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I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: For those suffering P T S D
Eternaloptimist
♀ Member
Member # 15029
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, June 30th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Weepy,

I hope you can "face down" the triggers and have a nice day with your son. It's amazing the power these triggers have over us and their ability to compromise our happiness. Just remind yourself, "that was then, this is now" and try and enjoy the present moment without thinking about the past or the future.


Me: BS
Him: WS, SA
Married: 12 years
Three kids: 9-year-old D, 7-year-old S, 5-year-old D
D-Day #1: December 11, 2006 (LTA)
D-Day #2: June 17, 2007 (found out about SA)

Posts: 656 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Toronto
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 6:19 AM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks. Things went ok. Turns out I guess I was so intent on getting down there and back that we forgot to bring his rent check, so we had to rush back home so he could go back down before they closed.

I did find myself kind of looking around though. Saw a couple hole-in-the-wall kind of side-street hotels. He did tell me they were all over down there. And when leaving I kind of had to force myself NOT to walk the direction of most of his "spas".

Of course H knew where I was and the proximity. Never asked how I did, either.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
Eternaloptimist
♀ Member
Member # 15029
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, July 1st (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, good for you. Sounds like you managed okay! I think that whole scene -- "spas", etc. is pretty sordid. Makes me want to shower just thinking about them.


Me: BS
Him: WS, SA
Married: 12 years
Three kids: 9-year-old D, 7-year-old S, 5-year-old D
D-Day #1: December 11, 2006 (LTA)
D-Day #2: June 17, 2007 (found out about SA)

Posts: 656 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Toronto
Marcia
Member
Member # 6503
Default  Posted: 11:15 PM, July 3rd (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If you could get the anti-anxiety meds you might start to feel better.

You guys don't know how lucky you are! I've been to three doctors and they all tell me anti-anxiety meds and sleeping pills are just "band-aids" and they won't prescribe. But don't even band-aids have a purpose? It's humiliating and expensive trying this over and over.

Is there a 'meds' section on SI that I haven't found?


WHEN DID THE RULES CHANGE?
How did I miss the memo???

People: Read up on the 180!
Oh, and I'm boycotting Nike forever ;)


Posts: 225 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Washington DC
unarmbears
♀ Member
Member # 7480
Default  Posted: 12:28 AM, July 4th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Marcia)))

Are you in IC? Perhaps the therapist could make a recommendation for an anti-anxiety med for you.

I cannot understand any MD saying anti-d's and anti anxiety meds are 'band aids.' That's like keeping you from some necessary relief for your pain!

Find another MD and/or have your IC write up a recommendation and a plan for use.

They are addictive, but so are a lot of pain killers that work. It doesn't have to be permanent, you may just need them for a short time.


FBS-Me, 60
FWH-Him, 55
2 Sons 25 and 30
2 Daughters 28, 24 And 3 darling grandchildren!
"Love is an impulsive act, it's free. It's the story we tell about it afterward that's our poverty." Byron Katie

Posts: 4886 | Registered: Jun 2005 | From: From where the trees lean east...
Marcia
Member
Member # 6503
Default  Posted: 12:58 AM, July 4th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks unarmbears, my IC gave up on me when D-Day happened with the new guy I was dating. I think he figured I'm hopeless. I kind of agree, not to sound melodramatic. And I've given up on physicians; frankly they're too busy and I hate whining. Life still has its appeal, I just don't do the dating thing anymore. PTSD and all that


WHEN DID THE RULES CHANGE?
How did I miss the memo???

People: Read up on the 180!
Oh, and I'm boycotting Nike forever ;)


Posts: 225 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Washington DC
unicornsearcher
♀ Member
Member # 912
Cool  Posted: 1:40 AM, July 4th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please welcome me to the group...


11/02 Busted WH 4+ cheating yrs, 11/06 Busted [Month Long Lustfest]. 2/1/08 admits false version of betrayals, so no full disclosure / "whole truth" yet. '09 Together, great work in progress. '12 Still gladly united.

Posts: 14209 | Registered: Jan 2003 | From: Calif
unarmbears
♀ Member
Member # 7480
Default  Posted: 1:52 AM, July 4th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((uni))))

My sweet friend!

You gave me my first welcome at SI three years ago! I am proud to welcome you!

Now, have a kleenex and a cuppa and lets get on with some healing here honey!

Love,
bears


FBS-Me, 60
FWH-Him, 55
2 Sons 25 and 30
2 Daughters 28, 24 And 3 darling grandchildren!
"Love is an impulsive act, it's free. It's the story we tell about it afterward that's our poverty." Byron Katie

Posts: 4886 | Registered: Jun 2005 | From: From where the trees lean east...
Marcia
Member
Member # 6503
Default  Posted: 2:29 AM, July 4th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome unicornsearcher. I remember you fondly from some previous sojourns of mine here on SI. I keep coming back


WHEN DID THE RULES CHANGE?
How did I miss the memo???

People: Read up on the 180!
Oh, and I'm boycotting Nike forever ;)


Posts: 225 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Washington DC
Eternaloptimist
♀ Member
Member # 15029
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, July 4th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome unicornsearcher!


Me: BS
Him: WS, SA
Married: 12 years
Three kids: 9-year-old D, 7-year-old S, 5-year-old D
D-Day #1: December 11, 2006 (LTA)
D-Day #2: June 17, 2007 (found out about SA)

Posts: 656 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Toronto
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 3:18 PM, July 4th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi

Have read through a few pages and wondered if any of you developed any "new" triggers waaaaay after ddays.

In the last few months, I have become OVERLY sensitive to attractive women around us. When I am alone, I am ok. But when H is with me...

Last month, I walked out of a meeting with our bank to discuss a mortgage.I couldnt take it anymore..and I really did try. The walls were closing, my heart was racing, it felt like I was going to explode, I didnt hear a word she said. H didnt even say or behave inappropriately...it was all me,

Then it happened again last night, but fortunately we left before I fell deeper.

I am terrified of these women...even though I know logically that they cant hurt me.

Its not H. Its not these women. It is me.

And this has only started happening recently. My IC did do some EMDR after the bank episode...but I dont want to spend my life running away from these women.

Any thoughts anyone?

TIA

LH


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
FierceSelfLove
♀ Member
Member # 19276
Default  Posted: 9:32 AM, July 5th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello Everyone

I've just hit a wall. I have been experiencing intrusive thoughts, repetitive intrusive thoughts of WH and OW, but have been totally numb about it.

I posted about it in general and someone kindly said this is one trait of PTSD, which I have from my childhood. Abusive, nasty, etc.

I've worked through much of it, but I found a website that details effects of PTSD on family members.

Here it is
http://patiencepress.com/samples/2ndIssue.html

Now I can't stop crying again. WTF??? I feel responsible for teh end of my M, would often fly into a rage, unprovoked and out of the blue. It was horrible, years of this, then I would retreat into denial and numbness.

I'm home with the kids today, have been very irritable (but also have severe PMS) and want to call STBX and cry to him, tell him I"m sorry but I've already done that--for years!! And he's with OW and we're D anyway.

I"m going to take some of my anti anxiety meds, that'll help but I"m so sad...

[This message edited by FierceSelfLove at 9:43 AM, July 5th (Saturday)]


Me: BW,
"Take back your lives, heal yourselves. Get revenge by being happy with yourself. Stand proud and say-You have not broke me. I will survive and I will come out of this better than I went in"

Posts: 1861 | Registered: Apr 2008
unarmbears
♀ Member
Member # 7480
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, July 5th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Fierce))))

When you lift the PTSD and all other betrayal symptoms away, you still have to grieve!

You are grieving and that is okay! Sometimes you have to grieve your dreams and hopes you had for your marriage and your STBX. What he did was heinous and you not only have the PTSD from that you have grief.

You are very strong to face the triggers of your PTSD! That strength will help you through your grieving too.

Is there someone who can take the kids for a little while and let you have some time to let the grief go through you?

Hormones, loss and PTSD are a mix of things that can make things seem a lot worse inside you.

Time to yourself can allow you to cry, punch pillows in rage and cry, good sobs, wracking sobs. Those feelings need a vent sometimes!


FBS-Me, 60
FWH-Him, 55
2 Sons 25 and 30
2 Daughters 28, 24 And 3 darling grandchildren!
"Love is an impulsive act, it's free. It's the story we tell about it afterward that's our poverty." Byron Katie

Posts: 4886 | Registered: Jun 2005 | From: From where the trees lean east...
burnt_toast
♀ Member
Member # 16891
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, July 5th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just popping to say hi and hug everyone.

Let's hope we can all achieve "normal".

I'm slowly accepting to live with the new limits brought by ptsd. I have hope it'll fade away in the long run with proper care, as I am striving to reconquer the triggers gently, one after the other. I'm learning to relax through triggers, because by now, the feelings have become so familiar I can usually talk myself down : "this is just another trigger, breathe. You'll be okay."

Unarmbears, you are so right, greiving has to be done, let alone dealing with PTSD. Hopefully, one helps the other.

May all have a peaceful journey.


It is what it is.

Posts: 4681 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Quelque part
FierceSelfLove
♀ Member
Member # 19276
Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, July 5th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Thank you unarm, I haven't done that in awhile, not really since Fathers day. Guess that's about three weeks?

I did go upstairs and lay in my bed and cry for a bit, now I feel better some but I bet you're right, I bet I need a good episode of grief.

I did just sort something out, I think.

My father disowned me a year ago August, after I attempted to make clear, healthy boundaries with him. He's an alcoholic, probably had PTSD himself due to his explosive anger my whole life.

Anyway, when I gave him the ultimatum of either respecting me and not being verbally abusive or not having a relationship with me, he sent me a ten page letter detailing how he's "not suprised that I'm like all other women," and various other insane accusations.

Since then, I"ve felt pretty good. Releived in fact that his destructive force is out of my life. But he recently started emailing me, requesting to see my kids, coupled with blame placing. He even contacted my 1st ex husband, asked him if he would bring my kids (from second M to STBXWH) to see him for a week in KY.

I think this has triggered more PTSD. I am NC with him, won't answer his emails at all, but it's been a real mind fuck, having to process all this and feeling guilty on top of it.

Anyway, sorry for the long story, but I think this resurfacing of my abusive parent has triggered this stuff. Couple that with dealing with WH and our D and him being wtih OW and it makes a the perfect environment for madness...


Me: BW,
"Take back your lives, heal yourselves. Get revenge by being happy with yourself. Stand proud and say-You have not broke me. I will survive and I will come out of this better than I went in"

Posts: 1861 | Registered: Apr 2008
unicornsearcher
♀ Member
Member # 912
Cool  Posted: 10:42 AM, July 5th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh Fierce, your "dad" & I mine are soulmates. Mine resented my refusing to be abused any longer by taking me to ct to take my home away (long ugly story). Sorry you are having to deal with that mess on top of everything else.

Thanks for the welcome, guys, that warmed by heart!

It can be very easy for me to stay home & not venture out. It makes it much easier if I can take my dog(s) with me. Especially since the stupid music playing in stores often can be a horrible trigger. Anyone else in the same boat?


11/02 Busted WH 4+ cheating yrs, 11/06 Busted [Month Long Lustfest]. 2/1/08 admits false version of betrayals, so no full disclosure / "whole truth" yet. '09 Together, great work in progress. '12 Still gladly united.

Posts: 14209 | Registered: Jan 2003 | From: Calif
FierceSelfLove
♀ Member
Member # 19276
Default  Posted: 11:20 AM, July 5th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Uni,
I just took a trip to the store and that schmarmy music triggered me too!

Fortunatly, I took my anti anxiety meds this morning when I realized what was going on. Well, I don't know if it's so fortunate because now I'm perfectly fine. It feels like I"m jsut suppressing what needs to come out. Like psychic constipation.


Me: BW,
"Take back your lives, heal yourselves. Get revenge by being happy with yourself. Stand proud and say-You have not broke me. I will survive and I will come out of this better than I went in"

Posts: 1861 | Registered: Apr 2008
feuerlong
Member
Member # 18774
Default  Posted: 7:06 PM, July 5th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lost heart,

keep up the EMDR. it's a process, and a very effective one. you will still benefit from talk therapy as well, and will still have to work through everything. but it will get easier. this is temporary.

good luck.


Posts: 53 | Registered: Mar 2008
FierceSelfLove
♀ Member
Member # 19276
Default  Posted: 10:44 PM, July 5th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I made the mistake of going out to the lake with some friends, a couple and thier boy. They are very good friends of mine but I was so triggered tonight by everything.

I kept having to go in the bathroom and cry uncontrollably. It was horrible.

We went to the husbands parents house. They're wonderful, loving, attentive and passionately in love.

So are my friends. They flirt, are best friends to each other.

I feel so alone, I AM utterly alone. I am orphaned, disowned by both parents, and its much better this way because they're so abusive but I have no one now. My WH's family was all I had, except for my sisters, but now I'm excluded from their gatherings, from my MIL who I love. No one has called me, not one.

I think this is the crux of my problems, the real core issue; abandonment.

I cant' stop crying. Maybe it's just time again. Haven't done this for about three weeks, time to let it flow through me as someone said, I think unarmbears.

So I will. I can't sleep in my bed tonight, it's too painful. I'll go sleep with my littlest guy. It's easier to take him kicking me than being alone in my big bed without WH


Me: BW,
"Take back your lives, heal yourselves. Get revenge by being happy with yourself. Stand proud and say-You have not broke me. I will survive and I will come out of this better than I went in"

Posts: 1861 | Registered: Apr 2008
Marcia
Member
Member # 6503
Default  Posted: 4:11 AM, July 6th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I feel so alone, I AM utterly alone.

Not completely. You have us. We're not perfect by any means but unlike nearly everyone else you encounter, we actually know what it's like. And several of us also have/had abusive parents and know what it's like to have to tear ourselves away from them...for our own sanity.

I finally separated from my mother (read my profile if you like) and it made a tremendous positive difference in my life. My two sisters had already done so but I was always the "good" one There are just a couple of relatives who have sort of disowned me now, well too bad for them! You have to do what is good for you. And you have to stop being injured. IT'S IMPORTANT!

...ten page letter detailing how he's "not suprised that I'm like all other women,"

If you ever talk to him again, thank him for making it so obvious that he's the one with the problem

[This message edited by Marcia at 4:13 AM, July 6th (Sunday)]


WHEN DID THE RULES CHANGE?
How did I miss the memo???

People: Read up on the 180!
Oh, and I'm boycotting Nike forever ;)


Posts: 225 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Washington DC
Topic Posts: 184
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