I am so sorry for the nightmare you are living.
It's not about him and what he wants. It's about you and your COM and what you need to heal.
But we will have an atty do everything cause we need our rights set in stone. He once told me he does not think she will ask for support
Sorry you are going through the harrassment, none of us should have to deal with this from them. We have more rights to be that way to them for what has happened to us. But we are all much better people than that. And Karma does have its way of coming around to those that deserve it...
Hugs to all...
[This message edited by auntcis at 2:27 PM, June 22nd (Sunday)]
[This message edited by marysway at 3:07 PM, June 22nd (Sunday)]
I am still determined to be cheerful and happy, in whatever situation I may be; for I have also learned from experience that the greater part of our happiness or misery depends upon our dispositions, and not upon our circumstances.
Of Friday, my WS got an email from the OW. It basically said,
"I know we didn't leave things very friendly, and I'm not interested in any kind of relationship with or support from you, but if you want to be involved in your son's life, call me and we'll work out how that could happen. If you don't reply, I'll assume that you aren't interested."
He has been NC with her since D-Day; this is the first time she's tried to contact him. I RECOGNIZE THE OBVIOUS ATTEMPT TO RE-ESTABLISH CONTACT.
We had decided to have everything handled thru the courts, b/c in my state paternity tests aren't official/enforcable unless done by the court...once the test HAS been done by the court, they order CS whether the mother wants it or not, and it is collected THRU the court, the court establishes visitation etc at that time.
He has not responded to the email (and will not); is it better to leave her stewing in her own juices for the next 2 months until the baby's born, then drop the paternity test bomb on her, or to let her know thru some channel or another what to expect?
WS is conflicted about contact with OC--wants to know his child but not if the OW is going to make OCs life impossible...playing that part by ear right now, but OW definitely wants WS back OR wants to "get him back", whichever she can manage...
Personally, I would let her stew and then just have her served with the paternity test papers by a court server and just handle everything through the courts. I have found when we tried to do ANYTHING without involving the courts the OW tried to take advantage. If your H choses to have contact, if it is ordered through the courts she won't be able to (legally) do anything about it. And then there is always the small glimmer of hope that the test will come back that OC is not your H, so I wouldn't do anything until OC is born and paternity has been established.
[This message edited by auntcis at 7:14 AM, June 23rd (Monday)]
MollyJo AuntCis is right. Let the atty and the courts handle everything. Anything you do without the courts will not be recognized by the courts. Let her stew.
AuntCis you are a very wise person your advice is right on the money.
My H keeps saying that she is out of his life but she really isn't. She is always going to be sticking her little hands all over my life. He keeps telling me that she will stop calling and coming around. She won't. The OC is 7 months old - why is she still coming around. She isn't raising the OC - the OW's mother is who my H normally speaks to.
I can't live this life - waiting for the other shoe to drop. I can't seem to move on. I am becoming angrier and angrier by the day. He is expecting her to eventually go away. I know that she won't - she wants him. I need to take care of myself and my kids. What kind of family is this - we are always tense and in an arguement over the OW or OC. Any suggestions????
"I am where I am because of the bridges that I crossed." - Oprah Winfrey
"Excuse me, what level of Hell is this?" - Bu
This is continuing because your H is allowing it. If the grandmother is raising the OC, there should be NO reason for the OW to be calling your H at all.
I think you guys were living apart for while? If I have you mixed up let me know. Maybe its time to go back to that if he doesn't take the necessary steps to protect the family he has living with him. Isn't she going thru depression or something? He needs to do NC with her and you too need to sit down and talk about this.
If your H is not witht he program as a united front, you will keep hitting your head against the wall.
I will be thinking of you.
I am trying to cut my ties b/c he isn't taking care of us. He wants to be decent to this person who didn't and doesn't care about me or my kids. This is one of the hardest things that I have ever had to do. I know that he is hurt but he created this mess. He could have stopped the A long before I ever figured it out but he didn't have enough respect for me or our marriage.
Thanks for your great advice. : )
Like BMC said, if you and your H aren't on the same page it makes it more difficult. You need to have your H put you and your kids first. My H and I used to argue about OC CONSTANLY until we strated working TOGETHER. That is the only way it can be done, and you should tell your h you won't settle for less.I'm so sorry you are going through this total nightmare .
My H's lawyer made that request for him.
My H's atty also informed the court that my H did not want to have contact with the OC's (twins).
My situation is similar to yours.
But like Aunt Cis has said each state is different.
We tried to handle things with the OW at first but that didn't go to well for us.
If your fiancee is the biofather he will be contacted in writing usually if the OC gets in trouble (that happened to my H alot because OC's were always in trouble with the law).
Or if there is a medical issue such as OC has to be put in a mental ward (this happened too becuase OC's both beat their mother up and one of them tried to kill the other OC and the OW).
Today my life changed and I didn't ask for it. How do you handel all of this that is going to hit me, like a ton of bricks. I have been being so strong, and my H has been so much more in the moment with us. But Now I'm just so scared all over again. Why? does this happen now, it's not like I didn't know it was coming I had 6 months to prepare for this. But that does nothing now... I'm just plain scared of what happened to our lives cause of his stupid selfish acts..
I just want you to know you are in my thoughts.
When are they doing the paternity testing? Hopefully they will do it while they are in the hospital. I am praying your H isn't the biofather.