Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Elizablue (43208)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N. P.D Thread - Part VI
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, January 28th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You're welcome to the research Kwills! See the tagline link below and begin at the beginning?
disco,
Isn't the best idea to get them talking?
You KNOW they can't help tripping on their lying tongues, right?
BoB posted something awhile back, from Vaknin's stuff I think, containing several excellent button-pushing comments to make them lose it and be the aholes they were always meant to be...
Your L know the score? Hope so disco!
The greatest percentage of stories on here are descriptions of total idiocy and fuck-ups, when it comes to them finally facing the legal system.

I'm pretty sure yours won't be different. God! Please! Let it be so!


Posts: 6012 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
countrygirl2001
♀ Member
Member # 18040
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, January 29th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For discombobulated--Maybe you should get the book
SPLITTING: Protecting yourself While Divorcing a Borderline or a Narcissist $25.00 by William A. Eddy, foreward by Mike Roe

It can be found on http://www.bpdcentral.com/bks/spy.php

I don't think that my FWH is NPD but he does seem to have BPD symptoms. Is there a thread for BPD here?


Posts: 131 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Cincinnati, OH
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, January 29th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello, countrygirl! Do you own the book that you mentioned? It sounds like it could be a good one for many of us who are divorcing a narcissist.

There is no separate thread for BPD, but please do post here with us. NPD and BPD are pretty similar anyway.

Here we're not so concerned with "the diagnosis", in fact, most of us will never have a diagnosis for our "freaks and pets". We just know that that if looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, well, then.....

And none of us here is real fond of ducks!!


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
countrygirl2001
♀ Member
Member # 18040
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, January 29th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello Woundedby2. I don't have the book but a friend in my BAN chapter has it. She might loan it to you, even though her divorce is still in limbo. If you want me to, I could give her your email. She offered it to me while I was considering divorce. However, I changed my mind about leaving. She did say that it was quite helpful, though.

Posts: 131 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Cincinnati, OH
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 5:36 PM, January 29th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ill. Gov. Booted. NPD:

http://www.rrstar.com/homepage/x869014270/Experts-say-gov-isn-t-crazy-but-he-may-have-a-narcissism-disorder

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
discombobulated
♀ Member
Member # 6580
Default  Posted: 6:54 PM, January 29th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for all the deposition info, everyone. We won't be asking anything we don't have evidence to prove the truth with.

He's already confessed to a number bad parenting issues, and sadly it hasn't seemed to affect the judge - yet.


BS - age 52- married 27 years, in IC, support groups
WH - age 57 - sex addict/porn addict, NPD
Children 2 boys, 19 & 16
D-day #1 2/2/05, D-day #2: 1/22/06
R 4/21/05, but that was another lie, just a game.
D-day #3 11/06
Divorce final may 09

Posts: 2151 | Registered: Mar 2005 | From: Florida
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 11:37 PM, January 30th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know y'all are going through hell w/your NPD freaks.
Just know you're not alone.

((((Tribe))))

I don't know if y'all caught my thread in G.
I've had some drama w/my freak lately.
It started like last Saturday and calmed down a little in the week.
Tonight he sent me a TM asking if he could stay at the house w/me and DS.

WTF?
I guess he just doesn't get it that we are D and it's final.

[This message edited by Heartless Bytchh at 1:30 AM, January 31st (Saturday)]


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 11:44 AM, January 31st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HB--

But how could you possibly NOT want him? I mean, he's the greatest thing since sliced bread, isn't he? The world revolves around him, right?

They are just plain ol' delusional...

Don't you even make room for him out in the doghouse! He can stay with his skanks or pony-up the money for a motel room!

He needs to truly experience the bed of his own making. You stand strong!! You don't need his ass or his drama in your life anymore. He fired you from that job, remember?

(((((((((((HB))))))))))))


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
Cerise
♀ Member
Member # 16053
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, January 31st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone here who thinks their child may have inherited a personality disorder? Could it be learned behavior? Do you think an impaired conscience is something you are born with or is it influenced by environment? Any recommended resources for parents going through this?

Posts: 1691 | Registered: Sep 2007
keeks
Member
Member # 10814
Default  Posted: 2:44 PM, January 31st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OMG the last 48 hours have been insane...I do not and never will understand how he manages to manipulate so many people to his will....He drives around without insurance someone hits him, and he manages to get insurance a few hours later and tells them (the insurance agent) the whole story and they will handle it all....WTF is that insane or what? If that was me I would have had my car towed lost my license and god only knows what else...But I was happy I stood my ground when he TOLD me I was going to have to go to the insurance company and explain what happened and get a policy....UMMMMM NO FRIGGIN Way ass you can and surprisingly he did....Unfortunatley someone else helped him cover his fuck up again.....

Today no heat so he checks and the furnance needed water so he fills it....TOO MUCH>>>> radiators leak thru the ceiling.....UMMM looking around to see who is cleaning that mess up oh me of course....IF I wasn't so friggin pissed I would be freezing....
He hasn't worked since befor christmas and the rent was late..... I some how managed to get half last week and had to borrow a little today.... He actually was telling someone today that I spent his rent money.....OMG HIS rent money I think if one more thing happens in the next 24 hours I am either going to the mental hospital for a vacation or jail....thank god for zanex (SPELT WRONG) and wine.......who would believe half this shit...WTF WTF WTF


Posts: 371 | Registered: May 2006
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, January 31st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hang in there, keeks! Yes they are masters at manipulation.

...who would believe half this shit..

*raising hand* We believe all of it, keeks! ((((((hugs)))))


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
keeks
Member
Member # 10814
Default  Posted: 7:07 PM, January 31st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know everyone here gets it, believes it and unfortunatley lives it to....Small comfort but at least I have found others who I can talk to / vent to.... I'm just so disgusted with it all and am so friggin afraid to try to get out again.... But this stress is killing me...I'm sick of the blame tossed at me, having a melt down and then pulling myself together to shoulder what ever he throws at me next....I'm exhausted....and yes a little whiny today....
When I found the ceiling leaking into my sons room today I had a major melt down...the kind when you can't catch your breath and he the ass comes home...looks at me (slightly calmer at that point) and I started to tell him what happened...Of course start to cry....WHO THE FUCK CAN LOOK AT THERE WIFE CRYING LIKE THAT AND NOT AT LEAST HUG OR SAY SOMETHING NICE ....MY ASSHOLE OF A HUSBAND......He says "YOU BETTER PULL IT TOGETHER"....ok that pissed me off and I pulled it together enough to tell him to go take care of the shop and leave me the fuck alone... I swear I really don't like to say it but right now I hate him..........

Posts: 371 | Registered: May 2006
keeks
Member
Member # 10814
Default  Posted: 7:17 PM, January 31st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ok while life generally sucks around here most of the time I am the type of person to still smile...find something to laugh about....help someone else...to generally connect with others and find the good in my day....Isn't that what life is??? WH (fuckhead)is so the opposite.....Ok so we have money problems who doesn't right now....that doesn't mean talk ill and be mad at (about) someone else having a good day.... god forbid someone hits 200 on keno or the bar is busier than the restaurant (we own) shit happens....talking shit about those people doesn't change our life.... I guess karma is beyond his comprehension......


Sorry 2 post back to back and so long...But I think my flood gates opened and unfortunately he found the 1 fucking raft..........Hope it pops!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Posts: 371 | Registered: May 2006
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, January 31st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((keeks))))))

Breathe honey. Ignore his sorry as as much as possible. They are unreal and life will kick them in the nut/ass Hopefully we will be too far along in our life to actually care.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 10:04 AM, February 1st (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone here who thinks their child may have inherited a personality disorder? Could it be learned behavior? Do you think an impaired conscience is something you are born with or is it influenced by environment?

Interesting question, (((Cerise)))
I haven't poked around enough to be of much help on the resources for understanding it in children, but I'm sure there's a connection.
For sure, behaviors are learned...
and in the case of escalating behaviors, counseling & careful administration & monitoring of meds to manage the behaviors is a *must* (managing secondary behaviors).

But if, or since(?) the behaviors originate from a disorder of personality, ie, a fundamental part of their being - a "deeper thing",
well,
ok, could be a disorder of brain chemistry, some not-well-understood-as-yet alteration of neuronal 'firing'...
I don't know...
but,
one thing that keeps getting repeated here, over and over is what?
Right.
"Can't be fixed".
I hate saying that.
My heart aches for the ones on here having to manage this with their kids. I wish I could be of more help.
Prayers & hugs for (((all))).


Posts: 6012 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
downfall
♀ Member
Member # 7430
Default  Posted: 10:22 AM, February 1st (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cerise,

You have good valid questions there. Of course, there is no proven answer. I can tell you what I've read - that most behavior is learned. If it works for the parent, the child will try to make it work for themselves. But often, as with NPD, the same trauma can be inflicted upon the child that created the NPD in the first place. This happens more so when the NPD parent is the primary care giver.

I believe there were some articles I posted on the first thread related to this. Oh wow I just realized the first thread is gone! I'll see what I can do about that. Here is one that relates.

http://narcissistic-personality.suite101.com/article.cfm/parents_with_npd

There a ton of books out there - "The Narcissistic Family" come to mind first. Though I'm sorry, I don't remember if you dealing with NPD or another form of disorder.

If you are worried at all about your children, please get them a good family therapist. They will need a safe place to talk situations out. Continually point out and teach your children empathy. As much as we all hate Dr. Phil, I do use the line "and how's that working for him" a lot when approached with what the kids Dad is doing.

If you have teenagers, try to remember that they are all disordered at that age - it may not have anything to do with their history but more to do with their hormones!

There is a lot of reading out there - if you find anything good, remember to bring it back.

Many positive thoughts.

Downy


Dday June 16 2005: Separated 2/06 Divorced 3/09

Ah, but she can't take you any way
You don't already know how to go ~ Eagles


Posts: 3048 | Registered: Jun 2005
Cerise
♀ Member
Member # 16053
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, February 1st (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I see my daughter lying repeatedly, she is self centered...I see her using passive-aggressive manipulations to get her way. She will cause a lot of drama to the point that we both are in tears. I feel like she pushes me to the brink, and then her mood flips and she says she feels better. It seems to be a constant push-pull. She pushes me away, then reels me back in.

I think part if it is the narcissistic society we live in.


Posts: 1691 | Registered: Sep 2007
downfall
♀ Member
Member # 7430
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, February 1st (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Tribe,

It seems that Thread 1 is a goner. I lost all my links a while back when my computer crashed - but I'll go back and do some research as I remember most of the sites or what topics the articles dealt with.

We are getting close to a new thread start. So if you have any of the old links or articles saved, would you please be prepared to post them when the new thread starts?

Many positive thoughts.


Dday June 16 2005: Separated 2/06 Divorced 3/09

Ah, but she can't take you any way
You don't already know how to go ~ Eagles


Posts: 3048 | Registered: Jun 2005
woundedby2
♀ Member
Member # 18522
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, February 1st (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cerise,

Can you remind me of your situation? Are you divorcing? After my STBXH and I separated, my DS13 began acting out in rages. His grades plummeted. He was disrespectful and aggressive with me and his sister.

I feel that majority of his psych issues stem from his relationship with his father, and the abandonment just made everything worse.

Cerise, do you have your DD in counseling? Some of her behaviors might just be normal teenage stuff, but it does sound like she has moved beyond that level. Do you have an IC that you can discuss your DD's behaviors with?

I'm so sorry that you're having to deal with so much.


Me: BS
2 kids: DD15 and DS18
Him: The Assclown NPD
OW: "friend" of 15 years
Divorced! Feb. 2010

Everybody, soon or late, sits down to a banquet of consequences.
~Robert Louis Stevenson


Posts: 7633 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: SoCal
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, February 1st (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cerise - it's probably the man-thing talking here...I hate it that you're dealing with lying & manipulation in a young one...I would tend to put a stop to that behavior with strong consequences.
However, besides hormones, it sounds like counseling is needed. Maybe for you too? As to how to properly enforce boundaries...
It's damaging to let it continue, as from the stories here, left unchecked, such behaviors escalate...really bad stuff.
I wouldn't want you to have to deal with that.

(((TRIBE)))

Well, seems I'll not be dragging around the 'advertisement' for the first NPD thread anymore lol.
Thing is, what downy said there was so beautiful and healing to me when I stumbled into broken-toaster land... (thanks Thren & BoB) -

So what I'll be doing is taking some time to go through all the stuff I've saved here there and everywhere, so it will be available when the new thread starts.

If you guys have stuff...
start packin?


Posts: 6012 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.