

Posts: 2151 | Registered: Mar 2005 | From: Florida
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, January 25th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been through the domestic violence thing a good 3+ times and I have training in family violence as well. It is definitally something that we will be addressing in family therapy because I won't take this crap from him. His brother had one incident like this when he was younger and he learned pretty darn quick that it was not going to tolerated in any way. It is hard for the little one because his father hit him across the face a few months ago on a visit so he sees others act like this and get away with it. But I was clear with him I was not living with it and if it happens again he will be living elsewhere, period. I will also be following up with child protective services because he is not just acting out at home.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
discombobulated
♀ Member
Member # 6580
Default  Posted: 2:27 AM, January 26th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((lied2)))
Are you still in touch with your DV support people? It really helps to have an advocate when you have to be the enforcer of your boundaries. We so want our kids to be loving and sweet and I personally was in denial way too long when my oldest son became a danger to me. Be smart and be careful.


BS - age 52- married 27 years, in IC, support groups
WH - age 57 - sex addict/porn addict, NPD
Children 2 boys, 19 & 16
D-day #1 2/2/05, D-day #2: 1/22/06
R 4/21/05, but that was another lie, just a game.
D-day #3 11/06
Divorce final may 09

Posts: 2151 | Registered: Mar 2005 | From: Florida
discombobulated
♀ Member
Member # 6580
Default  Posted: 10:23 PM, January 27th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Change in topic: anyone have experience with depositions with NPD WS?

I know the truth, but I don't know that the truth will come out during a deposition because he will lie, lie, lie, lie....

Experiences? Ideas?


BS - age 52- married 27 years, in IC, support groups
WH - age 57 - sex addict/porn addict, NPD
Children 2 boys, 19 & 16
D-day #1 2/2/05, D-day #2: 1/22/06
R 4/21/05, but that was another lie, just a game.
D-day #3 11/06
Divorce final may 09

Posts: 2151 | Registered: Mar 2005 | From: Florida
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 12:13 AM, January 28th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Is a deposition the same as trial?


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
grownup
♀ Member
Member # 22285
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, January 28th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I haven't done a deposition but I did a statement on camera for the domestic violence unit. Can they tape the deposition? Sometimes easy to tell if lying by the body language.


Me:44
Him:44 SA
Married:14 years
D-day: too many, final Nov 8, 2008
Separating ,he's on the run

Posts: 153 | Registered: Jan 2009 | From: alberta
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, January 28th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

depositions are part of the trial process.

I would make sure you have real proof to back up anything you ask. They will lie and then you catch them in the lie and it makes everything else they say suspicious. Any good lawyer will know how to handle that piece but the issue will be that they freak out and that will need handling too.

Their lying and freaking out can be to your advantage. I know mine didn't lie on the stand because we never asked him anything that we didn't already have proof of and just submitted the proof. When faces with my proof the ex didn't fight me. He did the flipout thing and it harmed his case. It helped me alot because initially I was looked as the vendictive spouse and by the end I was viewed as the same one getting away from an abusive nutcase.

It is all about well aimed arrows after lots of silence. It drives them nuts. They can't get a handle on you and then fear you because you can see behind the mask.

I am a strange interaction with the ex. He came to drop the oldest off monday and he was asking me about his dishwasher and why it is not working. He admitted he bough a cheap one and 3 months in it works poorly. (no idea if he installed it, if he did I am sure that is a huge part of the problem)

I know I am a plumbing godess compared to him but why ask me? He is the great and mighty fix-it or so he wants to think. Bizarre. U guess his wifey is useless when it comes to stuff like that.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, January 28th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have your lawyer do a deposition with your WS-NPD.

It's a beautiful thing.

They lie, lie and then lie some more. The purpose of the deposition is to get their side of the story "locked in" so to say and transcribed. Then if you go to trial, your attorney can ask the same question from the transribed session of the deposition. If your NPD answers different, your attorney grabs that paper and runs up to your NPD and says "read right here, on such and such a day, didn't you say, blah?? Today you're saying this. Which is true and what is a lie?" Then your attorney whips out the proof that you have provided to SHOW that your NPD is lying and NPD looks like a giant ASS. OR, if he changes his answer because he can't remember what he said because he was lying, your attorney will snag him up on that too.

My attorney deposed my XNPDH too. It was unbelievable. Lie after lie after lie. They had to stop several times because XNPDH would flip out because he didn't want to answer the question, etc.

This is a great noose technique to use against pathalogical liars. They choke every time.

[This message edited by sadtoo at 10:01 AM, January 28th (Wednesday)]


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Kwills
♀ Member
Member # 13172
Default  Posted: 4:49 PM, January 28th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lied2,

This is a tough call with your son, and I'm not so familiar with your story. I know I'm a FWS and might not be welcome here but, I'm on this thread to learn more about NPD--my next boss is supposedly diagnosable and I'm trying to learn as much as I can before I go into the fire.....

FWIW, here in my state it seems to work best in getting expedited services if parents file assault charges on their children--that gets juvenile probation involved and lots of oversight on services and often services seem to be expedited. You mentioned a worker--is this a protective services worker? . You are right that he may enter the system, but if his needs remain unaddressed with those ridiculous wait lists that is almost guaranteed anyway at some point. I hate hearing people waiting for services.

My heart goes out to you.
Kwills


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