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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N. P.D Thread - Part VI
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 12:04 AM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For those of you who don't go into D/S,

I am divorced!!!

The bastard is getting unsupervised visitation if his house passes inspection.

I have to wait until something happens to the kids.

Dumbass didn't want to agree on CS. I was willing to give up alimony if he only paid what I needed to get by.

So we go to trial. The judge orders him to pay alimony.

He told me one time that he would never pay alimony even if he was ordered to.

It's being garnished!

He's going to be paying me more money than he would have if he had only come to an agreement with me.

He also has to pay 80% of childcare, that will also be garnished.

ktshadow, can you use that he isn't using the time he is given now.

Also you might try and use your child's age to keep it just on the weekend.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 1:57 AM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dixie and kts - they are playing their usual game - trying to make life as difficult as possible for you. We know their actions are not in the best interests of their children but an outsider does not know them like we do. The only thing I can say is that because they are so predictable they will eventually (and I don't think it takes that long!)loose interest in the kids and drop them. Yes, its hard for the kids but ultimatly it is for the best. My dd is 11 and she stopped seeing him when she was 10 and a half. My ds still goes and he is 7.
He makes no attempt to build bridges with me daughter. He seems to have written her off as soon as she questioned his behaviour. Sound familiar? I know it seems a long way off in the future but it will happen. I think others on this thread will agree with me.
It's hard but don't give up thinking that one day you will be free. And that freedom is the greatest gift from an npd freak!

My pet freak has not given any child support for two weeks (he pays weekly on his terms ) so I guess he is trying to make some kind of contact with me. I wonder what I am being punished for this time? existing???


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 1:58 AM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Congrats peridot. A bitter sweet moment. Your freedom always comes at a cost with these people.

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 8:04 AM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks itsabattle,

I'm sure you will find out soon enough what you are being punished for.

What they don't get is that they aren't just punishing us. I forget, they only care about themselves. That includes their kids.

My ex(that is so freaking nice to say) NPD freak really showed his true colors to me at court. He only reinforced for me that I was doing the right thing. Of course having the whore there only helped with that.

We got there before the attorneys and we are all sitting in the conference/waiting area.

He and the whore sit down. Not long after he tells me that we need to learn get along and work together.

I never looked at him while he was talking to me. He was sitting right across from me and I purposely had my head turned so that I didn't have to look at him. I never responded to him, not once.

He got mad and told me to stop ignoring him.

Then when that didn't work, he told me that he knew my son had a play and mentioned someone's name that told him.

Problem is that I didn't know the person, never heard of that person and the biggest problem is that there was never a play.

He makes up these stories and then tries to use them against me. I knew what he was up to. I let my attorney know what he said so she could be prepared.

The freaks came to court both wearing wedding rings but he took his off before going into court.

The judge wasn't too impressed that he was trying to bring the whore around the kids before we were even divorced.

Now who wants to take a vote on whether or not this freak will exercise his right to see the kids unsupervised.

Oh, and he has to get his own cell phone, that whore girl can not answer or use to call me. So that I always know it's him and not her.

He has a history of not providing me a phone number when he has a cell phone.

I'm thinking he already has one.

He still has not called me with a contact phone number. He also hasn't called the kids and he has phone priveleges with the kids.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
2bbgirls
♀ Member
Member # 20899
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need some help. I was told by another member that I should come to this thread and join.

Sounds great!!

However, what does NPD stand for?


XWBF:32 BGF:25 2 daughters

DD#1: August 22 2008
DD#2: December 29 2008
Left his lying ass on 1/27/09
I AM NOT A YO YO!


Posts: 108 | Registered: Sep 2008 | From: USA
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, 2bb! I dislike the DSM-IV definition because it's so misleading and easily twisted, so here's one that is marginally better. NPD stands for Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

***********************

Narcissism is a term used to describe a focus on the self and self-admiration that is taken to an extreme. The word "narcissism" comes from a Greek myth in which a handsome young man named Narcissus sees his reflection in a pool of water and falls in love with it.

Narcissistic personality disorder is one of a group of conditions called dramatic personality disorders. People with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions and a distorted self-image. Narcissistic personality disorder is further characterized by an abnormal love of self, an exaggerated sense of superiority and importance, and a preoccupation with success and power. However, these attitudes and behaviors do not reflect true self-confidence. Instead, the attitudes conceal a deep sense of insecurity and a fragile self-esteem.


What Are the Symptoms of Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

In many cases, people with narcissistic personality disorder:

Are self-centered and boastful


Seek constant attention and admiration


Consider themselves better than others


Exaggerate their talents and achievements


Believe that they are entitled to special treatment


Are easily hurt but may not show it


Set unrealistic goals


May take advantage of others to achieve their goals
Other common traits of narcissistic personality disorder include the following:

Preoccupation with fantasies that focus on unlimited success, power, intelligence, beauty, or love


Belief that he or she is "special" and unique, and can only be understood by other special people


Expectation that others will automatically go along with what he or she wants


Inability to recognize or identify with the feelings, needs, and viewpoints of others


Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her


Hypersensitivity to insults (real or imagined), criticism, or defeat, possibly reacting with rage, shame and humiliation


Arrogant behavior and/or attitude


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
2bbgirls
♀ Member
Member # 20899
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Veritas: Thank you! lol! Now I see why I'm here.

I have one of those of my own.

mine is a sociopath as well.

I wonder what a thread for the NPD's in our lives would look like.


XWBF:32 BGF:25 2 daughters

DD#1: August 22 2008
DD#2: December 29 2008
Left his lying ass on 1/27/09
I AM NOT A YO YO!


Posts: 108 | Registered: Sep 2008 | From: USA
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 10:39 AM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There's some other older threads here also that you can search through.

I remember when I was reading through them for the first time. It was a real eye opener.

At first, I wasn't sure that this was my ex but now not only do I think he is NPD but also a sociopath.

You'll find yourself thinking oh he does that also or that describes him.

It's kinda scary really.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's what this thread is here for. This is part VI -- there are plenty of pages here for you to go back and read through. The stories are not pretty, and will probably scare you, if anything else. I personally reserve judgment on your ex-fiancee's status because even though he's got some of the characteristics (sense of entitlement, manipulative, mendacious, lack of touch with reality), he's been surprisingly restrained for a rejected NPD.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
Dazed In Dixie
♀ Member
Member # 21178
Default  Posted: 11:10 AM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you pray...please do...

After yesterday's shenanigans I get an email this morning from the GAL basically stating that we just need to get along and that he had hoped after meeting with me and the kids that I would be encouraging communication with their dad but it seems that it's completely the opposite.

Ummmmm...how did the SOB know that my son's amp was broken and that his band was playing for a school dance if he didn't communicate with them.

I'm done with this GAL...he has yet to speak with the counselor that has seen everyone in the family. He came into my home and didn't want to speak with me alone at all. He said that my STBX and his attorney are calling him every day and that I'm the bitch (in front of my kids). He also said...in front of my kids...you realize this probably isn't his first infidelity. I asked him several times if we shouldn't step out and speak privately away from the kids and I also asked didn't he want to talk to the kids one-on-one. He said no...cat was already out of the bag so the kids could know it all.

I want a new guardian...NOW...this guy is as big a whack-job as STBX.


1-26-10 DIVORCED FINALLY
"Infidelity is like cat pee in carpet. And no matter how hard they try, an affair couple will never ever get that stink out. It will always follow them." -DCK

Posts: 742 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: Atlanta
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 11:22 AM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What the hell is it with these guardians? The one I had also did not do a damn thing.

If she had looked through the evidence she would have seen where he had admitted to being a SA. He even joined a group online.

He also admitted it to our MC. Had she called her, the MC would have spoke up.

She didn't call anyone and there was plenty of professional who knew. She never even called to see how his supervised visits were going. Just took his word for everything.

She's supposed to be neutral but it sure doesn't look that way to me.

The many times that my kids seen porn was an accident. It didn't matter what he did to us during his visits here at the house because he will no longer be here.

I have to wait for something to happen or call child protective services and you know damn well when I call them, they are only going to see me as a vindictive ex wife.

I have to say the one thing she never did was tell my kids all the details about the break up of our marriage. She actually told us to leave the kids out of it. They didn't need to know anything.

I can't believe that GAL did that to your kids. I would be calling and talking to someone's boss.

My kids were never around when I spoke to the guardian about everything going on.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 11:36 AM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe)))
My dealings with the GAL weren't very encouraging either.

There are many jokes about lawyers going to hell.

I think that explains it all.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 1:39 PM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Peridot,
YIPPY!! I'm so happy for you. Isn't it nice to say EX???

My stupid XNPDH brought is OW to every single hearing too! What is up with that? He thought it made him look good, like he was showing the judge, "See, I have this newer, better looking, younger woman.....certainly you can understand by seeing her why I would want a divorce...."

He REALLY believed the judge saw it like that when in reality, he looked like a TOTAL LOSER.

I came across an old cassette tape and stuck it in my player the other day. My blood pressure shot right through the roof when I heard the voice of XNPDH. My girlfriend had taped him way back when while he was trying to intimidate me into divorcing HIS way. He was saying things like, "You better tell Sadtoo that she only has three options:

1) I get ALL my premarital property and all of the property I bought while we were married and then we split up the house property FIFTY-FIFTY. Then she pays me back every thing I paid while we were married. I have that figure and it keeps going up. She would have to pay me that in cash before we go to court.

2) She pays me $enormous dollar amount. I take the house and me and my fiance move in.

3) We go to court. This is the option that is probably going to happen. This is what the judge told me and my attorney. And even when her attorney did that deposition, he even told me that this is what was going to happen. He even knows she's going to lose her ass. We're going to go to court, the judge is going to have her evicted and fiance and I are taking posession of the house and ALL of the possessions. SHe is going to be out on the street. And to tell you the truth, nothing would make me happier than to see her out of that house."

THis tape went on and on and on. He made it sound like he had some personal relationship with the judge and had inside information that only HE knew about. But this is the kind of CRAP these nut jobs try to pull on their victims.

In reality, none of his options are what happened. He NEVER got to step foot back in this house. I was awarded the house and everything in it. I recieved everything I had (we had) because most if not all of our property was mine before we were married. He just lied. (big shock) I had to pay him a VERY small settlement and he got stuck with 40K in credit card debt that he said I ran up (in his name) but again he failed to produce even ONE reciept proving that I charged ONE item.

They lie, lie and lie some more. They bully, intimidate and frighten their victims. I think that Itsa is right again. They do eventually lose interest in their children. Especially if the children don't provide any sense of supply.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7926 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Chipmunkie
♀ Member
Member # 21653
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to post this because it's just so exactly my ex.
For years and years he abused me and the kids. I would tell him you're making us hate you. His response? I don't care. I WILL be respected even if i have to beat it out of you.
Dumbass never understood respect is earned.

I always said he's going to die a lonely and bitter old man. Time will prove me right.
Blah, there I go rambling again.
Anyway, I read this article about Dean Koontz and his sociopath father. He says it so well.

When I looked at the way he lived his life, it was always about himself. It was always about his wants and desires and not about anybody else. Therefore, he broke just about every kind of rule of behavior and cultural or legal behaviors that would make a life an acceptable or an admired one.


And yet, although he had a lot of fun—he drank a lot and he ran around with a lot of women and he was gambling—all the things he wanted to do that he thought were fun, he got to do and he got away with. But, he never had a pleasant life. He was always an unhappy man, and although he would never have acknowledged it, always sort of desperate.


In the end, he ended up with nothing, with no friends and no family who cared about him. When he died and I had to make a list of people to call, there was no one to call because he had left a life without any friends. Even what few family members he had were uninterested. Nobody sent flowers, nobody thought of coming to a memorial or anything like that. In the end, that kind of behavior did not lead to a satisfying life.



Me: BW
Him: Irrelevant Bastard

About ~C.? I hear she even keeps a bottle in her desk at work. Not in an alcoholic way but in a kick ass Humphrey Bogart kinda way.


Posts: 494 | Registered: Nov 2008
2bbgirls
♀ Member
Member # 20899
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sad in a way about the not caring about the children. I mean, they are innocent children and DO NOT deserve that treatment. However, I'd be more than happy to raise our daughter by myself where at least I know that I am sane and capable.

He has shown no signs of putting her off except when it comes to her FIRST birthday. If I had not invited him to the party I plan on throwing her, he would have done NOTHING for her. She's going to be ONE for crying out loud!!!!

I'd almost rather he not come, but I am being the bigger person here (as usual) and he IS her father so I invited him. Plus I'd almost bet my life that he doesn't come and if he does he just sulks in the corner and doesn't even participate.


XWBF:32 BGF:25 2 daughters

DD#1: August 22 2008
DD#2: December 29 2008
Left his lying ass on 1/27/09
I AM NOT A YO YO!


Posts: 108 | Registered: Sep 2008 | From: USA
ktshadow
♀ Member
Member # 10920
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for your words..
I have not spoken to him since yesterday in the lawyers office. This is the longest I have gone without trying to compromise with him, kiss his ass, etc to try to have some semblence of a conversation with him. THe problem with him is that he does see our son when he plans to right now...but again...it serves his purposes. Our son is 4 and thinks the sun rises and sets on his dad and probably will for a while. This means his dad wants to be around him all the time and even more when the crap in his world is fucked up. I can always tell everything else is falling apart for him when he's calling our son all day long. He needs the supply and will get it from a 4 year old when no one else will tell him how fucking great he is.
Pathetic.


Don't let only one person decide if you are loveable or not. Be around the ones who have already decided that you are.
I traded in my intuition for his analysis.

Posts: 152 | Registered: Jun 2006
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 2:19 PM, March 12th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((ktshadow))) Mine is that way with our daughter, who is 3, and of course, when he's ready to move on and do something and quit playing Wonderdad, he has no problems leaving her. The other day, he took her down the street because she's talked to his friend's 20-something year old daughter before, and he got to meet Tim's wife who is so hot and he had never met her before. Using his daughter to pick up women. Nice.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
2bbgirls
♀ Member
Member # 20899
Default  Posted: 8:53 AM, March 13th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I kind of had an "AH HA!!" moment last night as to where my delusional psychotic ex gets his personality from. I spoke to his mom for about 40 minutes on the phone last night as she has our daughter and she wanted to know what kind of medicine was okay to give her.

Why she called me and not him, I don't know.

So then we begin to talk about my EX's biological father (he didn't raise him, but the similarities are eerie.) His mother began to say certain things that his dad did and how he would only want to see my ex on certain days if it benefited HIM and just how he took complete advantage of situations/people.

I seriously forgot who we were talking about b/c what she was saying was EX to the T. I was flabbergasted.

Yet she doesn't see this in her son (She lives a few states away though...so he can hide it). It's amazing how many people they can truly manipulate.

I would have hoped that after "dealing" with one of these personality types that she'd be able to recognize it.

Kinda scares me--I hope I never get duped again.


XWBF:32 BGF:25 2 daughters

DD#1: August 22 2008
DD#2: December 29 2008
Left his lying ass on 1/27/09
I AM NOT A YO YO!


Posts: 108 | Registered: Sep 2008 | From: USA
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, March 13th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't want to scare you further, but most NPD's did not spring up out of the ground, fully formed. They had the guiding hand of either an indulgent, manipulative parent, or an NPD parent like themselves. Seeing as how this guy was raised by his mother, I would say that she's probably his teacher.

She's playing the Poor Abandoned Boy button: you will continue to hang around and take care of my son because he's got father issues. I would take everything she says, period, with a grain of salt. You were very smart not to point out to her the parallels -- the minute you start badmouthing her child, the conversation is over.

Keep a nice, superficial relationship with this woman. So long as you both follow the script everything will be hunky dory. You'll get a doting grandmother for your children. But don't ever make the mistake of trying for a deeper relationship, or thinking of that possibility.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
2bbgirls
♀ Member
Member # 20899
Default  Posted: 9:26 AM, March 13th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Veritas: That is exactly what I was planning on doing.

THen she tells me how her husband now cheated on her and how (oh he's hubby #5 btw) she forgave him and I should forgive my ex.

I invited them as well as EX to the bday party I'm throwing our daughter for her frist bday. I'm trying to be the adult here (someone has to) and keep it civil but I tell you, sometimes it's difficult.


XWBF:32 BGF:25 2 daughters

DD#1: August 22 2008
DD#2: December 29 2008
Left his lying ass on 1/27/09
I AM NOT A YO YO!


Posts: 108 | Registered: Sep 2008 | From: USA
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