I texted him his account name and said how about a little vegas fun lmfao. He called right away and said what. I said quit the lieing, and told him he just lost the best thing he will ever have. WTF
Our Sex life has been outstanding, but I just don't get it. The trill what. I just don't know what to do now. I really can't do this anymore, Here i was willing to be a union with him on these kids, but now he has done this. Right after the conversation he deleted the account.
He has not made any more contact with me for 2 hrs. What do I do????
Just texted him " Why ???" he has not responded yet.
I am so sorry he is doing this to you again .
Some men just don't realize what a good thing they have right in front of them.
Some people like the thrill of doing something forbidden, actually get a high from it.
[This message edited by lonely&depressed at 12:42 PM, July 24th (Thursday)]
I wrote this to him and sent it to his email account this morning, He has called numerous times, and the last I finally answered, he wants to finally go to IC And said for what its worth I do love you and know that I have a problem within me and not u, and one way or another it will be fixed. He also told me that if we seperate that it would draw us further apart, I don't want that, and really honestly can't aford a second household at this time. I have done the not taking phone calls, and he hates that And he does notice that other guys stare at me when we are out, cause I always love to get all prettied up every time we go out. I just don't really want him to leave me, but I just don't want this shit anymore, I told him I need time to heal now. He said he understands. He is now taking responsiblity for his actions, but only per the phone conversation.
What a shitty day, He told me try and have a nice rest of the day.
Sorry that was a mouthful and lengthey but wanted you guys to see what I was trying to get across, I think I did quit well with my wording for a change. LOL
ETA: Probably more important that showing him what your absence feels like, it does give you lots of time to think and not have to worry about interacting also. Think pajamas, ice cream, and only watching shows you want to watch
And also your letter was very well expressed. You did a great job.
[This message edited by socold at 4:10 PM, July 24th (Thursday)]
Don't waste time worrying about what your H would do if he had to choose between you and OC. I understand that he has always wanted a son but I doubt he wanted one under these conditions. Don't forget, he wanted a wife too, that's why he married you.
I've made a list of some facts and things I've heard that could possibly be true or untrue. Keep in mind other than dates that I know for a fact, most of what I've heard has been 2nd hand, meaning I've not heard directly from her mouth.
Calendar of communication as confirmed by phone and text records:
5/13 (DDay) & Day OW told my H she was pregnant
- OW told my H she was on pill during the A.
-OW said she had period first month after they had sex but not second month and at some point stopped taking the pill
-H does not believe he came inside but cannot remember for sure
-She found out she was pregnant by going to hospital with pain in her side and they did U/S and heard heartbeat
-She also said she took home pregnancy test
-H & OW met on 5/14 to go to dr but it was canceled. Didn't tell my H was canceled until he had arrived at meeting place.
-H asked OW how far along she was and she responded by asking when was the last time they had sex. They both thought 2/26. After coming home and thinking about it and looking at a calendar it was determined it was not possible to be 2/26 and it had to be 2/12. (He never told OW this)
-Later in day on 5/14 OW said dr office had told her she could come in for blood work and U/S, did not see dr though. Baby ok, heartbeat 168, due date 11/21. Next appt scheduled for 6/12.
-Some communication on 5/15
-5/16 H demands proof of pregnancy and says paternity will need to be established. OW says he'll get his paternity test when baby comes in November and she would send pic of U/S. OW mad at H for questioning everything.
-5/16 receive email of pic of U/S with no identifying info on it. U/S analyzed by U/S tech who said pic is that of 8-9 week old baby. Don't know for sure when U/S was taken although OW had indicated some time around 4/30. Doesn't jive with U/S pic and due date given.
-OW texts 5/19, 5/20, 5/22, 5/27 but H does not respond.
-NC until H's boss goes into OW work place on 7/24; receive text from OW
-H's boss says "sure as shit" she's pregnant. Due 11/22 (this is not a typo, she originally said 11/21 and is now saying 11/22), and is 24 weeks along. Having U/S 7/25 they think it's a boy.
Bottom line I know I can analyze this shit from any angle I can think of but I won't know for sure until a DNA test is done. I know this. I'm just wondering what everyone's take on what I know? From a neutral position does this seem fishy or odd? Or am I just crazy and looking for any reason not to believe this is true?
Sounds to me like OW isn't sure of father of her child and is trying to place blame with your H. Pregnancy lasts 40 weeks on average so if her due date is indeed 11/21 then she should have conceived the week starting 2/18. If your H is being totally honest about the last time they had sex then there is a possability it isn't his.
I would have your H send a NC letter and tell her there is no need for contact until after the child is born. Then your lawyer should contact her asking for a paternity test. There is no reason for your H to go with her to any doctor visits and there is no need for her to send U/S pictures or anything since there is no solid evidence to prove the child is your H. Please make sure that you do any communicating and any testing through the court system!! I cannot stress enough how important this is!!
Backstory: The A was only for three weeks physically, heavy flirtation for a couple of months prior. They only had sex 4 times (not that the number of times matter, we all know that) and protection was used by my H each time. My H broke it off immediately after DDay in June 2007. Only a couple of weeks later, the office boss (H and OW are coworkers) notices that the OW had a bigger belly than before. H asks her if she's pregnant. She says she doesn't know. She buys a pregancy test, it's positive. Long story short, she opts to go to a clinic, but they won't see her until August. My H convinces her to make an appointment with her regular gyno, says he'll go with her (she's telling him all along that it's his; that she hasn't slept with her on/off boyfriend; that she hasn't had a period since she was with my H; and she's the one who provided protection the first time, so who knows if she'd sabotaged it?). I call her gyno, pretend to be her (yeah, I really did this), checking to confirm my "appointment" and ask if I'll be getting an ultrsound. Day of appointment, H picks OW up. Goes in the room with her, although she tried to keep him out at first; they decide to do an ultrasound - she tries to get out of that, but H asks her doesn't she want to make sure everything's okay? Bam, there's a fetus who is about 9 weeks along - the most a baby from my H could have been would have been 7 weeks. She admitted to my H that it couldn't be his in the doctor's office. But after that, she returned to the clinic in August, and she kept telling my H that the clinic doctor said that the ultrasound "was wrong", and that she was only as pregnant as could be my H's. She kept this up for months. She claimed that she and her on/off boyfriend (on again) had taken DNA for when the baby was due and would my husband submit a sample too? H told her he wasn't submitting any DNA without a court order, since he was there when the doctor said she was too far pregnant to be his baby. She claimed to be due in February 14th (the doctor said she conceived on May 5th - the A didn't start until May 25th) but gave birth in late January. We never heard another word about paternity, thank goodness.
Sorry for this to be so long. I just wanted you to see that it happens often, that she may really not know who the father is, and she may be hoping he'll just take her word for it. I know that if my H and I didn't R, and he stayed with the OW, he would have accepted the baby as his based on her word. I'm sorry you have to wait for the DNA. It's the longest wait in the world and the worst feeling.
XWH died Dec. 2010
He came in this morning when I was going over the phone records again and asked why I continue to do this to myself. (He was real sympathetic and was hugging me and rubbing my shoulder. Said he hates to see me spending time on this, that I should have never had to do this). I don't know why I do it though. I think it's somewhat comforting to me to constantly look over everything again. I'm trying to make sense of everything and find answers when I know I won't. No one has the answers except for her and that drives me nuts.
I asked my H for her kids names today so I could see if they have myspace pages. They do. Her kids are 19, 17 and 16. They all have her on their pages and make comments about her although no where does it say anything about mom being pregnant or being excited to get a new sibling. I know really that means nothing but I guess I was just looking for some kind of clue.
I don't know. I guess I just keep going back to the fact that she easily walked away from my H, in my opinion, both after the last time they had sex and after she told him she was pregnant. Just really makes me wonder if there was someone else in the picture so it was easier for her to do that.
I know bottom line I won't know anything until this possibly resurfaces again in November. Yeah, my holidays might be just wonderful!
I'm feeling a bit lonely right now so I'll probably turn to these boards quite a bit. Only 2 people in my life know...1 of them is a good friend my age but she never knows what to say and I don't think she likes talking about it (plus most of our conversations are thru text which are not satisfying) and the other person is my boss, and I've probably already shared way too much information with her. She has 4 daughters around my age though and her motherly instincts are kicking in. I'm slightly embarrassed that I've talked to her about my H coming inside me though! I can't believe I said that to her!!
Thanks again for your support!
I need some advice. The OW is simply unstable. She is still holding out hope that she and my H may get back together. He has assured me that he doesn't want to be with her - I feel that he is telling me the truth (I am afraid none the less). My problem lies with her calling. I become very upset and trigger. He doesn't take her calls (lets them go to voicemail) and has been trying to run things by me before he speaks to her. He has been doing the right things - lately.
How do I keep myself from becoming so upset? I know the only reason she is calling is to try to re-kindle a spark with him. For the most part, she doesn't take care of the OC - her mother does.
I just don't know what to do!!! Please help.
"I am where I am because of the bridges that I crossed." - Oprah Winfrey
"Excuse me, what level of Hell is this?" - Bu
I would have your H send her another NC letter and tell her that any communication that needs to occur in regards to OC can be done through her mother. Then I would block her number from your phone and such. If your H has been honest with you and continues to do the right things then taking these actions should help. As long as your H doesn't indulge the fantasy in her mind she will get it through her delusional head eventually that your H doesn't want to get back with her. Depending on how delusional she is may determine how long it will take for her to get it through her thick skull. And I know this may be difficult for you, but one thing that we ended up having to do was have me do all the communicatng with OW about OC. She was resistant at first saying what happened with OC was none of my business, but I not so politely reminded her that by having an A with my H she made anything that happened with my H and OC MY business,whether she liked it or not. Like I said I know that may seem like a very undesirable task, but I would rather talk to OW myself than have her talking to my H.Good luck