XWH died Dec. 2010
You know I know your pain. I had 3 OC to deal with and they not only had discipline problems, they had nightmares and wetting themselves among other things I had to go thru.
The longer you have her and make her a part of your household, if that is what you are going to do the easier it will get. The good thing is that you got her at a young age and a lot of that behavior can be changed. I have had the OC since Oct.'07, everyone notices the changes in the twins who really had it the worse, even their lawyer and social worker.
It is normal for you to feel the way you do, lord knows I felt it for a long time. And sometimes I still get a lump in my stomach when I have to deal with something I would not have had my H not put us in this situation. What got me thru was remembering that these OC are innocent, they did not ask for their circumstances and deserve what any child deserves. Will it be hard and trying on your marriage? YOU BET! But you have to make sure that you both are working towards the same thing. If this OC is going to be a part of your family, you must protect her at all cost, including against her mother. Document every interaction you have with OW. I did a kid log. Everytime I picked them up for a visit, I documented whether they werre clean, hungry and things that were said. This was very helpful in my case with Social Services and the counselor who suggested no visitation from the OW. I have been going thru the court thing since Oct. and still have another case later this month and it still is not resolved. Remind me, did your H have DNA that proved he is the father? Very important.
If you need anything please feel free to PM me.
Hugs to you!
Dust to Dust, Please PM me and let me know what is going on with you.
I'm not in the same situation as you but I just wanted to send you some strength for what you are going through .
Just sending my thoughts to you. I'm not in the same situation either, and I'm sure it will be difficult. You are very strong for being there for the OC.
Dust to dust-
When my H switched jobs last year he had to update his employer's address with the state. I'm not sure why, but they did send OW a letter letting her know his new employer. I'm still not sure if this was correct to do so, but they won't talk to me and H didn't bother calling and asking. Really pissed me off!
Let's break out the champagne! I know you were really hoping for this.
I have asked if there needed to be a DNA test on OW's new baby. She and H both deny it's his (I didn't think it was) and she is going after this other MM for childsupport.
Auntcis....I'd give anything for OW to meet some nice guy (one that isn't already married!) and have him adopt OC. H tried to sign his rights away years ago, but the judge wouldn't allow it unless there was someone in OW life that was wanting to adopt her. To be honest that would be a dream come true for me.
On the tax thing - if the adoption is finalized before 12/31/08, your H will not be able to claim OC on your taxes. He might be able to get legal paperwork written up to do so, but even then, she could reneg on that and IRS would probably side with her. Maybe you could work out some other senario with her.
My H ticked me off though, instead of just saying yes to signing over his rights he wants to make her sweat it out a little to make her pay for all the crap she has put us through and wrote her a letter saying he needs to think about it . He has every intention of signing his rights away and although I love the idea of OW squirming I just wish it could be done already!
I just can't wait for this to all be over!
[This message edited by redvixen at 6:53 PM, August 7th (Thursday)]