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User Topic: For those suffering P T S D
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Member # 15029
Default  Posted: 8:49 AM, September 8th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You're welcome -- I hope you find his book helpful.

Me: BS
Him: WS, SA
Married: 12 years
Three kids: 9-year-old D, 7-year-old S, 5-year-old D
D-Day #1: December 11, 2006 (LTA)
D-Day #2: June 17, 2007 (found out about SA)

Posts: 656 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Toronto
♂ Member
Member # 20647
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, September 24th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have never felt this out of control before, my job is suffering I am constantly forgetting things and spend hours at my desk spacing out unable to focus, my friends and family have no idea what to do with me, and I feel terrible and embarrassed because I have always been the strong one and now I am a mess.

Another BH here, and thanks again to Hurtnstill for all the insight, not the first time you helped me here.

The above quote describes me so well. I have been diagnosed with PTSD and have not learned how to deal with that and some self esteem issues at the same time.

Having my WW participate in years of deception and PA's did wonders for my healing.

If anyone has any suggestions feel free to PM me. Sorry we are all here and I wish I had some answers but as I have been told by my friends here,

Just know that you are special.

1Sa 22:23 (NIV) - "Stay with me; don't be afraid; the man who is seeking your life is seeking mine also. You will be safe with me."

Posts: 681 | Registered: Aug 2008 | From: 2nd Place
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Member # 21154
Default  Posted: 9:52 AM, November 27th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I knew I remembered seeing a thread for this! I have spoken to a few of you on other threads as well.

I haven't been "officially" diagnosed but after last night it sure as hell seems like it.

For awhile now since D Day it's been the rollercoaster but I felt like I could come back from the lows. More and more it feels like I just want to disconnect. I'm jumpy but yet out of it. Angry (rage out of nowhere!) and then withdrawn. I thought maybe it was part of the process. The past few times after WH and I would talk I would become depressed or start shaking. Sometimes it will also trigger if we have sex.

Last night it was both (sex and talk)-I triggered so badly I was moving the bed with my pseudoseizures (I learned there's actually a name for them! See I'm not crazy-just traumatized). My WH said he's worried because my Mom has seizures or he thought I might have MS or Parkinson's.

Today I'm so sore from the trembling and it doesn't help that I have fibromyalgia too! The mental disconnect is so out of body and I just didn't know what it was. I suffered from this slightly before the A; many years ago when we had some problems (not A related) before just not this extreme.

I have no feeling or emotion today just zombie-like. I even cracked the top of my head earlier today in the closet under the stairs and I was aware that I did it but it didn't hurt like it normally would have-I must be really numb

My GP tried me on celexa and I had such severe side effects she doesn't want to try anything else-it was supposed to be the mild one. I'm funny with meds that way. I also have esophagus spasms today as well (stress-triggered). They make me belch and have chest pain like a heart attack (fun, huh?)

As many of you know I'm "stuck" here in France without many resources for therapists that speak English and I don't speak French. My GP has been looking around for someone for me but without much luck.

So here I am joining you on yet another thread at SI. Any tips, advice, words of wisdom, or 2 X 4's are appreciated.

Faithful Wife of 24+ yrs: Me
WS: Him

Status: Struggling Everday to

what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another-Anatole France

Posts: 2181 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: North Carolina
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Member # 21154
Helpless  Posted: 2:40 AM, December 5th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Had another pseudoseizure this morning at 4:30. Thought I was having dreams but then realized it was a flashback to a time before I knew about the A that seemed to be phophetic to what was going on under my nose.

I'm so sore from the shaking. My back and shoulders are killing me. My elbows and knees are throbbing like a toothache. And of course my old friend, esophagus belching is here for the day.

No help/comfort from the perp. His response is 'You're doing this to yourself' and 'I guess some people handle things differently.' But then he gets mad (at himself) saying he knows he caused me to feel like this but directs his anger at me. I can't listen to his bs. I don't have the physical or mental energy to. I have to get control of me or at least the parts I can control. I can't help what my mind does to me when I was sleeping. He thinks I can but then again that's what a NPD would think wouldn't he?

Faithful Wife of 24+ yrs: Me
WS: Him

Status: Struggling Everday to

what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another-Anatole France

Posts: 2181 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: North Carolina
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Member # 9179
Default  Posted: 10:01 PM, December 9th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi.. This is my first post here. I am 3+yrs out from 1st dday, 1+ yr from divorce...
When you first find out and you go through all the craziness you feel like you have just cause to feel and act the way you do... but now.. I think whats wrong with me, why can't i get past this stuff... I am in a relationship with someone over a year now and i still trigger big time... panic attacks, paranoia sp?... major trust issues, which are completely of my own making, absolutely no reason to doubt... the last 2 days have been really bad... SO has been so understanding and supportive, but for how long... you know finding out abt the affair hurt and had its own damage, but what has made the most impact was the 18mths after dday that he kept me hanging hoping that we were R when he never did stop seeing her... I kept wanting to believe... now it's so hard for me to let my guard down and really believe that SO can love me... just because i'm me... it's so not fair that i have to work so hard not to be afraid... anyway thanks for letting me vent... i'm sure i'll be back...

i wish you enough...

Posts: 366 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: NorthVA, formerly FL
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Member # 21154
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, December 12th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another panic attack last night. This time complete with hyperventilation like on DDay.

I actually thought I was going to die. It felt so weird coming back down. It's almost like an out of body experience. Sights and sounds are distorted like you're waking up from sedation.

I think I'm going to need to try some other type of medication. I don't think I can live with this.

Faithful Wife of 24+ yrs: Me
WS: Him

Status: Struggling Everday to

what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another-Anatole France

Posts: 2181 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: North Carolina
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Member # 21701
Default  Posted: 3:03 PM, December 19th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad to find this thread, at least now I know that maybe I'm just not going crazy.

Me - 57
WH - 62
D-Day 8/13/08
OW - 28
Married 39 years
D/Day #2 - April 4, 2010 - husband confessed to a couple of times of unprotected sex with a prostitute - just prior to the ambulance coming to the house to take him to the hospital.

Posts: 241 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Colorado
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Member # 9179
Default  Posted: 6:04 AM, December 21st (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm in a new relationship and my paranoia is killing it... he has given me no reason to doubt... but it's there.
It has me paralyzed. I feel like i'm always holding my breath. i have a perpetual knot in my stomach.

It's the not knowing for sure. The what if's...

I can only imagine tht it would be like finding a lump. It could be nothing but what if it is C?

Or if you've had C and have gone through treatment. Always wandering is it going to come back, is it really gone?

When I am in a panic to "know" that all is ok, not being able to check feels almost as bad as when i found out abt my XFWS.
Does this make sense to anyone? Or am i "nuts".

I saw a post abt obession but can't remember where.
I am so there.

Any one care to be my "sponser" before I ruin a good thing?

i wish you enough...

Posts: 366 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: NorthVA, formerly FL
Member # 19376
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, January 6th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have read many threads about PTSD for quite some time. I am on Xanax and Celexa but I still see many of the symptoms in myself. I take online quizzes that all seem to point to PTSD, but the online tests never mention infidelity as a cause. Should I mention my suspicions to my MC? To my GP? Does it eventually run its course- we are only 8 months post Dday.

BS (me)
WS (him)- ONS 1995, 3 month EA 0708
Married: 18, Together: 20, DS & DD
"Onlies" until ONS
95-98 trickle-"we didn't have sex"
D-day #1 (1/23/2008- EA OW#2)
D-day #2 (5/1/2008- ONS OW#1)
Isaiah 40:31

Posts: 1397 | Registered: May 2008 | From: U.S., just a few miles south of insanity
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Member # 21154
Default  Posted: 2:01 AM, January 7th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't know if anyone reads here anymore but I thought I'd put my thoughts here anyway since it's about my PTSD. Last night I had 2 episodes back to back (really exhausting!). The muscle cramps and stomach pain afterwards; I seriously thought I was having a heart attack and would have welcomed death for many reasons.

I re-tried the Celexa last week and tried a half-dose the symptoms were the same only not as long lasting the next day. It seems to bring on the shaking and other things I want to get rid of the most and the effects hit me at night when I NEED TO GET SOME REST!!!! I'm convinced this is not the med for me. I don't want to be on AD's but I think I need to get back to my doctor and try something else. Anyone getting help from any meds? Suggestions?

I have to add this warning if anyone reads further: TMI Ahead: Why do I have these episodes either before bed (just to go to sleep)or before-during-after sex especially? I didn't go through this during the HB period. Why now? Nothing new has happened. We're trying to R. It's not easy and it's still early in (not yet 4 months since d day) but I seem to be getting worse with this.

I've thought about some things others have told me-it's like sleeping with the enemy-the one who violated you. So what do I do get a separate bedroom? Only get together for sex? Have sex somewhere else other than our bed? (not too comfortable in other parts of the house with teens in the house ) Not as flexible as we once were either: chairs, sofas, floors, closets, showers, cars, or garden benches, aren't our playgrounds anymore

I went through a stretch where I could go to bed in the evening and things were fine (No PTSD, I mean) and now I'm having this again. What is going on? WH was holding me last night helping me with the hyperventilation breathing. I felt like I was back in the delivery room giving birth with my labour coach breathing techniques!!!

If anyone has any suggestions or insights I'm open! PM me if you want.

Faithful Wife of 24+ yrs: Me
WS: Him

Status: Struggling Everday to

what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another-Anatole France

Posts: 2181 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: North Carolina
♀ Member
Member # 21722
Default  Posted: 3:31 AM, January 7th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyone else see this in the news? Tetris helps PTSD!

Me BS age 40
Him WH age 41
Son age 5
ONS on 10/31, DDay 11/1 but problems with prior deceit, porn addiction, general compulsiveness. I wouldn't let him come home on DDay.
Update: He's in IC! Yay! Moved home 11/26, things are going great. Whew!

Posts: 656 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: the here and now
♀ Member
Member # 21154
Default  Posted: 5:39 AM, January 7th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

^Thanks TTW: Re Tetris I didn't read it there but I read it following other links a little while ago when I was looking for info on my pseudoseizures. I gotta get me one! I played it years ago. I think it was one of the kids games and I got addicted to it! I guess that's why my Sudoku just isn't cutting it for me anymore

Faithful Wife of 24+ yrs: Me
WS: Him

Status: Struggling Everday to

what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another-Anatole France

Posts: 2181 | Registered: Oct 2008 | From: North Carolina
♀ Member
Member # 6449
Default  Posted: 12:30 PM, May 6th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hell, does PTSD ever go away? I read it doesn't... The article said you just learn to deal with it. So I'm trying to learn to control the triggers and stop them in their tracks. But if that can be done, then this wouldn't be everlasting...maybe I just need to work harder on accomplishing this.

~~"You can't run away from yourself"!!! Me to my H when he descended into adultery insanity.
~~Prov.15:13 "By sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken"
~~"The day breaks-your mind aches"

Posts: 9614 | Registered: Feb 2005 | From: Texas
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Member # 14788
Default  Posted: 6:32 PM, May 29th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was just diagnosed with this and am reading and trying to figure it all out. I start seeing my IC on the 17th. I hope this doesn't last a lifetime but I have sever depression also and I have had that since I was in my early 20's, just learned to deal with it on my own. But now it's getting worse.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines
his steps." Proverbs 16:9

John 7:24
"Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment."

Posts: 598 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Far Far Away...
♀ Member
Member # 15536
Default  Posted: 3:17 PM, June 30th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bump, bump, bump

BW(me)now 44
DDay 9-11-02 DDay 2: 5-16-2012
"BS's spend way too many years fixing problems that only existed in the cheating mind of their WS."
"Sometimes the breakups hurt far less than the relationship."

Posts: 3303 | Registered: Jul 2007
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Member # 24434
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, July 2nd (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the boook tips as my H just returned from deployment and I think has a mild case. A few of the folks he deployed with are having more serious issues so I'll pass it along to them as well.

BW & STBXWH-both Mid 30's
No kids together, he has preteen D(visitation-no custody)
Multiple DDays- at least to me (see profile for the story)
Separating & Divorcing.

Posts: 398 | Registered: Jun 2009 | From: half past the point of no return
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Member # 21925
Default  Posted: 11:38 AM, July 31st (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm officially diagnosed with PTSD. 1st XH was a sex addict (not diagnosed, but what do you call someone who has to do it 1 to 2 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year). Current FWH had a 9 month PA with a co-worker who stalked me and treatened me. Joy.

Since I work in mental health, I know all about treatment with SSRI's and CBT is evidence based first line treatment.

My question is does anyone have experience with Transactional Analysis or Redirectional therapy for recovery from PTSD due to these types of relationship issues?

The Parent-Adult-Child interpersonal relationship personalities makes sense to me. But I am scared about letting go of my workaholism and trying to relax and sooth myself. Does anyone have any words of wisdom?


[This message edited by newnormal at 11:39 AM, July 31st (Friday)]

BS 43 (me)
FWH 48
D-day 9/07

Dont retreat, reload.
"Pull that knife out of your back - and sever the fuel line to that bus you got thrown under" Bufffalo

Posts: 1030 | Registered: Dec 2008
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Member # 22031
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, August 2nd (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've read a lot and heard a lot about EMDR- Eye Movement Desensitization and Processing Therapy.

My mom kept telling me to try it, after XBF and I broke up last year, but I couldn't afford it. At first I thought it was New Age stuff, but the US Military recognizes it as an excellent treatment for PTSD among troops.

How un-New Age can you get?

I did find some videos on Youtube where people walk you through some version of it. Not sure if that's valid AT ALL, but there it is.

I finally realized that a lot of my feelings of losing it are PTSD. I am so wrecked by the constant and insidious lying and secret keeping that I am unable to get much done.

I feel utterly stuck and blocked and scared and useless. But, reading about PTSD and betrayal last night really helped me feel NORMAL even.

Posts: 721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Pacific NW USA
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Member # 24938
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, August 2nd (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm reading a book by Dr. Ortman 'Transcending Post Infidelity Stress Disorder'. His theory...that some people do have PTSD reactions to infidelity.
He offers suggestions on how to heal whether you are reconciling or not...the Post Infidelity Stress Disorder needs to be addressed...

Me- BS
Him- WH
Long term marriage
D-day- Jan. 2007
5 yr. LTA

Posts: 3139 | Registered: Jul 2009 | From: NJ
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Member # 22031
Default  Posted: 6:46 AM, August 3rd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for posting that resource.

I was totally triggered today and had a sudden rage. It was frightening to me and all involved.

X was actually innocent. Everyone was. I came off like a jerk. I was glad we had just read the stuff on PTSD so he had a context for my rude and ridiculous reaction.

Basically, X was over here, and a young woman who I was trying to help came over. We sat together, and she was talking about how she's desperate for a place for herself and her baby. I mentioned that X was now looking for housing, because she is moving out of the place she's in, and it's cheap - I thought he might be interested.

She jumped and said, "You need a place too?" to him. And asked if he wanted to live with her. They could afford a bigger place that way, she said.

She's got a perfect body, is 16 years younger than we are, and has been a sex worker, sadly, although she is trying to get out of that world.

I instantly felt ashamed (of my weight, age, large breasts when he prefers very small), afraid (she is a single mom, too, he likes single moms), and angry (he has hung out with prostitutes before, and is now, and always says they are friends).

I was angry that I had to feel all this, I was angry at the past. I said some rude things, like: "Well, you don't want to live with him. He sleeps with every woman he shares a roof with." Etceterembarrassinga, and later, after I had left the room and then came back in, she was sitting on the floor next to him, looking cute and perky. I handed him what he had asked for and said, "Here you go, INSERT CUSS WORD INSULT NAME." And SLAMMED the door.

Of course she was freaked out, and I apologized to her a few minutes later. And I apologized to him. The rage left quickly, but I was shaky and frightened for a long time after. i ended up writing a long letter to him about why I was so upset, and as I did I was just sobbing and sobbing.

Probably because the relationship is over, and we are parting, and all these horrible memories came back. And etc.

As I wrote, I realized that less than him having sex with anyone else, what REALLY hurts is the lying/hiding, and excluding me from his life. I realized that one of his new prostitute friends knows more of his secrets than I do now...

Posts: 721 | Registered: Dec 2008 | From: Pacific NW USA
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