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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: OC support thread BS Only
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, August 3rd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We never had a problem with the state giving OW any personal information about us, but we don't live in Florida. As long as your H stays current on his CS there should be no reason for them to have any need to give her any information, besides if your H went into arrears in his CS the state would contact him not OW.


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, August 3rd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Arrears? Is that the same as back pay? Well see they have been trying to contact her to get her to contact him since he doesn't have a cell phone anymore and I just today told her to give them my number.


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
redvixen
♀ Member
Member # 15259
Default  Posted: 7:05 PM, August 3rd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Green-Eyed-Devil,
I'm sorry that I don't have the same situation as you, or much helpful advice, but I wanted to let you know I heard you. Please make sure you document everything you can about the stunts the OW pulled. It gives you better leverage in court. The OC is probably acting up due to lack of supervision and neglect - kids need rules to follow, so the longer you have her, the better it'll be. She's still young, and she needs stability. We have custody of two of my H's kids, and it hasn't been easy but we didnt' get them until they were 13 and 12. The girl has now moved out because she thinks at 18 that she knows it all, but the boy, now 17, is turning out great. It takes time, and it'll be rough with a horrible OW to deal with, but you will get through this.


Me, BS Him WS early 40's at the start, cheated before and after cancer diagnosis.
Two A's, two OW's, online looking for sex partners, two false R's.
Threw him out in January 2009.
Divorce final March 30th, 2010

XWH died Dec. 2010


Posts: 4104 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New Jersey
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 9:57 PM, August 3rd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Green Eyed Devil,

You know I know your pain. I had 3 OC to deal with and they not only had discipline problems, they had nightmares and wetting themselves among other things I had to go thru.

The longer you have her and make her a part of your household, if that is what you are going to do the easier it will get. The good thing is that you got her at a young age and a lot of that behavior can be changed. I have had the OC since Oct.'07, everyone notices the changes in the twins who really had it the worse, even their lawyer and social worker.

It is normal for you to feel the way you do, lord knows I felt it for a long time. And sometimes I still get a lump in my stomach when I have to deal with something I would not have had my H not put us in this situation. What got me thru was remembering that these OC are innocent, they did not ask for their circumstances and deserve what any child deserves. Will it be hard and trying on your marriage? YOU BET! But you have to make sure that you both are working towards the same thing. If this OC is going to be a part of your family, you must protect her at all cost, including against her mother. Document every interaction you have with OW. I did a kid log. Everytime I picked them up for a visit, I documented whether they werre clean, hungry and things that were said. This was very helpful in my case with Social Services and the counselor who suggested no visitation from the OW. I have been going thru the court thing since Oct. and still have another case later this month and it still is not resolved. Remind me, did your H have DNA that proved he is the father? Very important.

If you need anything please feel free to PM me.

Hugs to you!


Dust to Dust, Please PM me and let me know what is going on with you.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, August 4th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dust, yes arrears is the same as back pay.


(((((green-eyed-devil))))

I'm not in the same situation as you but I just wanted to send you some strength for what you are going through .


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
want2bok
♀ Member
Member # 19913
Default  Posted: 12:10 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((green-eyed-devil))

Just sending my thoughts to you. I'm not in the same situation either, and I'm sure it will be difficult. You are very strong for being there for the OC.

Dust to dust-
When my H switched jobs last year he had to update his employer's address with the state. I'm not sure why, but they did send OW a letter letting her know his new employer. I'm still not sure if this was correct to do so, but they won't talk to me and H didn't bother calling and asking. Really pissed me off!


BS - me 32
WS - him 32
3 beautiful girls - 11, 9, 7 and angel baby 7/9/10
D-Day 1/07 - 1+ yr PA
OW 35
OC born 12/06
R since 2/07 and going well

Posts: 135 | Registered: Jun 2008
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 1:37 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OW's NEW H WANTS TO ADOPT OC!!!!!!!!!!!


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
BMC0415
♀ Member
Member # 14038
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YES AUNT CIS!!!!

Let's break out the champagne! I know you were really hoping for this.


Me: 40+ Him: 40+
Married: 20+ years
D-Day: 3/7/07
Children: 24dd,23ds,21dd
10 yr. LTA 3OC w/OW 10,10,14 8/14/12-gave custody of twins to ex 8/16/12-DIVORCED!

Posts: 2910 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Maryland
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks!! I am so happy I could cry! Now we just have some legal wrangling to take care of, cause my H wants to make sure that he will be absolved of ALL responsibility and make sure that we get to claim OC on our taxes in January since he will have paid CS for almost the entire year by the time all is said and done. This has just got to be the BEST news that I have gotten in 11 years!


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
green_eyed_devil
♀ Member
Member # 18139
Default  Posted: 2:57 PM, August 4th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BMC,
H never had a DNA test, but there is no doubt in my mind. He and OW were married at the time, so he was automatically put on the birth cert. The little girl looks so much like my kids that everyone thinks all 4 are mine. If I showed you a pic you wouldn't be able to pick OC out as the one that isn't my bio child. It's honestly scary.

I have asked if there needed to be a DNA test on OW's new baby. She and H both deny it's his (I didn't think it was) and she is going after this other MM for childsupport.

Auntcis....I'd give anything for OW to meet some nice guy (one that isn't already married!) and have him adopt OC. H tried to sign his rights away years ago, but the judge wouldn't allow it unless there was someone in OW life that was wanting to adopt her. To be honest that would be a dream come true for me.


Me FBS 30 Him FWS 31
Together since 3/96, married 03/07
our children D13, S10, S8
EA began 3/02 which lead to their marriage in 7/02, left her 9/03 divorce finalized 10/04
D day 5/02
OC born 5/03,

Posts: 72 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Missouri
redvixen
♀ Member
Member # 15259
Default  Posted: 8:45 AM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay, AuntCis!!! That is great news!!


Me, BS Him WS early 40's at the start, cheated before and after cancer diagnosis.
Two A's, two OW's, online looking for sex partners, two false R's.
Threw him out in January 2009.
Divorce final March 30th, 2010

XWH died Dec. 2010


Posts: 4104 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New Jersey
want2bok
♀ Member
Member # 19913
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yea Auntcis!! I am so happy for you - that is what we are wanting to happen too!

On the tax thing - if the adoption is finalized before 12/31/08, your H will not be able to claim OC on your taxes. He might be able to get legal paperwork written up to do so, but even then, she could reneg on that and IRS would probably side with her. Maybe you could work out some other senario with her.


BS - me 32
WS - him 32
3 beautiful girls - 11, 9, 7 and angel baby 7/9/10
D-Day 1/07 - 1+ yr PA
OW 35
OC born 12/06
R since 2/07 and going well

Posts: 135 | Registered: Jun 2008
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 11:45 AM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah, we talked to our lawyer about the whole tax situation and he said the same thing. My H and I both agree that losing the money from the taxes is worth it in the end.

My H ticked me off though, instead of just saying yes to signing over his rights he wants to make her sweat it out a little to make her pay for all the crap she has put us through and wrote her a letter saying he needs to think about it . He has every intention of signing his rights away and although I love the idea of OW squirming I just wish it could be done already!


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
lonely&depressed
♀ Member
Member # 19779
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Auntcis! I'm so happy for you. You deserve for something good to happen. I don't think my H would ever allow someone else to adopt OC. He has never not wanted C no matter how little it is.

Posts: 157 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: New York
1234
Member
Member # 20346
Default  Posted: 10:45 PM, August 5th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So it has been about 11 days since H asked OW for dr proof that she is in fact pg. She was supposed to go to an ultrasound 2 weeks ago but didn't go because H wouldn't go with her supposedly. Then she had another dr appointment last week and still no paper work. It is not like it would be hard to get it to H, they work in the same place. Hell everyone knows all the dirt because she spilled it. I just get this feeling that maybe she was pg and lost it but is trying to see if H will come running back to her. Or was she ever really pg to begin with. She did know that he was going to tell me everything, but I beat them to it and found out on my own. I just wish I had some answers. My therapist said that she has seen this before where the ow will keep the H thinking she is pg because it will put strain on the marriage if there is any R chance. What the heck did he do!!!??? This is driving me nuts!


"I'm a rockstar!"

Posts: 496 | Registered: Jul 2008
bigheart9
♀ Member
Member # 19567
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry for the delayed response but that is awesome auntcis!!! I'm so glad this turned out the way you wanted it to. It sounds like you have been needing this for a long time.

Posts: 126 | Registered: May 2008
auntcis
♀ Member
Member # 15926
Default  Posted: 9:30 AM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks everyone for your positive reponses

I just can't wait for this to all be over!


Me;36FBS,Him;31FWH,married 14yrs
D14,S12,S8,OC13
OC was adopted 8/13/09
"Lucky I'm in love with my best friend."

Posts: 3519 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: New York
bigheart9
♀ Member
Member # 19567
Default  Posted: 5:33 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1234, I just want to let you know I hear you loud and clear. In same boat! Except OW in our situation did send "proof"...an U/S with no identifying information on it (meaning no name, date, measurements, nothing). So it did not satisy anything on my end...I still wonder if she is in fact pregnant and if she is, is it really my Hs? It is very, very, very frustrating to say the least. I wish I had the answers. I can definitely see OW in our situation doing this to get back at my H...but then again I don't know her really all that much so maybe that is just wishful thinking on my part. Good luck with everything.

Posts: 126 | Registered: May 2008
dust to dust
♀ Member
Member # 12583
Default  Posted: 7:39 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK how exactly does this child support work out? I know that basically they take into account what the mom makes and what the dad makes and if the dad can't cover the whole amount then they can force him to get a second job to cover it. Now, ow just called today and said that the department of Revenue said that they had on file that h was working three jobs and as such they were going to charge him 600 dollars. Now h hasn't worked in a year, so I don't know why they have that messed up. If he hasn't worked then how high will his child support be? I did a cs calculator and it said that given her income and lack of daycare and her health coverage for the child, he should only pay 50 dollars a month lol. That would be wonderful but I know its highly unlikely. Is there anyone paying for ONE child? If so, how much are you paying? I just don't want her to get anymore than 300 dollars a month.
I also told her that I put h on child support for my kid and she said that didn't make a difference because she filed first and I didn't file yet. Yet h keeps saying that since we settled out of court and had a written document notarized about how much he was going to pay me, that notarized document is a legal binding contract and thus acts as if I had filed first. I hope he is right because if that is the case then she will get 20 percent of whatever is left after h pays me. I have spoken to an attorney about the legal/notarized document and the attorney said that it becomes a legal document once the D is finalized. But that won't be for a while because I haven't even filled out paperwork. Yes, I am getting a D but yet I am still staying with him as boyfriend/girlfriend. Its a complicated story.
Bottom line is that will she get that much and do people think that the notarized document is a legal binding document for cs? If thats the case then that means that in the end I filed first, even though I haven't filed anything formally yet.
But the notary said that since its notarized, it became a legal document for child support since we settled it out of court. Like I said I just don't want to see her get any more than 300 dollars because if she gets more than that then she wins.


dday 1- september 06, he was having a three month affair.
dday2- april 1st 2008, six months after oc was born, h finally came clean about everything.
Present day- trying to R again.

Posts: 1532 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: florida
redvixen
♀ Member
Member # 15259
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, August 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dust, just to give you an idea...my ex-husband pays $191.00 a week for two kids (I think his earnings were around 40,000 a year). My husband pays $100.00 a week for his son who we don't have custody of. I think, since you can prove that your H didn't work last year (and you can use taxes to prove that), that all has to be taken into consideration.

[This message edited by redvixen at 6:53 PM, August 7th (Thursday)]


Me, BS Him WS early 40's at the start, cheated before and after cancer diagnosis.
Two A's, two OW's, online looking for sex partners, two false R's.
Threw him out in January 2009.
Divorce final March 30th, 2010

XWH died Dec. 2010


Posts: 4104 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: New Jersey
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