I'll catch up later... there is so much to say.
[This message edited by burnt_toast at 7:01 AM, June 6th (Friday)]
My new IC (I'm two sessions in) thinks I should stick with her rather than go and seek separate help for PTSD. I was diagnosed by a therapist, not a psychiatrist, although he did report back to my GP. I've not been treated specifically for it, and am reluctant to add additional therapy to my current group and IC.
I don't function the same way I did before d-day....still can't really listen to music, watch much TV, and loud noises like fireworks freak me out. If I'm in a stressful situation (I was recently on a bus trip with a loud drunk, with no way of escaping) I wrap my arms around myself and try not to rock (or scream).
I feel like announcing to the world that I am not a basketcase...I was perfectly normal, and this is just the new normal for me.
I love people...but inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up.
I'd like to believe in the healing hands of time
but the truth is I really can't say,
if I'm getting better,
or just used to the pain.
I do have this.
Its also a lot worse when one is over 50 & does not have that youthful "bounce back" or "resiliency", have more health problems, etc.
And to me, the very worse thing about having PTSD, is having been born A Highly Sensitive Person/HSP.
My therapist said that avoidance of triggers, keeping yourself "too safe" can mean that you are keeping yourself from healing.
She taught me how to relax through and learn what I needed to resolve in my triggers. She was so very helpful!
My heart goes out to you who are suffering right now!
Breathing exercises and physical exercise and therapy exorcised the demons. My therapist worked with me for a year. She had said that after a year she usually refers her clients for EMDR. We are in a big state with few resources so I would have had to travel nearly 400 miles for EMDR therapy. Luckily after a year of IC with this marvelous therapist I didn't need the EMDR.
BUT in what I have read, I would agree yes, I have those symptoms, but my question is this:
Don't all BS have these symptoms? LIke being triggered by the trauma...flashbacks, nightmares.
When do you know you really have it? Or do we all really have it?
Sorry I'm just a bit confused on it.
Pressed for time but I'll be back.
Going to IC and go over yet another traumatic flashback/trigger just last weekend. She talked about EMDR once, maybe I'll try it.
Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda
Even though I have recovered a lot since D-Day, my IC is certain I suffer from PTSD. I always reserved that diagnosis for those who had witnessed or experienced horrific events, not for something like finding out your FWH was having an affair! Whoa was I wrong!!
[This message edited by usedup at 9:14 PM, June 6th (Friday)]
MASH pretty much says so, although they call it "sexual trauma" and lump other stuff in there. It's a form of PTSD, plain and simple.
* Lack of concentration
* Lack of retention of information (this is a dramatic and frightening change for me) I can't read anymore, I forget what I've read.
* Racing thoughts
* Triggers (dates, places, people.) I refer to this as "living in a mine field." Every time I turn around KABOOM!! These cause "flashbacks" and I have the same visceral response as I did on my D-Days.
* Panic attacks (usually brought on by a trigger but sometimes they are random and seemingly unexplained)
* Rageful outbursts (usually brought on when I try to suppress the panic attack brought on my a trigger and it all builds up until I explode and anger feels safer than crying and vulnerability)
* Sudden, seemingly unexplained, tearfulness. I just cry at the drop of a hat.
* Frequent headaches and bouts of stomach flu type intestinal distress. (I've always gotten gastrointestinal upsets when I am frightened or extremely upset, they are more frequent now)
* Extreme fatigue.
* If awoken from sleep I jump out of my skin and have a panic attack.
* Nightmares that are so real I wake up ANGRY at my FWH for what he did in the dreams.
* I feel very disconnected. A profound loss of "self."
My last point there leads me to think that rather than plain old PTSD I fall more into the C-PTSD or Complex PTSD.
"As a descriptor, PTSD fails to capture some of the core characteristics of C-PTSD. These elements include psychological fragmentation, the loss of a sense of safety, trust, and self-worth, as well as the tendency to be revictimized, and, most importantly, the loss of a coherent sense of self. It is this loss of a coherent sense of self, and the ensuing symptom profile, that most pointedly differentiates C-PTSD from PTSD."
I copied that from:
My symptoms are not just a product of my DDays but also:
*The 7 yrs of deception before discovery when he was being emotionally abusive to keep me "down" to justify his acting out.
*The eleven months of full blown gaslighting he engaged in after Dday#1. He quite literally tried to convince me and our counselors that I was CRAZY and almost succeeded.
*The past year or so of his recovery during which my recovery has been summarily dismissed and ignored (by FWH)
Anyway, does anyone else think they fall under C-PTSD moreso than PTSD?
Accept it, don't fight it.
So the fact that I have this "I need to be perfect" complex is also dragging this out.
The internal dialogue of "I shouldn't still be hurting, still be upset, still harbor all this anger, shouldn't cry like a big baby at everything" is compounding this?
It's hard to accept this new normal of being easily tiered and sick, needing to sleep a lot more, having to switch to a more gentle exercise routine, having to avoid stresses, and so on.
Weepy, I am totally with you on the need to be perfect part. Boy did I had to give that up! But as far as I am concerned, that may be an improvement... a worthy lesson learned.
[This message edited by burnt_toast at 8:27 AM, June 7th (Saturday)]